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Andover

Posted on: March 14th, 2005 by admin 86 Comments

I am at University of Liverpool at the mo, but used to live in what many refer to the ‘asshole of the world’, that is Andover. As my family still lives there I have the unfortunate duty of going back there every few months to visit this chav-infested, culture-free, hell-hole.

The Chantry centre is home to most chavs in Andover. You will find them there at almost any hour on any day, whether it be 11am in the morning, skiving of school (which are all shocking in Andover) or pissed at 7pm on cider. Typically they hang round the bus station, this is a good spot for them as it allows them to torment innocent passers-by to and from the bus station, as well as shoppers going to Waitrose which is situated adjacent to the bus stop. I have been caught on numerous occasions, called ‘grundger’ because I wear converse, or ‘girl’ because I have hair much longer than the traditional townie shaved head, or quiff, or that I do not insist on wearing a baseball cap tilted at the only accepted angle of 45 degrees. I have heard stories of chavs shunned from their interbred circles because this moronic fashion item has not been titled to this exact angle.

Chavs may also catch you on the way to the bus route. After a quiet drink one night (or as quiet as you can get in Andover) with my friends, I went to get the bus at about 6:45pm. Even at this early hour I was encountered by a 13-strong group of boozy 14 year old thickos, one of which challenged me with the old classic chav ‘i wanna fight’ line ‘watchya say abaaat ma muffa?’. After telling one to f**k off, i was hit by one member of this gang of brutally ugly commoners (who for some reason insisted on wearing no shirt, despite his skinny frame). One of my friends was also lamped by another of these morons, who is quite possible the ugliest man on earth. Why are chavs always so ugly? Maybe that is another debate.

Getting a hair cut is even difficult in Andover. Once I was happily waiting to get my ears lowered, when some little shit started calling me a ‘grundga’. Do you listen to death metal rar rar! he yelled. No mate i don’t like metal i replied, f**k off. Still he insisted on getting up in the middle of the hairdressers and singing some shit hip-hop song! Obviously off his face on some drug he started shouting at me ‘wankaaaa’, until he was escorted out of the chantry centre by security.

Maybe it is the complete lack of things to do in andover that makes it such a good home for all things chav. There is no culture unless you include turkish takeaway joints (Keskins is pretty damn good mind you), there is no cinema, no arts, no decent music, no decent venues, it is absolutely shite. Maybe it is the frequency of council estates (not saying all council estate ppl are bad, just most of them). Perhaps it is because Andover’s main attraction is the Tesco’s superstore, one of the main chav spotting sites in the town. It is one of the worst worst towns in England, its only slightly popular as it is on the direct train line to London. Take my advice boys and girls, stay away from this abyssmal little town filled with the absolute shit and filth of England.

http://profiles.myspace.com/users/20714541

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86 Responses

  1. Charlie says:

    I think you may need therpy, You seem to hold a lot of anger about this subject you see in the adult world we deal with different walks of life, there are chav’s where ever you go my dear thats just life, and where i agree with you it has sod all to do, i feel you miss the point in regards to culture as i believe as sad as it is Chav is a culture of the latest generation.

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  2. cruzmaninnit says:

    The women here are so fuckin ugly, i wear the bag,its a great place for a shag though if you aint fussy. mind you the last one i dipped my love wand in was so fat i had to roll over twice to get of the fuckin bitch . Any good looking women are tourists, King Arthurs may be a shit hole but its where you find real people and not the stuck up pretentious bastatards who make my shit itch. However do not go into this estate on fathers day, otherwise you bump into loads of sprogs wandering around with a card, stopping guys and asking “are you my dad” it does have its good points though, the A303 which heads west is one of them.

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  3. Chavelier says:

    oi, mate, andover aint that sick! drugs are shite, guys are thugs, booze is poisenous, girls are skets <3 fuckin' minted, bruv.

    later's blud.

    the posh chavs are all in stockbridge, they think they are well hard, hangin around outside the church and smokin up a bomb outside the art galery. <– bad to the bone innit.

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  4. Ur mums Bobbish says:

    Andover is a shit hole, but it aint coz of the “chavs” mate. Its the stuck up pompous bastards that are trying to make andover a big city and a small village both at the same time. Posh lazy cunts driving their cars EVERYWHERE… whats the point? Andover is tiny, you could walk the length of the whole town in just over an hour, yet people still drive to town? Chavs have nothing to do with the fact this town is an absolute dive, if they could run things their way it would be an improvement anyway! And drinking cider in the streets is better than sitting at home playing halo online, least their socialising and not self harming like the other little bastards that populate the town (emo’s).
    And the old fuckers who look down on anyone from king arthurs way, they make this town shit aswell. KAW is the place to grow up, least people from their dont walk around looking like they got shit up their noses!
    And the cinema… seriously, if you rely on a cinema to make a town “decent” then your pretty sad. Id rather spend £5 on cider and get drunk in the streets than pay to watch a film thats gonna have me sittin down on my ass and being totaly inactive.

    the only decent thing about andover is its fairly easy to come by drugs, cheap tacky women and decent mates- all you need really.

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  5. Sam Deery says:

    love you cass u know i will always ave ur back blud, paul turner i will find you and i will kick the f**k into you u shitface. asda car park at 9 on thursday

    im out dez

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  6. cassidy mugabe says:

    andova was built by people like sam deary he protects himself and his family there aint no mountain high enough to beat sam down . he was an influential figure in my life and i look up to him and his personality , and his fighting skills peace x

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  7. The Real Paul Turner says:

    I am not sure exactly what it means but it is just all of my school friends joking around trying to act like they are gangstars. Even though i disagree totally with what the guy is saying these people leaving comments are not doing andover any justice.

    There might be chav’s in andover but there are also chav’s every where you go and just because this guy has had some bad experiences with the chav’s in Andover does not mean that he can say that the whole town is full of chav’s, because its not.

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  8. admin says:

    I’m absolutely loving the chav comments for Andover. The threats of being beaten in the Asda car park by toy town ‘gangstas’ made me laugh particularly hard! Oh, and what does ‘Brap brap’ mean? lol

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  9. Paul Turner (who these people have been impersonating) {who these people hae been impersonating} says:

    Seriously guys, can you please stop inpersonating me. It is actually starting to get rele anoying and when i find out who is doing this i might just run you over. And yes in a car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some of those things might be true that you say about me. And so what if i am gay and going out with jake felsted. Atleast i am not one of these people posting on this site to make them selves look hard and cool like Dezza. I actually hate this town 2 it is full of chavs and emo’s (who are constantly getting blood all over my car) who hang out and smoke and drink. They mostly hang out in town but you could also find them in your schools. They pick on me a lot to and i just wish i had a real car so i could run them over.

    Well this is it for now guys top gear is on and i dont want to miss a single second of it.

    Peace out

    Andover sucks( not like cars )

    P.s. stop inpersonating me.

    P.s.s. or i will f**k you over xx

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  10. Paul Turner ( who these people have been impersonating) says:

    it really upsets me that people keep pretending they are me. it is very embarassing and it is hurting my feelings. i often sit at home in a corner crying to myself because of the people impersonating me on this site, so what if i am gay? does it really matter? so please, stop hurting me and leave me to play with my toys and pretend i am a car. thank you for reading and listening to this, you bunch of feelingless chavs.

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  11. hohum says:

    andover does have a cinema you dipshit,
    if you dont like it then thats your decision but dont say its a shit town when theres tonnes of people living here who are normal

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  12. koolkid says:

    iz you messin wiv the andover massive blud? me and my homeboys iz gonna hav to shank you up now bruv yea! ya feelin me dogg? brap brap, reppin it up in the andover hood, yea boi we iz gonna sort you out bruv, get ur ass to asda car park so we can sort this out blud just me and you and my krew bruv yea boi, we iz well ard!!!!

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  13. paul turner says:

    does anyone with a penis wanna hook wiv me? im hangin around asda most of the time so if anyones interested im waiting for you :D
    me likey up the bumhole ;)

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  14. koolkid says:

    ite blud, you mess wiv andover and you iz messin wiv my homeboys blud innit, and yea we av like got shanks and shizzle yea blud, ya feelin me now yea brap brap!!! reppin it up in the hood, and tesco and asda blud, yea boi!!! brap brap, wankaaa!

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  15. Thomas Hench Ford says:

    I am Hench!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! brap brap

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  16. Tom Ford says:

    luffing my andover bois dey are all safe

    bless

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  17. oli ross says:

    i lovre kittens

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  18. BaDMaNN¬¬ says:

    ~Battyy
    leave it out mann

    dont get hypedd*

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  19. Paul Turner says:

    Have you seen all the fit cars in Andover!

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  20. paul turner (the real one) says:

    Milking is the act of removing milk from the mammary glands of an animal, typically cows (cattle), water buffalo, goats, sheep and more rarely camels, horses and donkeys. Milking may be done by hand or by machine.

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