My first clue that I was entering a chav hotspot was that I had to negotiate my way past the ‘crew’ tipping back pint cans of stella and a cluster of heavily pregnant chavettes dressesed in hospital gowns obstructing the entrance whilst merrily puffing away on their ciggies. Upon entering the reception area, my senses were immediately overwhelmed by the stench of stale alcohol.
After booking my son in with the recptionist I had the misfortune of taking a seat opposite Kev, just that evening made relatively toothless and Gazza, blood-soaked with several lacerations on one side of his face. It would seem that although they had both been injured in seperate incidents, they must have both fought the same guy. From the descriptions he must have been about 6 foot 8, built like the terminator and on both accounts knew he did not stand a chance as both, kev and gazza, stated that ‘He was f**kin’ luckey he ran away when he did, cuz I was about to ave em’.
When my sons name was called by the nurse I was certain that the rest of my evening would be chav-free. Oh how wrong I was. As it happens, the paediatric treatment room was perfectly positioned to witness a seemingly endless stream of ambulace crews bringing in an unending supply of chavs and chavettes complaining of ailments ranging from ‘Her drink must have been spiked cuz she usually drinks 4 alco-pops and 9 vodka and cokes and never gets this pissed’ to the ever popular ’I woz about to ave em when he ran away’.
This disturbing parade was still in progress when we were moved to the childrens ward at 3 a.m.
This evening has shown that chavs are a crafty lot, continually finding ways of squandering my sizeable monthly contribution to the government.
On a side note, I hope that for his own safety that the police catch this 6 foot 8 terminator look alike before Gazza and Kev are released cuz they were determined to ave em when they got out.
Regrettably, I spent the first 21 years of my life living in and just outside of Milton Keynes in Buckingham (otherwise known as F*ckingham) and latterly Leighton Buzzard (yes, the meat in the proverbial sandwich of the chav powerhouse bun rolls that are Luton and Milton Keynes) and I spent ALOT of time in MK because there was absoloutely f*ck all to do growing up (yes, Buckinghamshire and Bedfordshire is that desperately depressing and retarded) and yes, MK is a complete dump – a veritable hybrid of roundabouts, council estates, bricked in windows, smashed in phone booths and vomit stained pavements. Where other towns have tumbleweed drifiting across the roads, MK has tesco shopping bags drifting on the wind. They say MK stinks of piss and that my friends is the heady aroma of decline. My ex in New Zealand asked me what it was like in the place that I grew up in and I referred her to Dante’s depiction of the Nine Circles of Hell which is a pretty bang on portrait of Milton Keynes. As has been said, MK is prime breeding area for the primordial chav and to spend a day in CMK is to witness the Chav in his natural habitat, descending from the estates like a marauding mongol horde every weekend. X Scape and The Point are akin to pagan temples of worship to the chav. The intelligence of the MK Chav, however, is impressive, and his vocabularly is filled with such linguistic gems as ‘I iz gunna bang yer ‘ead in, innit’, ‘check owt da rims on ma boomting, brap brap’ and of course the ever present ‘ya know wot I mean bruv, innit’. To browse upon the outskirts of CMK alone is to readily accept the likelihood of being either verbally or physically assaulted by a pack of chavs 12 strong. In many ways MK is no different to many other places, granted, however good ole MK still manages to transcend the barriers of wretchedness by people who are so desperate to defend it. The same people who preach to the heavens that Milton Keynes is a ‘NEW CITY’ as opposed to a town. It is a dump, and the only thing that its supporters can hold up is the shopping centre, which is about as superficial as the hair on your arms. Believe me, to live in Milton Keynes is akin to having a threesome with Dot Cotton and Cherie Blair … with your eyes open and the lights on. The best part of MK is the A5. Do what I did, jump on it and get the f*ck out of town.
When I first moved to Milton Keynes 5 years ago I thought it was a great place to be, everyone here seems quite ambitious trying to start businesses and trying to build the area up and trying to put it on the map big time. Theya re building it up there are lots of new houses being built lots of shopping from CMK to Bletchley and district centres like Westcroft and Kingston. There is quite a lot of things to do (at first anyway). There is country side, rivers, lakes, parks, cyc;e paths, good transport links to London, Oxford, Luton, Cambridge and other cities. There are a lot of businesses moving to Milton Keynes as well, so it is ok for jobs. Now that’s all the good things I liked about Milton Keynes here comes the bad part and the part which ruins the whole place…THE PEOPLE. I understand that places like Slough and other towns might have what society deems them “chavs” but at least most of them are not self-centered, aragont, nosey and unfriendly people. There is not much community vibes up here, everyone segregates themselves depending on their race, class etc. No one tries to get to know oyu unless they want to be nosey and find out who you are, after that they wont even bother mutter a hi to you. Even some of the people I have met up here, they would come out with other friends from Milton Keynes and then the next day we would walk past them and they wouldnt even say hi to my friend, I did not get this? In most places once you are friends with someone you pretty much stay friends unless you do fall out with each other. There is a lot of racism in Milton Keynes (not directly), people from each race stereo type other races. Of course there is racism everywhere, but Milton Keynes although they have a very multicultural societym they are not integrated with each other like Slough, Luton and other places. Move here if you have family and loads of friends and dont mind meeting lots and lots of self-centered people who are 1 minute your friend and the next minute not interested in you. The people ruin Milton Keynes not because of being chavs or snobs but because they are unfriendly and aragont, horrible people who just like to talk bad about people. DO NOT MOVE TO MILTON KEYNES UNLESS YOU CAN SERIOUSLY TOLERATE LIVING IN A PLACE WITH NO COMMUNITY
I dare you to look at any A&E on a Friday or Saturday night and I guarantee you will match your description in most regions, where there is drink there are idiots that can’t handle it.
Oh and the reason the pregnancy rate is thriving…….perhaps something to do with all the commuters settling into reasonably priced housing with easy access to trains and motorways??!!!
Trust me Mk is not as bad as where i used to live in slough they dont need knives to beat people up there lol but seriously Slough is the worst place ever i will say its funner than MK just because sloughs infrastructure is better thought out i mean in MK you have a small housing estate then miles of roundabouts WTF and also apart from the city centre theres nothing else in MK unless you want to go visit bletchley witch is even worse than MK but back to Slough it is a craphole polish and indian people everywhere no jobs and it has one of britains most dangerous estate the britwell estate which is full of chavs and scroungers lol but i do find the people in MK are very self centered they only think about themselves and no one else which is not good considering that even on the britwell estate you can go in the club and have a drink and a laugh with the locals where as in MK they will probably beat you up just for 10p lol so yeah MK is a hellhole but could be worse you could live in slough or luton lol
i live in milton keynes and 80.9% of people who live in milton keyens are top-notch people.Chavs are going to be everywere to face it! but i haft to admite 99.9% of people are quite mothy and outspoken they dont care what people think:P
Reading this has made me think yes there is a lot of chavs in milton keynes and I live in milton keynes and I am probably classed as a chav, just because we where hoodies and trackies does not make us bad people like you have made out! Yes teenagers drink but there only do it on the streets as they anit older anuff to sit in pubs. If you actually knew the ‘chavs’ you would see them in a different light! Don’t pre judge
“Yes teenagers drink but there only do it on the streets as they anit older anuff to sit in pubs.”
No.
How I laughed at this most accurate representation of the concrete anthill that is Milton Keynes. The hospital is unfortuantly right in the epicenter of chav world, the nieghbouring estates of Netherfield, Coffee hall, Eaglestone & Fishermead are the city’s breeding ground for the chav gerneration. Take a walk with me if you will from the entrance of A&E. First, within the hospital grounds themselves you will notice a high propertion of lowered Corsas& Saxos, the vehicle of choice for the discerning Chav. The noise of bigbore exhausts makes battle with the stacatto beat of big woofers pulsating the bass line to a million differant chav sound tracks. The joke is the stereos in the cars are worth more than the cars, not that you should be mistaken for thinking these chavs are from that most rare sub-species, the working chav, no, these chavs provide for their aural entertainment (and everyone else’s noise pollution) by robbing n stealing from hard working non-chavs.
As we walk towards the neighbouring estate of Netherfield we will pass through and along as subterrianian world decorated with Chav art (graffitti). Let us take a closer look at the messages scrawled apon the walls of the underpass. We will learn that Sean has a tiny prick and that, among others, Sally Weeks gives good head.
As we approach the local shops we will witness the Chav in its natural habitat. Here is a co-op, a chip shop, a kebab house, a chinky and a pub, all essential services for the local chav residents. We will have to tread carefully now to avoid the dog s**t, Don’t walk too close to the chav leaning against the pillar outside the co-op unless you want to be stabbed& mugged. Avoid eye contact less you are accused of “givin me evils you cant!” Let us walk along this parade of shops and wonder who o0n earth designed this sink hole hell on earth
i read this and laughed. i completely understand were your coming from. i used to live in milton keynes, to a quiet little village near hereford. however i can safely say, that although there is a lot of chavs in milton keynes, theres some everywhere you go. i still speak to my friends in milton keynes and can safely say that none of them are pregnant, however in my quiet little place that i know live, there is 5 friends of mine that are expecting, or have had children. theres chavs everywhere, and in a strange way i do miss walking past them and hearing abit of there conversation.
Oh well. the tories are clamping down on the chavs and the laughable “vulnerable and poor” and we’ll send them all to the worst flats in the worst areas, lets send them all up north.
This is completely untrue!
I live in Milton Keynes and i’ve been to the hospital a few times for issues such as a fractured bone in my foot or my brother had a broken arm etc etc. In total, i’ve probably spent about 14 or 15 hours of my life in that waiting room and there have been maybe 2 chavs the entire time i’ve been there.
Obviously you have some seemingly harsh vendetta against chavs and don’t get me wrong, they annoy the best of us, but there is no need to be pathetic and so untrue about a town. Everywhere has it’s bad places and it’s chavs, you’re just being rude and picking out the worst parts of an area for kicks, and tbh that’s childish.
It’s not funny and it’s not true so get over yourself and be realistic you ponsey twat
Milton Keynes = Satan’s layby
shutup