Ah Claygate, once a quiet, sought after village on the Surrey-London border, now home to some of Surrey’s most disgusting chavs. In recent years, with the growth of the village’s council estates, Claygate has morphed into a cesspit of vice and vandalism.
Of an evening you will usually find the chavlings hanging about ‘down the rec’ and even though the police introduced a curfew and lock the park gates, the children still manage to break in for a night of solvent abuse – many families have been started ‘down the rec’. If the kids get bored kicking in the slide and swingset, the next most popular past time is kicking in the glass in the phone boxes stupidly positioned within seconds walking distance from the rec – BT foolishly replace the glass within the next few days, only to have it smashed again by a 11 year old with an anger management problem.
Another popular hangout is outside ‘Raz’s’ kebab shop on the ‘parade’ where a large gang of 13 year old chavs harrass and verbally abuse anyone who happens to walk past them simultaneously trying to encourage the poor passerby to buy them ’10 sovereign’ or something alcohol-based from the off-licence which is conveniently situated a couple of doors down. Other hangouts on the parade include the bench outside Somerfield, the bus shelter opposite Unwins, the bench on the station platform – in fact anywhere where members of the public cannot help but pass them and be the unfortnuate recipients of every abusive word that the chavlings have learnt from their chavvy parents.
Other favourite chavling pasttimes include Grand Theft Auto (not the computer game), drug dealing and general petty theft – I have experienced the petty theft first hand. While working in the local video rentals shop many a few years ago (I hasten to add that was my part time job and am now grown up with a good job just in case you were to mistake me for a chav) some chavlings came in and wandered about for a few minutes picking up the 18 rated films and discussing their merits until they spied a box of posters in the corner of the room. In a manner that they could only have thought was surreptitious, they slunk over to the box and started trying to fit posters up the sleeves of their jackets and down their trousers then walked out of the shop as nonchalant as possible. However, a common problem with chavs is their illiteracy and the chavlings had failed to notice the big FREE sign that had been stuck to the box containing the posters.
Moving on from chavlings we will now deal with their parents – the Chavs.
The main adult chav hangouts are really all of the local pubs and betting shops. The chaviest of all pubs is the ‘Winning Horse’ – the decor has a lot to be desired with some marble effect lino covering the floor, a plastic ‘stone effect’ bar and furniture that was obviously half inched from a church. The door policy is strict and be prepared for odd looks and aggressive stares from all the ‘locals’ if you happen to visit the ‘Winner’ and are in possession of all your teeth (front two missing is the most acceptable) and are not covered in mud, tarmac or wearing something luminous that proves that you have just come in from a hard days work at the motorway repair services. Ordering a glass of wine in there is a rookie mistake never to be repated as you are branded a ponce and then have to defiantly drink your wine which is obviously piss left over from some chav christening/wedding reception held at the Winner previously.
The pub is often frequented by members of the gypsy trailer park which is situated on the outskirts of claygate, branded ‘South Claygate’ by the pikeys who obviously wish for some sort of acceptance from the locals. These travellers leave huge piles of rubble, burning mattresses, children and vicious dogs in their wake as they stumble about the village wearing padlocks on chains round their necks as a hideously misguided fashion statement. Although they cannot be faulted for creativity – they managed to turn some public toilets into a house and happily lived there until the council ordered them out.
so so so very true, have you noticed, kids around and in london do not talk ‘cockney london accent’ they talk like they are black…sorry they talk like they is black innit brv/rudeboi/etc etc etc’.
The good old cockney accent is fast going, even the girls talk like it…so utterly shameful. I come from west london and have a west london accent. I am 40, and when I was a teenager you could tell what side of london came from by the tone of their london accent but these days all I wonder is if they hail from jamaica or the congo!
but then when you walk around with your trousers round your knees, showing off your skid marked underwear (which is a prison sign for I want anal sex btw) what else is to be expected, especially when wearing ones toilet chain around one’s neck!
seriously do all these teen boys want anal sex? I mean I know cottaging mens toilets have mainly been shut down these days but seriously why not all get together, have a bumming up session and pull your trousers up on the way out!!
Oh I forgot about the flipping moped/motorcyle idiots who speed around with their stupid little hairdryers all racing each other…and the PCSO Jazz who does nothing! I have witness her chatting to her friends outside the school facing away from the zig zag lines whilst the women drop their kids off on the lines and she is totally oblivious to the aspect of her job she is there to do!
As for the idiot women of rowan prep junior school who have cars they can not drive for toffee and cause such god damn awful problems in foley road every morning because they are too lazy to get out of their cars after they have parked them and prefer to drop them at the gate hence causing a back up issue….if you can not drive your 4×4 then get a FORD KA or something equally small!
Oh my gosh this made me laugh and chuckle so very much. It is so true, the ‘winner’ pub especially…full of red neck types!! Anyway, in claygate you get pretentious arses or chavs most of the time, the average people just do not exist. You only have to be at the school to realise that it is one extreme or the other on the whole. Air kissing mummies full of darling this and darling that or chavs with greasy hair, too many tattoos (the women) and a love for wearing jogging bottoms and vests about 3 sizes too small.
There seems to be a real lack of the average people…I guess maybe because silly house prices price them out of the area and they do not qualify for a council house but being what I would randomly call an average person I have lived here for 8 years and never made any good friends for these very reasons as I do not fit into either end. You talk to mums of children in your class one day and they ignore you with their noses held high the next.
I think Claygate is one of the most over rated, un friendly places I have ever known. It is no way idyllic, or even a nice friendly area. We are hoping to move soon and I can not wait to be our of here…desperately.
What is it with claygate residents not being able to use the two roundabouts near londis? Everyone just sits there like a load of brainless zombies or the just blindly go through or over them.
…and why can the workers in co op not touch a loaf of bread without squeezing it out of shape? or why can’t they learn what deodrant is? or to possibly speak english? it comes to something when you ask for something like gravy and they do not understand you and just shake their head saying sorry do not sell?
I know there are plenty worse areas to live but I thnk because it is so oversold as being lovely that people get a far harder bump to reality.
anyway the poster of this summary had me smiling and chuckling as it is pretty much how I feel
xx
@Mauda My 4 year old certainly doesn’t talk like that If you don’t mind. The thing that makes me chuckle the most Is the kids who go round with their pants hanging of their arse! If only they really knew what It represents!!!
reading this is so sad, I trying to find the bitch of a girl who had a accident in woodstock road in jan 09
just to tell her he has know died the man she hit while talking on her phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
his death is on her hands not that she showed any remorse at the time, she and her chavy claygate mates thought it was good night out and she was pregnant at the time
u guys really are mugs im 16 i live in claygate and wtf theres no chavs some one tell me wot a chav is coz u guys have the wrong veiw on chavs and wen the fuk do we start on people who walk past u might know were we hang out but mayby its because there is nothink else to do so why dont u get a life and do somthink with it coz i bet i get paid more then u and im at college so get a real job bellend hahaaha
Why are you getting so defensive you f**king pleb?
well, you could go and get a job, you could go to college and study, you could sit and chat with your family or read a book or watch some films or god forbid play on one of the many games consoles you no doubt have. I have a 16 yr old and a 19 yr old and neither of my sons have ever hung around in the street…that is just common!
I am disgusted in how you think claygate is a ‘cess pit’. I am sorry if your little Eton Education did not work out for you and you ended up working part time in a Video Rentals shop. You obviously have no idea what it is like to live in the real world. So once you acknowledge that you have a sorry excuse for life ‘slagging’ off other towns. Take a moment to realise that life is tough. Grow up.
Claygate is a quite place really, few nob heads
Yes there’s few pikeys but they don’t really corse problems
The main problem is the f**king druggies there everywhere
Theres some teens that think there big n hard but couldn’t fight there way out the glue bag there sniffing
Thames n that other ginger c**t need good slap
But on a hole its a nice place most people are as good as gold
U where right about winner tho
U get all the nobs on 50cc scooters aswell that think really fast
Claygate is not a bad area!! OMG, I think you should try living somewhere grim like the Stockwell park estate in London, or Broxowe in Nottingham. Youre actually lucky. And you re getting daft teenagers mixed up with gypsies. The gypsies dont leave condoms lying about, why dont you go and confront them yourself?? No, thought not.
u all know that the pikies live in claygate, i doubt any man here will start on them
bruiser dont act like you are big boy in cyber you f**king pussio. ur from CLAYGATE bruv, where the f**k is that? like its a serious ting, dont think ur bad rolling in claygate you pussyclart if any of you even stare at man down london you will get duppied ugetme? so hush ur gums rudeboi, u skinny white wastecadet
u is a bad man ting still, you need to suck on ur mothers prawn you sop me and my mans will run up on any area you get me say no more family hold it generalllllllllllllllllllll!!!
Why don’t you people talk properly? Is there something mentally wrong with you, or are you just four years old?
What on earth does “you will get duppied ugetime? so hush ur gums rudeboi” mean in English? It sounds like something from some foreign third world banana republic, nothing an Englishman would say.
It’s a shame people are coming out of state education with almost non-existent vocabularies and literacy.
Learn to speak the language please.
Well i think they have gone ahead with the new homes and word is over 100 more are being planned!!
Suckaaas
r u mad claygate aint nuffin like dat it is full of oldies and coz its a village every1 seems 2 get along just coz u lot r a few ppl hu get terrorised coz u finc u r hard wen u r defintly aint. i go out into Claygate everyday nd nuffin like what u say happens and i am 15 and hav lived here 4 11 yrs. there are onli a few ppl like u hu hav no gfs or lives so they hav 2 rite comments about outher ppl hu hav lives so. u say claygate is full ov chavs so u r sayin u aint m8z wid non of dem does dis mean u r sayin u r all 30 yr old loners or summin. if claygate rele is dis bad y r u ritein a comment on dis website instead ov 2 da council???????????????????????????????/
I used to have fun in claygate at the beer festival but recent years as the chavs grew in numbers the festival is overrun and now u are almost guaranteed fights EVERYNIGHT there it is disgusting, as for going to church that is rubbish, i am a church goer at claygate and the scum there are discusting people, a youth night held in a house next to a church is not being a christian, swearing spitting and food thrown about the church ground is common, evan drinking cans of beer in the grounds and generally disrespecting the place is the theme of the night. One time a group of chave thought it would be fun to come in pissed with beers and fags into the church for the xmas eve service, most were chucked out for exessive noise but a few stubborn remained and began fist fighting at the back.Go for a nice dogwalk at the common and park, find your dog sniffing condoms or human excrement left by the PIGS. perhaps a nice walk would be past the fat black boy and his `crew` that constantly comit crimes and do drugs in back alleys and park benches, he thinks hes a gangsta from brixton and hurls abuse at passers by and his `posse` Grafiti is on the rise and burglary and robberies happern too and the police cant control it anymore, More action need to be taken and we need to kick crap outa these chavs before they take over!!!!!!!
I used to have fun in claygate at the beer festival but recent years as the chavs grew in numbers the festival is overrun and now u are almost guaranteed fights EVERYNIGHT there it is disgusting, as for going to church that is rubbish, i am a church goer at claygate and the scum there are discusting people, a youth night held in a house next to a church is not being a christian, swearing spitting and food thrown about the church ground is common, evan drinking cans of beer in the grounds and generally disrespecting the place is the theme of the night. One time a group of chave thought it would be fun to come in pissed with beers and fags into the church for the xmas eve service, most were chucked out for exessive noise but a few stubborn remained and began fist fighting at the back.Go for a nice dogwalk at the common and park, find your dog sniffing condoms or human excrement left by the PIGS. perhaps a nice walk would be past the fat black boy and his `crew` that constantly comit crimes and do drugs in back alleys and park benches, he thinks hes a gangsta from brixton and hurls abuse at passers by and his `posse` Grafiti is on the rise and burglary and robberies happern too and the police cant control it anymore, More action need to be taken and we need to kick crap outa these chavs before they take over!!!!!!!
Yeah whoever you are mr holroyd claygate town is a chav infested area full of chavs, and u are probably one of them, claygate youths have nothing better to do than hang around the parade area or the high street area and the REC drinking cane of XXXX 8 pack for 5er and doing drugs, the area from coverts road up is just poor council estate scum that spend there lives bringing up junior chavs and teaching them the ways of dossing. Flower show fair is when all the little twats come out in full force drinking and hanging by the waltzer and various other rides shouting slang words and swearing at each other, the older ones have a fag and beer too, the winning pub is full of drunk men wanting to smack any innocent out of towner that dare come for a beer. after there beers the fast food restraunts is the next destination for these vile people, please DONT BUILD THE NEW FLATS IN CLAYGATE.. we have anough scum already. there all twats, twa-capital T
THAT FUNNIEST CHAV HAPPENS TO BE MY MATE AND HE GOES BY THE NAME OFF DEAN SO DONT CUZ HIM OR ILL RIP UR BOLLOCKS OFF