I might only be a tractor driver but I got a computer in me cab now so I thought I would tell you about my local town. Chard used to be a right good old place. you could ave a proper night out for a fiver at the rugby club and then get yer end away with some tart from Henson Park you grabbed upstairs at the George. Appy days. All changed now ‘course. Towns full of bloody foreiners aint it? Portugese and them poles. Would’nt mind so much but the bastards only ever bring their ugly women over ere. They must keep all the pretty ones back ‘ome. They can’t all be as ugly as the ones they lets over ‘ere can they? Chard ad more’n it’s fair share of Chavs before the immigrants come over to work at Oscar Meyers and Hygrade (Thats a point. Ow come now Hygrades shut down they aint buggered off again? ). There’s more chavs per paving slab up and down Fore street and High street than you will see in any place in the country. Difference ere is its like the united nations of chavdom. Traccies, trainers, spray tans, Agos’s three for a fiver gold bling and thats the geezers ! Needs the united nations to keep the peace ere too. No one comes to Chard after dark, even the drongos from Yeovil wont venture out ere. Stupid as they are they aint that crazy. If you go to Accident and Emergency in Taunton any weekend night you caan bet alf of em comes from Chard. It’s a bad mean town full of ugly men and even uglier women!

Chard should qualify for some sort of award as the roughest town in west country, probably the country. We had some geordie contractors staying here a few weeks ago, they pissed off early because there were too many fights for their liking and one got threatened with a bottle by a local slapper. And they came from bleeding Gateshead !

So if you take my advice you want to programme your Sat Nav so that it never ever takes you anywhere near Chard. Best bet is to stay on The M5 and keep well away.