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Blackpool

Posted on: August 28th, 2004 by admin 9 Comments

EVERYWHERE – WE’RE SURROUNDED AND OVER RUN WITH THE BASTARDS, they’re like cockroaches, breeding succesfully despite the run down ghetto like pits of degredation they inhabit.
To find the local chav’s en masse you have only to check out the prom any day of the week where you’ll find them strutting their stuff attempting to intimidate passers by but failing miserably. The easiest place to discover a nest of the buggers though is any one of the many parks in suburban Blackpool after 6pm. Hordes of the spindly, baseball hatted, trouser tucking, spliff smoking little tw*ts abound, usually on stolen mountain bikes or bmx’s with the seat set at it’s very lowest point. Innocent walkers beware – on they’re own they’ll cower in your shadow but in groups of more than two they become the bravest, most fearless fighting men to stalk the streets, liable to attack without provocation or warning and with little hesitation in using your head as a trampoline or stealing your mobile phone.

I used to work as a doorman at “Chaven and Hell” the nightclub beloved of the Ned’s of Blackpool. This was a truly gratifying job as I was legally required to throw many of them out for possesion, consumption and selling of illegal substances aswell as refusing them entry for being far too “Chav” for their own good. The small village I live in just outside Blackpool is teeming with them after dark and there is dark talk in the ale houses of the locale – of vigilantism and doling out of retribution, much needed many would add!
If you visit (unwisely) Grange Park, the biggest, roughest council estate in the area you will truly find the motherload – in my opinion, this is where “Chav” was first born and where it should rightfully be destroyed. A B-52 full of napalm should do the trick or a bunker buster on the nearest dole office.
Haters of chav unite!!! Blackpool needs your help!

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9 Responses

  1. Roy Crapper says:

    Kevin:
    I’m definitely going to “keep my mouth”, try and stop me :-)

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  2. joanne says:

    ha ha ha ha ha u all make me laugh. im from grange, never see no chavs and people are nice to u when u show respect and kindness. it this kind of discrimination that makes these young people how they are. take me 4 example i got a good job at 19 dont do drugs, i dont drink, im not a chav, i dont swear, im very well dressed, i dont have kids and my partner owns his own buisness! how many of u could say that at my age. probably non of u. so im proof that not every1 on grange is bad at all.

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  3. Aimee Jenkins says:

    Hi – I agree with you, i moved to blackpool (grange park) from manchester it turned out to be the worst decision of my life. I thought manchester had it’s problems – dont get me wrong not all of blackpool is bad but grange park is the worst area i have been too. UNLESS your born there your not accepted. No one knows the meaning of getting ajob, everyone is on the ‘dole’, Parents dont know how to control there kids – it is ‘chav land’ and it is pathetic that blackpool council are building brand new houses in grange park – lets just say in 2 years time they will turn it to shit.

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  4. kevin says:

    IF YOU DONT LIVE ON GRANGE PARK THEN I THINK YOU SHOULD KEEP YOUR MOUTH, BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT,I HAVE LIVED ON GRANGE PARK NOW FOR A YEAR AND I HAVE NO TROUBLE AT ALL, IT DID HAVE A BAD NAME A FEW YEARS AGO, BUT THE POLICE AND BLACKPOOL COUNCIL HAVE WORKED TOGETHER AND OUTED ALL THE TROUBLE MAKERS,COME AND HAVE A LOOK FOR YOURSELF.
    I LIVED IN LONDON BEFORE COMING TO BLACKPOOL, WHAT A PLACE THAT IT (HELL)

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    • Aimee Jenkins says:

      Mate – you must have been living on a different grange park – unless your a white skin head no one fits in there.

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  5. KateHarrows says:

    You are making a huge generalisation about Blackpool here. Do you seriously think everyone in Blackpool and Grange Park are chavs?????? I personally know that even though there is some minor problems in the Grange Park area, generally everyone is just as nice as anywhere else. Just because some people may be poorer than others, does not mean you have the right to label them. They are still PEOPLE!!!! Everywhere on the world has areas where some dodgey stuff happens, Blackpool is merely smaller so therefore it’s issues are more noticable. Blackpool is the home to Arnold, which if you didn’t already know is an extremely high regarded private school which shows how much Blackpool has come on. Recently, many parts have undergone miraculous transformations and the fact that they have now entered the premier league will help even more.
    We have both lived in Blackpool all of our lives and what you have said offends us deeply. We wouls never make snap judgements about where you come from.

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  6. traychic says:

    clearly u aint got kids + if u have god i feel sorry 4 them. picking at the parents is 1 thing but to judge innocent babies. humm

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  7. CAPITAL says:

    Blackpool used to be nice, for example stanley park, once, a place to go to play footy but now its full of chavs on bmxs trying to look hard carying screwdrivers and chains

    Im 14 and familiar with grange park live on park drives, and i must say that it is over spewing with teenagers smoking weed

    Why the other day, on my way to play footy at 12 in the morning, i took a shortcut through grange when i was aproached by three boys about the same age

    The first one(with a twitchy eye) asked me if I had seen too lads poliece or two lads who had just jacked a motorbike.

    I mean if theres this in the morning just wait till it gets dark

    I warn you to stay away from the CAPITAL of chavs Blackpool

    Top chav make is Fred Perry

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  8. paulkersey says:

    I am a scouser and went to Blackpool when I was seeing some Scottish bird who lived there a few years back. We went out round the town centre and I was shocked how bad the place was for chavs and scumbags. I go out in Liverpool city centre a lot but felt on edge all night there due to the amount of threatening behaviour on offer.

    There was a bunch of pricks with bleached blonde hair and earrings walking past me and my bird, one tried to feel her tits and another tried to pinch her arse, when i objected to their behaviour I was told I was a scouse c**t and that I would never get back to Liverpool alive, however, these were empty threats and they soon left. I was amazed that there were so many gangs of lads who were acting like it was their first night in Ibiza or they had just discovered ale.

    I went with this bird who was a teacher to a pub on the front and all her 15 year old girl pupils were in there getting bladdered, one of them even offered me a blow job when “Miss” went to the bar! – they were all in the RAF (Rough as F**k) and have probably all had babies by now.

    We kept getting hassled by gengs of neanderthal lads so the safest place to go with a bird was a gay bar as these characters would rather slit their own throats than set foot in a “poofs” place.

    Went to a shopping centre in Fleetwood the next day and saw many specimens of Chavs and wasters. Truly awful!

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Blackpool

Posted on: August 4th, 2004 by admin 10 Comments

Ahhh…Blackpool. Sunny glorious Blackpool. Where the gulls pitch and soar, the pigeons coo, and numerous local ‘characters’ attempt to sell you rag mags for some fictitious ‘college’. If this college did indeed exist, then it would surely be entitled Blackpool & Fylde Chav Finishing School. Ladies and gentlemen, I am utterly appalled that Blackpool has not, until now, been nominated as a Chav Town. However, I wish to go one further than just nominating it as a ‘Chav Town’, I wish to open and close the list for ‘the Chav Capital of the UK’.

Examine the evidence: Which other town has a funfair ride called ‘Bling’? Which other town has a national hairdressers convention? Which other town embodies ‘Bling’ as much as Blackpool in Illuminations season? (I’m sure they’ll be a Burberry laser show this year). Which other town can claim to have the countries (if not the worlds) largest disco mirrorball? (And its not even in a disco, its on the bleedin’ Prom!)

When you’ve had enough of the local chavs looking at you because you walk without knuckles dragging behind and without a Von Dutch cap, there are the chavs that come from the sink estates of Lancashire (and beyond) for a holiday to puke and piss in the streets, and look at you because you can walk without knuckles dragging behind or a Von Dutch cap.

Most of the towns mentioned on these pages have no doubt at some time aided the influx of chavs to Blackpool on a weekly basis. They all flock to Syndichav (it has a revolving dancefloor AND a laser show – the height of Chav disco) or Chaven and Hell. when those establishments aren’t open then they’re all either A: in Blackpool Chavver Beach, or B: in the places that pass for bars, playing music so loud that conversation is impossible. Not that you would expect any kind of constructive conversation from the patrons.

There is no point in attempting to list all the places where the chavs hang out in Blackpool (over an above the otehrs mentioned previously), i would have to name every street corner, park and bench within the Borough boundaries.

This town is beyond redemption. The few remaining good souls in the town are plotting a breakout. We should encourage all Chavs to move here, and then open the town to live military training exercises.

Although I have tried to convey the Chavness of Blackpool, i am afraid my vocabulary does not contain words appropriate enough.

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10 Responses

  1. Earnest Slowbottom says:

    Ive been a tram driver in blackpool since the war and by god Ive seen some changes by golly heck I have matey dont you no?hem well do you?People in blackpool were nice normal people when I started but that soon change by heck it did dont you no?Once the sixties arrived it all went down hill,not my tram dont you no?the people Im talking about,dirty bottoms,filthy types no manners,no manners in deed dont you no?No please or thank you anymore,just give give give dont you no by golly they want stringing up from the yard arm whatever that is,dont care long as it hurts em,serve em right the dirty bottoms on my seats.Onece punk rock came along it was the end of civilisation as we onece new it dont you no?em? Im sure you dont your proberly one of em,a pinky a red,a commie barstard,is that what you are a commie?…………….I bet you are?

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  2. foxy says:

    To be honest after moving from Manchester to Blackpool, and may i add living on some of the roughest and insanely mad estates in Manchester, you lot have it cushy try living in Salford, ordsall, lower broughton, Hulme or Moss side, then say that the council estates in Blackpool are rough, they may be rough to you but to me its like living in Mary poppins land :) Yes the tourists do come here to cause a riot most of the time and yes they are all ten men when theyve had a few pints, but who wasn’t at thier young age?. You should really go Old School and if they give you any garbage pick the biggest one crack him a few times till he begs, the others may think twice then :)

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  3. ACC says:

    i live ere in blackpool n ur only safe if u stay in ur house. chavs av invaded all the decent places n turned em in2 shitty dossholes. Chavs r generally tramps hu go out gettin pissed on the prom, lookin 4 fites, thieve stuff tht generally as no value, if thy pick summat out with value thy wont realise, carry many diferent kinds of drugs n litter the streets wid their lifeless bodies cos thy gt nufin beta 2 do. A chav asked ma mate the otha day y dus evey1 always dis her n her mates wen thy dnt dis ne1 else…………. well its becos ur 2 thick 2 think of insults n besides y dis ne1 otha thn chavs, we dnt walk round lyk we pissed ourselves do we???
    Chavs av gne 2 far in Blackpool so we came up wid ACC!! Anti Chav Campaign lol!!!

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  4. Joeonceachav says:

    normal people do have better things to talk about, although when chavs are taking over the best attractions in england it becomes rather difficult. chavs are just pathetic little srubbers that need to get themselves a life! you definatly should not be proud to be one of the biggest scum of the world.
    jade

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  5. georgia007 says:

    i dont care what you say about blackpool it is such a fun place. i admit it cn be a bit chav but theres chavs everywhere now days so get on with it

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  6. alcopop_tart says:

    yea im a chav, there is nothing wrong with us, look at yourself first before saying stuff about us.

    yea we dont all go round banging people out, if we actually have to do that its coz they brought it on to themselves, is that all u lot do is talk about us, oh thats greats thanks now get a life, peace out! xx

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  7. alcopop_tart says:

    yea im a chav, there is nothing wrong with us, look at yourself first before saying stuff about us.

    yea we dont all go round bajnging people out, if we actually have to do that its coz they brought it on to themselves, is that all u lot do is talk about us, oh thats greats thanks now get a life, peace out! xx

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  8. Torquemada says:

    We hate chavs because they are scum and should be exterminated. The only good thing about the dress code is that it makes then easy to pick out with the uzi.

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  9. Tomp says:

    Arent there plans to turn it into something like LAs Vegas?

    Surely no-one actually spends their holidays there these days!

    I suppose it does have some redeeming features like the Illuminations, the pleasure beach…er the illuminations!

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  10. LESTAT_DE_LIONCOURT says:

    no thank you lets leave the northerners up north eh!?-the thames is too pure to dip a filthy chav into-we have plenty of them in laandaan-acton innit and such like.

    regards.

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