I must admit i was a litttle apprehensive about working in a certain school in a certain East hampshire town/village/cess pit/ breeding centre for generation after generation of pug ugly children, but have been pleasently surprised by their seemingly innocent loyalty. This sound like a blag but after working in other schools, I am quite happy to work at Bordons best community technology college (mill chase to everyone else.) The kids are inbred, drooling mutants with a gene pool thinner than a chavs vocabulary but they are loyal and honest. I personally believe that the kids in Bordon are too thick to be chavs, they are quite happy with their lidl trainers and their snide gear from aldershot market and expect very little from life.

I was shown a photo of a new baby to be informed by the proud auntie, “look at his webbed toes, aren’t they sweet. They are on both feet too.” Now call me old fashioned but this sweet innocence of what is proper in society made me want to pat the girl on the head and ask politely if she was in fact the mother of her brothers kikd. I refrained out of decency and fear of what the answer would be. One thing that has surprised me is the fact that this social retards spend their free time by going to Alders**t. Why the f**k would any sane person believe that shopping in alders**t is a pleasant experience? I was born there and only venture forth to go the bank so the thought of someone going 10 miles up the road, bypass Farnham, and hit the most morbidly depressing place this side of Bransholme, (by the way anyone who has never been to bransholme should go on a pilgrimage, it really is as f**king awful as the posts on this website suggest. In fact why doesn’t a company produce a chavtown mystery chavtown tour. I would certainly be up for that.) I suggest to the kids that they could go to Guildford or Camberley but the little misfits are happy enough with a new look and a mark one and even a Quality Seconds.They dont even have to stoop as low as peacocks to get quality at a pittance.

Now no story of Bordon can be complete without a haunting tale of the Bordon funfair, a tale so scary that it even has two ghost trains, no lie, the fair has two f**king ghost trains. This ritual consists of small groups of post 16 f**k ups trying to score crap slate or dodgy homegrown so they can go back home and try to get their mother/sister/daughter f**ked up enough to sleep with them. The possibility of unscrupulous dealers going to the fair with a box of ibuprofen gladdens the heart of this wisened cynic. The other night a group of chavs in training (cit’s) thought it would be cool to hurl abuse at two squaddies (nothing against the army, someone has to be blown up by the iraqi’s and as long as it is not me, im happy) who chose to take the moral high ground. Red rag to a bull for a chav. Here they are trying to insult you be calling you a ‘gaudy c**t’ and a ‘queer w**ker’ and you dare ignore them!! Shame on you. Well two of this group of cit’s got quite close to the squaddies and became exceedingly brave and throw a stone or two in order to get a response. These soldiers must of been on best behaviour bonds because again the moral high ground was took. Unfortunately for the little cit’s, the roughest looking female, i use the word loosely, in the world must of had a some sort of sexual relationship with one of the aforementioned squaddies and laid out one of the little cit’s with the best right cross i have ever witnessed. The other chav stood petrified whils the other 4 cit’s stood around aghast. This rough female creature then proceeded to kick the living daylights out of the poleaxed chav. Whilst she pounded the burberry wearing s**t eater, his mates started to call her a ‘f**king bitch, slaaaaaaaaaaaaag, and whore, whilst at the same time putting more and more distance between them and her prey. She was stopped from killing the little douchebag by her lover and was dragged away before she had time to feed on the entrails of her victim. This was one of the happiest days of my life to see a gang of 6 chavs ripped apart by one female, even if she was a f**king rabid dog.

This sums up Bordon for me, the people are too pathetic to really be chavs, even the gold clown wearing, horseshoe ring parading parents are pretty harmless. Just dont ask them to tarmac your drive or you will never ever f**king shift them