haha,
no matter what people say, birkenhead is f**ked.
yeahh afterr 13 yearss heree i’d say it was near chav central (liverpool)
sorry guyss.
go to birkenhead park for one, and you get stalked by an 8 year old in a trackie hiding behind trees when you can blatently see him ^.^
&& don’t be scared of the girl walkin down the road goin “oh hiya beckyy. god i aint seen you in ages” while you try an explain you aint becky and that she’s stoned out of her mind.
not to mention what they like to call devonshire place, when really its just an expensive bit of birkenhead marked with the school of birkenhead high, where you get bullied to death and worked up to be top of the leader board in everything,
that’s when you go to a school like devonshire park pimary, by tranmere rovers, where you find, wow. life doesnt have to be that good/shit (which ever you think looks better)
the local priamry school trains you up to be a vicious chav, with a head teacher from liverpool, who aint ever heard of the 11+ and fails you at life,
but thats just the way it goess.
then you get stuck in wirral willy grabberss, when you think its obv a better name than prenton pram pushers.
aha. that school teaches you to be a right chav,
and wirral is a mixx.
chav chav chav emo chav normal chav emo chav chav chav indie.
yeahh i went theree.
love ma form and the school and that but it’s like chav vs. chav 24/7
yeahh. police called in when jess d says shit on the girls in our form,
starts takin the mick out of us at the dance show rehearsals,
when she’s break dancin to abba.
hahaaaa.
ohhh and dont try walkin round rock ferry in a hurry.
it’s a replica of birkanheadd totally.
dont go to birknehead north, you’re sure to be deadd.
try not to stand outtt, or look exactly the samee “why the f**k are you wearin the same trackie as me?”
then you get caught as the odd one out when you dont have a lighter on you cos they all want a fag.
don’t sit at the back of the bus by all means.
you get done in with chav music blarin outt, but the bus driver is shit scared to say anythin, when they’ve got 3 baseball bats and a crowwbarr.
oh yeah cos they is well ‘ard,
erm.. no.
don’t go down woodside end by the town hall.
you are dead before you know itt.
just try not to walk round birkenhead at night fullstop.
you’ll either get beaten up, shot, stabbed or chucked on a bonfire.
no jokes there guyss.
and when they say, oh yeah birkenhead is getting to be a better place, they mean, there is more trouble and it’s more exciting if you’re a chav runnin’ from the police 
yeahh. i know my town well.
when someone says do you wanna buy this, you run before they pull out a knife and threaten you.
and when someone says “you’ve been pickin on my little brother”
you run, don’t look back or say anything, and try and find someone you can get help from.
not ya mate who’s already half way down the road near the bus station getting his day ticket outt!!
and try to avoid the pyramids shopping center.
one step out of line can get you barred for life 
learn from experience bub.
so yeahh. tbhhh. dont go to birkenheadd love.
it’s shit, (yeah i live theree! “/)
hahahahahahaa..
new visitors aint welcome kayy, (they’ll hunt you down for tea, trust me!)
dont go the arno either.
it’s the same.
All of what you say is not true. For one thing i go to Wirral Grammer girls and no one in my school is a chav and people arn’t getting murdered every second you bitch. I have lived in Birkenhead all my life and when someone says ‘hey becky…’ or something like that, they are talking about the person behind you or they are on the phone you idiot. Also i have been out in Birkenhead at night and guess what! You don’t get stabbed or beaten or anything.
By the way you have writen this it looks like you are the biggest chav of them all. So a few chavs. WHO CARES!!! SUCK IT UP! Gosh, you probs live in liverpool and don’t know a thing about Birkenhhead.
I will enjoy finding you and killing you for what you have said about my hometown. Birkenhead isn’t f**ked, you are f**ked up. So is your entire life. You upset me and i hate you! Also the arno is great and beautiful, so you shut it! Also the 8 year old is your imagination, from when your mum dropped you on your head as a baby!! Some of my great friends go to b’head high and they are not bullied like hell or anything like that. no one has base ball bats or crowbars and you obviously don’t know your town at all!
Next time you want to dis my town, don’t. just back the f**k off and find something else to do in your sad little life bitch!
Plus the primary schols are great and most teach you things to help you pass the 11+ and the headmasters are all very very VERY NICE! You must have gone to a school no where near birkenhead because every single thing you have said is a lie. You are only writing that for your own entertainment you whore and fucker!
See ya saddo
okay so it may look scruffy and the stuff there is cheap but doesn’t it mean that the locals there are actually saving themselves more money to carry on living under a roof (at the end of the day its somewhere to sleep and wash in) and why should we slag off other people when we should be focusing on our own lives. Everywhere you go there will be good and bad. Dont like it? Tough! Suck it up and get on with your life! You’re no better than anyone else than putting a bunch of people into one group when quite a few of them are genuine people.
OMG!!!!!! I moved from the Wirral 4 yrs ago, the only thing I miss is my friends, the statement was quite funny and true, but I bet you got your mum to buy you a massive necklace with your name on in huge letters (just in case you forget it) , If you dont like it move, but you will always go back even if its just a flying visit, because you wont see any characters like they have in Birkenhead anywhere else.
I’ve got to admit that is a spot on explanation of Birkenhead WHAT A SHIT HOLE!!! Seriously Birkenhead is awful I mean you go there all you see is low life scum sitting about looking for a bargain at the market (where you can tell everything is knock-off!)
Though I do disagree on the rest of the Wirral places like Thornton Hough, Port sunlight and loads of other cute little villages have never seen the sight of a chav!
However my main issue is with your comment on ‘Wirral Grabbers’( Wirral Grammar we are not a mixed school) Why do people say this!!! Yes I know we are just an all boys school however my year is definitely not gay with most of them having girlfriends! In addition to this don’t be going they will lose there virginity in a few weeks as Wirral has one of the lowest teenage birth rates in the UK!
(To be Honest I just wanted to prove a point about Wirral Grammar, but Some parts of Wirral are nice!)
hahaha! I have only lived here for 9 years out of 15, and most of this is so true.
I don’t understand why people disagree so strongly – comments like ‘What a load of bullishit’ and something about going to live in Ellesmere Port (hence the fact in that comment they commented about intelligence, when there were a few spelling mistakes in their comment) are just, quite boring.
Everyone slags off where they live, why not publish it on the internet?
I do go to one of the schools mentioned, and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest bit anymore that they have re-named it to something bad .
I bet even the people who commented slag off the place they live in, not everyone loves where they live. So i think this is quite a funny description of Birkenhead, and I agree, it should be published in chavtowns.co.uk, because, to be honest, it really is.
Not a chance. I bet you live in Liverpool. Wirral is deffo the better side of Merseyside. Its got nice seaside, better behaviour and generally not as rough. In Wirral, what you think of crime is virtually nothing i.e. car theft. Someone who lives in Rock Ferry told me about when he had moved to Liverpool a couple of years ago and saw real crime and thinks Rock Ferry is absolutely nothing.
A few chavs? Not really a big deal. By the way you’ve written that, I think you are included in the ‘uneducated delinquent’ bunch.
Actually there is real crime here. Just down the road from my friend a drunk guy got thrown on a bonfire by two young teenagers. And just last week my uncles neighbour who was 83 got stabbed to death by a screwdriver and was forced to drink paint and stick nails in his own eyes. You better believe dickhead.
I’ve lived in birkenhead all my life, all 27 years of it, this post was hilarious and is part banter and truth.
‘dont sit at the back of the bus’
brilliant!!
you know i have had the chance to move away in the past but i really do love birkenhead, the camaraderie between people on my estate the beechwood is a great thing, I suppose I would come under normal chav, im a bit chavvy but I hate fighting and im a good catholic boy.
anyway i enjoyed reading it
Yeah so….you complain about the schools,the little towns, and the people who live in it¬ but yet you still live here?
why dont you move away then you stupid little girl…most of birkenhead/woodside and whatever else you included..is the best on the wirral!
I mean there might be a few chavs hanging around shops..but tell me what place can you go to and not see anyone ‘hanging around’ a shop..ah?
Yeah so before you start moaning and groaning about what place you live in….maybe THINK FIRST!
thankx bye!
Though the poster’s prose lacks many aspects (grammar, structure and in some cases, sense) the sentiment appears to be bang on.
I too am a product of the BI, just before it went really downhill with the formation of the sixth form college and mass exodus of what remained of the discipline.
Exile, I’m with you. Let’s get that H-Bomb delivered and I’ll ride it down, Major Kong style, into Sherlocks.
what a load off bullshit
I left the god forsaken dump near on 20 years ago becaUSE IT WAS FULL OF SCUM, AND IT DOESN’T SURPRISE ME TO HEAR it is still the same. How can anyone defend it? It is the arse of humanity. I went to BI I lived in tranmere then oxton, I had to fight to survive against the cretinus w**ker football brainless. the only cure for the blight of that f**king place is the H bomb. drop it and f**king cure the rot. Birkenhead? f**k them all!
Mongol. Stay on your side of the Mersey please or go somewhere your intelligence will be appreciated (Elsemere Port for example).
You mention quite a few schools in your diatribe; did you actually go to any of them? Your spelling, grammar and inability to construct a sentence are atrocious.
I suggest you try to look for the positive aspects in the town, like the literacy classes they run at Wirral Metropolitan College – you certainly need them!