I know you’re thinking “what else could I gain from reading another article on Harlow?”, but trust me there is more. For a start, I’m not sure how many other towns could claim to have adverts warning of ASBOs on their bus services. The local authorities claim that only seven of these orders have been handed out in Harlow, which doesn’t sound bad until you read that at the same time, there was only one in place in Bishops Stortford, and only an Acceptable Behaviour Contract in Sawbridgeworth. Only a few weeks ago, the local newspaper ran a story about how two families were being evicted thanks to their chav teenage sons.

I suppose I should also talk about Occasio House. Now this place isn’t a bad idea in theory – apart from being a large, grey eyesore, it does provide needed housing for teenagers who have had difficulties at home and have been thrown out. The problem is, walking past this place is a nightmare – resident chavs will freely hurl abuse from the windows, if you can hear them over the ridiculously loud garage music. The abuse can be for all sorts of reasons – dyed hair (unless blonde), non-chav clothing, even so much as using a word with more than one syllable. If it marks you out as being not one of their own, they’ll gladly try to belittle you into conformity. In a way, I guess they’re like horror film zombies, only dumber and far, far more infectious – in those films, there always seems to be a way to escape the zombies. You see them hanging about in and around the place all day, and it’s situated right next to the taxi ranks in the town centre, for maximised opportunity to cause an annoyance.

However, another good place to find chavs is also around the main bus station in the town centre, and the nearby market (during the daytime) and newsagents (during the evening). During the daytime, the market square is perhaps the single most popular chav meeting area in the town. It’s close to the bar, the Post Office (so they can collect their dole money), the local Cash Converters and if that wasn’t chav heaven already, the market runs four out of five weekdays. Once these vital chav facilities have closed, they move on to the other side of the bar, where they can find an off-licence and over the road, the bus station. Now, by the time the shops are shutting, the chavs are usually quite drunk, so it’s not uncommon to find shouting matches and fights by the off-licence. The council has installed CCTV there since the chav outbreak. Perhaps the most annoying chav incidents I’ve witnessed happened in the bus shelter. THRILL at female chav of little intelligence sticking her mobile phone into her mouth so the polyphonic ringtone she downloaded sounds even worse! SPILL at chavs sticking chewing gum all over the seats! FALL ILL at the sight of one ultra-annoying chavster riding around the shelter on his motorised scooter tooting the insanely loud horn!

The sad thing is, I haven’t even touched upon the schools that house tons of filthy chavlings. One of them has recently had a police officer permanently stationed there, whilst another has had to implement electronic student ID cards. Whilst growing up, the phrases my mum often heard (and was often proud of hearing) was “your children don’t act like Harlow children” or “your children aren’t from Bishops Stortford, are they?”. The saddest thing of all is that the local council wishes residents to be proud of Harlow. But when it’s strewn with glass on the cycle tracks (one of which has the misspelt message “Harlow Police Suck Dick” sprayed on), when it’s littered with shopping trolleys that were never intended to be returned, and when you can’t wait for a bus without some 13 year old asking you to buy them cigarettes, what have we got to be proud of?

Perhaps the saddest thing of all is that Harlow wouldn’t be a bad place to live, if the population of the town wasn’t the worst example of chav scum I’ve seen.

This has to be the biggest hole in Essex. I swear, one look and all the teenage single mums from all over the shop come running to claim off the state.
If you can get through the Harvey centre without encountering some drugged up, 14 year old tart, fag in mouth, pushing her screaming brat along i a pushchair, then you must be in there before the shops open.

They think that they’ve got modifying cars down to an art. It certainly is art I’ll tell you that. If a Harlow chav (or Barry) has got his hands on it then it’s no longer a bloody car. I’ll give you a clue. Let’s take an H reg Nova, stick on some skirts, front and rear spoiler, stainless steel twin exhaust, tint the windows and then maybe lower the suspension. Add to this the sound system that cost more than a years rent on their council house and you’ve got it, the standard Harlow car. All that effort for a 1100cc.

McDonalds is the “trendy” hangout for these louts. They sit out there in their crappy cars, eating burgers and playing with their hackett t-shirts and burberry caps. Its a truly sad place, and it’s creeping into Epping. Thank god for Epping Forest!

This is the worst town i have ever had the misfourtune to reside in! Not only is the town overun by chavs but it seams that it was actually designed by them! For example, the train station is a 15min walk from the town centre to which there are only buses during the weekday rush hour! If you come here without a car you cannot escape! The town centre looks like a bomb has hit it
Back to the chavs, it seems that if adidas or kappa made pushchairs they would be laughing!
Also this town has the scankiest street name signs which are a minging blue edged by a minging grey plastic, eughhh.
You do not fit in this town unless you:
a) are a pregant teenager or preferably a pregnant teenager in a tracksuit or wearing anything that is a size 8 instaed of maternity clothes so that the bump is visible!
b) a teenager who already has kids in pushchairs and runs people who dont have a pushchair over
c) wear a tracksuit 24/7
d) own a burberry hat/bag/scarf or all of them!
e) sport the latest ‘im addicted to tanning salons’ orange glow – this applies to men and women.
f) are incapable of walking in a straight line without swaying from side to side – again this includes both men and women!
g) find it essential to spit onto the floor for no apparant reason.

i can go on forever about this town is horrid, the best thing about it are the roads leadind out of it!
The council in charge of harlow have a lot to answer for, the town planning in this town is abysmal, e.g. the buses actually have to circle round the town centre before they can get to the road that leads to the bus station! this takes an extra 5 minutes if only they add a right turn!
Also it is impossible to walk anywhere in this town, if you dont have a car and have to walk, there are no footpaths on the main roads you have to go via crappy ubnderpasses which lead you out of the way making you think you have gone the wrong way, aryghhhhhhhhdkosefaskftuweluigt

thank god i am leaving, a year here is enough to send you mad, i have lived in many places all over the country but knowhere i have ever been is this bad, when locals travel to other places they must be amazed! why anyone lives here i do not know. (probably only pregant chav families as there are a million primary schools to send there chav babies too)