Come to sunny Thurnscoe, once the largest village in the world according to the Guiness book of records; and located centrally in the Dearne Valley region of South Yorkshire; where you will find some of the highest incidences of deaths from heart disease and lung cancer in the whole UK.
Drive past the industrial estate where once stood a thriving colliery. Thanks to Mrs Thatcher it closed in 1989, but don’t fret; thanks to the miners strike and it’s after effects benefit culture & a slack attitude towards the property of others has been a permanent feature since 1984.
Why not stop at the Pit-Shop opposite , where dirty children hanging about sharking for any opportunity to pursue the popular local pastime of shoplifting will surely enchant you.
Feel yourself go all mushy and gooey inside as they blankly stare, rivulets of snot dribbling from their were-pig noses, then hail you with their customary greeting “Ah seh!” Translation: “I say old chap, hello how the devil are you, and what would you happen to be fixing your gaze upon this fine evening?” Watch with wide-eyed-wonderment as they desperately try to string a coherent sentence together before settling on a curt “Yer wot?” or“f**k off”. Do not be alarmed if they then proceed on their merry, innocent little way on some form of motorised petrol driven transport.
Children in the Dearne Valley region of South Yorkshire are encouraged to take up driving from an early age. Many being issued with the parts to build the staple filthy, illegal, hybrid moped as a kind of rite of passage / family tradition. These machines are derived from a stockpile of 60’s-80’s Honda 50’s with plastic farings; known locally as “Plags” or “Plaggys”; and the mopeds you used to have to pedal for a bit before starting up…the “pedal and pop” in local dialect.
They are serviced by specialist mechanics, who blasted their minds out on Bostik during the mid 80’s. Although they are now barely able to fire enough neurons to produce human speech from their crusty, scabby gobs, their solvent-shredded synapses are still capable of rapid motor control, and they can strip a motorbike, hybridise, and re-build it within five minutes.
This is the tax-free transport of choice for all ages around the village, as well as scrambler bikes, and more recently the quad and mini-quad. Indeed, it is not rare to spot three generations of the same family – Grandad (35) Son (20) and granddaughter (6) -careering across a public highway on the same clapped-out motorbike.
These machines also function as a primary leisure activity for local Chavs and Chavesses. Hang about the main road through the village long enough and you are sure to witness many displays of despicable dobber derring-do. A Chav / Chavette on an illegal bike zooms out of a junction with reckless disregard for passing traffic / personal safety or pedestrians then proceeds to rag the bollocks off their pride and joy down the main road trying to maintain a wheelie for as long as possible. Don’t expect to see any casualties however. Unfortunately, 4-5 generations of this reckless, illegal motor-biking coupled with heavy exposure to E-numbers from Panda Pops and more recently Sunny D has hard-wired the ability to handle an illegal bike under any circumstances into their DNA. The Thurnscoe Chav on a moped is the petrol equivalent of a Spanish riding school adept atop a Palomino, especially when tanked-up on Kestrel Super Strength tempered by Temazepam and methadone.
This familiarity with motorised vehicles from an early age does however, lead to a distinct lack of fear towards them and also a complete disregard for the highway code. Observe open-mouthed as local pedestrians’ lurch out to cross the carriageway upon your approach, impinging upon your right of way. Recoil from the torrent of abuse that will be heaped upon you by the slack-jawed proto-anarchist with little regard for societal convention, and a practical knowledge of the green cross code that is slim-to-none at best. Just drive on, in his tiny little mind you’re the one in the wrong, and you wouldn’t like him (and his 20 mates, extended family & mob rule mentality random passers-by) when they’re angry.
Similarly this reliance upon personal motivation has led to an almost pathological hatred of public transport amongst many of the locals. See how many smashed plexi-glass bus-shelters you can see, and write it down in your jotter. If you are fortunate enough to visit at a time when South Yorkshire Passenger Transport Executive is actually letting buses through Thurnscoe, after school home-time be sure to watch out for native ambushes. Usually some common-sense-free little prick lays down in the road impeding the buses progress whilst the rest of the pack run out from their hiding places and lob bricks and stones at the bus, occasionally assaulting / intimidating the hapless driver. This is a simply breathtaking spectacle that has to be witnessed in its’ spectacularly brain-dead glory for optimum effect.
As you venture through the top-end estate be sure to play the Good House / Bad House game. See if you can spot the real working class houses, bought from the Tories in the 80’s and well maintained by normal people with gainful employment. These can often be found next to the “Bad House”, bought by the Housing Association and let out to dole-wallah, estate-pikeys who think nothing of moving in, stripping the piping, fixtures / fittings and even the roofing. Then they up sticks to another area, to repeat the cycle when they’re on yet another housing blacklist.
See how shiny and new the windows in the “Good House” garden shed look. That’s because they were only replaced last week following a break-in by one of the “Bad House” residents who has stolen a £1500 lawnmower, a £500 mountain bike and approximately £1200 of power-tools. He or she has then proceeded to trade these ill-gotten gains for a tenner bag of smack, or an eighth of an ounce of finest Moroccan compressed vinyl, masquerading as cannabis whilst the householder’s insurance premiums soar.
If you see a boarded up derelict house, don’t worry. One of the fire-worshipping locals will burn it out soon enough, or alternatively Barnsley Council will let it be used as a children’s’ / smackhead’s playground whilst it deteriorates into a bomb-site eyesore over the 10 year period it will take them to issue a Compulsory Purchase Order.
So come to Thurnscoe, one of the many jewels in the Crown of England that is South Yorkshire. See the Chav’s, just as nature and the British Establishment intended. Just don’t make eye contact or speak to them…follow the same safety precautions as you would in Longleat and “tha’ll be reyt!” as they say in these parts.
Some local goon has developed a handy guide to dossing around aimlessly on the streets, it can be found at:
http://www.knowhere.co.uk/3560.html
The best thing in thurnscoe is the road that leaves the bottom end and connects with the mighty top end.
lets be honest,one end is true and the other end is living a lie
i love thurnscoe and its the best village
Wots wrong wiv Thurnscoe? Its reet gud I luv it!
brilliant village. had some good times in thurny. still got family there and some good friends.
I never knew Thurnscoe, living at Hoyland Common. So i can’t comment. Driving through it, there seems to be a posh end and a less refined end. Still, the classiest girl i knew came from here and i never knew at the time, 30 years ago. Karen was her name and she was lovely. Met her again last year, shes still lovely! (should have married her).
Thinking about it, there’s plenty of places that are rough, but there’s always something to be proud of. Actually i didn’t think Thurnscoe was that bad. Just goes to show…
What a shit hole! I lived there for 18 months in the early nineties, it is the only place we lived where we needed a baseball bat under the bed. If it wasn’t nailed down they nicked it, ever tried nailing a car down?! and if there was no one in it they torched it! Get them in the pub – good as gold!!!!
I Live near the BIG LAMP in thurnscoe in a one bedroom flat and i thinkit is mint. Yes its full of Chavs but it aint full of Smackheads or Junkies roaming the streets cos the locals would not allow it, especially some of the big hitters who live up there!! There is always something going on which makes it an exciting place to live. The Ship, Coro, Clog and Butchers are ample enough boozers for a bender or just to get smashed in. Go in with the right attitude and no chip on ya shoulder and you are sure to make loads of friends but cause trouble and ya sure to end up hurt!! Me Personally, Love the Place
FIRNSKA 4EVA!
thurnscoe whats right with it
ive lived in this village most of my life i moved out and moved back in (what a silly mistake i made
Suck a dick Sara, you chat complete breeze, just because your child spent his early years tied to a radiator whilst you shat algebra out of your arse at a million miles an hour, doesn’t mean you can talk down to strangers. Sure enough size 12 isn’t fat, but you should know that already so there really isn’t any point clarifying. Get back up your own rectum and send my regards to your last bargain bucket.
thurnscoe rocks! i dont care what people say about it! yess theres rough places but i think you’ll find that where ever you live you will have rough places too! reading these comments made me really mad! i like in thurnscoe and dont plan on moving out of thurnscoe! you people writing this about indians and curries or whatever need to seriously get a life and get over yourself !
THURNSCOE TILL I DIE!!!!!!
well i think thurnscoe is the shit. a wunt wanna live any where else. we might not be as stuck up as everyone else but who likes snobs any way n yal find that theres probably more smack heads rand where you live than rand here. im from top end n am happy to live up top end. i love corra, ya have a reyt laff a go in there all weekend n a dunt feyt or owt so before ya start tarrin everyone with same brush just cos were all from same village spend a week here n get to no a few of us!!!!!
i moved and im goin back.. family only reason tho… i hate it!
Thurnscoe as always and will continue to be a shit hole full of scroungers w ho think the world owes them a living,I moved at the first oppertunity best move i ever made.I can leave the front door open and the cd player on full display in my car with out the need for an alarm.The only way people of thurnscoe have extra income is to sell drugs and have a rep for hurting people.Get a f**king job and live life to the full.Am glad of the experiance of living there cos it reminds me of what i dont want in my life,do yourselfs a favour n get the f**k out of there ,ya can even go abroad when ya got a job,how good would that be?Only my experiance,just like an arse hole everyones got one.And i agree when the pits shut it compleatly f**ked everyone,but move on ya only get one shot at this ,go live the dream away from thurny.ta ta
Thurnscoe, what a f**king hell-hole. I am a bouncer and I am hard, but I’m careful in Thurnscoe. Its a right dive, but if you’re used to it I guess its just home like anywhere else. I’ve been in the Cori (Coronation Club) and The Ship a few times. The pubs the sort of place to go if you want a punch-up or if you don’t mind being around one. I usually go in drinking early on a Monday afternoon and I haven’t been asked outside yet (unfortunately), but I’ve seen plenty of action in Thurnscoe inn my time. If you don’t mind hard living, are a tough-nut and don’t mind the chav culture, its the place to live!
Dave,
Youve hit the nail on the head, you can count on your hand the decent folk that go in the ship,
wheres the ship, oh yes its bottom end, which is what i said before im from the top end which is far far better than the bottom, but as for movin to the midlands, how can you call Thurnscoe, ive worked in the midlands quite a lot and you cant get a more ignorant race. Get yerself back to Thurnscoe and live again.
NobblyNell
I have lived in Thurnscoe 47 years, i was in the armed forces for 7 years and always looked forward to
going home on leave. So i have tried the living away bit and it doesnt work for me.
Like you said its good to be proud of your roots, but im proud to stay here too. You moved away cos you
didnt like it here, but i would never ever move away. If you move away cos you dont like it then stay away it doesnt bother the proper folk of Thurnscoe and i know there are a quite a lot that feel the same as i do.
THURNSCOE TILL I DIE.
LOL@phil (top ender n proud)
My family comes from Thurnscoe, I was born in Thurnscoe, moved away as a kid and moved back. So yes, Thurnscoe was my hovel, and I’m glad I could get the f**k out again and live somewhere decent where I dont have to keep tabs on the neighbour all the time. Being proud of your roots is fine, I respect that, but Thurnscoe is a shit hole, end of. Try living outside of the village for 6 months or more and you will realise.
Normal working class?? I think the English are embarassed by the likes of you!! Size 12 ?? You sure you don’t want to add ten to that size. Tell me about your culture?? If your son is anything like you, then he will probably end up working in KFC, serving the people he is supposed ” to get rid of.”
Curries and Indian’s – you are thick aren’t you !! Problem with losers like you is that you have no class and limited knowledge.
So keep dragging your fat arse into Primark, keep eating burgers and delude yourself in thinking you are cultured.
I feel sorry for the people who live in the same place as you.
f**king dive. Worse than Goldthorpe, and thats saying something. Moved away with the family in 2006 after the best part of 9 years, best thing we ever did. I can count on one hand the nice, decent people I could trust and count on. Just go in the Ship on a Friday or Saturday night and you know what I mean. Lots of people pretending to be your best mate only for them to stab you in the back at the first opportunity. White working class people? That is fine if they show you some respect, from my experiences thats not the case in Thurnscoe. I now live in the West Midlands which is a dive, but at least the people in the area are kind and respectful.
So, Scooby I’m gathering by your spelling and grammer that you aren’t English!!! And ‘fat’! lol! If by me being a size 12 is fat, yes, I’m massive. KFC? You make me laugh!!! Is this because you live off errrrrmmmm curries or Indians? And trackies? Even if I owned a pair, I’d rather wear them than the type of dress you lot wear….racist? Me? Very!!!! And proud to be English, I believe in our culture and why pull our country down when you are so eager to live here? I’d gladly wave you all off back to the hovels you crawled out of, and come here to sponge off us!! My son is in the top 3% of children in his age bracket, and with any luck will put his brains behind getting rid of each and every one of you…..thank you ‘Sara’s friend’ for supporting white, british, normal working class.