Chavtowns – Britain's worst places to live!

I feel it is my duty to inform you all about this town that I can only describe as the festering cat turd in the Garden of England. Sheerness is an industrial eyesore and the majestic ‘crapital’ of the Isle of Sheppey, on the North Kent coast. If you have never heard of the place, that’s because it’s the kind of isolated hellhole, you have to go far, far out of your way to wash up in. It is not somewhere you just leisurely pass through on your way to more salubrious parts of North Kent like Chatham or Gravesend. It was my misfortune to be a frequent visitor to this insular chav paradise and for 6 miserable months, a full time resident.
So lets take a tour of Sheerness-on-sea.

To guide you I have taken a satellite map of the town and shaded the different areas.

The first thing you’ll notice as you approach the town by car on the A249 is the smell. I can only describe it as mixture of burning car electrics and sulphur. This allegedly comes from the Steel Mill and of course, is in no way toxic, in fact, it’s just like breathing in fresh alpine air. You will soon come to point 1 on the map. Here you can park and savour the sight of the Steel Mill in all its non-third world glory. It really is breathtakingly beautiful just like Port Talbot. As you travel onwards, you will drive past Blue Town before you know it. Due to the prevailing wind, Blue Town usually gets a good dose of the alleged meadow fresh alpine air from the Steel Mill. Consequently, no one wants to live there apart from Junkies and various other assorted filth.

In no time at all you’ll be in the heart of this bustling metropolis. Well, the bottom of the High Street, Tescos and that shining beacon of non-chavdom MacDonalds, as you reach point 2 on the map. Here is one of the finest chav spotting areas in the country. Yes, the whole country. To the right of MacDonalds is the Sand Pit. In the summer months, the local chav community like to avail themselves of something from MacDonalds £1 menu and chav it up in and around the Sand Pit like flies around shite. Don’t ask me what the mythical attraction is of this kids play area (apart from somewhere to walk your pitbull cross) and for the love of god, don’t go spotting at night when Tantra nightclub is in full swing. You will need counselling for years to get over the Post Traumatic Stress.

If you have the stomach to proceed into the heart of the beast, you can now head for point 3 on the map. This is a designated parking area for visitors, as I’m sure you’ll want to explore to truly unremarkable High Street. If you roll up on a Tuesday, you can just forget it and find another car park, as for on Tuesdays this area becomes the chav holy shrine, where all come to worship just after they’ve dropped their clutch of illegitimate children off at school and cracked open their first can of reassuringly costly French Lager. Yes, behold Sheerness market. So good, a free bus service picks up vermin from outlying holding pens such as Rushenden and Queenborough to pray at the Alter of out-of-date crisps, broken biscuits and snide designer wear. Hallelujah!
Point 3 is what some people consider the Sheerness Golden Triangle, the Market, the Police Station and the Job Centre, an area where Sheerness chavs spend 90% of their time, when out of the house. It has to be said that Sheerness is one of the most densely chav populated places in the Home Counties. A town only rivaled in the infestation league by the mighty Chav Mecca that is Chatham. However, Sheerness seems to counteract this chav density by having the highest population of freaks I have seen anywhere. Now what do I mean by freaks? We are talking the retarded, fugly, walking posters for why cousins should not breed. Forget the backwards island keep-it-in-the-family urban myth, this is because an alpha Chav can impregnate so many 14 year old schoolgirls, that half of the next generation don’t know they are genetically related.
If you are thinking of moving to this god-forsaken town for whatever reasons, commuting, low house prices, insanity, etc, please, please, don’t do it, even the pits of Thanet are more attractive, believe me. However if you want to regress to a more simian like primitive creature, be my guest!

Greeting to Rule and Rule, Mann & Co, Sheppey Estates, Broadway Estates and any other agents on the Island of Dreams!

Point 1 – http://tinyurl.com/2ws2ypc
Point 2 – http://tinyurl.com/35xzt3c
Point 3 – http://tinyurl.com/322f9bs

I had the misfortune of living in Toxteh -actually an area called ‘Canning’ which the city tried to promote as the ‘Georgian Quarter’ due to the 19th century houses. A lot of people who lived in Canning tried to pretend that it wasn’t Toxteth, but it was.
Oh my god, what a shithole. It’s a very high crime area, with way above average burglaries, robberies and vehicle crime. There was way more drug use and prostitution than in other cities i have lived in in the UK.
The locals (black and white) are a bunch of complaining, lazy, brain dead, dirty, twats. I have never known people to be more self obsessed and inward looking. Toxteth is like the archetypal ‘village’ with its inhabitants hating outsiders and change and with none of them having more than about 2 brain cells to rub together.
And don’t get me started on their self pitying-just google the dead baby/chicken fetus story. What a bunch of morons-i really hated living there and i have lived in many cities around the UK, including London, Birmingham, Bristol and Leeds and none of their inhabitants have the self obsessed, self pitying attitude that scousers do. And so many scousers are thieves-you have really got to have your wits about you or you WILL end up a victim of crime, as i was several times.
In Liverpool if you really want to be unpopular, just say ‘job’ . Most scousers are totally resistant to working for a living and many think that they have a right to benefits, even if they, and their families, have never worked a day in their life. Of course they can’t manage on benefits (get to get the money for the fags, booze and plasma TV from somewhere) so they are invariably involved in crime to supplement their benefit ‘income’
Bunch of losers-and i am afraid that i would have to apply the above to nearly all the people in Liverpool, though i do appreciate that some scousers are decent. No wonder so many leave this shit hole of a city-including ALL celebrities.
God i will never return to that place-it gives me nightmares,

To begin with there is a reason why Goole is called sleepy hollow! lived here for over 10 yrs now, and have lived alot of places and have to say hands down this is the worse place i have ever lived in my entire life. The people are the most nastiest, and small minded, and mentally unstable bunch of idiots i have ever met in my whole life. They all walk round thinking there god, they are all nearly inbreed, who spread diseases and have no clue what STD means. Nearly every girl by the age of 18 are pregnant with at least one or two children, and parents who approve of this and there childrens other unruley behaviour. Nobody in this town has any respect or manners for anybody else apart from themselves and spelling the word manners or respect is even harder for them. Goolies as they call them love nothing better to do than spend there days and nights causing hell and mayhem for each other, they love nothing better than TROUBLE!! it makes there day when they have f**ked some one else’s day up. I think the word bitching started here in GOOLE. The parents are the worse parents i have ever seen in my life the majority of them have lost there children or just can not be arsed with them anymore and would rather be tarting it with another man, getting pissed, or taking drugs. There is a serious lack of good parents and parenting skills, some of the things i have seen concerning parenting in this area would make you cry. They seem to assess all out siders as a threat, as they set upon them on first sight, the problem is they are the problem not the outsiders. As an outsider i see Goole and all that lives in it as one big testing ground for the mentally disordered humans in our society.

Of course, who could miss out the glorious town of Stone? Lined by its beautiful canals, fantastic views and pissheads on cheap cider, Stone has an array of wonderful places you can visit.

As a tourist, why not visit the local Crown and Anchor (more affectionately known as the C’n'A)?  Serving only the finest cheap lager (at very expensive prices) and providing the best brawls in the local area, the C’n'A has developed an almost cult following with pissheads throughout Staffordshire. So much so, that people from Stoke-on-Trent, Stafford and even Uttoxeter sometimes come to visit. The wonderful diversity adds to the excellent entertainment by providing only the finest bar brawls in Staffordshire. Entertainment provided free of charge Fridays and Saturdays from 10pm – 2am please refrain from laughing as they may smack you too.

Then we have the fine cuisine Stone has to offer. Why not visit Valleys?Eastern Delight? Schaffers? Stone has it all! Feel free to visit one of the many other fine Kebab houses  selling you three quids worth of filth  after you’ve had too many Snakebites.

Don’t forget to add the local suburban paradises to your tour of Stone. Walton (around ten minutes from Stone) is a wonderful area, littered with middle class ‘wannabe chavs’, who think they were raised in the ghetto and they run the town. Just another fifteen minutes from there, we have the wonderful areas of Aston Lodge, Lambert Park (commonly known as the Saxifradge Estate due to its entrance road) and Copeland Estate. Why not take a walk through Aston Lodge on a Friday night? Just try to ignore all the ‘mickey mouse’ drug dealers palming off poor quality weed and all the 14 year old girls dressed in mini-skirts waiting for their 26 year old boyfriend to come and pick them up. Alternatively, have a quick dash through the Copeland or Saxifrage Estate, Stone’s answer to Butlins. Pop down the park with a crate of Stella (only if you’re feeling rich. White Lightning will do) and have a chat with all the friendly local scrotes who got Bob the Builder to buy their beer for them.

After all that, if you still have time, check out the ‘Priory Estate’ around 5 minutes on from the Saxifrage Estate. If you’re a single unemployed mother with a loud angry kid and like gossiping with you’re equally inept single parent neighbour then this is the estate for you.

Stone! Paradise! Well ‘ard!

Much to my complete dismay I had the gross misfortune to spend two years of my life in this miserable shit-hole! Soon after I moved in to this town I bumped in to an aquaintance who informed me that it is known to locals as New Chav Hell. Going to the local Co op in the evening was like running the gauntlet past chavvy little urchins, who not only looked in dire need of a good wash, but also had the cheek to try and tap you for money, booze and fags.

In the Summer things just got worse as the sun brought them out to sit on the grass opposite the shops on the High Street, drinking their tramp juice (Special Brew during the day!!!) always with their big dogs. Nevermind being able to afford to look after their devil chav-spawn kids, as long as you can feed yer rottweilers! And yes, as you can imagine the streets are a veritable minefield of dog shite as these feeble minded fuckwits saunter around with their stinking, drooling hounds. An otherwise pleasant walk along the canal becomes frought with peril as you try to dodge the shit and worry about getting stabbed or raped.

Anyway I was unlucky enough to be stuck on one of the chavviest streets full of women who seemed to have nothing better to do than endlessly fire sprogs out of their dubious nether regions. Luckily my son and I no longer have to be scared of being mugged on the way to the shop, cause there are no shops where we have moved to and so no horrid stinking chav scum.