The teesside region of the North-East of England is one of those areas earmarked for regeneration over the next few years. This sort of information wouldn’t have meant much to me before I relocated to the pair of fetid rat testicles that straddle either side of the Tees, otherwise known as Middlesbrough and Stockton.
There is an impressive piece of architecture near Middlesbrough station which curves with the road, reminiscent of regent street approaching piccadilly circus. For some reason this particular part of the town stuck in my mind the first time I visited – possibly a subconscious effort to blot out the rest of the frighteningly stark images which would soon be the backdrop for my new home.
To drive through Teesside at night you could be forgiven for thinking you’re in a science fiction setting. In places, the horizon is just metal and flames. Pipes, girders, beams, smokestacks, railings, rungs all glistening in yellow illumination and flames, begging the question: What is it all in aid of? What on God’s green earth are they making?
It’s not spaceships.
Teesside is a dying place. The exact details I don’t have, but a lot of the original industries are not thriving like they once did and nothing new has taken their place. Vacant lots occupied by rubble, discarded softdrink cans and the hardiest of weeds are liberally strewn all over the region.
Workshops and empty premeses pervade every street. Ugly 60s and 70s rectangular concrete architecture is rife. Chunks of the residential areas are a grid of non-descript lego-block “street houses”, where the front door is seperated from the street by three feet of pavement. Many of these have “We will not be moved” placards in the front windows, resisting the plans for regeneration. It’s not uncommon to find an abandoned pram complete with sprogg outside these homes.
All the towns have them, but the one that sticks in my mind the best is the Billingham Town Centre. As you approach it, you’d think it was just another squallid block of council housing, but closer inspection reveals a faded ‘Town Centre’ board bolted to a concrete wall, and the tell-tale colour of shop front signs, usually for a baker, chippy or betting shop. The Town Centres are generally a rectangular array of these shops facing inward onto an ugly concrete forecourt where Chavs are snogging or eating chips.
Teesside’s one contribution to society in the 21st century is the Parmo: A heart-attack inducing bed of fried chicken fillets, smothered in cheese and kebab-shop sauces usually accompanied by chips and ‘salad’. Most high streets have a few pizza or kebab shops where these can be purchased any night of the week by the zit-faced locals in Nickelson shirts.
Like every other seaside town in England, Redcar (yes, that’s exactly what I thought the first time I heard there was a place called that) residents claim they have the best Fish & Chips in the country. Insert a pregnant pause of bemusement while deciding how to respond to the fact that they’re boasting about the quality of their chip and batter deep-frying technique.
It comes as no surprise to learn that the main occupation of the residents seems to be unemployment and drugtaking. The average mouth of a Teessider appears to have been the subject of a science experiment with random blackened pegs of varying lengths spaced sporadically in their gums. The boast is that Chavs originated in the region, but apparently even that questionable accolade belongs elsewhere. Nonetheless, they are as much a part of the region as McDonalds is of the local diet. The guys have shaved back and sides with a tuft on top, and the girls crudely stepped hair dyed in black and white highlights. The remainder of the population is overweight, leather-skinned and dressed in tracksuits.
I haven’t said anything about Hartlepool yet. I’ll just leave you with this titbit: I had never been punched in the face by a girl before visiting this charming town.
Forget regeneration, having now lived here for six months, in my humble opinion, the best thing that could happen to teesside is a swiftly moving incurable plague followed by a 9.0 Richter scale earthquake.
Uh.. that big metal thing with flames is called a REFINERY. I quite like it, at least a few hundred people in the country still have jobs in industry.
Other than that, yes, everything between the Moors and the Wear should be fenced off and used for biological warfare tests.
Ok now don’t just dismiss this as another rant, I’ve listened to you so now you have to return the favour, its only fair
I just have to say, whatever you think of a place or the people in it, by claiming that those people and their homes should be hit by a plague just shows how immature you really are. I work in the media too and I think that anyone who gave you the freedom to share that little nugget of “intelligence” with the world needs to get a grip…I could go on about society and politics and I’d wipe the floor with anything you want to throw at me, because believe it or not some of the people who live here have something to say too, and they have an education and talent and aren’t intolerant of other peoples lives…honestly if you want a debate I’ll give you one but it seems pretty pointless, your opinion was rendered totally worthless as soon as you made that comment. Closed minded people such as yourself never really want a debate, they want to bully people into sharing their opinions and honestly, you aren’t worthy of the vocabulary of someone like me.
Teesside may be struggling and yes our industries have been hit pretty bad by the recession but lets be fair, cheap shots like the one you’ve taken at us make our area seem like the seventh circle of hell which if you actually bothered to look, you’d see isn’t true…for a start hell doesn’t have a mcdonalds so thats blown your theory all to hell
The people who live here are exactly the same as people living in London or America, they have families and work hard and struggle to provide for the people they care about. They have their stories to tell and knowledge to share, the other day I was talking to a homeless man (and lets not use that as ammunition children, we know that other places have huge problems with people being stuck on the streets so don’t even bother) and he might not have a degree but he sits there all day and observes our society, so don’t just pass him over as some idiot who doesn’t deserve his say because he has something to offer just like everyone else!
For the record, I’m at university, I have a brilliant education, I don’t have 100 kids and if I did that would be my decision to make and none of your business. I live in Teesside and I’m happy and successful in life, I will be moving away when I graduate because the industry I want to be involved in isn’t situated here but I will miss this place, I’ll miss my friends, my family, the local shop keepers and the culture, I’ll even miss the “chavs” because you might think that if they’re wearing a hoodie they’re out to steal a major organ from you but actually that just shows that they must be better people than you, because most of those “chavs” you talk about are the nicest people you’ll meet, they listen to your point of view and they have their own. Putting chavs into a stereotype is discrimination, and discrimination of any kind is petty and childish.
If you didn’t like Teesside, that’s your tough nuggies, I have happy memories from my life here and anyone who’s irresponsible enough to make people think lesser of themselves and then hide behind the “I’m entitled to my opinion” line is really not worth arguing with.
So at the risk of being misunderstood and have someone write an article about how they now have definitive proof that Teesside should be wiped from the face of the earth…I leave you with this
If you don’t like it here then “DO ONE SCONE ‘ED!” haha any questions?
How can people enjoy Stockton seriously? It perplexes me. Granted there are some decent places to live such as Yarm but overall it’s just awful. I also feel that I have a right to have an opinion considering I’ve lived in Stockton up until I was 18 and I went to University (best day of my life). But my family still live here so I come back now and again unfortunately. The majority of people are chavs: anti-social, uneducated, selfish people who have no consideration for their actions or how they may affect other people. There is nothing to do except for playing footy, getting wasted and wishing you were anywhere but here. The high street has a few decent shops but nothing special you can get through it in about 5 minutes. The only place that you could actually spend a few hours and be entertained is Teesside Park but it isn’t that big and there are only so many times you can go bowling, go to the cinema or look around the shops before it becomes boring and mundane. The night life is god awful I mean have you ever been in Zanzibar? The music is crap and the people are scum and want to start a fight with anyone and everyone because they are “Well ‘ard”. And the teenage pregnancy is just ridiculous whatever happened to getting a career doing well for yourself? Naa I’ll just get pregnant and get a council house and live off benefits for the rest of my life; live the dream. I can’t really get my utter distaste for this place across in words because it just won’t do it justice. All I can suggest is to get on any bus such as the 37 and take a good hard look at the people that get off and on and the places it goes to. Then you can begin to understand the level of depressing, abysmal unpleasantness that is Stockton.
If anyone needs an incurable plague, followed by festering sores, it’s you. If anyone deserves to drown in their own bile, it’s you. If you don’t like Middlesbrough, then no-ones making you stay, are they? No. So, how about this solution: Stop being such a stupid f**king imbecile, and get out.
I like how you’re impression of the place is run-down and full of chavs. Guess I am too, right? 17 and with an education, but no, according to you I drive a motorcyle all night doing wheelies sipping Special Brew.
You’re entired judgment on the town obviously comes from places like Grangetown and South Bank. Fair enough, Grangetown is incredible run down, and South Bank is in dire need of a makeover, but whining about the High Street? Maybe you were f**king expecting John Lewis, CaviarExpress and some other random, high-class crap? Obviously. And as for the girders, pipes etc; It’s the works, which if it wasn’t for, you’re ungrateful f**king ass wouldn’t be able to use gas to cook, or electricity to heat your house. They’re also a great source of employment in a dying economy, but despite being full of workers, they’re obviously illusions because the place is full of unemployment. *rolls eyes* And the cuisine! It’s all greasy! Wow, you see that we invented the Parmo, and I know what your favourite sport is: Jumping to conclusions! Hell, the whole town must be fat, right, despite having several Gyms around, right? Yeah, well eat McDonalds, no home-cooking, no good restaurants, it’s just McDonalds…you useless halfwit.
But, I digress..Maybe you should come into Normanby one day, stand on a street corner, and preach what you said, rather than sitting behind a screen with a thumb up your ass and a tear in your eye? I’m sure some people would love to dispose of your life, you waste of carbon..
and as for “kamihji”, I’m sure quite a few of us would like to see you drown rather than move into our homes, too.
God, how i’d laugh if Middlesbrough became a bastion of humanity should the planet be laid to waste. You fuckers wouldn’t be whining then, would you?
Thankyou
OH WHY are people defending these awful places? Have they never visited
a decent town, I was born in hartlepool and moved away age 5 and moved
back age 15, then fortunately went to university and have never gone
back the sme goes for my brother.
My parents actually live now in Seaton Carew which has plenty of rough
illiterate common chav scum too
Hartlepool/Stockton/Billingham/Middleboro are just VILE and if they
were the last towns on earth I would rather drown than live in them,
they have BIG innercity problems but without any of the attractions of
London where I now live.
I think defending these sort of places is just very CHAV in itself.
Have you seen all the towns around the UK which do daft things like try and ban chavs/neds and the like from using their shopping centers – its all crazy I dont listen to them. I am a chav and proud – no-one can tell me what I should wear – they are all just middle class rich types and daft. I am happy to let them pay as much tax and stuff as they like – I wont be paying any!! – if they dont like my hoodie then its tuff – although in the summer I get my liverpool kit on so maybe they dont mind that – god knows!!
Now Middlesbrough is a great town – well the boro as we call it
There is no better place
The reason I like it – there are lots of grassy areas and walk ways where you can hav a laugh, play footy, play fight your lass – whatever
boro town centre is also quite cool with actually several shopping centres. you can go into the Cleveland Center or Hill Street – then there is Linthorpe road shops. There is also a load of warehouse type joints over down Portrack Lane – which is quite good – plenty of budget places for carpet, couches and stuff – just the place for the council vouchers – and YES all those shops accept the council handouts. There is also some good sports shops and stuff if you get over to Teesside retail park – yes its a bit of a walk but HEY all these people in london always saying you gotta get fit if you are gonna live long – plus anyway you can go for a run at the sports stadium in middlesbrough. YES we have a porper running track in middlesbrough – not many towns have that do they
If you ever come into the area why not try out Saltburn which is really good. By the sea – very pleasant – quite hilly as there is a high cliff and loads of steps down to the beach. The great thing is you dont get many rich types down there. There is a nice pier and a few not bad amusements. The good thing is when you go down like in Sept through to april there is hardly anyone there. There is also some good surfers cos the tide is often quite high and its great to see the waves crashing in. There is also lot of people that get down on the pier for fishing. Loads of them get down there for hours. My fav is the other end of the beach just before the road turns sharp right and goes up sharp hill as the road climbs up to place called Brotton. Just there is a pub called "The Ship" which does quite nice meals – well if you go on the beach just there – there is lots of bolders and stuff – itf funny to go down there and try and balance and walk on all the rocks and bolders. There is a pipe for water or somefin – well its not used any more but you can walk on this concrete bit and then on the pipe when the pipe is bare. You can also sit on the bolders and watch the sea come in. Cos its hard to climb over all the crap you dont get pestered with the rich scum with flashy cars and crap
So if you need to get away from some crappy place where the dole people try and make you take some daft job doing stuff for 4 quid an hour – then come to the boro – and enjoy your life for once
teesside, collectively is a collection of crapness, that is why middlesbrough which is cermonially and historically part of yorkshire should distance itself from the whole tees ideology, for gods sake the dibanded the teeside and airport names. living in the very south perimeter of middlesbrough i dont want to associated with some of the crap in stockton, yes middlesbrough has its bad points and wanting dragging very fast quickly into a better place, just look at its record on health and education facts that do not lie. having worked in the town centre for decades i have seen it go downhill and have now come to the opinion that im getting out, this takes time but i lost pride in my town, at least mfc is something to be poud of , at least north countryside is only on the door step.
I actually pitty your narrow minded view of Middlesbrough!! I am not saying that there are not groups of not so well off, delinquents that do wander the streets but if you tell me one town or city in England where there are not these types of people then I would take my hat off to you. I am from Middlesbrough myself and do not see why an idiot like yourself has the authority to give an opinion on anybody in society. Especially not to tarnish all people from Middlesbrough with the same "brush", so to speak. You are obviously a snobby arrogant prick with nothing better to do with your time than pass judgement on other. I hope it makes your little, insignificant life feel better when you feel all high and mighty by looking down on others. One more thing, you are an absolute arsehole!!
!!
Thanks for you time!
Louise (Not common, not overweight, and certainly does not have black and white hair!!)