Welcome to Grantham, the very birth place of Thatcher, Thatcher, milk snatcher. Grantham is home to two main groups of these barely literate, grammarphobic, vowel allergic slum dwelling piles of useless, worthless and pointless scum. Such fine, bona fide specimens of chavs that can be found in Grantham town stand as testiment to how badly New Labour failed to fufill their promises of a better society through improved healthcare, employment and last but not least, “education, education, education”.
As soon as you step off the train, or bus, or however you got here, you can immediately see that there are many things wrong with this town. For instance, poor public transport, appaling road layouts, county council’s statements that the railway tunnel footpath and highway gritting during icy conditions are not their responsibility are just a handful examples. That’s just on the surface though, the tip of the iceberg. However, when one spends an extended period of time in the town that’s when the town’s chav problem reveals itself.
Go inside the Isaac Newton Shopping Centre during weekends or any time outside school hours, or walk through Westgate during a late weekend evening, dare yourself to walk through the park and along the stretch of the river bank after nightfall, or even take a visit through the run down residential slums of the Alma Park and Earlsfield industrial areas respectively, or if you really think you’re ‘ard then take a walk through the railway tunnel footpath connecting Station Road and Huntingtower Road, and then you’ll see what I mean.
Westgate has public alcohol drinking establishments on each side of the street from top to bottom and becomes a hotspot for drunken louts during any given weekend evening. The park’s anti-social behavoir problem has become so bad that the council have erected wrought iron gates at each end of Redcross Street bridge crossing over the river into the park, which get shut and locked at the end of the day. The railway tunnel footpath is a common hotspot for drug dealers and failed wannabe Banksy’s and if you happen not to value you’re sanity, personal possessions and personal safety, then enter at your own risk.
Grantham town and the town centre itself has been the battleground for a gang war that’s been lasting for as long as I can care to remember now. Grantham town is one of THE original breeding grounds of chavs alongside places like Croydon and Chatham respectively. The two gangs participating in this neverending pitch battle for supremacy are the Earlsfield Crew and Alma Park Crew, each one as completely pointless as the other, each one hailing from their own vile, scum infested slums at opposite ends of the town centre.
Personally I don’t see what differences they have that makes them want to hate each other’s guts and kick each others head in ad nauseaum, as they are both still from the same subspecies of the human race, the common chav. Or to use the correct anthropological term, Burberry Trogladyte. Both groups are also at bitter ends with the chavs from Sleaford and probably Skegness too. The chavs of Grantham are also blissfully unaware of another group of people slowly rising up against them. Goths and emos.
Since the erection of the skatepark shortly after the start of the new millenium, the goth/emo/skater culture caught on, and it was barely a day open when the first fist fight broke out at the skatepark. Presumably involving them and the chavs trying to take the skatepark for their own territory. In recent times, a goth shop opened at the top of Welby Street close to Morrison’s, attracting further droves of goths, emos and skaters down from the goth stronghold of Lincoln approximately 30 miles away.
A backlash against the chav culture of Grantham is evidenced by the influx of goths, skaters and emos, not to mention the smellyourmum.com branded “Kill a chav!” stickers plastered on various walls, lamp posts and sign posts around town. The art practitioners in Grantham including those of the college students have as ever been a threat to Grantham’s chav rule. Practitioners of the new extreme sport slowly gaining popularity, Parkour or Freerunning as it’s otherwise known are also seen as a threat by the chavs.
Lincolnshire Police, as ever, have received negative critism from Grantham’s citizens due to their overall negligent attitude towards antisocial behavoir and also using taxpayers money to pay for a brand new Police Station in town, then repainting the interiors purely for a royal visit. When clearly the money could’ve been better spent elsewhere, for example; hiring more on the beat police officers, instead of feeble, powerless PCSOs.
The police, as a rule, rely on Grantham’s citizens too much to inform them of chavs getting up to anything suspicious or even criminal. They do not however, routinely patrol the streets looking for this kind of activity. You will never see them walking around of foot either. They will always be in their patrol cars. Always, either rushing off to an accident or emergency, or driving to the scene of anti-social behavoir that was reported to them rather than seeked out by them.
All this amounts to a joint effort of the police, skaters, freerunners, artists, goths, emos, greebos and scenesters alike into one big on-going struggle to rid Grantham of its chav pestilence and that also includes the two rival chav gangs kicking each other’s head in, doing the dirty work for them. JJB Sports has closed down, limiting the number of places chavs can buy their clothes. It would only take the further closure of Sports Direct, McDonald’s and KFC amongst other chav hotspots to severely weaken them or bring them down entirely. Though this is not likely to happen in a long time.
Hi, I was not born in grantham but when I first came here this little town was charimg and sweet I have lived here for many years now and I have not found that the poeple are apparenly “ilitrate” they are well spoken people.
Not all people who live in Grantham are “Chavs” I accept
your opinion and everyone has a right to free speech but it clearly states that your rights are not abused, and this whole website abuses this right, and has clearly offened many people.
Many Thanks
001
The problem with Grantham is the lack of ettiquette and common sense. I wouldn’t go as far to call Grantham a “slum.” It’s pretty bed for chavs yes, but some of the chavs are nicer than others, like the ones who you can actually ask to stop swearing or acting stupidly and they will and not swear in your face. I have had one incident in town where this man (chav) spat in my face in the smoking area of vibe. (I do not go out often though) I’ve not had to hit anyone; unlike my 1st time out in Nottingham, a man wouldn’t take no for an answer.
Grantham do have a good population of emo and goths, but they don’t do anything but actually go through college and then uni and probably smoke weed; not saying they are better than the chavs but at least most are nicer and have more common sense.
The worse thing in Grantham would be the achoholics and the smack heads, leaving needles in places for our children to find.
Now Grantham are shutting most of the clothes shops and everything else we have become nothing but alcoholic central, with them sat on the green outside the council (probably taking the mick)
The police need to concentrate on the smack heads more than the pot heads (as all they’re doing is sat there getting stoned).
We do need a lot of work but I wouldn’t go as far to call it the worse place to live in britain, because that would be newark haha, nah I’m joking I would have thought Nottingham or Manchester would be 100times worse being cities.
The majority of this article is correct but over exaggerated, you cant paint everyone in Grantham with the same brush. Not everyone are chavs or criminals and the Town itself isn’t half as bad as your making it out to be I’ve live here all my life and yes its got worse over the years but still !!
I think the majority of this article is not true. To define areas of Grantham as ‘slum’ and the people as ‘scum’ is not funny and is very offensive to the majority of good people who live here. i have lived here for 13 years, for all my life, and understand that the town has some large flaws, but it is not as bad as described. Also, I have noticed chavs in the area, and there are certain areas with a reputation for anti-social behavior, but a ‘gang war’ hapening in the town is not true. I do agree that the council needs to become more involved in helping this town. i need to add that the traffic in the town degrades the image of ‘our’ town. Your article is interesting but there needs to be more convincing evidence to change my views.
look on the bright side, there are several roads out of Grantham.
This is the most accurate article i’ve ever read on this town. Some of the people commenting on it first need to learn how to spell, and secondly they need to remove their heads from their arses and realise that this town has absolutely nothing going for it and is swarmed with chavs. The lack of pleasant people is the real problem with this town. Some of the people that live here appreciate manners and will be kind to you, but the majority are unintelligent fuckwit’s that would rather beat you up than have a civilised conversation. And don’t judge me on what i’ve said, because i know this town as well as anyone that’s likely to comment on this article.
Personally i think u need to get a life I’ve lived in graham all my life yh its a shit hole but Wtf do u really now about grantham FUk All ur joy stereotyping a town u dnt know so why the FUk dnt u get a life and as for the earsy and alma gang war as u call it is the biggest load of shit I’ve ever heard i have friends from both ends and all know each other so u are talkin shite there and i wouldn’t really call them slums lol u fukin mong hate the word chav just Ive never seen anyone wearing a burberry hat or anything else like that p.s i don’t really care if i cnt spell
some one wears trackies it makes em a chav lol wat a joke u are if anything grantham is more fukin polish then anything s
Just like any community, there are many different types of people, and by that i do not mean ‘Stereotypes’. I think that it’s very inaccurate judgement you’ve made on our town simply by seeing a few teenagers in Burberry caps and some with copious amounts of eyeliner on. This has been my home all my life and even though I am unhappy about 30% of Grantham’s population, the other 70% seem to be very nice people. The fact of the matter is, this is a very small town and you get to see what happens in every inch of it. If this were a city I’m sure the statistics would prove the same, except you wouldn’t be able to view a city in the length of time you’ve viewed and judged our town.
i live in grantham the only good thing about the town is nothing happens criminal wise nothing bad really happens theres only a few idiots that think its funny to scratch a car or whatever but nothing serious although i hate this town its horrible because of the people in this town theres hardly any good ones anymore
i agree with this person completely i mean come on its crap the worst place ive ever been to its horrible place to live the foods shite the places are shite the people have tere heads so far up there arse they dont know what there talking about and knowone could ever ever do anything about it its a shit hole and it always wll be
this an amzaing place to liv the is lads of nice people
yo
yeh, someone needs to do an accurate/funny grantham one
I really enjoyed reading this. I Was born and raised in Grantham and yes there is a slight problem with the chav populus but we do need them to ensure the community service street cleaning programme stays effective
i hate to see litter on our streets. but i must say Grantham does have beautiful Idyllic countryside surrounding it. You just have to look in the right places. THERES ALWAYS HOPE!!! and weed.
‘you’re sanity’
Your sanity.
‘seeked out by them’
Sought out by them’
Please try and make sure your own spelling and grammar is correct before you criticize others.
Also, the ‘barely literate, grammarphobic, vowel allergic slum dwelling piles of useless, worthless and pointless scum’ make up a minority of the population of Grantham. Please don’t tar us all with the same brush.
In England we spell ‘criticise’ with and S, not a Z. Don’t trust your American biased spell-checker when you’re busy passing judgement on the spelling mistakes of others.
HAHA Stop picking on people who cannot spell or use grammar properly. bully
this amused me, if you’d included more about the fact that being a teenage mum is an accepted lifestyle in grantham then it would have been perfect. eventhough this is written for comic value, the fact that people avoid walking through certain areas of town at night is actually a really sad and serious problem. unless you enjoy being raped/mugged.
So apparently Dennis doesn’t get satire or exaggerating for comedic effect…bless.
Anyways, cracking little writeup. loved it. I wonder if we could organise a mass brawl between alma and earsy in the park one day, just to bring the overall chav population down. I don’t care much which cesspit of depravity the survivors have pledged their allegiance to.
Man. You try way too hard to make this sound intelligent and funny. Its neither. You need to get out more if walking around grantham at night scares you and you call the earsy and alma thing a GANG WAR between rivaling SLUMS? Did someone shag you in the ear or something? Your nuts. Granthams not a scary place, go live in a retirement village if yr afraid of such bollocks. You must shit yrself everytime someone sneazes near you. Bed wetting c**t…
That’s not very funny, Slag Bag.
OMG!!! Dis is well bad like… If my mates saw dis den dey wud propa beef yhuuu!!!!! You lots are just hatin on ours jenerashun… Jus cuz i got kickd outa skwl, dont meen i aint a gud spellar… Safe blud..
The ‘Earzy crue’ has existed so long as I can remember. Funny bunch they are. I believe I know the individual who plastered the town with the ‘kill a chav’ stickers–hilarious. Unfortunately, it sufficed that the chavs probably couldn’t read them anyway otherwise we would have had a streak suicides.
I shall always remember the greebo revolution of 06′. I did my part, never have I spent 3 months without a shower. Good times.
JJB sports never closed by the way, the whole shabbam was merely a corporate selling tactic.