Bishop Auckland. A hideous and hell-like place. Or an amazing scientific site from which to study the bizzare breed of creature known as – the chav. {Known here as “Charver” or “Townie”}. See it as you will.
As a person who has lived, or rather endured life, here all of my chav-ridden years, I prefer to look on it as the former.
Chavs here are no exception to those I have read about on this, and other, sites. The fashion, language and manner are very similar.
In B/A, your average male charver wears sports branded tracksuit bottoms, tucked into white socks, which of course end in white sports trainers, or “rockies” – Rockport boots. These are a treasured item and a very prestigious thing for a Chav to own.
On the top, either a football shirt or a branded sports t-shirt, with a tracksuit top, and in the winter a Berghaus coat. Perhaps Helly Hansen, although that was an earlier trend.
The customary burberry cap is worn religiously here.
The chavettes follow the above trend, however they have a variation. Unfortunatley my eyes have witnessed on several occasions chavs in a tacky-mini-skirt-whitesocks-rockies-boobchoob-tracksuitop-combo. Horror!
For the more dressy occasion Chav-male breeds can be seen in a Ben Sherman shirt, Jeans and either trainers or the aforementioned “rockies”. The Chav-female wears either the tacky-mini-skirt-whitesocks-rockies-boobchoob-tracksuitop-combo, or perhaps a nice burberry dress.
The staple jewellery consists of Clown/Ragdoll pendants, Crosses, Horseshoes, Sovereigns, Fake Diamond Cluster Rings, Saddle Rings, Huge Creole Earrings (Dice, or Circular Diamond hanging extras a popular favourite), Belcher Chains (min. 8oz) and all manner of other 2ct hollow crap.
The chav male wears his hair short, with copious amounts of gel, and his female counterpart usually bleaches hers a nice shade of yellow and either straightens it so violently that you can see the burn marks or pulls it back so tightly (with a hideous HUGE flower clip, might I add) that you can see the skin of the forehead splitting. The “coke can” fringe is very popular, though its numbers have decreased in recent years. This is where a fring is curled under, and using enormous amounts of hairspray made to stand out in a terrible bouffant effect.
The charvers of “Bishi” (their word for our beleaguered town) hang around in packs, with a couple of members usually on bikes that they’ve slightly outgrown. They talk in an almost non-understandable language and like to shout random insults at all passer-bys. Especially me – a “git goff” (Something which I do not consider myself to be, I would say because I hate categorisation but I would be a hypocrite as I’m categorising chavs, so I’ll say its because I’m a die hard metal head.)
There are so many chav phrases and words, some of which I believe to be exclusive to this region, but I will share with you my favourites:
“Git” – Used a prefix to most words e.g: “Git Goff” “Git class” “Git nice”
Often followed by “like”. E.g: “Git nice like”
“Propah” – “Propah good like”, “Git proper class”
“Fond” – “Divvy Fond” “Shockin’ (used to describe an unfair situation” Fond”
“f**k off or I’ll set me famlee on ther!”
“RHUBARB!” (Dont ask – I have no idea.
“GINA ROOOWLEY!”
“I’ll fuckin bat thee one!”
“Gorrany Tabs?”
“Buy ez some fuckin whitelightnin’ or i’ll flog ther”
“Does thou know oo I am?”
“Dinnert mess wi’ me, me fathers ‘arder than thoos!”
“Fuckin goffy bastards!”
“Oh my goff!”
“Divvy Cunts”
“Daft c**t”
“Owee our Chowmein!”
“‘Ere our Billy-lee-marie, gerere or I’ll fuckin nack ther!”
There are many more, I’m sure you get the idea.
Drinks Chav’s enjoy: Cider, Lambrini, 20/20 and cheap white wine.
Cigarettes Chav’s Enjoy: Richmond, Superkings.
Teenage chav’s love to hang out in various parks and bus shelters. They loiter outside of all supermarkets and off licences, hoping to intimidate somebody into buying alcohol for them.
Teenage lady chavs usually accesorise themselves with a pushchair and a baby dressed up like a merangue, or a nice tummy-bump.
Chavs shag like rabbits and have never heard of contaception.
Thats all for now, there’s more to come though….
My god, you talk about rough people, got no hope with slosh like that !!! And our lads died for this country, was it worth it!!!
well i think while you were at school you should have been brought up to talk proper english, still thats living in bishop auckland and if thats if you ever went to school, and as for enjoying going to prison you might learn the queens english there instead of smoking , drinking and making love , i think you all need to find a nice job and settle down and bring your family’s up properly not like you were and thats dragged up .
Right dis iz 2 any 1 who iz dishin BISHOP AUCKLAND rite
bish iz a fuckin elish place 2 live i av lived in bish all me life n i am da proud owner ov a berghaus n rockports n yer i drink white shit as well …eeeeeeeeee n i git av a big chain n a big ring anall …………………… its fuckin grate init
i luv walkin around wif me crew n avin a fag n yer sum ov me m8z r avin babys .so f**k a bit ov rattlin makes da world go round dnt it eh……..n i just luv burberry capz on lads coz dey luk so cute in dem……………………..
n woodhouse n south church n west n every were else iz fuckin brill every CHAV always av a laugh coz we all lk 2 get locked up n dat coz ders f**k all else 2 do ……….. n so 4 all u goths get a life……………. every CHAV lks a fight infact i watched 1 last nite dis lass got er ed kickd in ……but dats just normal 4 round er ……………… n i fink our charver wrds r class n if u dnt lk dem den git f**ked ya little dings ………………………………………………….so dats frm me kk BISHLASS xxxxxxxxxxx CHAVERS rule keep up da work kiddas lolz BISHOP IZ DA BEST RIGHT O xxx bye nw im gonna av 2 bottles ov white shite n a tab xx
hia luv!! lyked ya lil speech….wat skool ya frm???
sexybishlass
xxxxxxxw.b
2 rite viki luv!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
smoochies!!
soph xxxxxxxx
rite…luk ere “luv” if ya h8 bish so much fukin run away y dnt ya……got enuth of u lot on our gorgus bish streets n by da way i ant even a chav bt i int got probs wit any it yor type dat i du….parinoid ul sacrifice me 2 satin or sumit ya fukin diffy c**t!! lay of chavs rite cos not as if day eva dun owt 2 ya av day oh well except call ya a goth…bt ya r ant ay!! so grow up darlin n get a fukin life!!
lurve u!! kisses!!
(hiya viki darlin! luv ya chicken noodles!)
sexybishlass a.k.a soph
(sexysophie321@hotmail.com)
ere rite pet! dnt u evn dare slag of bishop it is a beauty place n any1 shud be proud 2 liv ther. i am i feel special evrytime i walk down bondgate!! and i aint even a charv im a trendy along with me m8 sophie…. howeva we do get loads ov stick for bein from bishop but we thank the lord we aint from darlington wich is wer we go 2 scool!! its a bloody dump!! anyway got 2 dash bye love sophie and vicki aka the bishop lasses xxxkissesxxx
er no i dont fink so i fink u need 2 get a life bish is a beauty place 2 liv n d only ppl hu spoil it r little freaky ppl lyk u my god wat a freak bein a goff! jst get a life b4 u diss otha ppls !