For those of you un-familiar with Guest House Paradiso, and the character played by Rick Mayall (Richard Twat – pronounced ‘Thwaite’), I shall be using the term “Thwaite” in replacement for the word Twat.
Now then, back to mansfield. I have lived in this grotty hell hole since i was 14, through no fault of my own, after my family moved from the dead mining village of Ollerton (which still hasnt grasped the idea of progress). My longest memory of moving here was that around the time of me being 15, someone was murdered and found in a wheelie bin, but we wont go into that.. At that time mansfield was somewhat “chavless” and all was well, people could go out at night, and you could get in the Palais with all the other 14-17 year olds dressed up to look 18+ (Ben Sherman has a lot to answer for). But then something happened, something changed, Mansfield began to evolve and separate. There are now several classes of Mansfield..
The Rich – yep, the’re all up there in ‘Bur’berry Hill estate, un-scaved, ignorant, arrogent, more cars per house-hold than a Rover Dealership, birthing …
The Students – Respectable, refined, knowlegable, thinking the’re ‘better than you’ and claiming land for themselves (also known as the ‘Student Pubs’). On a side note about students which seem to only work on a saturday, I happen to work with a few, and for all their education still havent grasped simple numeracy ie regarding checking dates on products that if today is the 19th of June then a product with the 17th of June would be out of date and shouldn’t be on sale to the public (unless you work on the Market then its ok to pen in an extra digit and pass it on) to ….
The Poor – scattered around the back streets of Pleasley Vale, up Chersterfield Road, and branching into the area also known as Ladybrook Estate which gives birth to 1 of 2 types, either …
The Drug Scum – These are easy to spot. They hang around the toilets in the Four Seasons or on the Meeting House gardens blending in with the dirt, wearing anything they could find or steal, havent seen a bar of soap since birth, have a constant 6 o clock shadow, look mal nourished, have half closed eyes, and do a great gurning contest. These thieving bastards break into shops and force them to raise prices and then inflict themselves on people as they try to walk out of the bus station end of the Four Seasons with the usual ‘ a say mate, u cudnt do us a massif favour cud ya and lend us 30p for’t bus?’ or ‘ skoos mate ya gorra fag u cud ‘lend’ us? ‘ , ! lend? how do you ‘lend’ a fag? so they smoke it and give you back the filter when the’re done is that how it works? I happened to have the mis fortune of using those toilets once and when I came out 30 seconds later, a drug scum was casually showing off his fine collection of needle ware to a fellow shit bag, IN FRONT OF MOTHERS WITH CHILDREN using the shopping centre!!! Shoot the CU*TS in the head if you see one. (not the mothers with children), the drug scummers that share the same gene tree as pigeons and sewar rats and probably were once a …
CHAV – These have got to be Mansfields reason to give up and move on. These ‘THWAITE`s’ ponce up and down Stockwell Gate in groups of 3 or 4, usually half way to being a drug scum, as thin as nails or as fat as pie they infest outside banks scaring old people and wearing those bloody awfull caps that make you wish you had a shot gun. If they DO have their ‘bitches’ with them you wouldnt notice until he steps from behind the 20 stone blubber he picked up in Romans or Yates’s. The six kids he has with him are a clear indication that he doesn’t mind being a father of one, and you can usually see them around lunch time floating around outside Maccas. Chavs can certainly be heard before they are seen at night because they have a 2KW sound system in the boot of their re-sprayed, glow in the dark, tinted window chav wagon. They zoom around the circuit like mobile UFO night clubs (blue tubes, blue window washers, disco light dashboard and of course the fog lamps are on – in t he middle of a street lit town.., with no fog. Obviously the fog lamps switch in their car must have “to be switched on at all times” written on it). With the occasional stopping points like Halfords and B&Q car park, Iceland car park, the loading area of the four seasons or up behind Sainsburys in the drive through Maccas car park I would personally love to know what exactly the ‘four chavs per car’ are talking about. You drive by one and you get eight eyes staring at you as you go past. Eye contact should definately be avoided as this must be a signal to rev up your engine and see if you can beat them to the trafic lights (not possible in my diesel automatic, so dont bother trying). Personally I think they group in fours in their cars just to see if any of them have started puberty yet, “shit man, yours is bigger than mine”, must be on about his engine, surely.
Chavs do have their uses though, it gives the Police something else to ignore during their tuesday night patrol.
So Mansfield isnt too bad if you dont mind staying in at night, having your car broken in to, spending a fortune on security, having abuse hurled at you from six year olds smoking Lamberts, wearing stab proof shirts in the clubs and being kept awake till 2am with ‘Boot Music’…MANSfield, it certainly is..
if ya dont like mansfield that much ,then move away ,how dare you critizsize our community ,it my not be everything ,but its ours ,its scum like you people slagging it off that gives it a bad name, wasters ,suppose your prim and proper .and never done owt wrong ,get a life
I found this “site” purely by accident and am amazed at the comments made about Mansfield (by the way, please do learn how to spell when slagging people off!!) It is 2011 – I have lived on Ladybrook for 7 years – my husband & I both work, pay a mortgage for a very respectable house on a very respectable street, with friendly law abiding friends & neighbours. The friends we have (who also live in Ladybrook & other areas of Mansfield) all work, we are not “chavs” we do not “do drugs” we respect our neighbours, we work hard, we play nicely, we smile & say good morning to strangers every day. We also thank god that none of the above individuals who have made the most unbelievably “Chavtastic” comments live here!!!!
Yeah I agree with this article, I was down Mansfield with some mates ended up getting chased by around 10 chavs when there was only three of us, we scared em off by threatening to call the police >.<
I am 15 and go to stay in Mansfield in school holidays with my family. I look fondly upon this review, since it mentions places that I recognise and I have to say that although the places mentioned are hailed as being chav havens, the chavs do little harm themselves, mostly fighting between each other
Isn’t Mansfield getting better? At least Phil and Kirsty have stayed away the past few years…
I know the Turnely Road and Kennack Close area very well, there is some nice cars down there. There is a brand new bright green Ford Focus RS down Kennack Close. It would never have survived this long in the centre of Mansfield.
There is a better area near to mansfield and the designer outlet. The Turnley Road estate including Kennack Close. There is no grafitti, no burgalries and virtually everyone drives a brand new car. Brand new range rovers etc, which they often forget to lock. Thia is the place the criminals have forgot and it is so conveniently placed next to the motorway. Not all areas of Mansfield are bad.
just tell the world that nobody locks up
Pretty accurate description of the Mansfield demographic as i remember it (i remember the wheelie bin incident also as a lad) and see it when i go back to visit my family.
I think the Orlando guys opinion is hilarious also!
I got out in one piece and apart from having a few issues with my grammar I’m doing ok.
Having come from the UK (now live in Orlando Florida) Mansfield is undescribable, especially for a hot young blooded randy bastard like me.
I managed the US Teen pop grup TGK (from Orlando).
We played a club opposite Liquid (this club has 3 floors)
Well, never in my life have i seen the uglyest women in my entire life. Most had tatoos (on their necks and sagging tits). many had more visible tatoos than teeth.
As for groupies forget it, we went home empty handed, no way was i letting my pop group f**k any of them slappers, even wearing 3 durex.
Mansfield has an inbreeding problem, the ladies (if they are at all ladies) look like butchers windows after the accident. its a rought world out there its center is mansfield, officiall shit!!!
justmother ,mr perfect discribed ya
i meant to say ,youv just discribed ya mother.mr perfection