Come to sunny Thurnscoe, once the largest village in the world according to the Guiness book of records; and located centrally in the Dearne Valley region of South Yorkshire; where you will find some of the highest incidences of deaths from heart disease and lung cancer in the whole UK.
Drive past the industrial estate where once stood a thriving colliery. Thanks to Mrs Thatcher it closed in 1989, but don’t fret; thanks to the miners strike and it’s after effects benefit culture & a slack attitude towards the property of others has been a permanent feature since 1984.
Why not stop at the Pit-Shop opposite , where dirty children hanging about sharking for any opportunity to pursue the popular local pastime of shoplifting will surely enchant you.
Feel yourself go all mushy and gooey inside as they blankly stare, rivulets of snot dribbling from their were-pig noses, then hail you with their customary greeting “Ah seh!” Translation: “I say old chap, hello how the devil are you, and what would you happen to be fixing your gaze upon this fine evening?” Watch with wide-eyed-wonderment as they desperately try to string a coherent sentence together before settling on a curt “Yer wot?” or“f**k off”. Do not be alarmed if they then proceed on their merry, innocent little way on some form of motorised petrol driven transport.
Children in the Dearne Valley region of South Yorkshire are encouraged to take up driving from an early age. Many being issued with the parts to build the staple filthy, illegal, hybrid moped as a kind of rite of passage / family tradition. These machines are derived from a stockpile of 60’s-80’s Honda 50’s with plastic farings; known locally as “Plags” or “Plaggys”; and the mopeds you used to have to pedal for a bit before starting up…the “pedal and pop” in local dialect.
They are serviced by specialist mechanics, who blasted their minds out on Bostik during the mid 80’s. Although they are now barely able to fire enough neurons to produce human speech from their crusty, scabby gobs, their solvent-shredded synapses are still capable of rapid motor control, and they can strip a motorbike, hybridise, and re-build it within five minutes.
This is the tax-free transport of choice for all ages around the village, as well as scrambler bikes, and more recently the quad and mini-quad. Indeed, it is not rare to spot three generations of the same family – Grandad (35) Son (20) and granddaughter (6) -careering across a public highway on the same clapped-out motorbike.
These machines also function as a primary leisure activity for local Chavs and Chavesses. Hang about the main road through the village long enough and you are sure to witness many displays of despicable dobber derring-do. A Chav / Chavette on an illegal bike zooms out of a junction with reckless disregard for passing traffic / personal safety or pedestrians then proceeds to rag the bollocks off their pride and joy down the main road trying to maintain a wheelie for as long as possible. Don’t expect to see any casualties however. Unfortunately, 4-5 generations of this reckless, illegal motor-biking coupled with heavy exposure to E-numbers from Panda Pops and more recently Sunny D has hard-wired the ability to handle an illegal bike under any circumstances into their DNA. The Thurnscoe Chav on a moped is the petrol equivalent of a Spanish riding school adept atop a Palomino, especially when tanked-up on Kestrel Super Strength tempered by Temazepam and methadone.
This familiarity with motorised vehicles from an early age does however, lead to a distinct lack of fear towards them and also a complete disregard for the highway code. Observe open-mouthed as local pedestrians’ lurch out to cross the carriageway upon your approach, impinging upon your right of way. Recoil from the torrent of abuse that will be heaped upon you by the slack-jawed proto-anarchist with little regard for societal convention, and a practical knowledge of the green cross code that is slim-to-none at best. Just drive on, in his tiny little mind you’re the one in the wrong, and you wouldn’t like him (and his 20 mates, extended family & mob rule mentality random passers-by) when they’re angry.
Similarly this reliance upon personal motivation has led to an almost pathological hatred of public transport amongst many of the locals. See how many smashed plexi-glass bus-shelters you can see, and write it down in your jotter. If you are fortunate enough to visit at a time when South Yorkshire Passenger Transport Executive is actually letting buses through Thurnscoe, after school home-time be sure to watch out for native ambushes. Usually some common-sense-free little prick lays down in the road impeding the buses progress whilst the rest of the pack run out from their hiding places and lob bricks and stones at the bus, occasionally assaulting / intimidating the hapless driver. This is a simply breathtaking spectacle that has to be witnessed in its’ spectacularly brain-dead glory for optimum effect.
As you venture through the top-end estate be sure to play the Good House / Bad House game. See if you can spot the real working class houses, bought from the Tories in the 80’s and well maintained by normal people with gainful employment. These can often be found next to the “Bad House”, bought by the Housing Association and let out to dole-wallah, estate-pikeys who think nothing of moving in, stripping the piping, fixtures / fittings and even the roofing. Then they up sticks to another area, to repeat the cycle when they’re on yet another housing blacklist.
See how shiny and new the windows in the “Good House” garden shed look. That’s because they were only replaced last week following a break-in by one of the “Bad House” residents who has stolen a £1500 lawnmower, a £500 mountain bike and approximately £1200 of power-tools. He or she has then proceeded to trade these ill-gotten gains for a tenner bag of smack, or an eighth of an ounce of finest Moroccan compressed vinyl, masquerading as cannabis whilst the householder’s insurance premiums soar.
If you see a boarded up derelict house, don’t worry. One of the fire-worshipping locals will burn it out soon enough, or alternatively Barnsley Council will let it be used as a children’s’ / smackhead’s playground whilst it deteriorates into a bomb-site eyesore over the 10 year period it will take them to issue a Compulsory Purchase Order.
So come to Thurnscoe, one of the many jewels in the Crown of England that is South Yorkshire. See the Chav’s, just as nature and the British Establishment intended. Just don’t make eye contact or speak to them…follow the same safety precautions as you would in Longleat and “tha’ll be reyt!” as they say in these parts.
Some local goon has developed a handy guide to dossing around aimlessly on the streets, it can be found at:
http://www.knowhere.co.uk/3560.html
Are you Sara’s fat friend ?? hahaha…………” You aren’t very clever now isn’t it ” How stupid are you?
Problem with you and KFC’s favourite customer is that you fail to understand, you come across as racist , peole who have no humour, no charm and no class. I also come from Thurnscoe, but I embarassed by people like you.
Scooby sorry to be so pedantic but if you are going to pull someone up on there grammar and spelling please make sure yours is correct.
You said “So does every one have tests to find out how intelligence they are” It should be how intelligent they are.
Also you said “What;s your surname Sara” It should be “What’s”.
Maybe your grammar and spelling is the reason why you never got asked to do the tests as it is rather clear you aren’t very clever now isn’t it?
P.S Yes I am from Thurnscoe also.
Thurnscoe is the pits……………but people like Sara is a prime example of what’s wrong with it………….your eldest is the top 3 % with his intelligence, i mean what does that actually mean?
So does every one have tests to find out how intelligence they are ?? I don’t think so, because no one asked me or my friends……lol……
shame your eldest didn’t help you to spell foreign…………..?!!
What;s your surname Sara .??? Racist ??……Xenophobic comments are typical of people who blame others for their misfortune.
So Sara when you finally leave KFC and pull up your trackies maybe you will be able to spell…..
what a dick
Omfg!!!!! I hated thurnscoe wiv a passion im a top ender a mines daughter and VERY proud of this fact may i add, i will gladly celebrate maggi thatchers death!!!! And yer thurnscoe can be a hard place to live but we pull togther and we have the best community spirit ive ever known, i moved to lincolnshire and after living down there were no one talks to their neighbours or even bothers to care, it was like living in a foriegn country were they only spoke either ignorant or russian!!!! Well give me thurnscoe everyday of the week,my kids respect their elders, they have manners, and my eldest is on the top 3%of the entire country with his intelligence!!! So i say to all you outsiders or foriegn gits piss off you arent wanted or welcomed!!!!!!!
I was born n bred at top end of thurnscoe and love it, I had the misfortune of having to live down the bottom end for a short while and couldnt wait to get back up top end.But that doesnt mean to say the bottom enders arent good cos they are, (originals of course). Thats the polite bits out of the way. NOW FOR ALL U PEOPLE THAT COME ON SLAGGIN THURNSCOE OFF, IF YER DONT LIKE IT DONT BOTHER READIN OR COMIN TO OUR VILLAGE, JUST f**k OFF TO THE HOVEL THAT YOU CRAWLED OUT OF. THE PEOPLE OF THURNSCOE ARE DECENT FOLK WHO WOULD DO ANYTHING TO HELP ANYONE, SOME PEOPLE THO ARE BEYOND HELP LIKE RANTOLPH AND NOBBLY NELL, BUT LET ME TELL YOU……… WE DONT FUCKIN WANT YER ERE SO STAY THE f**k AWAY……………………………….. WANKERS.
Hay Rachael,
First, This a message board and not an article!
Second, I believe that your contribution is indicative of your strong feelings on the matter at hand, but you seem to have left out the excalmation mark .
The spelling and punctuation in this article leave a lot to be desired.
Yes Thurnscoe maybe down at heel right now, the place is an anomaly, It is home to some of the most honest and hard working people I have ever had the privilage to meet, however, there are also some of the most obnoxious, odious characters, who would take the pennies off a dead mans eyes (usually to buy their next fix) in residence. Like all bad news, our bad news overshadows all the good stuff, and there is plenty of that. My experience has been that when we get “comers in”, many of them think they are a cut above local folk and they look down at people. As you can see from the responces above, Thurnscoe folk dont like this and this can and does cause friction. I have lived all over the world and England for that matter, Thurnscoe was my birth place and it is where I am proud to call home. I believe if Barnsley Met realise we are part of them and not a buffer zone between them and Doncaster, the place will improve and should do soon if they don’t plonk that proposed Incinerator up near Phoenix park and gas us all!
Moved away some years ago and now live in a “posh” town, very proper and law abiding types yet if someone falls over in the street, here they’ll look the other way. Thurnscoe, for all it’s problems, the people are salt of the earth.
its same anywhere u go there are good areas and bad areas i kno people from thurnscoe and they r honest decent people simple as!!!!!!!!
thurnscoe i f**king love it
It’s usually the same wherever you live, a few tossers ruining a place for the majority of normal hard-working people. To those that try and improve the place in whatever way I say good luck to you. I only wish there was more support from the authorities to help change the place for the better sooner. Although I must say the place has improved in terms of the majority of housing stock and general appearence. Business too seems to be returning to the area. So I bvelieve the place will continue on and improve further still.
For those who are intent on causing problems in the area. Get a life, get a job, get some prospects, otherwise you life will resemble the empty depressed shell of a place this town once was in the early 90′s. That’s history now tho. You have a choice! Thurnscoe has moved on and so should you..
Spot on. The place is a shit hole, (mostly) full of layabout scrotes who are fiddling the system. I just moved away after spending 9 yrs stuck there and what a relief! I’ll never go back, unless I want my possessions stolen AGAIN (4 burglaries in 7 yrs, by the neighbour who finally got sent down after a drug raid)
Granted, one or two nice families but my final comment is this – f**k off Thurnscoe, hated every second
Thurnscoe on the surface may look like a shit hole but when you get beneath all that there are more apealing places than top end,
yea alright so bottem end has had a couple of drug busts…but if you havnt had one, i suggest you move out….
Dishonest you call us, take a second look, theres more honesty here than most other places in the DV,
and if your gonna slant a village,
LOOK AT BOTH SIDES OF THE f**king COIN
you seem to be ripping top-end and only top-end,
you ask many a thurnscoe resident and they’ll give you most of the shit about top end that you have put here for the village as a whole,
f**k OFF AND GET A LIFE
when this rantolph who ever the f**k he is rants about dirty place it wasnt like that before the pit closed and for foreigners buying everything maybe sit back and think is it them thats the dirty fuckers…lazy f**king hell just shows what a bit and i mean a bit of knowledge does goldthorpe colliery was 1 of the most productive pits in europe yer knob sack highgate was too, my family who i am so proud of all worked down the pits hard working honest folk so hard working there bodys are now f**ked so for a prick like you rantolph to come on here and pull my thurnscoe down i agree with tony f**k off back to which ever rock you crawled from under and take all the bastard foreigners with yer u waste of skin c**t……Thurnscoe its a shithole but its my shithole and i love it
rantolph you talk like a c**t, if you dont like thurnscoe f**k OFF ….!!!! My family has been here nearly 100 years and dont tar us all with the same brush there is some dirty thieveing druggie bastards here but that doesnt count for everybody. We all no who the dirty thieveing druggie bastards are and so do the f**king coppers but they do f**k all thats why things have to be taken into peoples own hands.
Now wait a f**king minute, my family has lived in Thurnscoe for 50+ years and none of us are dirty, lazy and dishonest, dont bunch us all together were not all like that.
secondly, the strike had f**k all to do with low production it was simply cheaper to import from abroad, and though we use it an excuse it cant be denied how badly Thurnscoe and its surrounding areas (which are just as bad) were hit
Xionic
im from thurnscoe, and yes u got it perfect, what a f**king lovely place to live.