Ladies and Gentlemen! Members and Guests! I welcome you to YET ANOTHER chav town addition to Birkenhead, Merseyside!

Im just your average person, you know? just jeans and t-shirt / shirt, boots or trainers that I think look nice and comfortable and not for the label and I tend to wear a denim jacket or a leather. Nothing out of the ordinary.

I live in Tranmere, a district in Birkenhead and trust me, through my 17 years of hell living in this place I can tell you all you need to know about scousers, chavs, assholes and god only knows whatever else is living and mutating here.

I went to park high school, when it all began. I got bullied, attacked, spat on, abused, you name it. Of course I did not stand for it and I came back eventually, but I soon came to learn the true evil of this place and it consisted of 3 elements: “trackies” – “fake scouse accents” – “shit noise they think is music”.

It was so sudden that this brand, lacoste suddenly sprung up out of the ground with these chavs putting on stupid accents and wearing £2 coins on each finger and wanting to be a Mr.T and suddenly fashion and music became a holy war. If you listen to motorhead, metallica and green day, you get stabbed. If you listen to eminem, 50 cent and rave, you are “sound”. If you listen to 80′s music, you are beat up. If you dress in trackies, labels and £2 coins, you’re “sound”. If you dress in jeans, shirt and boots/trainers, you are looked at and laughed at behind your back. If you’re hair is longer than 1mm, you get asked if you’re a girl. This could go on.

Now I admit, I do my clothes shopping in either Burton, Top man or Matalan as I seriously don’t care what is on me as long as I am comfortable. Now I am doing a health and social care course at college and I don’t get much bother so im ok and don’t run into any trouble – except at work. I am a volunteer youth worker for a youth club who specialises for members (13 – 25yrs) with disabilities and chavs pass the place every night. They are heartless bastards who pick on even the most vulnerable of people, even old ladies if they had the chance and I have stood infront of the entrance and blocked them passage, only to suffer verbal abuse until I glare at them and “offer them out” LOL what a stupid thing to say. One of them told me he’ll, “bang me” lol what a fool.

Well thats all for today’s addition. Remember! stay away from half price jeweler customers and cherish your £2 coins! some prick in a “trackie” might want to try and bum you for it!

The next addition, how to put on the fake scouse accent! WARNING! consult your GP before trying ANY chav habits! side effects include:

drowsiness – vomiting – epileptic seizures – chronic brain washing – severe amnesia – coma death – dry mouth – sight shortage – dumbass syndrome – severe loss of hearing – mutating – growth of extra limbs – screwed up appearance – awful fashion and music taste – loss of intelligence – criminal record

thanks for your time!

right ok for a start ,reading the other reviews of birkenhead theese have obviously been writen by sum posh half a bollock twat with long hair who had mosher shouted at him from a distance and cried , at least theese people told you to your face an didnt sit in there box room masturbating an decided theyd have a sly stab at somone between tugs, nonetheless theese dickhead SCALLIES (not chavs sorry lol) are complete cunts and a large proportion of birkenhead is a shite pool however it is not the fooking ghetto! lol jus 5 minutes away from where i live is a hugely private school populated area with enourmous victorian style semi mansion things full of execeptionaly over privaliged twats (providing wot must be atleast 70% of all weed purchases in birkenhead) with nursing /old peoples homes an is genraly very sleepy but further down is a bit of a bitch and heres the guide:
birkenhead town centre is a f**king cess pool.
in the day its writhing with 7 ft 13 year olds obviously born into nuclear waste were they got there powers of bein harder than everyone else.
shaved heads all round as is the standard .racist biggot small minded mother fuckers who i swear in there 6-8 years of living in the precinct have never bought a f**king thing!there pushy intimidating and whatever your do DO NOT MAKE EYECONTACT! especialy if there pissed off there windpipes on white lightning cos then off course u called there mum a slag or made sweet love to there nans rotting corpse which then gives them the right to beat the shite out of you. oh yes please try not to be black,indian(espiecialy if you own some kind of shop then ure in for it “i gave you a tenner paki!” ” you havent even orderd yet?” SMACK!) or any other minority for that matter.do not be a mosher/goth/emo any of that kind of denomination. dont look up when your walking thats a sign of cockyness, dont look at the floor then your ignoring them, dont let them sit behind you on the bus then your jus a silly dickhead lol basicly stay indoors and you will be fine.
the nightlife of birkenhead has to eb said is f**king infamous and whats strange is that the people to be feard are not the drunks hanging round inside the dodgy peter kay esque bars dotted round the place its the 13/17 year old cunts outside in packs of about 300 drinking cider and starting fights : theese people just wander round looking to start shit.can anyone answer me what the f**k is up with that??!! this is a true account of what happend to me on the way back home walking through downtown (after gettin bladderd on cider lol but thats not what im against its the unexplained mindless violence thats happens when theese people cud be pissing no one off sitting in a gutter chukling to themselves) so a huge group of lads approaches me and my friend and started saying to him that we had been ” flicking lighters in the cousins face” we both emptied are pockets and had absolutly NOTHING on us accept i had a ciggy and even asked one of them for a light because i didnt have one.then there little cousins come belting down the road(in the opposite direction to which we’d came a mite ad) ‘saying nope its not them’but unfortunatly for my friend he was dressed as a mosher an there attention soon moved to him so he bailed off up the road.me thinking a wus mister swarve an one of them i me tracky (oh yer ) stayed.gave 3 of them a ciggy so we stood and smoked the next thing was ‘so ya think u can flick lighters at me little cousin nobed!!!!!!!’ bang! bang! bang! nd they all beat the shit out of me : destroying my trust in anyone or bein outside in birkenhead at night ever again.huge portions of the town are just borded up rubble were people still seem to live in mass? its f**king nuts you wonder were theyve come from. some of the estates realy are actualy like serious ghetto material were i would never set foot on. ive lost my trial of thought cos am stoned as a pigeon on smack but anyways birkenhead is shite and not everyone who wears a tracky is a c**t who wants to hurt you allthough saying that its probly best not to aproach them offering hugs just incase.anyways dont come to birkenhead unless you have miliions and millions of pounds to rebuild it.
peace spread da love get high everyday!

like le coq sportiff, velour and really cheap looking ugg boots? then birkenhead is the place to be! If you dream of dropping a sprog before the age of consent then you really should consider relocating to this small town, across the river mersey from liverpool. There is nothing like the fear and dread that one feels as they button up their coats and step onto the shit stained streets of this town. How many pound shops can i cram in today? will any abuse be hurled at me? How many of these people have washed in the last week? But it’s not all bad, there are fabulous bars like ‘rockys’ and ‘sherlocks’ where these pregnant young ladies may be seen in all their glory, dressed in fluorescant clothes sipping on a triple vodka and smoking a superking. Just be careful that you dont look at anyone as you may be shanksed in the face!