A strange occurance happens in the outwardly looking, boring but reasonable and middleclass yorkshire town of Bingley, every weekend from 7pm on a Friday till 11pm on Sunday the chavs take over and consume the place like the plague.
It would seem shocking if you had only visited during the week, but this is nothing more then a cunning plan by the chavs to make us feel more secure. Whilst we live our respectable lives, working and spending our time wisely they migrate to the hell holes of nearby Bradford, Keighley and Shipley to claim their dole money, take there NVQ’s in arsing about and generally being an irrantant on the face of the earth. God forbid you should fall for this because suddenly they congragate at 7pm on the friday to begin there predictable pub crawl across the town. Armed with another weeks benefit or student bursary they hit the local weatherspoons to participate in there weekly stella drinking contest, taking the time to complement each other on there latest burberry gear before they are too blind to see it. For the chav connoisseur this is a particularly wonderous place, a whole range of chavs on offer, from the predictable group of late teen lads in there finest trainers, boots and trackie bottoms to the blinged up group of girls in there early 20′s necking down pints of cider and the new breed of style w**kers,a cross of chav and middle class, who actually takes the time to purchase hair product and a pair of jeans but cling on to there bright white trainers for life. But nothing still quite beats the site of the underage chav being thwarted in there attempts to gain access, the protests of their legal status are unheard as they and there addidas trackie bottoms are turned away in the direction of the of the local Spar to purchase whatever alcohol is on a special offer that week. However, suddenly in small groups they move on, the purpose of the cheap lager has been fulfilled and now they want entertainment, so off they move down the road to the local Q’s. Already aware of the lack of desireability of having a pub full of chavs they have now employed doormen and a no baseball cap rule, sadly these have been failures, as they are simply asked to remove hats at the bar, but are still not evicted, this at least provides you with a good glimpse of chav hat hair, a stunning sight which can only be described as a birds nest on a tracksuit. Once they have filled the jukebox with enough 90′s dance music to make even Snap feel remorseful they ever released a single they go off again, for one final pub call before they reach the Shrine of the Bingley chav, Porkys. The nightclub, once voted the 7th worst in britain, is a mecca to the chav, rockports being a neccessity for entry. Here they congregate religiously till the early hours, attemping to speak to each other about the nights events but coming out with a mouth full of utter stupendousley pointless drivel that only their kind can understand. Three things will hit you upon entry, first the amount of burburry caps, secondly the stench of urine wafting its way from the toilets as the drunk chavs carry on in there who can pee up the toilet wall contest and thirdly the urge to get away as quickly as possible, i would suggest you do.
Bingley – my home town. Spent a couple of days there in February 2013, I probably feel more for the place than most of the people on here. If you think Bingley’s bad, try living in Johannesburg for 30 years.
Since when did Bingley have a spar?…
God forbid, I moved to this horrid insular little boring snobbish place after 6 years in Manchester. WHAT WAS I THINKING!!! The so called ‘respectable’ ‘middle-class’ (whatever that is defined to be!) people of Bingley are so far up their little rectums its a surprise they can even see the light of day! All these pretentious, deluded so called ‘decent’ (self-defined by themselves incidentally)morons do is gossip and speculate about others they deem as lesser beings, moan on to the local councilors about such world-threatening issues as dog s**t and potholes, stride around like some highly cultured intelligenti (sooo deluded!) and generally have the obnoxious air of the classic bid fish in a tiny, tiny pond! Its outdoor market is a joke, with the 6 stalls it has, its shops are boring and pretentious hairdressers, beauty salon, hairdresser, more beauty salon, gift shop, even more beauty salon, stuffy boring ‘local’ cafe, oh, yet another beauty salon (Christ, how many does one teeny town need??!!!) and newsagent…Oh and let’s not forget the one highly enviable co-op store for all your food shopping! Crap, crap, crap. Boring as hell…lets face it, at least the so called ‘chavs’ bring some life to this dull, uncultured horrid little place R.I.P Bingley!
You are correct in saying that bingley is full of people you may call ‘chavs’on weekends but you have obviously never been out in bingley as everyone knows you can’t get into any bars or clubs wearing trackies, even porkies
This is really awful. I don’t see why anyone who is apparently a well-rounded, busy person with a job and a life would need to mock people who are clearly not as well-off or well-educated as they are (although the repeated misuse of ‘there’ instead of ‘their’ indicates that you might not be quite as smart as you think you are).
I agree with this also and I have noticed many people that commented on this particularly the "bingley birds" are most definitley chav.
right m8 i aint a chav n to be honest i fukin h8 chavs.but wen yu start dissin porkys thts a joke its the best nightclub around its always a laff.n dnt start on stella neither cos thts a right drink.
hello remember me??????? madmick2000
we are bingley birds, and we dont neck pints of cider, what sort of geek are yout to go around watching ppl to see what they drink, well u got it wrong so u wasnt good enough at the job so haha, laughs on you what kind of a gimp are you!
have u acctually been out in bingley mr SIMON UK yes UK that could b any were, or are you just quoting what you have heard. do u even have n e friends.
lol chav rules my arse, the last chav who bad mouthered me got their fat nose exploded and they council estae front room window, which have to say was f**ked up neway window smashed clean through wih a large tastey looking brick from a wall, go throguh RAF/MODpolcie training n were see how bad u really are, like bad lads army u woudlnt last a second lol, i take it ur dads in prison being arse raped with the anal of the size of a xclown pocket?