The Shitgift Centre (whitgift) Croydon
Wheeling a robbery victim out of the Shitgift Centre who had had her 84yr old hip broken I heard the loving chavette mum of a 6yr old zooant* shout “Nathan! put your fucking hood up” It was raining. The zooant replied “why, mum? Is there cameras?”
*zooant = a small animal, truant from school with parental approval
I lost my virginity in McDonnalds in Croydon one saturday afternoon when I was about 13. Now I’m on TV almost every day, so it didn’t do me no harm.
When I was a lad there were only 2 McDonnalds in Croydon. These days there’s about 5. If that’s not political correctness gone mad I don’t know what is.
EviLNygma says: How proud you must be… Something to tell your grandchildren when your 30 eh.
Ahh, Croydon – king of all chav towns, famous for finishing in the Top 10 of the Crap Towns and being the only town to feel “robbed” by their finish… A place famous throughout the UK for being a scum hole and got beaten by somewhere like Telford in it’s bid to become a shitty, erm.. sorry a city.. Chavs come from far and wide to worship at the pikey temple that is the Whitgift Shopping Centre, a place that has more McDonalds, KFC’s and Burger Kings than any other place on the planet – many a chav family can be seen having their Sunday lunch in one of these fine eateries. A massive TKMax is handily situated close to these food outlets so one can combine the eating and fake burberry shopping without walking too far and therefore reducing the chances of being spotted by the DSS and getting their fraudulent disability claims pulled. Lots of sport shops for the classic nike trackie bottoms and reebok classics combo, and many “up-market” clothes shops such as Budwals where you can buy Hackett, Nicholson and Lacoste gear at “wicked” prices.
However, night-time is when Croydon really comes into it’s own. The younger chavs are usually on their way home due to their curfew/electronic tags/time to feed the baby and this is when the older chavs (i.e: 15-20 yr olds) decide to descend on the Croydon “strip”. Yes, like Veronica’s in Tenerife, Croydon has a long road full of classy establishments such as the Goose on the Market (which not only has chavs flocking there in number for the cheap drinks but also has the scum bags from Surrey Street Market lowering the tone) and McKluskeys, a place so chavvie that a bouncer was recently gunned down in a “drive-by”. Reports that the shooter was in a souped-up Fiesta are unconfirmed…. You do have the more up-market bars such as Yates, Edwards and Tiger Tiger but these are inaccessible for most chavs due to their over 21’s/only older scumbags policy. Last but not least there is the infamous Blue Orchid nightclub which has people from as far and wide as Bromley, Streatham, Sutton & Essex (!) queuing up to get in and rophy’ed up.
Throw in the “Rude Boy/Gangsta” element that also plagues this delightful place and you really do have the Chav Town! Luckily, I managed to escape 2 years ago but I still travel back every so often just to get a bit of “reality”. If anyone wants to see chavs in their natural environment and run the risk of getting mugged, stabbed, raped, glassed, shot or just plain “dissed” then come down to Croydon, it’s even got Chav trams which are free to chavs until they get caught by the ‘gadgets’ (inspectors)! Enjoy! For more proof check out a fellow Croydonians website: http://members.aol.com/slunksoma/front.html
Seany_boy says: Take a look around Croydon and you will see the shit for yourself, you clearly know nothing about the place. The local papers are full of crap attempting to make croydonians pround of their ‘city’. Notice how they give the stabbings and muggings very little little column inches. The place is a shithole and I cant wait to escape!
Ulysses says: You see folks. Even talking about Croydon online will get you in a fight.
As the Urban Skyline Project coined..
So..fucking Croydon.
Seany_boy says: LOL. At least we all agree Croydon is a shithole. I cant belive my hometown is rated number 1 worst town. Cant wait to escape!
akak says: THANK YOU – HOW THE HELL CAN PEOPLE RATE AND DEFEND THIS PLACE!! people cannot comment unless they live there,
akak says: it is also true to say that not everyone living/working here is a chav/wannabe rudeboy. It just so happens that these scumbags outnumber the goodens like myself and you lot. actually walking trough croydon towncentre on a normal day is absolutely fine, yeah you see the scumbags out but there is no fear. its the surrounding areas that are the worst, or the centre on a fri night.
akak says: UNBELIEVABLE – nobody has mentioned our local hospital MAYDAY!!!!
what a shithole. after a minor car accident, my friends took a trip there to get our injured friend checked out. we arrived at A & E (this was a friday night so was worse than usual) and outside the entrance was a pile of blood stained used plasters and bandages, flowing out of the full bin that hadnt been emptied in a week. we stepped over the assault course and entered the hospital where we were greeted by a huge black man with a long leather coat and numerous amount of chains – i am surprised this didnt weigh his head down to his knees. in the space of 5 minutes he kissed his teeth about 30times. obviously, in fear of getting shot, we tried our hardest not to look his way, but this was too tempting. as i glanced over i noticed the biggest scummiest chevette i have ever seen in my life, it was clear to me now he was there waiting for her punchered arms and black eye to get treated (clearly from needles, brusies all the way up both arms) he was a pimp. this was obvious to anyone, she had a white skirt on, revealing all, scummy brown knee high boots and to be honest i cant remember the rest but it was dreadful. he was abusing her the whole time we were there (6 hours may i add) and i swear to god he was kissing his teeth and saying “cha” every 5 seconds, and please believe me this is no exaggeration. now everytime i hear someone kissing their teeth it reminds me of that night. nice
innnit says: My sentiments exactly. Unfortunately.
chavhunter says: THAT HAIR STYLE THAT CHAVETTES HAVE WITH IT ALL SCRAPPED BACK AND HAIRSPRAYED IS CALLED A “CROYDON FACELIFT.”
LESTAT_DE_LIONCOURT says: ken livingstone, traitor of london, has a even more increible scheme lined up for the west of london…the uxbridge-shepherds bush tram!
the plans have you reeling with laughter! and then you think of all poor locals this affects-he is along with tfl, such an evil individual, clearly worthy of a public hanging.
Nakedrat says: Croydon – my home for over 28 years. Also the home of a never ending supply over chavs. Following the riots after Euro 2004 it seems the local chavs are getting restless and I can not blame them. The town centre has been a building site for the last ten years and it depresses me everytime I walk through it. Even the “nice areas” around croydon have now been poisoned with the chav touch – South Croydon is now falling victim to armed robberies, we have had a fatal shooting up in Sanderstead (Top 3 richest postcodes in the UK) and a fatal stabbing in Purley (at the chavs favourite drinking emporium, The Jolly Farmers).
Still the town is fighting back against the chavs as the bars have now stopped serving the archetypal chav drink snakebite and black (it being blamed for the attempted tram trashing last month).
diechavsdie says: Here here, well said my friend!
bigpants says: Four McDonalds: Whitgift, Centrale, George St, Church St
chavett_kez says: i am a chav dont like to admit it. croyden is the home of chavz but there are goths because im freinds with them. i realy dont see why us chav scrape our hair back coz it takez agggezzz n it startz herting after a while. croyden is mostley asociated with chavz,black peple and oral sez (dont ask why)
Raptor says: Most of my family live in New Addington and they are scum New Addinton in hell on earth, I am a Rocker or what chavs used to call a Mettla I have been outcast by most of my family for not being like them nad having a collage education and a job that dosent involve the gas board or fast food.
BurberryTwat says: What the fuck are you trying to type? Have you ever sat in a bloody classroom? Fuck me this example of literature sums up chavs in one go!
Anthillmob says: dont get me started on Mayday. i got taken in by ambulance some years ago with a suspected broken leg and was left on a trolley for 8 hours before anyone came to take me for an xray. just left alone in agony and given a cardboard pot to piss in.
simpleplan says: HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOW COR A SITE DEDICATED 2 CHAVS! WOW ARNT THEY SPECIAL!! PML!!!U CHAVS A FUKIN TITE SHITS!!!! ALWAYS THINKING U BETTA THEN EVERY1 WELL I HAVE NEWS 4 U U ANT IN FACT MOST PEOPLE H8 CHAVS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CombatE says: Erm, the term is literacy NOT literature.
Are you a chav too?
BurberryTwat says: What a dumb shit, and why was the caps button stuck on throughout his/her worthless drivel? Get back to Shrublands and shag your sister.
goodfellas_0 says: Yeah M8 Move to the near to wimbledon NEW MALDEN, it is a nice town with hardly any chavs compared to places like croydon and kingston, the main populations are whites and Koreans so there shouldnt be to much trouble as both races come across rather dosile compared to others i have witnessed, me being black i find some of my people act just like silver back gorrilas.
But yeah new malden is nice and u should find a cheaper place than wimbledon there, also the main highstreet is having a RE-VAMP so it should be evan bettaaaaaa.
PEACE RUDBOYS SAFE YEAH BLUD
goodfellas_0 says: DUDE
lanky_crew says: nice
sweetsurfing says: Hahahahahaha! My Best mate lives there! Haha! Loser !!
kita says: is it wise to moveto croyden then becourse my mum wnts to move thee so is it moving fromone shit hoe noyyingham to another
chavswhatrthey says: Croydon deserves its title as the town with the most chavs in. I do not shop in Croydon nor do i visit it very often, i only ever go out drinking there because it is full of fun and frolicks and the purfect night out when you have such variation.
One night i went out drinking in croydon and their was some sort of riot going on, there was an ambulance on fire!!! and police in riot gear!!
Croydon for all its Chav scum is great for the single guy, full of women who are happy enough in their drunk state to talk to anyone they might come across.
One thing i noticed recently (several weeks ago) is that there is a strip club that has opened up where BudWorld used to be, no doubt this will be full 24/7.
markus05 says: 
Turnip666 says: Could be worse you could all live in Keighley.
HorshamRCrawleyhaters says: The fact that Crystal Palace FC is local says it all.
Mystery_Idiot says:
Why says: i use to live there, i hated it so much , bout a year ago we moved to chadwell heath in barking & dagenham. for some crap reason i thought "thk god no chavs" I HATE MY LIFE they are every where
STOP THE CHAVS
Vasheesht says: Excalcly. I live in the croydon area(Norbury)
I like croydon. Its just the chavs. In my School(Royal Russell) we have house groups. Which is aslo in a biulding for each group. Out of all of them I had to be put into the chaviest. Im of the only 2 rockers in that house group but he got converted. So hes still popular with the others. And out of the whole group including yr7-12 except for 4 people the rest dont like me just because I dont like the style of chavy rap hip-hop rnb crap. Oh and another thing got me unpopular ,Football. That took the piss. Everyone is good at it but me. I practices a solid months but was still useless.
Now back to chavs. The fact sometimes the first person I have to face going to school is the person I hate most and an other I hate. Cant talk about anything but Football and chavy music. That takes the humungus lake of a piss. And as MArty-_Gill says the trams are chavy, well I have to take the tra to school. No other Way except for Car. But Parents are to buisy.
Out of around the Thousand that go to my school theres only 24 who are not chav.
Now This has nothing to do with the area mut I have to look like a bit of a chav sometimes. 1. My parents wont let me grow my hair,2.My parents think the way grungers dress Is like those drug addict rockstars making them like tham.3.Due to this if I step into a shop like natterjacks(Grunger shop) the people give me a weird look sometimes.
Vasheesht says: whitehorse road where the bus station is?
Vasheesht says: Theres 3 Mc Donalds that are flipping close. The main street, Centrale, and next to argos.
Thing about chavs in their cars they get expensive sports cars with a crappy house(damp, Holes, Half Derilict). Hard to find a chav with a good car and house.
And in purley my parents where looking at new houses when some metal guy with a deformed face started kicking in my parents car which gave a massive dent.
Vasheesht says: Do you think riddlesdown is still got some good people instead of chavs as an old friend of mine went there, and now im at Royal Russell, the fees are going expensive so I need another skl. Is riddlesdown a good choice for Yr9
Vasheesht says: In my case stopping chavs is hard. in my house group in my school(Royal Russell) im of only 2 people that are anti chav and then theres the chavest of the people in the year in my house group which sucks. But the other guy was an ex chav so hes still alright with the others. And i didnt convert him, he did it himself.
Vasheesht says: No chav cars are just fake sports cars customed and with a pumped up engine to make it sound powerful and the bumpers low. and that does cost money but chavs dont realist that they can get a car that is actualy a sports car for the same price but there too dumb.
And in school One of my friends said that at the end of the school year the class could listen to the radio. This wasnt my class. Out of the 24 the 4 grungers are shouting virgin radio(also rock) but the rest said Kiss 100. That got me pissed of even though I wasnt in that class.
And Xfm and Virgin are good but get a DAB radio and listen to kerrang. The best in the history, listen to tim shaws asylum 10pm -1am weekdays its hilariouse(its rated 18 but what the hell im 13)
Vasheesht says: Im not muslim and I have had expirience of the consiquences of offending muslim religeon and its not pretty, so id edit halal shit off the comment if I where you.
Vasheesht says: The catoon club I heards good, they got their own band Motorheadache(a tribute to Motorhead)
die_chav_die says: technically (very technically), literature would be correct as one could view the "post" as a small novel. dont jump to conclusions 
ChavMassacre says: Thank God there are still people left in the world with sense reading some of the great chav onslaughts on this website – kudos to the people keeping it REAL… The Chavs have invaded in epic proportions and are forming an underclass Chav "elite" all over the UK. And Croydon is symptomatic of this as one of the main Chav hubs - it is wrist slittingly depressing – the Chav invasion has known NO bounds – Croydon though MULTICULTURAL yet therein lies the problem – there are MULTICULTURAL MULTIETHNIC Chavs everywhere – Asian, black, chinese, european – the disease is spreading!!!
Croydon is creating a green area close to E Croydon station, the job centre and a housing project for reject chavs…can you imagine what it will turn into? A place where sketz (Chavettes) will be parading in cheap gold, scabby ankles and dirty tracksuits hoping to be impregnated with the love juice of their rancourous male counterpart chavs – it will give a landfill a whole new meaning – this one made of humans.
Croydon and many parts of the UK are descending into shit with this underclass of backward sheep filth that are the chavs – and this is the future of the country – we are fucked – either that or we emigrate…but remember SHEEP get slaughtered. All chavs have common (literally) qualities and habits:
1. Monosyllabic words only
2. Yep mentioned before but JJB, cheap sportswear and cash converters gold embellished with wares from Primark et al is haute couture for them
3. Repugnantly ugly that aim to follow any fad or even take decent brands and fashions and denigrate them to shit
4. Love wack garage/Reggaeaton/Tupac – white/black/asian chavs respectively
5. Would test positive for at least 5 different strains of STD infection
6. An overwhelming majority of them have at least one BASTARD child that further eats from the state, like its paternal parasites
7. Left school at 13 after much truancy and probably had sexual experiences prior to that
…..and so much more the list could be endless
Only one solution: A chav Massacre….they need to work in enforced labour and clean up this country rather than create the never ending shit they create – they are the real terrorists that threaten our freedom, our dignity and our lands – and think they are the future of this country…or just send them to Guantanamo at least thats a good use for that Cuban shit hole…
ChavMassacre says: Thank God there are still people left in the world with sense reading some of the great chav onslaughts on this website – kudos to the people keeping it REAL… The Chavs have invaded in epic proportions and are forming an underclass Chav "elite" all over the UK. And Croydon is symptomatic of this as one of the main Chav hubs - it is wrist slittingly depressing – the Chav invasion has known NO bounds – Croydon though MULTICULTURAL yet therein lies the problem – there are MULTICULTURAL MULTIETHNIC Chavs everywhere – Asian, black, chinese, european – the disease is spreading!!!
Croydon is creating a green area close to E Croydon station, the job centre and a housing project for reject chavs…can you imagine what it will turn into? A place where sketz (Chavettes) will be parading in cheap gold, scabby ankles and dirty tracksuits hoping to be impregnated with the love juice of their rancourous male counterpart chavs – it will give a landfill a whole new meaning – this one made of humans.
Croydon and many parts of the UK are descending into shit with this underclass of backward sheep filth that are the chavs – and this is the future of the country – we are fucked – either that or we emigrate…but remember SHEEP get slaughtered. All chavs have common (literally) qualities and habits:
1. Monosyllabic words only
2. Yep mentioned before but JJB, cheap sportswear and cash converters gold embellished with wares from Primark et al is haute couture for them
3. Repugnantly ugly that aim to follow any fad or even take decent brands and fashions and denigrate them to shit
4. Love wack garage/Reggaeaton/Tupac – white/black/asian chavs respectively
5. Would test positive for at least 5 different strains of STD infection
6. An overwhelming majority of them have at least one BASTARD child that further eats from the state, like its paternal parasites
7. Left school at 13 after much truancy and probably had sexual experiences prior to that
…..and so much more the list could be endless
Only one solution: A chav Massacre….they need to work in enforced labour and clean up this country rather than create the never ending shit they create – they are the real terrorists that threaten our freedom, our dignity and our lands – and think they are the future of this country…or just send them to Guantanamo at least thats a good use for that Cuban shit hole…
CombatE says: Shut up you drooling mong twat.
CombatE says: You are the most boring person I have ever enountered.
CombatE says: CombatE says: 
DarkCobra says: well thats good and makes a valid point but really if you want to see chavs in natural enviroment if you want to be stabbed rabed mugged ect come down to selston it must be the worst place besides nottingham for chavs in the world. i came up with the solution that chavs orgionate from nottingham lol
Jay48 says: Absolutely spot on description! We should just let these people die! Why waste our tax money treating scum like that.
minniemouse says: Croydon is nowhere near as Chavvy as Stockport.
Bibico says: I say, it seems the comments thing is malfunctioning. This is supposed to be one of the most -commented upon stories, but there are no comments. Other stories have nothing but spam entries. Is there a secret password to access them?
ltw28 says: Reading through these notices the one thing i find stands out more than anything is that at least 2 people from “the best boarding school” in south London can’t even spell, you call strangers chav’s but I bet they can spell better than you, your parents should have save their money from your private education and bought you a hoody instead.
The ghastly Linsey Dawn McKenzie, a freakishly large-breasted “glamma” model (innit) with a penchant for soap actor boyfriends and appearing in downmarket shows on ITchaV, comes from Croydon. Which says it all.
I’m sitting here wearing my entirely Croydon-bought outfit: Primark tee-shirt (£3), the cheapest Primark jeans (£4), Primark underpants and Primark socks. Priceless Shoes is where I bought my sneakers (£10). My favourite shop is Lidl.
I moved to Croydon 5 years ago and i think it’s improved! Yes there are some chavvy areas, but no worse than other London boroughs. There are always some that let the side down, but i do think that Croydonites are improving if you go to the right areas, you wont know where you are!
I’ve just spent the last 30 minutes or so reading these posts and pi55ing myself laughing at some of the comments. I am a northerner who managed to escape the “GRIM” north ten years ago and move to North London. Due to job/relationship I moved near Croydon about 5 years ago. Within the first week of moving in the Police yellow alert board was displayed up the road… “wanted witness to fatal shooting”..
It sort of summed it all up back then..
In the last 5 years I have been here I have tried to stay out of Croydon as much as possible. On my rare trips in I have found the deterioration of the place really depressing. I’m just glad I don’t actually live in the town. One of my colleagues is a Croydon resident who does defend it and says “its not that bad in xxxxx area”..
Croydon is the pit of hell.. Peckham used to be. From what I have read/heard of the history the people who didnt want to be involved in crime/drugs/yob life/chav life people moved from Peckham to Croydon in the late 80s/early 90s and in the last 20 years these people have now moved even further afield being forced to move again because of overflow again of the chav lifestyle….
It won’t ever stop… the only way to avoid the chavs now is go somewhere that USED to be classed as “inner city” but has now been developed beyond the chav affordability….. if you can…
ie… get back towards the centre of London… let the chavs have the countryside.