Welcolme To Torquay- The Resort of Chav Culture.
Torquay is the home of the 24hr Chav lifestyle. Out of the ghettos of Hele village, Chelston and Ellacombe arise the unqustionable scum of the Torquay Chav.
A usual week day for a Torquay chav usually invovles scoring some of the most dirty plastic-infested shoe polish ridden cannabis resin and smoking ‘shotties’ in the back of a stolen Nova. As the night draws in it is not uncommon to here the piercing sound of a Scooter album pass you by as the young Chavs drive there pile of sh*** modded cars to congregate to the Mecca of the Torquay Chav, Staples car park. Here the ‘clans’ of Chavs disperse into there various groups in the different end of the car park. Anybody seen joining the visiting gang of Paignton or Exeter chavs will be hurled with abuse and threatening stairs. Opposite Staples car park McDonald’s drive through is jam packed with drain-pipe exhaust fitted 1litre engined Ford and Vauxhalls waiting to wine and dine there awaiting 13 yr old Chavette girlfriends with milkshake and nuggets. It is not uncommon for the shocked and distressed parents of these young girls to come and rescue them from the gangs of Torbay chavs from the car park.
With Friday here and benefits safely in the Torquay Chav’s traccy pockets its time to make the annual meet at Claires nightclub to get wasted on Torquay’s finest amphetamine and ecstacy that has more incommon with Flash microcleaner and rat poison than what there Paignton Chav dealer told them they were buying. As the Chav mob bounces up and down to some of the worst house and trance ever devised at 500 beats per minute, any poor DJ who trys to slip in some tasteful slower house music will be immediatelty shouted at and cursed. The usual reaction to this involves shouting ‘aarder fastaaa what the fook is this s****” your killing my high!’ as the angry mob slams there fists on the DJ box and head for Room 2 and try and impress the Chavettes with their moves to the latest 50 Cent track.
As kick-out time approaches, Torquays streets are laiden with drunk easy pickings for the Chavs. They usually wait till about 2.30pm, when most of the older harder piss heads have gone home and all that can be found is absolutely wasted young innocents trying to find there homes. These innocents will be descended on by usually a gang of 5 burberry boys between the ages of 11-18 who want to prove themselves by imprinting there sovereign rings onto the forehead of the poor individual who is usually unconscious before the incident thankfully. As the Chavs add to there pockets its time to go and celebrate in the early morning by heading to the Chelston ‘pretty-park’ to poor shampoo into the natural stream and terrorise local residents with amateur firework displays.
For the rest of the weekend the local Chavs can be seen wondering around Torquay town centre outside JJB sports and Torquay’s central McDonalds. Behing central McDonalds is a network of small alley ways leading to the multistorey and Abbey Road. It is not uncommon to find many Chavs on patrol in this area and slumped heroine addicts alike, heading to the benches outside the town hall to score there latest hit. This only aids the Torquay Chav economy so they can head to Liddles to buy cheap Vodka and cheap sausage rolls in the bargain basket for the kids.
The Chav children are left to walk there pit-bull terriors around such areas as Hele. Usually on these fond journeys of the enthusiastic juveniles enjoyable games are played such as ‘who can slash the most tyres on this street’ and ‘who can steal the most from the Hele co-op’. As they head home from there days out on the street on there micro-scooters they impress mum with there latest takings. If they impress enough Mum might slip them cheap dessert and a Lambert and Butler for there troubles.
As you can see, Torquay Townie culture makes Torquay the ultimate Chavtropolis. And now it is even attracting Chavs from around the UK, mainly Liverpool and Scotland, so much is the National appeal of this dreary town.
Interesting..
The total number of residents living in Torbay is 134,000 and was voted the best holiday destination in 2012. The covers a wide spectrum of landscapes being so near to Dartmoor and the coast. The description above has deliberately picked the worst corners possible, in what you might all agree with me, is possible in every town.
It is not fair to judge a geographical location just on one cross section in what is a varied town, both in people and local history. I enjoy a sea view with palm trees and views across to Dartmoor right from the town centre of Torquay, full of old architecture.
Local of ten years and loving it,- Cristie
Having read the negative reviews on several so called ‘chavtowns’ I am begining to suspect that most of them come from ‘chavs’ themselves…
TQ1 all day buaaaaa
dear chronic_BOI you’ve just proved all of the points made in this paragraph, your a dickhead, learn to spell properly you chronic_w**ker.
Have lived in Preston , Paignton for 7+ years having moved from another town in the Midlands, I wonder if any of these people who have posted on here have had experience of living in other parts of the country as I luv living here and could never imagine living anywhere else..it is a beautiful part of the world and I appreciate where I live, believe me it is a damn sight better than a lot of other parts of the country that I have visited and certainly a lot safer than where I used to live. Admittedly it has it’s bad areas like any other part of the country but for the majority it is sound!!
hi- i was looking to move down to torquay with my family quite soon but reading these reviews im a little put off!!
a lot of it is a joke yes but surely every town has its chavs??
beleieve me im from basingstoke i know !!! this place is full of em so it cnt be any worse can it????
yeah well I acc live in torquay, an yeah there is loads of chavs in the places mentioned, but yuu forgot to mention all of the nice places!!! Torquay is amazing!!! Rather live in torquay than most other places, so don’t even think about putting it down..!!!!
p.s I <3 phitt chavss..
pps ^that was a joke :L x
Oh wow, haha. 6 years on from when this was written and it still mostly holds true. The bad nightclubs have changed a little (mostly just the names – the places are still awful piles of s**t where you daren’t stand still too long or else you’ll become stuck to the floor, playing the worst DnB music you’ve ever heard) and Hele’s Co-op is now a FarmFoods, but that’s about the extent of it. The chavs still flock down here and are starting off on their way to Chavdom from even younger ages now.
I’m working in Hele at the moment and I love dealing with drug addicts and maniacs while listening to the revving motors of s**tty cars. I wish I could say it was a good place here, but it’s really not – if I could get the hell out of here, I would.
Funny, all of the people trying to back up Torquay, I live there. It”s a f**king s**t pit, simple as that. I could squat and squeeze a better society of of my f**king sphincter. This articles actually pretty accurate.
Babies shush down!
THC come and silence the chilern.
With dub sound’s deep bass blastin’
Before Fleet walk,
When swan street darkly haunted.
Printers elbow throwin it’s Banner cross in your face.
Your crew aint reppin ought here
We are walking among you, watching you stumble
It aint the crew your reppin,
But the governers that own the town
Chav they come
Chav they go.
But we are watching chil’ern watching, waiting to see how you grow.
And those of you that dont straighten up…well
We are watching.
Torquay pheonix fires will burn you out
Purge you out!
And a 2am burger in peace at piggys will no longer be a distant dream
We are coming back to lift your faces from beneath your cowardly hood
And yes you will fear us! for your words without meaning will offer no defence.
The street sweepers are coming, so best be in the know
Hush down chil’ern….
repping my ends near town union street home dawgs chonging the green all day
its grimey down here.
TQ CREW HAHA you little boys make me laugh tq crew a bunch of 12 year olds lmfao helle village boi better know!
HA i cant believe torquay has chavs too. Ive never seen them myself and am very shocked they exist in this part of the world. Only people ive seen who look remotely chavvy looked like f**kin mongs, maybe there a lot milder version of the salford chavs im used to up north. Theyd get dropped up here.
we as a old ladies think that chav town comments are rarther amusing and funny. We also believe that we should get superman in town and save us from the chavic revolution, and say goodbye to the modern ways and say hello to feilds gallor and old britain, and beaches with FREE icecream.
SAVE OUR CHILDHOOD FEILDS!!!!!!!!!!!!
For Barabra and Margrets sake,
Toodle looo fellow peasants of the chavy town.
Signed Barabra Pickles and Margret Bloomsbry.
P.S Don’t forget to watch the BAM show in the future, you don’t know what we are talking about now but you will in the future. hahahahahahaha CHEESE (yuk)
chronic_BOI
wolvercub
TQ SHUT YA MOUTH!
The above need there nappies changing.
Little gayboys
I f**kin love Torquay,
Big up TQ2 all day, reppin Chelston ends, get 2 know!
Hahahaha!!
Precisely! Fantastic! chronic_BOI – You are a comic genius!
Hahahaha!!
Precisely! Fantastic! chronic_BOI – You are a comic genius!
your all a bunch of w**kers who av no life
all u can do is dis evrery1 else cuz u r f**ked up
Torquay is a sound place 2 go and a big shout out to da TQ CREW cant go amis cum again and we will f**k u all up!!!!
Comic trying to act all big and hard! Silly little boy!!! Chavs tend to go round in groups but would they be so mouthy and agressive to people if on their own ? not a chance!!!