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Croydon

Posted on: July 2nd, 2004 by admin 64 Comments

Ahh, Croydon – king of all chav towns, famous for finishing in the Top 10 of the Crap Towns and being the only town to feel “robbed” by their finish… A place famous throughout the UK for being a scum hole and got beaten by somewhere like Telford in it’s bid to become a shitty, erm.. sorry a city.. Chavs come from far and wide to worship at the pikey temple that is the Whitgift Shopping Centre, a place that has more McDonalds, KFC’s and Burger Kings than any other place on the planet – many a chav family can be seen having their Sunday lunch in one of these fine eateries. A massive TKMax is handily situated close to these food outlets so one can combine the eating and fake burberry shopping without walking too far and therefore reducing the chances of being spotted by the DSS and getting their fraudulent disability claims pulled. Lots of sport shops for the classic nike trackie bottoms and reebok classics combo, and many “up-market” clothes shops such as Budwals where you can buy Hackett, Nicholson and Lacoste gear at “wicked” prices.

However, night-time is when Croydon really comes into it’s own. The younger chavs are usually on their way home due to their curfew/electronic tags/time to feed the baby and this is when the older chavs (i.e: 15-20 yr olds) decide to descend on the Croydon “strip”. Yes, like Veronica’s in Tenerife, Croydon has a long road full of classy establishments such as the Goose on the Market (which not only has chavs flocking there in number for the cheap drinks but also has the scum bags from Surrey Street Market lowering the tone) and McKluskeys, a place so chavvie that a bouncer was recently gunned down in a “drive-by”. Reports that the shooter was in a souped-up Fiesta are unconfirmed…. You do have the more up-market bars such as Yates, Edwards and Tiger Tiger but these are inaccessible for most chavs due to their over 21’s/only older scumbags policy. Last but not least there is the infamous Blue Orchid nightclub which has people from as far and wide as Bromley, Streatham, Sutton & Essex (!) queuing up to get in and rophy’ed up.

Throw in the “Rude Boy/Gangsta” element that also plagues this delightful place and you really do have the Chav Town! Luckily, I managed to escape 2 years ago but I still travel back every so often just to get a bit of “reality”. If anyone wants to see chavs in their natural environment and run the risk of getting mugged, stabbed, raped, glassed, shot or just plain “dissed” then come down to Croydon, it’s even got Chav trams which are free to chavs until they get caught by the ‘gadgets’ (inspectors)! Enjoy! For more proof check out a fellow Croydonians website: http://members.aol.com/slunksoma/front.html

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Croydon, 7.3 out of 10 based on 12 ratings

64 Responses

  1. ChavMassacre says:

    Thank God there are still people left in the world with sense reading some of the great chav onslaughts on this website – kudos to the people keeping it REAL…  The Chavs have invaded in epic proportions and are forming an underclass Chav "elite" all over the UK.  And Croydon is symptomatic of this as one of the main Chav hubs - it is wrist slittingly depressing – the Chav invasion has known NO bounds – Croydon though MULTICULTURAL yet therein lies the problem – there are MULTICULTURAL MULTIETHNIC Chavs everywhere – Asian, black, chinese, european – the disease is spreading!!!

    Croydon is creating a green area close to E Croydon station, the job centre and a housing project for reject chavs…can you imagine what it will turn into? A place where sketz (Chavettes) will be parading in cheap gold, scabby ankles and dirty tracksuits hoping to be impregnated with the love juice of their rancourous male counterpart chavs – it will give a landfill a whole new meaning – this one made of humans.

    Croydon and many parts of the UK are descending into shit with this underclass of backward sheep filth that are the chavs – and this is the future of the country – we are f**ked – either that or we emigrate…but remember SHEEP get slaughtered. All chavs have common (literally) qualities and habits:

    1. Monosyllabic words only
    2. Yep mentioned before but JJB, cheap sportswear and cash converters gold embellished with wares from Primark et al is haute couture for them
    3. Repugnantly ugly that aim to follow any fad or even take decent brands and fashions and denigrate them to shit
    4. Love wack garage/Reggaeaton/Tupac – white/black/asian chavs respectively
    5. Would test positive for at least 5 different strains of STD infection
    6. An overwhelming majority of them have at least one BASTARD child that further eats from the state, like its paternal parasites
    7. Left school at 13 after much truancy and probably had sexual experiences prior to that
    …..and so much more the list could be endless

    Only one solution: A chav Massacre….they need to work in enforced labour and clean up this country rather than create the never ending shit they create – they are the real terrorists that threaten our freedom, our dignity and our lands – and think they are the future of this country…or just send them to Guantanamo at least thats a good use for that Cuban shit hole…

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  2. die_chav_die says:

    technically (very technically), literature would be correct as one could view the "post" as a small novel. dont jump to conclusions :)

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  3. Vasheesht says:

    The catoon club I heards good, they got their own band Motorheadache(a tribute to Motorhead)

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  4. Vasheesht says:

    Im not muslim and I have had expirience of the consiquences of offending muslim religeon and its not pretty, so id edit halal shit off the comment if I where you.

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  5. Vasheesht says:

    No chav cars are just fake sports cars customed and with a pumped up engine to make it sound powerful and the bumpers low. and that does cost money but chavs dont realist that they can get a car that is actualy a sports car for the same price but there too dumb.

    And in school One of my friends said that at the end of the school year the class could listen to the radio. This wasnt my class. Out of the 24 the 4 grungers are shouting virgin radio(also rock) but the rest said Kiss 100. That got me pissed of even though I wasnt in that class.

    And Xfm and Virgin are good but get a DAB radio and listen to kerrang. The best in the history, listen to tim shaws asylum 10pm -1am weekdays its hilariouse(its rated 18 but what the hell im 13)

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  6. Vasheesht says:

    In my case stopping chavs is hard. in my house group in my school(Royal Russell) im of only 2 people that are anti chav and then theres the chavest of the people in the year in my house group which sucks. But the other guy was an ex chav so hes still alright with the others. And i didnt convert him, he did it himself.

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  7. Vasheesht says:

    Do you think riddlesdown is still got some good people instead of chavs as an old friend of mine went there, and now im at Royal Russell, the fees are going expensive so I need another skl. Is riddlesdown a good choice for Yr9

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  8. Vasheesht says:

    Theres 3 Mc Donalds that are flipping close. The main street, Centrale, and next to argos.

    Thing about chavs in their cars they get expensive sports cars with a crappy house(damp, Holes, Half Derilict). Hard to find a chav with a good car and house.

    And in purley my parents where looking at new houses when some metal guy with a deformed face started kicking in my parents car which gave a massive dent.

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  9. Vasheesht says:

    whitehorse road where the bus station is?

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  10. Vasheesht says:

    Excalcly. I live in the croydon area(Norbury)

    I like croydon. Its just the chavs. In my School(Royal Russell) we have house groups. Which is aslo in a biulding for each group. Out of all of them I had to be put into the chaviest. Im of the only 2 rockers in that house group but he got converted. So hes still popular with the others. And out of the whole group including yr7-12 except for 4 people the rest dont like me just because I dont like the style of chavy rap hip-hop rnb crap. Oh and another thing got me unpopular ,Football. That took the piss. Everyone is good at it but me. I practices a solid months but was still useless.

    Now back to chavs. The fact sometimes the first person I have to face going to school is the person I hate most and an other I hate. Cant talk about anything but Football and chavy music. That takes the humungus lake of a piss. And as MArty-_Gill says the trams are chavy, well I have to take the tra to school. No other Way except for Car. But Parents are to buisy.

    Out of around the Thousand that go to my school theres only 24 who are not chav.

    Now This has nothing to do with the area mut I have to look like a bit of a chav sometimes. 1. My parents wont let me grow my hair,2.My parents think the way grungers dress Is like those drug addict rockstars making them like tham.3.Due to this if I step into a shop like natterjacks(Grunger shop) the people give me a weird look sometimes.

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  11. Why says:

    i use to live there, i hated it so much , bout a year ago we moved to chadwell heath in barking & dagenham. for some crap reason i thought "thk god no chavs" I HATE MY LIFE  they are every where 
    STOP THE CHAVS

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  12. Mystery_Idiot says:
    Sorry memememe1234, what I think you meant to say was:

    “You talk a load of shit.  Come back to live in Croydon and you’ll find out what it’s really like.  It is change, so stop acting like a penis!

    You’re so brave and big to post your thoughts on the internet but if you came face to face with someone from Croydon you wouldn’t say anything.

    Mate, grow up and get your facts about Croydon correct.

    What an idiot.

    I hope this helps to clarify your poorly-formed and expressed thoughts.  Please remember that punctuation and grammar are your friends.

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  13. HorshamRCrawleyhaters says:

    The fact that Crystal Palace FC is local says it all.

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  14. Turnip666 says:

    Could be worse you could all live in Keighley.

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  15. markus05 says:
    Look everyone i admit croydon does have alot of wannabe littel ganster kids walking around and there pulling down great old buildings to put massive crap holes up ..but aside from all of the shitness in centreal croydon and every one saying its white trash who live there ..i went to one of the most expesive borading schools in south london which is in croydon royal russell and i know lots of posh schools there and its parts of croydon whcih are pants lik addington, west croydon and east croydon …go to south croydon , purley sanderstead etc it is one of the riches parts of the UK with loads of celebrity names living here and me and my friends have never had any trouble in croydon its like any other place …with good and bad areas ..but i do admit the police should be carfull as i can see it getting worse quickly but if you dont like croydon go to bromley or west wickeham but dont slag it of just by driving through it or looking at a picture…

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  16. chavswhatrthey says:

    Croydon deserves its title as the town with the most chavs in. I do not shop in Croydon nor do i visit it very often, i only ever go out drinking there because it is full of fun and frolicks and the purfect night out when you have such variation.
    One night i went out drinking  in croydon and their was some sort of riot going on, there was an ambulance on fire!!! and police in riot gear!!

    Croydon for all its Chav scum is great for the single guy, full of women who are happy enough in their drunk state to talk to anyone they might come across.

    One thing i noticed recently (several weeks ago) is that there is a strip club that has opened up where BudWorld used to be, no doubt this will be full 24/7.

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  17. kita says:

    is it wise to moveto croyden then becourse my mum wnts to move thee so is it moving fromone shit hoe noyyingham to another

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  18. sweetsurfing says:

    Hahahahahaha! My Best mate lives there! Haha! Loser !!

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  19. lanky_crew says:

    nice

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  20. goodfellas_0 says:

    DUDE

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