Jesus Harry Christ, was ever a town more aptly named (except maybe Grimsby). Pitsea, this reeking eastern suburb of the infamous Basildon, truly is the pits.
To fully understand the seething underclass of this godforsaken region, one must picture the analogy of flies on shit because, ladies and gentlemen, Pitsea ITSELF is a chav. Yes, it is a genuine, literal Chav Town. To understand this, one must look at its (scant) history and see what the past few decades has made of it.
Pitsea was, for hundreds of years, a ramshackle village in a swamp, with a church on a hill its only landmark, and a couple of fairly inconsequential manor houses, Pitsea Hall and Chalvedon Hall, at each end. Then, in the second half of the twentieth century, came Basildon New Town, swallowing up its eastern neighbour and forever damning this already unsightly and unhealthy place to charver purgatory. Dante himself could not have written about modern Pitsea, it’s well beyond the power of his darkest visions. The manor houses remain, one in the middle of housing estates that seemed to have been constructed to blend in with their glass-strewn pavements. It is, of course, a pub these days, infested by both Chavs and Travellers. They are easy to tell apart – Chavs slash, Travellers stab. The other Manor House, picturesquely situated next to a sewage outlet pipe on the marshes and overlooking what used to be a municipal tip, is – naturally – a pub restaurant.
The church on the hill – and the view from it – succintly allow the visitor to see what is rotten in the state of Pitsea.The church itself was declared redundant and ripped down a few years ago, all save the tower. Local pride in the only piece of medieval history, you think? Of course not. It was spared so that it could become a mobile phone mast for Orange. Telling metaphor, isn’t it? A charming medieval building, now denuded and devoted to the worship of the Chavs’ favourite gadget.
The view to the west will show you the marshes, flyover and infamous Tilbury Loop railway line. To the south, a landfill site infested with seagulls, a Country Park built on the site of an old Great War munitions dump – yes, only in Pitsea! – and a distant view of the bright lights and noxious gases of the Coryton Oil Refinery and Storage Tanks.
Still, there’s always the north view, to the cheesy market, the Tesco Extra, the ex-car park now built over with FarmFoods, McD’s, KFC… you get the picture. Oddly, some of the buildings in Pitsea broadway are mock-Tudor, built in older, more naive times. There is plenty to mock in Pitsea. From this description, you can guess at the type of sub-humans who choose to actually live here. At nights they come out, lurking around the desolate market stalls with their near-vertical baseball caps, indecipherable accent that makes Estuary sound like Queen’s English, and permanent markers with which to daub their baffling squiggles on every available surface. Including – and I’m not kidding – on dogshit bins. A rational human can only speculate, to the point of migraines, why anyone would possibly wish to mark these as a territorial possession. They hoot and shriek like rabid chimpanzees, they look toward the A13 Flyover that towers over Tesco and wonder why cars seem to accelerate as they pass their town, and occasionally they complain to the council about the swarms of flies that invade from the landfill site during hot summers.
Not so much ‘avoid like the plague’, as ‘avoid – it IS a plague’
My family have come from pitsea since about the middle of the 16th Century, I grew up there, that was before they built all the Pitsea estates, so I think I have the real skinny on the place. I went to Chalvedon, its a school that did the right thing by me, it prepared me for life in the Parachute Regiment you need to be able to fight, learnt that at school, you need to fast on your feet and quick witted; learnt that on the school rugby field. Learnt about life and death, two of my classmates killed another in the underpass outside the school, school taught me how to survive in a pool full of sharks, theives lairs and scum and pitsea had and still has massive piles of them, no drugs jeez girl you must have walked around with your eyes shut, common in school during the early to mid seventys epidemic during the late 70′s. Get out while you can, failure is not an option.
I was brought up near Pitsea in a rural area near the end of WW2.Back then a lot of the menfolk were in the forces fighting overseas.I lived in an area called the plotlands,where hundreds of Londoners had wooden holiday bungerlows. A lot of these poor people had to leave London as their homes had been distroyed by German Bombs. The only place they could go to were their plotland homes. As a child I remember that these people were very poor with very little money. They had no electricity,gas,or water and no flush toilets. Lighting,heating and cooking was all done by paraffin oil lamps and stoves,and the water had to be collected in jugs from a stand pipe at the end of a very muddy unmade road. Some of these familys had too many children too look after,a lot were dirty,smelly,had fleas and underfed,remember they had no running water! To earn a few pennys a lot of the kids would steal anything they could get their hands on,can you blame them! if you`ve got nothing, you`ve got nothing to lose! These children grew up and got married, and most stayed in the Pitsea area. They in turn had children,who also grew up in the Pitsea/Basildon area. And these children are todays `Chavs`!
I agree that pitsea is a shit hole but i dont think its rite that you are dissing all the people that live here. i mean i have lived in pitsea all my life but ive turned out alrite and so have all of my friends. I admit there are lots of chavs here but its not as bad as other places in England!
The only memories of it I have it was always miserable weather there… O.o
Proper shitheap.x
shut up u dik ed
Bootifulbev is my new hero!! Go, Bev go!!
Basildon
Transport fantastic? Yes, I suppose the fact that it has so many exits is a good point, notwithstanding that Pitsea railway station was recently labelled the worst for crime in Essex. The Horse & Pony Sanctuary is also a good point, although somewhat soured by its position opposite the rubbish tip and the fact that its founder recently received a conviction for fraud. Same old, same old.
whats wrong with pitsea i see nothing its upcoming all over
I grew up in Pitsea, and although i now live in Cambridge, and odd visits back to Pitsea make me feel glad i have moved away, at the time i had a great time growing up in Pitsea, when i grew up there ( 85 – 2001) i did not see a designer label, a single drug or use a single swear word! I think that it is all about how you are brought up, not where you are brought up and unfortunately, BAsildon and pitsea are a mecca of single parent families and job dodgers, having worked for the DSS for a while i have to say there are a lot of lazy people in pItsea, but those who do work, if htey want to wheel spin along southend seafront in their spare time, thats up to them!
As for good points in Pitsea, some people class the Tesco extra a good point (me being one of them, as i now live in a small cambridgeshire village miles from any shop!) the schools are fantastic, transport is fantastic (there is no public transport for me) proximity to London is a good point, the shurch on the hill was beautiful before they ripped it down, i went inside often (as a child) and it was a great adventure, and yes it is a phone mast now. one last good point, if you actually get to know some of those people who live in Pitsea, you will meet some great characters, and anyone who hassles you is usually all mouth and no trousers!
but each to their own, we may not like where you grew up, care to enlighten us?
HAHAHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!! HOW F*CKING ACCURATE!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!
grimesby, home of the original chav invaders, chavs were created from the dogshit in grimsby doggypoo bins and devolved from there, you must be a DALBY
well ur obviously 2 gd 4 pitsea init ya cock!!
grimsby, how wud u no wether it was aptly named or not? have u ever bin there, av lived in grimsby and immingham (the town next to it) all my life and i dnt think u shud b sayin fuck all about it wen u probably havnt set foot on our streets once so stop listenin 2 the wankers hu are postin up massages about grimsby n stop tlkin shit bout ne towns in general u shud b proud of where u come from, dick ed.