Beware the Mourne Valley mishap of a town that is Strabane. Squeezed between the predominantly Protestant villages of Sion Mills and Ballymagorry soon to be amalgamated with euro-ville Lifford,(Lifford ironically houses Strabanes only cinema-yes it’s strabanes, apparently) the Catholic town of Strabane is a sure chav central.
Leisure and tourism.
So you’re in Strabane, and looking for a good time. What do you do?
Well personally i’d reccomend leaving Strabane, that’s step one.
However, if you insist on remaining in the hellish oversize housing estate that is Strabane there’s a number of things which may pass minutes of interest for you.
Firstly there’s the scenic natural landscape of the locality. Examine stunning views of shopping trolleys wedged in the river as the local meths drinkers hassle you for cider money along the river wall. Or how about exploring the rolling natural hills of Strabane parkland? Yes courtrai park has it all, empty WKD bottles, the odd used condom and even the overwhelming behmoth police presence (Don’t be alarmed, the police facade is purely for cosmetic reasons…they never actually stop any crime.) Visitors are advised to pack some Silk Cut milds in case hassled by local twelve year old chain smokers on site.
Moving on into the town centre visitors can marvel, ooh, awe and ahh at the extravagent waste of cash that is the “score site” known locally as the canal basin. Such site used to be home to a cubic mile of water until Linton & Robinson’s paid for it to move out and it is now Strabane’s answer to Moscow’s “Red Square” which is a fair comparison as is evidenced by the litres of said alcopop which are consumed at this location on weekends. Such binges are often only the precedent for a “Bangin’ nite out on the town, wi’ the lads/gurls(delete as appropriate)” to the infamous Daty Kaly’s nite club. Despite the clubs long stance as the centre of the local economy and clubbing scene, locals are still confused to whether it is actually a bar or a youth community workshop. We are told to advise that I.D. is essential, so kids you’re gonna need to doctor Big sisters passport. Expect an overwhelming door staff presence for no good reason and anyone who is under the legal age (which currently stands at 16-ish) would be better to get a bit of tit or leg out, that always helps buy your way in. Inside avoid the Raptrix zone at all costs, keep your head down and head straight for the relative security of the theodor zone. The raptrix is what only can be described as Belfast zoo’s gorilla complex meets Topman. The chav force is high-beware anyone who has hair that is anything longer than the prescriptrion “Crew cut” style.
Finish off a night out in strabane after all the bars have closed* at around 3.a.m (*All bars, not including the 24/7 homers farm)
Make your way to the most popular local fast food eporium – Japer’s. Japer’s, juxtaposed between the Chav HQ “Townie-Hole” bar and frivilous rocker night spot “Licey Rileys” lies directly in front of the Townie Hole carpark, japer’s were kind enough to install a large glass panel window to enable patrons to watch local meatheads pummel, gouge, stab and throttle….well other local meatheads and occasional innocents. Reccomended dish is the spicy beef, which surely adds spice to the toilet bowl the morning after-no questions asked.
Coming next time: Politicians and the economy. Find out about the joker MP’s and Strabanes proud record as the UK’s Unemployment black spot!
Jesus mark you are a stupid chavvy wee bastard.It’s because of people like you that people write bad things about strabane
Oh, dear. Mark IRA, you are an utter bunghole.
Nope, Strabanes class man we have Mickey Diver ;D
i have to laugh at all these comments i lived in strabane all my life ive travelled the world for 3 years and seen alot or differnt things but one thing i can say is firstly yes strabane was a shithole:
>no faclites for sports
>run down buildings
>bomb riddled
>army on streets
>run by paramilatys/shit policing
>chavy young people
>drugs
>street drinking
>dole victims
>the list goes on and on ha
but since we appeared on this show a few years ago if you walked down strabane now its a new place actually a nice town to live
>huge new shopping units
>asda and proposed tesco
>new astroturf basket ball and hockey facalites
>every shop in town got facelift
>no army on streets
>new fashion not chavy
>no fights after katy dalys
>new 10million pound hotel
>best cricket teams in NI not bad for a Catholic town???
>and alot more things
the fact is strabane isnt a small place there is over 10000 houses in strabane disctrict most people in strabane are real nice people brought down by scum but this is all changing no army means no ira only dissiants how have no backing.. times a healer strabane will be one best places to live in next 10 years..
Definately a bit of inbreeding going on in Strabane. Large foreheads and squinty eyes close to the nose. Must have happened after the spud famine to keep the Catholic population stable.
i think Jimmy you will find it is the Prods who are famous for in breeding if you don’t believe me take a look at your royal family except Harry of course lol
hi all,
)
a very accurate discription of Strabane if that is what you choose to look at in the town, true booze plays a big part in the social life of the town and the bargain prices of it in Asda helps fuel the weekend trouble, which i believe to be a lot less than most other towns and given it’s place as the highest percentage of Catholics in NI and therefore with it the highest deprivation ( due to generations of Unionist misrule) it is quite possible we are exceeding ourself given the starting position note this won’t be refered to in the current political correctness
The talk of paramilitaries ruling the town again goes back to two points firstly the Unionst Police force and British Army that existed until the last decade who’s job it was it keep the natives in line and not get any ideas above there station and secondly the inability for the existing Police force to make any effort at real policing in the town, cowards who are happy enough to enforce the 30mph speed limits on the roads and not much else. It’s true to say though that one paramilitary group in particular for a considerable period crucified the people in the town in the name of Irish freedom yet to my memory i don’t remember any blow for freedom by them, by anyones measure of struggling for freedom, rather look at there homes, speedboats, jetski, mobile homes etc. gained from there “Tiger Kidnapping” ,bank robberies etc. They seen Strabane as there greatest stronghold and asked the people to vote for them, needless to say the good people of Strabane came out in strength and rubuked them outright.
We still have a long way to go hopefully in a full and United Ireland but take a walk up the River Mourne or go fishing, play golf, Gaelic, soccer all in state of the art facilities, i challenge you to walk around the centre of Strabane at the weekend or it’s Estates at any time and ask do you feel safe? do the same in Plymouth or nearly any other British town and asked yourself where you would rather be.
The views of the individual who wrote this to me are that of someone short sighted and lacking in maturity, please take a look again and remember “Chavs” are an English creation and probably suffer from the same lack of chances in life as the people of Strabane all be it what religion they where born into wasn’t there single biggest diadvantage
just to finish the kids you talked about begging for cigs, that happened to me on Friday night as i walked along the “water wall” they where children i didn’t feel frightened or intimated or in fear of my life i just thought there boy’s trying to be men nothing more
cheers
Brian ( not the same Brian as before
im so glad that there is someone out there who has so little to do with there time but chat rubbish about the hard working people of strabane. strabane has been through alot through the years and we are definately on the way up. you forgot to mention or brilliant gaelic team, or excellent young footballers, or brilliant new state of the art school. i ask whoever wrote this to come spend a week in strabane and enjoy the people and our great wee town.
Mark IRA, just about defines all that is wrong with Strabane. Well done Mark, be sure not to miss the yellow bus in the morning!
Hilarious if not terribly accurate portrayal of Strabane. Inaccurate probably more for what was ommitted than for what was actually said. The real scourge of the town remains to be the imbecile paramilitaries. A large amount of these so-called paramilitaries are brain washed retards with multiple learning difficulties, however they have decided to appoint themeselves as the moral authorities in the town. It is no one wonder then that with these special (needs) forces acting as judge and jury we are left with a town which reflects poorly on the good character of its people.
I know Strabane well, in fact you could say I love Strabane; I love the people, their humour, their good nature and their generosity. I believe the paramilitaries are responsible for holding the town back , this has been the case for decades. With them gone we could perhaps develope into normal society, we could attract more investment and maybe then our educated young people wouldn’t feel the need to get out as quickly as possible.
Moved from Strbane long time ago but nowadays it aint so bad
This article is has so many flaws its unreal! Strabane isn’t the best place but we are on the way up. How many Strabane people have heard of this famous night club “Daty Kalys” must be a new place that i haven’t came across yet?
I couldn’t agree more on this very insightful view of Strabane and the hell hole that it has become. Although the editor has left one of two things out, most notable is the waste of money-tinnies and some pig thing. It has a culture centre for, people such as (Mark IRA) would likes boys sucking his balls and shagging old women, personally I think Mark should take a trip to England he might, just might find a girl or boy his own age. I think that demonstrates Strabane certainly doesn’t need a culture centre.
But the Highlight, without a shadow of a doubt is the A5 by-pass. Modern feat, a great engineering achievement. Something Strabane people should be proud of. As it directs all traffic away and now at least people won’t see the Alco’s hanging around the front of Supervalu or look at some boat thing in the square. Yes the By-Pass. Great.
Thats just about right, this town is a shame.
One thing you forgot are the Ceasefire soldiers AKA Ogra Shinn Fein not to forget a few so called councillors.
Suck my balls you english cont by the way i shagged your ma last night and you also better run.i sent the ira after you and when they get you theyll shag your ma 1by1