Darlington

Jun
15

What can I say? It’s a shithole, but it’s home! As a boy of very young I remember no fake tartans, 12 year old mums and more then half of what shite goes on now.

Too small for a town and too big for a village, recently wasted money on the two most pointless things the town needed. The Pedestrianisation of the Town Centre, which sees bus stops change more then my underwear.. And the all new “Through-A-Bout” bollock which is supposed to ease congestion, but what it really did was tore up a perfectly good bike path and old railway route and made the route home from town take half an hour instead of 10 minutes. But then again.. That bike path was a chav-infested haven.. I now have a slight respect for the council!

I will start with the outskirts of the town and work inwards. Starting with Haughton/Whinfield/Springfield/Harrogate Hill and tall those areas nearby.. Shithole. Done. Nahh.. Has Asda in this bit and what is said to be the best target for bombs.. The Shuttle & Loom. Formerly a chav infested pub with watered down beer (which can only be described as piss.. which wouldn’t surprise me if it was!) and a yellow wall. Now recently gone through a restoration which has got rid of the yellow wall but will most definately have the other two still there! This area has some quaint streets, but they are all nestled within the finest brick-looking cardboard boxes I’ve seen! Council Estates.. Filled with dole wallers, underage parents, inter-breds and.. Well any other words for chavs you can think of.

I would go on about other areas but I’d just be repeating myself. So here’s a list of places to avoid (unless you want to get stabbed).. Darlington. Hahaa.. Nahh.. Skerne Park, Firth Moor, Eastbourne, Haughton (near St. Andrews, Church) Red Hall, please add if I’ve missed off.

To the town! During the day it’s an alright place. This is when normal people dilute the arsewipes so all seems like a good place to be, apart from the constant not moving of others and the battering from pushchairs you get. Token arguments between chavs of “who fucking gets to fucking hold the fucking fiver they’ve found on the fucking floor” are there as a form of offensive street performers (DON’T PAY THEM!) and, above all else, the shops aren’t the best there could be. With rent up loads are closing down quicker then they went up (what was that nice shop with a bit of tat you thought of buying but left to get money out has now shut down now you’re back). Then the 4-hour 5:30 block comes where town gets quiet, college students stop laughing at cracks in the floor while quoting ‘RANDOM’ at everything they see and go home, chavs get sick because they can’t find “anymore fucking fivers on the fucking floor” and go home, the Job Centre shuts so the dole wallers go home to their council estates, the Post Office shuts so the oldies can no longer get their pension ’til tomorrow and the shops shut.

After said block, the night begins. Avoid Tanner’s, Retro (formerly Flares, chavs think they know all the songs because they’ve heard them remixed into a god awful song and the elders start trying to be hip.. In fact if these weren’t in this club there would be three people and the staff), Yate’s, Barracuda.. In fact avoid ALL of Skinnergate at night (and day).

So we start in the latest Wetherspoons, The William Stead (Steadie’s). Nice. Spoonies priced drinks and not at all rough as fuck. Next door is 10 Crown Street who do a belting Cosmopolitan, never been during the day but night time is cool. A long way up (opposite Joe Rigs) is Number 22, a real ale pub filled with oldies who love folk music and singing with fingers in their ears, slightly expensive for a drink, but is great for a pint.

Going back into town is Scene, what used to be Bacchaus, filled with goths/moshers/emos/scene kids/confused people who arent quite chav and arent quite moshers (or “boggers” if we turn back the clock a few years). An alright place with reasonable priced drinks and long hair.

Next door is Inside Out (formerly Club 2K, a chav as fuck club), now a place a chav can rarely be seen. Run of the mill nightclub playing 3 rooms of music, each of which a good choice.

But, I know what you’re thinking.. WHAT ABOUT THE ONLY CLUB IN DARLO?!.. Escapades, Spades.. Whatever you want to call it. It’s shit. Waste of mortar and bricks and where chavs go when they’ve had a barny with the 2 year old missus and go to pick up another underager. Plays shit, serves shit and the mental age+IQ is about as equal to what the capacity is.

Maybe Darlo Boro Council should save up money, one to fix the road which have more holes then Swiss Cheese, but second to rip down Spades and the council estates/chav areas, and then invest in shooting each and every chav in Darlington and bring the population down from 100,000 down to about 3,000.

Oh, and avoid Morton Park from about 4:30 as it gets busy and the boy racers and their latest features (include state-of-the-art back seat warmer, who is no more then a run-of-the-mill 6 year old chav lass) do the worst driving round Maccy D’s car park. Go here if you want easy money (park up, eat a BigMac meal, then wait for one of them to hit your car, get the plate number as they will drive off/do a pegger, and claim on the insurance). Then again, insurance and chavs don’t go together so it may not work your way.

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12 Responses to “Darlington”

  1. sup says:

    It’s called ’seen’ not scene, idiot.

  2. author says:

    ooooooooooOOOoooo… soz ‘ard. so i spelt it wrong.. you know what i meant. idiot

  3. Bob says:

    You must be quite far up your own arse to think your so much better than everyone else. I better not post this, it might make me a ‘chav’

  4. Tod says:

    haha you sound confused yourself. Never mind calling other people ‘chav, seen/scene, boggers, goths’ (whatever) etc.

  5. Jay says:

    I couldnt agree with you more my friend. I left Darlo 12 years ago and whenever I visit family and friends (Which is nearly every year) I’m over whelmed (I cant spell either) by the number of fucking retards I come across! No matter where you go they are there! “‘ere, yer fuck-innnn dinggg like” You just wanna punch their faces in.
    I feel your pain man!
    I live in Cornwall now, near lands end. Bout as for away as you can get and still be in the UK.
    This is the place to be mate, a few chavs, bout 1 in 20 or so. Get down here and live, you’ll learn to smile as you go for a wander into the town….

  6. C061192 says:

    Well I have seen a massive drop in the amount of anti-social behavior and such rubbish you mention, this is would also be confirmed by police records. Eastbourne is not bad at all, maybe substitute that with the North Road area (which over the last 3-4 years has calmed down, but is still worse than many you mention)Also a mention of Branksome, Albert Hill and The Denes is missing. You see many chavs walking around you say, well the most amount of people I see now wear plimsoles and ridiculously coloured tight jumpers. All in all the town isn’t what it used to be crime wise probably due to the downfall of the Boyleys and Town lads but the above I mention have their fair share but no where near what they were like a few years ago.

  7. Robert says:

    Now you mention it, Darlington is a bit rough. I am moving to Liverpool soon for university, but have lived in Darlington for 5 years – In that time it seems to have got worse. I live in the Denes, and the area is getting so bad that it is hardly safe to walk around on a night. You are seeing fewer and fewer people walking the dog, and the streets are becoming increasingly desolate with gangs of chavs parading instead of the pensioners you would see walking back with their bags of shopping. To walk to Darlington college from my road, I need to follow Brinkburn road onto Station Road, and then cross High Northgate and Follow John Street and Eastmount Road onto Haughton Road. For college on an evening I have recently resorted paying for a Taxi, just to avoid the chance of risking my life. During the day time it is fine, but take my word for it, on a night noone walks down John Street. It is also scary that much of the town has no CCTV so if someone commits a crime it is mostly not caught on camera. In the five years I have lived in Darlington, I have noticed the roads becoming more isolated. I have been mugged twice – once recently. If all towns are a rough as Darlington, I think I might move to a quiet country village!

  8. sophie. says:

    darlo aint that bad hah. get a grip, you mentoined hardly nothing worth reading in there? darlo isnt FULL of chavs. yeah theres quite alot but it wouldnt be the same if they wasnt any chavs:S so. stop rhyming on loads of shite when you have not got the slitest clue about life. and hah. suprised you didnt mention anything about teenage drinking in there.
    and people arent inbreds either, you will find more inbreds in london than darlo^o) sad man.
    and your saying avoid all these places, ha you clearly were a little freek when you were at school or you wouldnt be saying any of this cos you dont have the slightest clue how much things have changed. ya probs a 50 year old man?
    so stop writing loads of shite about darlo when ya dont no anythink.

  9. sophie. says:

    oh and aswell comment above you say the deans is bad. yeah thats pritty bad but
    eastbourne, firthmoor, l’cells,branksome,msg,hurworth. none of them are exactlly that bad anymore:S yeah alot of people go to eastbourne park on a friday and saturday nd police are always there but its teenagers for ya? they obviously want to have a good night^o) so get a life instead of writing about people in darlingtons ….
    and tbh:) all the ‘UNDERAGE drinking happens cos adults are a bad influence on es all hah:L! and smoking aswel. tbh:) aint our fault that people go in the shops for us when we ask them=l they could say no? but they dont:D and scared to walk round the streets ‘RISKING YOUR LIFES.
    ha you dont see chavs walking round wif guns knifes nd tht do ya gona stab ya up:L hah please8-).

  10. sophie. says:

    lol …

  11. catlip says:

    darlo aint tha bad to be onerst, it got primark JD sports and macky d’s so it obv gunna attract chavs you fuckin daftys

  12. Dirkdiggler says:

    Darol is a fecking hole full of gypos, skivs and mowden trendies. Its 16 years since I left and I haven’t missed it for a minute. The only good part of town was a quaker backwater with no pubs, so anyone with any decorum was forced to mix with the unsavory, squalid people who populated the rest of town.

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