Welcome to Gravesend. Set on the banks of the River Thames, Gravesend is a beautiful, cultural town which has everything to offer its residents and visitors.
Gravesend is proper nice innit.
Visitors should be aware that Gravesend follows a strict dress code. Given the apparent 24hour sunlight, residents have evolved into wearing a baseball cap 24hours a day 7days a week. These are available from any local poundshop and can be bought in a variety of designs (so long as they resemble the burberry tartan).
The health and exercise programme in Gravesend requires the youth to always be ready for some exercise by wearing only sports clothing. Anything by Kappa will surffice. To encourage this programme, discounted Kappa clothing is available from Dave in the market square innit.
Thinking of dining in Gravesend? Gravesend offers a range of international cuisine. If its a special occasion, one can feast on contemporary American cuisine on the highstreet in ‘McDonalds’. Here, customers can purchase such culinary delights as “Cheesebur-ga en Chips innit”. For the more distinguished food lover, a Weatherburger is available from the Robert Pocock, a unique public house which also serves a variety of traditionally made WKD’s and Smirnoff Ice’s.
Visitors should be aware that the local youth are very active in defending the proud image and name of Gravesend and may politely confront those who walk past them or go about their own business peacefully. This is perfectly normal behaviour for the area. If in doubt, simply ask the youths for the time. This should allow ample time to walk away whilst the youths first overcome their confusion, then reveal their genuine DKNY time-pieces and then wonder why they do not seem to be working, and then discuss amongst themselves how ‘blingin’ eachothers watches are.
Ever the forward thinkers, young residents of Gravesend have made slight modifications to their automobiles in order to enhance their performance. To advertise this, drivers ensure onlookers will take notice by playing ‘music’ at top volume, free of charge to the local area.
Some important translations for visitors:
INNIT = Does it not? (note, this does not require an answer)
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? = this is stated after every sentance to confirm the validity of the statement put forth by the local Gravesendian.
GAAN DAAN THE SPOONS INNIT= this refers to frequenting the before-mentioned Robert Pocock public house.
DAAN THE PROM INNIT = Referring to a local area of beauty, the Gravesend Promenade.
This conludes a short introduction and visitors guide to the charming town of Gravesend. Whether it be for those requiring decorative artwork from a key on ones car, those seeking verbal abuse, those wanting to taste the locally produced imported Belgian Beer, or those who simply have no sense and a will for foolhardiness…..Gravesend is the place for you!