I have just returned from the West Quay shopping Centre in Southampton and felt that I must write to give comment on the atrocious scenes I witnessed.
West Quay seems to be some kind of shrine to all that is Chav. Arriving at 10 am I parked in Podium car park number 1 and was almost immediately assaulted by Tyrone, Morgan-Chevrolet and little Roxanne conducting what can only be described as a pushchair Le Mans up and down the aisle around my car. This was accompanied by a banshee wail along the lines of “Oooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, Tyrone you facking facker, give us a ciggie you caaaaaaant!!!!!” Whilst all of this was going on my other half (Nancy – fairly non-chav I think you’d agree) had subsided into fits of giggles as she had spyed 3 unopened bottles of White Lightning acting as ballast in the bottom of the pushchair. (was this a rather feeble attempt to help eliminate understeer?) The sight of this Blotchy legged, Pram-faced inbred sent a ripple of unease through me. I wasn’t even out of the car park and my inner “chi” had become unbalanced.
Into the lift to take us to shopping level 1, fairly non-eventful although I feel that the scribbled graffitti of “Donna fucks Horses” carved into the glass helps set the scene admirably.
Shopping level 1, I am instantly bombarded with the smell of cheap perfume (Tommy Go-Figure, Calvin Kleen……you get the picture) the source of this nasal monstrosity seems to stem from a group of young chavettes spraying each other liberally in the main aisle. As we walk past I am given a liberal coating of Spazz or some such shite, whilst being told to “cheer up you caaaaaant! we is only having a larf” You, my dear, may well only be having a larf, I, on the other hand am already calculating the chances of being able to beat you repeatedly with a large pointy shitty stick whilst at the same time remaining outside the radius of the shite your polluting the air with.
The massive numbers of Chavs and Chavettes that congregate in this hell-hole is genuinely disturbing. Is it a fashion statement to look, dress, behave and generally appear to be a complete twat? If so we are in the Milan of Chav world.
In the next couple of hours I witness Blotchy legs, mini skirts no bigger than belts, a massive number of caps worn at a degree of 45 usually accompanied by basketball vests, crap Ratners gold jewellery, acne and a pair Fred Perry shell-suit trousers.
We decide to leave Chav Quay by the nearest exit in a bold attempt to find somewhere “nice” to eat. It is at this point that I stumble into a scene so disturbing that the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Milling around the main entrance to this boil on the arse of society are approx 150 chavs socialising the only way they know how (shouting and standing around in a tight little circle spitting into the centre) The massive amount of man-made fibres in this fairly small area seem to have created a static electric field, displayed admirably as I steal a glance at my good lady the missus wife and notice that she seems to be sporting a replica Flock of Seagulls hairdo.
Words really cannot express the hatred that boiled up inside me on that rainy Wednesday. When I think of Chavs I clench my fists and grit my teeth. The thought that foreign visitors to our shores could well leave with the impression that all brits under the age of 40 are Chav Scum is one that honestly makes me extremely embarrased to be british.
The sooner we find a way to deal with the menace that is chav the sooner we can all enjoy a better standard of life. Can I suggest we place a large JD Sports Superstore on a floating barge somewhere off the south coast, wait for it to fill up, then sink the fucker?
Alternatively, as my gardener used to say when dealing with pests “Find the nest and burn it”
thank you for allowing me to rant……..
oi wagwarn you bunch of neeeks!!
man keeps jipping of my ends like this mans gunna get on hype you get me !!!
mans gunna bring armshouse to your mums house if you know what im saying , you wanna slit mans throat mans not gunna laww dat!
your all a bunch of posh wamkers with your f**king gardeners mans gunna bang them all out ya get me G!
man you aint no chav chatcher theyd bang ya before you ave the chace!
‘kill da chavs!!! lol!!!!’ naahhh mandem that isnt a lol its canntish language
nuff sed
your man TIP ATTARD BORN AND BREAD SOUTHAMPTON LAD YA GET ME!
ANY OBJECTIONS COME FIND ME !!
There’s an IKEA in southampton, 3 art galleries, 2 universities, there’s a symphony orchestra and a new multi-million pound arts project underway bringing new jobs to the area……that’s not very chavvy is it?
I think it is better to smell of cheap perfume and aftershave, rather than the urine and faeces which no doubt was the encompassing aroma that surrounded the author of this piece and his partner Nancy on their journey back to their car in West Quay, having clearly kacked his pants on this safari into deepest darkest Southampton.
Cheap Ratners jewelery? You are having a laugh, mate. That stuff is all antique now and unavailable ever since Gerald got pissed up, shot his mouth off and insulted the intelligence of his customer base.
As for Sovereigns, I am all for eradicating them and the system of class and privilege to which they are the pinnacle.
You seemed to have picked up an inordinate about of abuse from strangers and all this on a Wednesday as well. You must have been wearing plus fours and a pith helmet and have been poking any rabble with the impertanance to impede you transit, with your shooting stick.
If our Government in their infinite wisdom had invested our taxes in education and housing, as opposed to propping up your daddy’s bank, then perhaps this chasm between you and those you look down your very snooty nose at, would be a mere crack and Britain would be Great and not so much of an embarrassing place for you.
I am not insinuating that you are educated yourself as you clearly never felt the need to do any learning. Why learn when you can just plagiarise the prejudices of others when in all honesty, I doubt if you’ve ever had the courage to leave the walled safety of your Hampshire pile.
I thought your association between alcohol, chavs and small children in the push chair racing scenario was imaginative considering your distinct lack of it. I was wondering if you ever question why Mater crashed the Range Rover so frequently on the school run?
im ex-army and very pissed off, give me a date and time and ill be there……..little cunts wont know what has just cut their throat
Seconded
y not change the rules of fox hunting? chav hunting, take out a pack of visious dogs and set them on the arses of southampton
Hi,
I am born and bred in southampton and believe me i am no Chavster!! But you are right Southampton could be a beautiful city if it wasnt for the Chavsters. West Quey has got so many shit stores inside its just become a super Chav Magnet (hopefully a military tactic to blow all the fuckers up at once!). Unfortunetly every Saturday there is 10,000 people in West Quey mostly Chavs making southampton Chav Capitol (AGGH!!! Bring on the Nukes!”)
Hello my friend!
A truely erudite article and one that makes many good points. It is, indeed, the chumleigh-warner types amongst us who must bear the full burden of this vile menace. I stand beside you Sir, in the face of all of the vilest manifestations of chav!
I felt quite compelled to reply to this one, as I have not long returned from a working trip to Southampton ; what a hell hole! The town centre is one large concrete dump, with loads of dark corners that nasty chavs emerge from, growling at you and trying to bum cigarettes from you.
A distinct lack of good places to eat, led me to the chav encrusted “Leisure World”, somewhere near the docks. There I settled myself into an “Ask” restaurant and found myself with a table at the window. From this vantage, I was delighted to be treated to a Chav Parade through the window, with lots of Chavs and Chavettes heading to the distinctly nasty looking nightclubs in the same complex. Oh yes, it was a veritable feast of Chav fashion – fluffy boots, mini-mini skirts, sovereign rings, Rockport – you name it, it was there! Sadly for me, the pleasure was short lived when I realised that the window was a 2-way affair, and hence for the rest of the meal I had to put up with all manner of gestures and gurning from these idiots. Well, until I turned my seat around.
A walk back to my hotel through the town centre was equally chav filled – vomit, broken glass, fights, Burberry Crap Caps – all signs of a society on the edge of a nervous breakdown.
I almost wish the Luftwaffe would return and bomb these bastards from the face of the Earth!
yeah its cool to diss on da chavs, but come on,, starting on “the streets” now thats just not on man,, that aint cool,,, and yeah chavs should burn, they are killing our once peaceful towns,,
(im an ex chavette) i got far from all that now,, im on da ova side of the world (canada) and i saw the light!!! kill da chavs!!! lol!!!!
Townhill Park. This area of Southampton is turning into Chav paradise Island, am sure all the Chav single parent mothers are sending there little pricks and prickesses over here.
They have started hanging round our bin sheds, this is not surprising as they say shit attracts.
Standing there in there silly fuckin hats and Bling they make me sick, One little bastard had the cheek to throw his bottle of beer at me so I grabbed the little Chav bastard by his 2 9c chains and smacked him, snapping his chains and adding them to my retirement collection.
They have decided that numbers is whats needed, but why cant any of the silly little shits fight, YES they can shout,rant and rave, they can break things and damage things but NONE of the pricks can actually stand toe to toe and have a go.
They now have scooters and think they are travelling at the speed of light, catching them is getting so easy its unreal, they set fire to the bins and jump on there time machines and then wonder why they get caught, has it got something to do with the number plates in full view, is it because they are fuckin thick, who knows.
To finish off I have decided to make a small fortune from these little pricks, if they shit on my doorstep they pay the price through losing there cheap but growing mountain of BLING.
Bring it on you little shits ,I love it.
southampton is chav haven they are all here i used to be alternativ but not im just into wearing designer gear like stussy evisu and stuff like that but the chavs here they take the f**king piss they wear trackies wit rockport shoes and there f**king peak caps, the worse thing is the kappa slappas they try gettin into the clubs down here and get pregnant at 13 ffs so they can get a council from the gov but when ppl like us want a council flat or house there aint none cos the chavs av got em oh yeh they tryed threatening me wit a f**king stick in the park one nyt and i aint a small fella so i just f**king squared up the little rodent and he shit a break threatening me wit the smmb and tnb ffs they need a life
Aaaah My dear friend, nay, nemesis Canada boy! Yes I do own a Von Dutch cap! Why do you think I gave it to your sister (which she now uses to clean up sick with!!!) Chavs must die my friend and I expect you to carry on the “work” in Calgary! keep us informed!!!
A very well written attack on Chav scum, especialy “Arfur” as I know you own a “Von Dutch” Cap!
P.S. Chavs should burn, and so should the “Streets”.
Welcome to Chavampton my friend. Get out while you can.
One of the most infested cities on the south coast.
As for West Quay (or Chav Quay) it sickens me to think that so much money was spent to build this putrid “nest” when it could have been better spent eliminating the Peasants by cull or locking them in Northam and napalming the entire area.
It makes me want to join the several thousand people who have emigrated to sunnier, uninfected climes.
Love the idea of sinking the JD sports barge, although I think it would be far more fun to hunt the fuckers with sniper and assault rifles, but any method in getting rid of them will do me nicely.
Burning them sounds like an excellent idea. Although I think boiling them alive would be better suited.
Enjoyed the rant. Keep it up.
Couldnt agree more. I personally prefer the idea of brushing arsnic onto all ratners jewelry so when their put their 16 inch hoops on they drop down dead.