Newton Aycliffe is pretty much unknown nationally, but within the North East of England, it is known as a land of milk & honey for Chav folk. Walk through the historically important town centre designed & constructed using s**te building materials in the 1960′s & twinned with Beruit, Soweto & Hell, chavs immediatley feel at home.
A lovely array of different shops & services inc. Greggs the bakers to quickly feed a chav brood (family unit.) Also a large range of furniture & large telly’s & washing machines at Brighthouse with no scary credit checks very popular with chavs in Aycliffe. Very amusing when you see a Keith Miller lookalike arguing with staff because he’s about to have his sofa or tv repossesed. However very useful for furnishing a proud chav’s council house. Also Argos is an important landmark for the chav community as they supply very imortant jewellery.
Thames shopping centre (good name as we are only 300 miles from the River Thames) is a good place to go if you’ve got f**k all to do, & if you like the smell of bad breath, sweaty arses & old ladies.
If you’re in need of refreshment then call into Blakes public house – during the afternoon full of OAP & middle-aged chavs standing outside smoking their rollies. On a weekend the spectrum of customers expands to incude fat arsed young lasses (who also like to frequent Betty’s fish shop.) Also pimple faced young men who then think that they are Rocky Balboa after a few pints. Also watch as fat arsed chavette girls fall out of Blakes, flashing their floppy breasts & falling into the kebab shop or takeaway.
We also have a large selection of charity shops to suit the more financially challenged chav folk.
Be amazed at the sight of inbred young men in s**tty Vauxhall corsa’s & clapped out Astra’s with cooling tower sized exhausts fitted & go faster stripes & spoilers. Feel the power as these chav drivers rev their engines to the limit & their dickhead mates on offroad motorbikes & mini motos attempt to be glorious chav stuntmen pulling wheelies & doing s**te burnouts. Watch them crash & burn as the coppers seize their crappy bikes, the look of total anguish on their faces as their prized bikes are taken away.
The same people will strut their stuff in Aycliffe town centre if it’s warm & sunny (not very often) & the shirts come off revealing Beckham style tattoos, muscle beach in California wouldn’t get a look in. Be overwhelmed by scruffy,multi fathered little child urchins who Fagan would be proud of.
Aycliffe is full of atmosphere especially when the local sewage works f**ks up & you can smell s**te everywhere coupled with the smell of piss from old chavs on invaild scooters it’s a real heady mix.
If you are a chav, then Newton Aycliffe is a town of opportunities where the sky is the lmit.