The Shitgift Centre (whitgift) Croydon
Wheeling a robbery victim out of the Shitgift Centre who had had her 84yr old hip broken I heard the loving chavette mum of a 6yr old zooant* shout “Nathan! put your fucking hood up” It was raining. The zooant replied “why, mum? Is there cameras?”
*zooant = a small animal, truant from school with parental approval
I lost my virginity in McDonnalds in Croydon one saturday afternoon when I was about 13. Now I’m on TV almost every day, so it didn’t do me no harm.
When I was a lad there were only 2 McDonnalds in Croydon. These days there’s about 5. If that’s not political correctness gone mad I don’t know what is.
Educated One says: ‘No harm’? I am sure you meant ‘Any Harm’.
Looks like you should brush up on your english skills rather than bragging.
EviLNygma says: How proud you must be… Something to tell your grandchildren when your 30 eh.
Ahh, Croydon – king of all chav towns, famous for finishing in the Top 10 of the Crap Towns and being the only town to feel “robbed” by their finish… A place famous throughout the UK for being a scum hole and got beaten by somewhere like Telford in it’s bid to become a shitty, erm.. sorry a city.. Chavs come from far and wide to worship at the pikey temple that is the Whitgift Shopping Centre, a place that has more McDonalds, KFC’s and Burger Kings than any other place on the planet – many a chav family can be seen having their Sunday lunch in one of these fine eateries. A massive TKMax is handily situated close to these food outlets so one can combine the eating and fake burberry shopping without walking too far and therefore reducing the chances of being spotted by the DSS and getting their fraudulent disability claims pulled. Lots of sport shops for the classic nike trackie bottoms and reebok classics combo, and many “up-market” clothes shops such as Budwals where you can buy Hackett, Nicholson and Lacoste gear at “wicked” prices.
However, night-time is when Croydon really comes into it’s own. The younger chavs are usually on their way home due to their curfew/electronic tags/time to feed the baby and this is when the older chavs (i.e: 15-20 yr olds) decide to descend on the Croydon “strip”. Yes, like Veronica’s in Tenerife, Croydon has a long road full of classy establishments such as the Goose on the Market (which not only has chavs flocking there in number for the cheap drinks but also has the scum bags from Surrey Street Market lowering the tone) and McKluskeys, a place so chavvie that a bouncer was recently gunned down in a “drive-by”. Reports that the shooter was in a souped-up Fiesta are unconfirmed…. You do have the more up-market bars such as Yates, Edwards and Tiger Tiger but these are inaccessible for most chavs due to their over 21’s/only older scumbags policy. Last but not least there is the infamous Blue Orchid nightclub which has people from as far and wide as Bromley, Streatham, Sutton & Essex (!) queuing up to get in and rophy’ed up.
Throw in the “Rude Boy/Gangsta” element that also plagues this delightful place and you really do have the Chav Town! Luckily, I managed to escape 2 years ago but I still travel back every so often just to get a bit of “reality”. If anyone wants to see chavs in their natural environment and run the risk of getting mugged, stabbed, raped, glassed, shot or just plain “dissed” then come down to Croydon, it’s even got Chav trams which are free to chavs until they get caught by the ‘gadgets’ (inspectors)! Enjoy! For more proof check out a fellow Croydonians website: http://members.aol.com/slunksoma/front.html
goodfellas_0 says: Yeah M8 Move to the near to wimbledon NEW MALDEN, it is a nice town with hardly any chavs compared to places like croydon and kingston, the main populations are whites and Koreans so there shouldnt be to much trouble as both races come across rather dosile compared to others i have witnessed, me being black i find some of my people act just like silver back gorrilas.
But yeah new malden is nice and u should find a cheaper place than wimbledon there, also the main highstreet is having a RE-VAMP so it should be evan bettaaaaaa.
PEACE RUDBOYS SAFE YEAH BLUD
BurberryTwat says: What a dumb shit, and why was the caps button stuck on throughout his/her worthless drivel? Get back to Shrublands and shag your sister.
CombatE says: Erm, the term is literacy NOT literature.
Are you a chav too?
simpleplan says: HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOW COR A SITE DEDICATED 2 CHAVS! WOW ARNT THEY SPECIAL!! PML!!!U CHAVS A FUKIN TITE SHITS!!!! ALWAYS THINKING U BETTA THEN EVERY1 WELL I HAVE NEWS 4 U U ANT IN FACT MOST PEOPLE H8 CHAVS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anthillmob says: dont get me started on Mayday. i got taken in by ambulance some years ago with a suspected broken leg and was left on a trolley for 8 hours before anyone came to take me for an xray. just left alone in agony and given a cardboard pot to piss in.
BurberryTwat says: What the fuck are you trying to type? Have you ever sat in a bloody classroom? Fuck me this example of literature sums up chavs in one go!
Raptor says: Most of my family live in New Addington and they are scum New Addinton in hell on earth, I am a Rocker or what chavs used to call a Mettla I have been outcast by most of my family for not being like them nad having a collage education and a job that dosent involve the gas board or fast food.
chavett_kez says: i am a chav dont like to admit it. croyden is the home of chavz but there are goths because im freinds with them. i realy dont see why us chav scrape our hair back coz it takez agggezzz n it startz herting after a while. croyden is mostley asociated with chavz,black peple and oral sez (dont ask why)
bigpants says: Four McDonalds: Whitgift, Centrale, George St, Church St
diechavsdie says: Here here, well said my friend!
Nakedrat says: Croydon – my home for over 28 years. Also the home of a never ending supply over chavs. Following the riots after Euro 2004 it seems the local chavs are getting restless and I can not blame them. The town centre has been a building site for the last ten years and it depresses me everytime I walk through it. Even the “nice areas” around croydon have now been poisoned with the chav touch – South Croydon is now falling victim to armed robberies, we have had a fatal shooting up in Sanderstead (Top 3 richest postcodes in the UK) and a fatal stabbing in Purley (at the chavs favourite drinking emporium, The Jolly Farmers).
Still the town is fighting back against the chavs as the bars have now stopped serving the archetypal chav drink snakebite and black (it being blamed for the attempted tram trashing last month).
LESTAT_DE_LIONCOURT says: ken livingstone, traitor of london, has a even more increible scheme lined up for the west of london…the uxbridge-shepherds bush tram!
the plans have you reeling with laughter! and then you think of all poor locals this affects-he is along with tfl, such an evil individual, clearly worthy of a public hanging.
chavhunter says: THAT HAIR STYLE THAT CHAVETTES HAVE WITH IT ALL SCRAPPED BACK AND HAIRSPRAYED IS CALLED A “CROYDON FACELIFT.”
innnit says: My sentiments exactly. Unfortunately.
akak says: UNBELIEVABLE – nobody has mentioned our local hospital MAYDAY!!!!
what a shithole. after a minor car accident, my friends took a trip there to get our injured friend checked out. we arrived at A & E (this was a friday night so was worse than usual) and outside the entrance was a pile of blood stained used plasters and bandages, flowing out of the full bin that hadnt been emptied in a week. we stepped over the assault course and entered the hospital where we were greeted by a huge black man with a long leather coat and numerous amount of chains – i am surprised this didnt weigh his head down to his knees. in the space of 5 minutes he kissed his teeth about 30times. obviously, in fear of getting shot, we tried our hardest not to look his way, but this was too tempting. as i glanced over i noticed the biggest scummiest chevette i have ever seen in my life, it was clear to me now he was there waiting for her punchered arms and black eye to get treated (clearly from needles, brusies all the way up both arms) he was a pimp. this was obvious to anyone, she had a white skirt on, revealing all, scummy brown knee high boots and to be honest i cant remember the rest but it was dreadful. he was abusing her the whole time we were there (6 hours may i add) and i swear to god he was kissing his teeth and saying “cha” every 5 seconds, and please believe me this is no exaggeration. now everytime i hear someone kissing their teeth it reminds me of that night. nice
akak says: it is also true to say that not everyone living/working here is a chav/wannabe rudeboy. It just so happens that these scumbags outnumber the goodens like myself and you lot. actually walking trough croydon towncentre on a normal day is absolutely fine, yeah you see the scumbags out but there is no fear. its the surrounding areas that are the worst, or the centre on a fri night.
akak says: THANK YOU – HOW THE HELL CAN PEOPLE RATE AND DEFEND THIS PLACE!! people cannot comment unless they live there,
Seany_boy says: LOL. At least we all agree Croydon is a shithole. I cant belive my hometown is rated number 1 worst town. Cant wait to escape!
Ulysses says: You see folks. Even talking about Croydon online will get you in a fight.
As the Urban Skyline Project coined..
So..fucking Croydon.
Seany_boy says: Take a look around Croydon and you will see the shit for yourself, you clearly know nothing about the place. The local papers are full of crap attempting to make croydonians pround of their ‘city’. Notice how they give the stabbings and muggings very little little column inches. The place is a shithole and I cant wait to escape!
What can i say!
I couldn’t agree more with everyone’s comments.
I grew up in sanderstead, schooled at riddlesdown, when to college in selsdon and now live in nice part of the croydon area in a big house.
But what a shit hole croydon has turmed out to be.
Heres a idea, why dont they just build a 15′ wall around west croydon/norbury and thornton heath area and throw over a few guns and bats for good measure and let them just kill each other. I know if it was fly-on the wall documentary i would watch it!
Oh and please don’t get me started on the disrespectful youth of today, all i can say is when i was growing up i knew what was right and what was wrong (there was no grey area) and might i add i feared my parents reactions if i was caught doing anything bad.
Just to dispose the youth myth and smacking, my parents did and i have turned out to be a balanced and well-adjusted adult member of society.
I have never committed a murder or a single mugging and now earning a very good living in corporate banking, so please don’t blame the ‘issue’ on the government.
The problem starts and finishes with parents and parenting. End of subject!!
The complete lack of responsible parenting (in parts of the country, not all) will be the down fall of a whole generation of children.
When these people do become and parent (some already are!) they will start to see the world as we do. Full of bills, responsibilities and younger generation that holds different values to our own.
To be fair i don’t really care if i offend a few chav’s with my comments, all i have to say to them is get out of bed and get a job!
What’s so bad about Croydon? 14 year old rudegals throwing babies under buses, that’s what. I fucking hate this place, I could never raise my kid here because Croydon is like a fucking virus. You let your kid play with the other local kids, next thing you know he’ll be turning into one of those fuckers.
I know several people in prison, several teen mothers, at least 3 people who have killed someone, I’ve been stabbed… ffs I’m only 22; I’m a middle-class grammar school kid – it’s literally just from living in Croydon. I used to love Croydon, but this place is fucking poison.
I was born in Croydon and raised here and don’t really understand why its got such a bad rep…yeah its no chelsea but if you dont go out looking for trouble chances are you won’t find any! I think the problem is that people these days have been made soft by living in quiet suburbs full of grannies…Vive la Croydon!
Keep the good information comming, we need more authors like you!
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I’ve just spent the last 30 minutes or so reading these posts and pi55ing myself laughing at some of the comments. I am a northerner who managed to escape the “GRIM” north ten years ago and move to North London. Due to job/relationship I moved near Croydon about 5 years ago. Within the first week of moving in the Police yellow alert board was displayed up the road… “wanted witness to fatal shooting”..
It sort of summed it all up back then..
In the last 5 years I have been here I have tried to stay out of Croydon as much as possible. On my rare trips in I have found the deterioration of the place really depressing. I’m just glad I don’t actually live in the town. One of my colleagues is a Croydon resident who does defend it and says “its not that bad in xxxxx area”..
Croydon is the pit of hell.. Peckham used to be. From what I have read/heard of the history the people who didnt want to be involved in crime/drugs/yob life/chav life people moved from Peckham to Croydon in the late 80s/early 90s and in the last 20 years these people have now moved even further afield being forced to move again because of overflow again of the chav lifestyle….
It won’t ever stop… the only way to avoid the chavs now is go somewhere that USED to be classed as “inner city” but has now been developed beyond the chav affordability….. if you can…
ie… get back towards the centre of London… let the chavs have the countryside.
I moved to Croydon 5 years ago and i think it’s improved! Yes there are some chavvy areas, but no worse than other London boroughs. There are always some that let the side down, but i do think that Croydonites are improving if you go to the right areas, you wont know where you are!
I’m sitting here wearing my entirely Croydon-bought outfit: Primark tee-shirt (£3), the cheapest Primark jeans (£4), Primark underpants and Primark socks. Priceless Shoes is where I bought my sneakers (£10). My favourite shop is Lidl.
The ghastly Linsey Dawn McKenzie, a freakishly large-breasted “glamma” model (innit) with a penchant for soap actor boyfriends and appearing in downmarket shows on ITchaV, comes from Croydon. Which says it all.