Hemel Hempstead, Much has been said about this pit before but very few can have the level of experience I have. I am one of the unfortunates, Hemel Born and raised- something I’m certainly not proud of, but it has allowed me an unprecedented view of the world of Chav’s in this hell hole! Not only do I have that experience I have a younger Chavvy Brother who insists on invading the house with his Chavvy mates, If it was up to me i would napalm the lot and start again!!!
Background.
Before I went to university down in Bristol (surprisingly Chav free in comparison!), there was a Chav problem but this was mainly concentrated in small pockets of the town. many a Chav feared the town centre as there was still some kind of civilisation. Those that dared venture into this area stayed mainly by market stalls, offering all kinds of cheap tatt or by the obligatory McShite we have in the town centre.
(Just as a sideline the cuisine of Hemel is truly of the highest quality with 4……yes that’s right four McShite’s all within a 15 minute drive of each other! This must be living the Chav dream!!!!)
There was the obvious problem in the schools- I was at the most respectful and still there were entire years in desperate need of a sound kicking or death by crucifixion. The problem at the wonderfully exciting Wally World (Leisure World to some although the neons lighting never seems to be in full working order! and the usual haunts of Grovehill, Jocketts wood, Warners End, Adeyfield and Highfiels. Venture in these parts at your own peril!!!
However since I ventured away from this delightful town and returned the problems have gotten even worse!
The night (fight) life
Night life in Hemel is as varied as different types of dogshit. In the town centre there are three main drinking venues, the full house (fully), Hogshead (Fightclub) and Society (Chavsters arms). Of these the Full house is the most safe for average drinkers. There are, of course, the OAP’s who fear sunlight and spend all day there. At 7pm onwards these vanish and are replaced with builders, brickies, pikies and the rest of the scum. None too threatening and they will generally leave you alone.
Hogshead was once the classiest pub, Now it has been trashed so many times the furniture is in rapid decay, toilets are missing many panels and the walls are covered with graffitti informing you who is “Fit”, “Gay” or “the best”. Over the summer there has been one occasion when walking past or daring to venture in there has not been a fight breakout and police called. The managements response to the problem is to give a pool table, thus arming the fight hungry scumbags. Society is home to the joys of “DJ” competitions and the under ages drinkers. If there is not a competition on you will be greeted by an empty pub in which nothing you do will shock the bar staff.
One pub we have never visited (nor do we dare to) is Harry’s, the most dreaded of pubs, a market pub!!! There are many rumours of this pub, all we know is that young Chav’s will hang around outside shouting at anyone who dares to walk past their “turf” which is in actual fact the bird shit covered market complete with at least 2 kebab houses.
had enough of the pubs? well club options remain just as good! The three choice’s are Wally World, the ironically named “Paradise” or The Venue. Everyone has heard of Wally World so I wont waste your time repeating what has already been said by others.
Paradise is a legendary place, in my 20 years I have yet to see it open never mind venture in. the only times its name is ever mentioned is in the local press when it has once again been trashed by the pikey’s that seem to frequent its delights. The other option is one which I have had the misfortune of visiting myself. The time I visited was with a few friends when we were part of the underage drinking phenomenon that is sweeping the country. In essence, The Venue is such a dive that on this visit the male toilets overflowed with all the sewage you would expect. rather than close them down, the management decided guys would have to use their side wall to relieve themselves. Hygiene clearly isn’t an issue for them!
Housing.
Where do all theses Chav’s live? Well Hemel is still close enough to London to be fairly pricey when it comes to buying a house so the councils solution was to demand that a new block of flats was built and that some of these are designated council houses. Where would be the worst place to build these??? That’s right, the planners with their infinite wisdom decided to build in the corner of the magic roundabout and a dual carriage way. They didn’t stop there though, Every flat has a balcony so residents can enjoy hazy evenings drinking cans of Special Brew looking over the views of the magic roundabout, dual carriage way, Kodak building and the building site for the new shopping centre that is being built. Truly a great decision by all involved and I take off my hat (non Burberry of course!) off to them in their almighty wisdom.
Is Hemel the chaviest place in the country? If it isnt right up with the main contenders it can only be a matter of months before we are challenging for the “coveted” top spot!!
Oh my god, what a load of old shit is that! LOL I can only agree about the chavs. They get right up my nose! The town overall isn’t that bad in my opinion though. I was born and raised in Hemel, used to hang around on the ‘alternative scene’, and to be fair we probably caused more trouble than the chavs down Durrants park, we made the papers a few times! Lol but that’s kids for you, isn’t it? Every generations youths caused a bit of havock at some point.
I think Hemel’s quite a nice area though, I now live in East London, and oh my god it’s a dive here!! Crime rates of last month were 1896, in Hemel they were just 307. There are a hell of a lot worse places in the country than Hemel. At least there you felt safe to walk about at night, here or anywhere in London I will not go out by myself after dark. Far too dangerous for a man, let alone a little lady like me!
Have you ever been to Bolton? Now THAT is a shit hole.
Glasgow has the second highest murder rates in Europe.
Hemel’s f**king fantastic compared to them places.
I spent four years going to Hemel to visit a boyfriend, i’m from Bournemouth, so i’m in agreement with you, Hemel is a horrible place. My ex boyfriend as he is now moved from a nice flat near the canal and now has a flat in the Kodak building, thinks he’s kingpin now, but the view from his window looks at the main shopping mall, so not such a wise move. I’m so glad i never have to visit the horrible place again.
I orginally come from Kings Lynn in Norfolk and I have been living in Hemel H. for nearly 4 months now and love the place. There are so many places to eat and drink, a very nice park and every body here seems to friendly not to meantion that you are within communting distance from London. Believe me you are better off in Hemel H. than King’s Lynn or its neigboroughing town Wisbech or what I live to call Wisbeckistan.
A bit dramatised…… Hemel is a fantastic place to live.
i agree that there are ALOT of chavs i hemel, but one they arent all at school! just because your still at school doesnt mean your a chav….. and if you really dont like going out to leisure world etc because of chavs you must be scared of them! you can go out and have a good time without encountering chavs… as for people not going down town etc thats just pathetic isnt it… your gonna live your life avoiding people ? bit silly ….but yes hemel is chav town lol xxx
Obviously a chav, you can tell by the appalling spelling.
the worst thing about hemel is the BURBERRY FACTORY in Maylands Avenue!!!
the worst thing about hemel is the BURBERRY FACTORY in Maylands Avenue!!!
spot on. i took to beating my brother and his chav friends up with a malite. after about 5 times they learnt and they no longer come round my house.
sucess
Human Barrel – u have totally caused offense with ur little article! Hemel Hempstead is not full of chavs at all, there is obviously sum groups yer, but its like that in every town, what can u do about it. N as for as for human barrell,abusin the small towns leisure activities …we have seen u enough times up wally world n u always seem generally satisfied with what u r doing !! i think its time for everyone to stop being so concerned wit that chavs, if u did then they wouldnt exist coz they r just normal ppl n u can just all get on wit it !!
Well i didnt know that about the history of the place.
However i feel i have to disagree that Hemel is only slightly Chavvier than most places! This year i have been visiting people and I can Confirm that Brighton, Bournemouth, Sheffiel, Nottingham and Ealing in London are all paradise compared to Hemel.
Another great place for “Chav-spotting” is the McDonalds Car park by Staples and Halfords. Here you can see Chavved up cars with chavvy males trying to impress the 15 year old girls (as an upper age limit!)
Beware this dump of a town!
Yes your thinking does give me hope, but by the time they hit 17 the average hemel chav will already be breeding (if they are a slow starter). This would mean the chav larvae wud be 5 or 6, even that is too long a life for the little shits!
I thank you for your salute and bow back! Is there anywhere that is actually safe for the average drinker in Hemel??? I really want to know as the best i have found so far is the Full House which is hardly heaven itself!
I feel that the sight and sound of the “locals” is enought to make sure the place is given a wide berth. The only time i would consider going in would be in the middle of the day armed with and anti chav grenade!!! Any ideas where i can get one???
i am also a born and raised Hemel female (very unchav), witha chavvy brother, cousin and relatives! i welcome your beautifully written adaptation of hemel life and salut you!
There is nothing more embarrasing than admitting you grew up in Hemel, so for my future children i will not allow this emotional battering of which they may never survive, and become CHAVS themselves, i can not allow this horror to happen!
definatly in agreement. I am Hemel born and raised as well. Napalm the lot, its the only cure for hemel.