Welcome to Birmingham, Britain’s 2nd city. Actually a self-appointed title, presumably because it’s second only to London when it comes to concrete, piss-distressed shopping centres and unemployment. Whilst Brummies will (no chips on shoulders here, bab) remind you the city has more mileage of canal than Venice (the difference being that in the Midlands you can easily contract cholera or rabies just by sniffing the water) and that “Shoikspeeayuh wud of spowk loyke thiis!” it is in fact the arsehole of the country. But to deny yourself a visit to Weoley Castle, the city’s chavviest district would be criminal.
Climb aboard the 29. Witness the terrified driver, occasionally armed with pepper spray and a grimace. The top deck seats are all melted and trashed thanks to Chav kids. However, they do helpfully leave a daily record of their romantic encounters (“Zara finx Deano is bum 4 eva 04″ is one recent, GENUINE addition). 20 minutes later, smell the chip fat and Lynx? You’re here.
Welcome to Weoley Castle, hub of Birmingham’s south west. And the council’s nightmare. The centre of activity is Castle Square. It’s actually circular, but that’s Brummies for you. A collection of badly grammatised shops (“Nip-In-2-Noreens” and “Maxs’ Pizza’s” with its apostrophe rash being two particular favourites), liberally scattered with the various Shazzers (that’s Chavette to you and me) and Kevs of the district. All have the pinched-faced look that suggests inter-bredding on a Tennessee-beating scale, combined with a regular methodone fix. The Lloyds TSB is surrounded by CCTV, and high density barb wire fencing. The amusements arcade next door means that Chavs don’t have far to take their “babby’s” savings to fritter away an afternoon after Loose Women. The council gave up re-glazing the bus stops a long time ago. The only building that causes confusion is the library. Red-brick and modern, its purpose clearly mystifies and actually evades most Chavs. Occasionally, they can be spotted muttering and pointing in its direction whilst wheeling little Courtney Dakota back home for some Tartrazine flavoured juice and unsupervised play. Consequently, the library remains unvisited, un-graffittied and untouched. Because no-one knows what the f**k it is.
To deny yourself a trip past the local school would be remiss of you. That’s just down the road, pal, past the condemned housing. If you’re stuck for directions, ask any of the hundreds of 11-18 year old on the streets on any school day afternoon. They’ve all either been expelled or done a bunk.
I speak from experience here. I teach at Shenley Court School. Fears of an iminent Ofsted inspection and Failing School Status are second on the list after crowd control of the horrendous Chavs of the next generation. Spend a day here. Bet you a tenner you can’t tell me what the school’s uniform is by 3 o’clock. You might hazard a guess at thick gold hoops with curious white balls at the bottom as earrings for the girls. Hair slicked back with WD40 and gripped aggressively into place follows suit, as does so much badly applied foundation. The lads don’t really give a shit. They just can’t wait to join big brothers Shane and Duane in the pub and DSS office.
To pass over the fact that all these young Chavs ALL sport the very latest mobile phone, Burberry trousers, or enormous bomber jacket would be neglecting my role as tour guide. And the names! I have taught (I use the word very loosely) at various stages the following : Shane, Duane, Wayne, Tracey, Precious, Shovaun (its authentic Chav spelling actually pre-dates its oft-mistaken Celtic roots), Sh’main (what is it with Chavs and apostrophes?!), Jodie-Lee, Terri-Ann, Kerri-Ann. I taught a boy called John once. Maybe I dreamt it.
First period, Monday morning is devoted to (and here, I’m only half-joking) writing out apology letters to the Managers of New Look, Primark, Phones4U, and Claire’s Accessories for their weekend shoplifting efforts. Chav parents (having an average age of about 24 and a reading age of half that) can’t be expected to help their litter to spell, or find some paper, so let the “posh’uns” at the school help ‘em, eh? After that, it’s wagging it and “f**k all” timetabled for the rest of the week.
Anyway, the day’s nearly finished. Any questions? Apparently, Zara no longer thinks Deano is bum, just to keep you informed. No, the mums don’t work as cleaners or dinner ladies at the school – they’d have to miss Trisha and Fern & Phil for that. Plus it might constitute as work, and not soulless scrounging off the state. Anyway, have a safe journey home. You’ll thank Christ that wherever you’re from, it’s not Weoley Castle. Sorry, what was that? Why’s it called Weoley Castle? It’s Weoley Rough.
I absolutely agree with everything said about the place, I lived there for 16 years of my life and fortunately went to Bartley Green Girls School thanks to my wonderful parents. My Gran still lives in Weoley Castle so I go visit often and what an absolute hole it has turned out to be. Its all down to uncaring parents with children that are really not wanted or cared for. Would like to shake the hand of the person who wrote this
I absolutley LOVE this post!! I live not far from weoply castle and have lived there in the past but sorry this is all true!! love it!! your truth and wisdom amuse me
x
I think the posts from the Shenley Court students just serve to prove the OP’s point.
to “Dannii” could you please learn to spell and stop bastardizing the Englaish language I mean come on. ‘Rididcilous’, I laughed so hard at that one.
Hiiya ppl i fink weoley castle is a gud area yew do get sum nasty n bitchy ppl but dts der doiin ppl who am nice n sweet like me well done to yaz well shenley school is a shit hole you have to call the teachers madam or sir wtf its rididcilous wah da gna learn from dat fuk all tings ned changin badly
Did you stay on to do A level English Language?
I started off by laughing my head off at the origional article. then read the comments after it and i couldnt agree with you more Jason. I remember being dragged down a Shenley Court Corridor By Mr Beale and being Caned by Mr Hulme
That happened to me too. Nobody used to do really bad things because of the Cane. I went to Ilmington and had to relocate to Shenley Court but now it seems that the place is run by the kids.
Its soul destroying to think there is probably some really nice kids who go there and cant get on because of the scum that are allowed to be unruley.
Bring back the Cane, i swear it would sort these shits out
Jason i must have been in the same year as you dude as i left the same year. Thank god you have made something fo yourself as have i. i feel so sorry for those who live there now i really do.
I started off by laughing my head off at the origional article. then read the comments after it and i couldnt agree with you more Jason. I remember being dragged down a Shenley Court Corridor By Mr Beale and being Caned by Mr Hulme
That happened to me too. Nobody used to do really bad things because of the Cane. I went to Ilmington and had to relocate to Shenley Court but now it seems that the place is run by the kids.
Its soul destroying to think there is probably some really nice kids who go there and cant get on because of the scum that are allowed to be unruley.
Bring back the Cane, i swear it would sort these shits out
Jason i must have been in the same year as you dude as i left the same year. Thank god you have made something fo yourself as have i. i feel so sorry for those who live there now i really do.
I have just read the comments from a variety of people and some of it makes me sad, quite frankly I think it doesnt really matter who posted the original message (although posting such a critique on the internet is a bit extreme). From personal experience it was a very difficult school to teach at, im not surprised that Mr Newey like many teachers has been left very frustrated I certainly was!!!
Hopefully Ruth Harker will now sort the place out and then get it out of special measures because thats a crap place to be. The students will also hagve to accept their share of the resposibility – stop wagging, stop slagging off teachers and do your work.
Mr Edge
P.S If it was a teacher who left in 2004 then it doesnt narrow it down much it was nearly a third of the staff
I think whoever started this email should stop been so petty!
I have lived near Weoley castle all my life & i also went to Shenley Court school in 1996-2000.
The school has only seemed to go down hill since Mr Dennis left! It is not the students faults, if anything its their parents!
All the school needs is strict staff to put the kids into place. If they have got away with things for this long then they why would they change?
A lot of my friends are from Weoley castle & none of them are “chavs”.
I think wherever you go you have got “chavs” not just weoley castle or Northfield.
So if you have got nothing nice to say why say anything at all!
Please people, This teacher is Mat Nicholls he left shenley last year he seemed a nice guy but its clear what he thinks about shenley and weoley castle i have e-mailed him personally to tell him what i think. Stop blaiming Mr Newey you wallys as you can clearly see LOOK AT THE DATE IT WAS POSTED, MR NEWEY WAS STILL IN SHENLEY THEN. So peopel chill out this guy is clearly short minded if he is going to give his view on the minority of the area.
miss dodd wishes to state she HATES ALL CHAVS!!
first i would like to say thankks to mr.n for his lil mention of me and hu ever the person hu nows me in the last comment i wuld like to say no im not a kev and it werent jus my brains behind dat 1 i was very pissed off that all the twats in this skwl hu need to be fekin chucked out give us non chavs a bad name by every1 else not every1 is bad not all the teachers are bad and can the person hu nows me send me a personal message sayin hu they are cyaz ppl
mr bummer in 10t dont you think it was mr newey who wrote it u fukin tard? he was always havin a go at the school, rightly however, and he says brummies cos he ent from birmingham. dipshit.
i couldnt give a dam if people think that your a goth you might just fiund chavs will fink your a goth bcuase you dont wear burberry or bomber jackets lets see you say i cant spell now and yes i do go shenley and no im not dumb so screw you miss snooty mac snoot snoot
oi u fuking bastard i go to that fuking school im in 10 t and i go by the name mr.mercer u are a f**king w**ker its bcos of teachers like u hu jus ad no time and looked to blame others as to why kids have gotta ouuta hand before the easter hols a gd teacher by the name mr. newey left bcos of wankers like you hu had no time for the school so sdince ur so fuking hard wots ur name or are to scared
First of all I grew up near to this area and I believe you are unfair in trying to apply your opinions to the WHOLE population. There are some perfectly normal people living around Weoley Castle.
Secondly I attended Shenley Court school in the days when you could feel proud to say that, and when thankfully we did not have teachers like yourself, ready to think badly of everyone and admit it to the world. As a schoolteacher myself I was shocked to hear another teacher speaking in this way about the school. what this school is suffering from is basically a complete lack of discipline which has been allowed to worsen for several years now. I therefore suggest that as a member of the teaching staff, you ask yourself how you could improve matters rather than blaming everyone else.
I can only assume that if you still see fit to teach in such a bad place, that it can only be because noone else will employ you.
Adding to my last post — teachers at shenley seem to have developed amazing coping strategies. Humouring the kids and misleading them – I know of two members of staff who have managed to convince the morons that they are homosexual, which Im pretty sure scares the hell out of them – at heart theyre all in one big closet so being accused of such things is a fate worse than death (why the term “ya mom” is so liberally applied”). Good Luck to the originator of this post – we can only hope that they all find some burberry thats poisonous or somet
As regards to Shenley Court school, I have been a student there for the past 7 years. Yup.
Kids at that school are something else. They burn things, illegally smoke openly (i.e. some shit thats only 14 lights up in the middle of the yard, nice, hope they get cancer or it sterilises them) and generally act as fools.
So its no surprise that when I raise the cash, I will buy the school and airstrike it.
I think that Weoley Castle is second only to Dudley as being a place where nutters will come up and talk at you with you at the bus stop. I once chatted to a wild-looking 35-year old who explained that he needed to get to Bartley Green quickly as “I need to give my brother his medication.” Unfortunately he got on the same bus as me and carried on the same rant, leaving me with the parting shot that Lena Zavaroni was an ex-girlfriend. I try to avoid going home via Weoley Castle as a result (it is a possible route home from Birmingham University).
Interested in the Shenley Court reference – I came across some Year 10s from there on my teaching practice last year (we took a group on a field-trip to the Lake District, apparently they were the gifted and talented ones). The sight of a group of pure-white tracksuits being shephereded up a Lake District fell in the rain, badly applied mascara dripping on their faces is one I will cherish.