What a wonderful city this is!
One of the oldest cities in England, Nottingham itself is wreathed in history. It is home to the oldest pub in the world, ‘Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem’. King Charles I raised his standard at Nottingham Castle, starting the English Civil War, and of course, the legends of Robin Hood. Oddly enough, Nottingham was once known for being primarily subterranean, with most of its citizens living in the sandstone caves that still riddle the city. Slightly ironic, because many of its current denizens seem to have regressed to trogolodyte tendencies.
I will outline several points why I believe Nottingham is the chav capital of the country:
1. It has several large council estates, including the Meadows, St. Ann’s and Clifton, all of which provide ideal breeding ground for chavs. The combination of easily accessible State Benefits, easy access to much-needed industries like theft, violent crime and drug-dealing provide solid groundings for the furthering of chav culture.
2. In the city centre, the concentration of fast-food outlets is approximately 1 per square metre. There are three McDonalds, 1 Burger King, 1 KFC and a stunning variety of privately owned takeaways in an area only ten blocks wide. These, of course, are frequented by chavs with poor-quality jewellery dangling from their necks, wrists and ears, the males holding their testicles (presumably to stop them from falling off because of venerial disease contracted from intercourse with unclean chavettes).
3. The city centre also boosts not one, but TWO shopping centres – the Victoria Centre and the Broadmarsh Centre. The Broadmarsh Centre is by far more infested with inherent chavism, due to its proximity to the aforementioned Meadows council estate, and also because of the middle-class aspirations of the Victoria Centre which are not compatible with the general sense of social decay which attracts chavs to an area in the first place. Some brave chavs do venture forth, however – usually to mug people coming out of the more expensive shops. Both centres provide outlets of cheap crappy clothes shops.
4. The city boasts a throbbing subculture of nightclubs, which provide havens for homophobic, rascist and misogenystic music to be developed. This, naturally, provides a wonderful environment for chavs to develop. Coupled with the alcohol abuse that is intrinsically woven into this tapestry of social cancer, Nottingham is rapidly becoming a putrid tumour of social rot in the heart of England.
5. There is a lot of evidence of State involvement in the city, including the presence of large Social Security offices. This is, of course, in response to the huge demand for State Benefits in the city. With so many chavs not working, and sponging off the state by having children at 5-year intervals to maximise benefit-taking, the need for government administration is very large. It may even be that the city’s entire economy depends on the chavs, as those that do work invariably work in government buildings!
6. The city also boasts several sexual health clinics to deal with the rampant clemedyia and other sexually transmitted infections rife amidst the chav community, and also desperate attempts by the State to introduce birth control to the chav community to stop the soaring birth rates. However, this doesn’t work – many chav mums can be seen pushing prams containing screaming babies, the mothers themselves screaming abuse at the 5-year-olds accompanying them, who are, of course, screaming back at them, their tempers fuelled by the additive-riddled blue bubble-gum flavoured fizzy drinks they guzzle by the bucketload.
7. I have recently seen the ultimate example of chavism in Nottingham – THE BURBERRY WOMAN. Burberry boots, handbag, skirt (six inches long, just covering her upper thighs), t-shirt, pushchair (obviously), baseball cap, complete with hooped earrings (somewhere to hang her feet, I expect) and several dozen cheap gold necklaces dangling from her throat. I didn’t see if the baby was dressed in burberry, but I would wager money on it. Guess where I saw her? You got it – McDonalds.
8. The city used to have a wide range of bookshops – these are now gradually closing down due to lack of business. Its not that people are buying books online – chavs can’t read, plain and simple. TV Quick and the subtitles for Emmerdale (because the attention-deficited, additive-infested hyperactive children are screaming and going blue in the face) don’t count.
Is there any question? Nottingham is the chav capital of the country. Nottingham was actually originally called Snotingham – meaning ‘home and farm of Snot’, Snot being the name of the Viking chief who founded the city. I propose a renaming:
Chavin’am Innit Bredren, literally, ‘our home, isn’t it, my friends?’
I have the misfortune of having the vast majority of my family inhabiting this utter hovel. Had my father not joined the military and brought himself and my mum out of there, I dread to think how my family would have turned out. Would my dad be working part time jobs and quitting be because he ‘didn’t need it anymore’ after paying off his car, still living with his own mother, single at 40 like his brothers? Would my lovely mum still be stuck working at a jewellers? Would my brother be like our twelve year old cousin, smoking weed and getting into fights and, heaven forbid, would I be a goth degenerate like my other cousin, traipsing the streets with friends who look as if they’ve never heard of a shower showing off my fa arse in too tight jeans?
No, luckily we have escaped the Nottingham pit and only ever return maybe every two years at Christmas. For a week. Max. The rest of the time we reside in a nice modern army quarter in Germany, me and my brother at a nice SCE school with good teachers and facilities thanks to MOD funding. Thank f**k for the army man, thank f**k.
I have sworn to never return.
I remember when I first made my way through Nottingham. One of the first sights that greeted me was FutureStore, which provides training to Nottingham’s youth preparing them for an exciting career in retail.
Aim high, Nottingham. Aim high.
I moved to Nottingham for University recently (to live in Clifton) and I actually really love it. There are dirty parts, ‘chavvy’ people and an unavoidable amount of drugs floating around but it’s bustling, fun and full of just as many interesting people as chavs. There’s so much to do such as great gigs at The Rescue Rooms and Rock City, some lovely restaraunts. The history is great and the town hall in market square is amazing (: . So I am fully intending to stay when university finished (: .
This disparaging commentary on the lower classes would have been far more amusing if the author had actually checked how to spell chlamydia.
[...] living in City of Nottingham has made me love it even more. My sense of nostalgia and feelings of affection for the place [...]
Used to live five miles from Nottingham. Never experienced a place with more trogladytic, violent people. Not in LA, New York, London, Manchester, anywhere. It’s not called ‘Shottingham’ for nothing.
Typical Nottingham Saturday:
Early afternoon: watch old woman fighting with tramp outside Broadmarsh. The air is full of promise, and the smell of wee.
Early evening: watch group of people dressed as Wayne Rooney attack group of people dressed as Russel Brand, but they can’t keep up when the fops run away, due to their excessive Greggs consumption. The night is young.
Late evening: love is a beautiful thing. That’s why a twenty stone woman in a size eight dress is knocking her boyfriend’s head against a kebab shop window. Do not worry, this is merely foreplay.
Midnight: city centre is covered in s**t, goats and cattle wander by, fire glows on the horizon. Only suffered two threats of glassing this evening. Catch taxi home.
I don’t care, I still love Nottingham.. I’ve lived here all my life. Yeah there are a lot of chavs, but they’re all over the country, what do you expect?
ur all s**t!!!!
Not from Brom
Not from Leicester
Not from Leeds
Not from Manchester,
I, I am from Nottingham,
Aka Shottingham, Hottingham!
The Fauji – I appriciate your patrism to Notts..but really?
Over the past couple of years the council has frivolously thrown money into events, done up the city centre and are trying to promote a “prouder, safer, cleaner, Nottingham!” This is often just a distraction for the tea leafing and such going on. But sometimes, it’s a Chav-attraction.
Last summer the “council” wanted to re-creat a beach/bar in the Market square. I never had any intension of using it but I though it sounded like a reasonable idea…..
Instead there was a small sand pit (which what arppeared to be sandstone crushed under a builders boot) a shoddy fair ground ride and a s**t load of gypo’s! In the days building up to this I would often see a chavvy gran gobbing down the phone about “‘ow i’m gona bring te kids down te beach, and Chantelle bringin’ er 8 daaarn…..” Trust me, the place was swarming. Moms letting their young’ns wander off into the “sea” – (2 inch deep pool) and I’m sure you can imagine, 100′s of chavvy tot’s having the closest thing they’ll ever get to a bath, rather mucky!!!
Nottz favorites include:
and a great place to throw glass bottle’s from height.”Any place of worship” – Where the “Garden of eden” becomes “Garden of weeden”
“Penny man” – lovely bloke, abiding to Nottingham “prouder, safer, cleaner” moto, walks the streets with a sports bag picking up pennies off the floor – not a begger!!! but he’ll love you if you drop a 2p nearby!
“NCP carpark” favored by Chavs and Grebs alike – Beautiful view point of the city centre
“Parks” – If you can call them that, Angel park, Weeden, Park park ect. are often found at the end of alleyways. In summer these are swarmed with trackie donning pums slouched about.
Not from Brom
Not from Leicester
Not from Leeds
Not from Manchester,
I, I am from Nottingham,
Aka Shottingham, Hottingham!
The Fauji – I appriciate your patrism to Notts..but really?
Over the past couple of years the council has frivolously thrown money into events, done up the city centre and are trying to promote a “prouder, safer, cleaner, Nottingham!” This is often just a distraction for the tea leafing and such going on. But sometimes, it’s a Chav-attraction.
Last summer the “council” wanted to re-creat a beach/bar in the Market square. I never had any intension of using it but I though it sounded like a reasonable idea…..
Instead there was a small sand pit (which what arppeared to be sandstone crushed under a builders boot) a shoddy fair ground ride and a s**t load of gypo’s! In the days building up to this I would often see a chavvy gran gobbing down the phone about “‘ow i’m gona bring te kids down te beach, and Chantelle bringin’ er 8 daaarn…..” Trust me, the place was swarming. Moms letting their young’ns wander off into the “sea” – (2 inch deep pool) and I’m sure you can imagine, 100′s of chavvy tot’s having the closest thing they’ll ever get to a bath, rather mucky!!!
Nottz favorites include:
“Penny man” – lovely bloke, abiding to Nottingham “prouder, safer, cleaner” moto, walks the streets with a sports bag picking up pennies off the floor – not a begger!!! but he’ll love you if you drop a 2p nearby!
“NCP carpark” favored by Chavs and Grebs alike – Beautiful view point of the city centre
and a great place to throw glass bottle’s from height.
“Any place of worship” – Where the “Garden of eden” becomes “Garden of weeden”
“Parks” – If you can call them that, Angel park, Weeden, Park park ect. are often found at the end of alleyways. In summer these are swarmed with trackie donning pums slouched about.
The real places to watch out for are the inbred towns around the city;
Hucknal, Bulwell, Broxtowe, Stapleford (aka. Stabbo!), Radford and Lenton…..The list goes on!
Nottingham is what you make of it!!
Anti-Chav-666 while Vicky (as it’s lovingly referred to) centre may seem a more likely chav hangout to those unfamiliar with this lovely city Broadmarsh is far more appealing to the average chav. On closer inspection you’ll notice the ‘Discount Jewelrey Store’ and ‘Half Price Gold’ hidden away towards the rear of the centre allowing the purchase of cheap ‘bling’ (or in most cases to mug whoever comes out for their cheap bling) and even further back through the fragrant coridoors leading to the bus station a Brighthouse store, to allow them to fill their homes with Plasma TV’s and Blu Ray players (at least for a couple of months until they’re reposesed).
"nottingham as a whole is one of the 3 best cities in the world"
R O F L
lol @ chillax NG runs tings…….
That is a Captivating Artical, each of my sentences are going to accomadate words with 3 or more syllables in order to disorientate and confuse any chavs which may stumble across this thread… My life may be at risk otherwise.
There was one point which, having inhabited the rural Spirit of this city for 19 Annums, I see as being Inaccurate.
In part of the artical, broad marsh is said to be the more chav-prone of the 2 retail establishments. This is infact not true, Victoria Center is better equipped for chavs including having A mc donalds in closer Proximity and a Burger king across the road. It also contains More chav clothes shops and is across the road from the most chav-ish nightclub in the whole of nottingham (the works)
Finally unknown to most, there is actually a Chav related Street racing problen usually at the broad marsh during sunday evenings… a chance for all to see chavs comitting a ritual suicide.
=P
So yeah, it is because of idiots like you that Notts is as bad as it is.
wot is your lots problems? all u seem to do is slag nottingham off, well lemme tell u tht u got it all wrong! Nottingham anit wot u make it out to b, ur all f**kin idiots! Grow up!
g-man87 makes some fairly valid points, albeit in a rather bizarre way. I presume he wrote his post whilst undergoing cold turkey. Of course, some of the comments are not so valid and unable to be endorsed. Also, typing in English would have made it easier to read. Keep to the methadone young man, I am sure you will make a full recovery eventually.
This place sounds great, got offered a job there once but turned it down as it wasnt worth my while moving.
I bet Yanks who come to Nottinghma get a shock, not only because they cant find Robin Hood but due to the Chavs. Nottingham sounds like most towns in Britain but the demise seems to be on a larger scale.