From birth, the people of Hemel Hempstead are given no chance! Until recently the two local hospitals which supported childbirth where St.albans and Luton, which are hardly chav free zones, you enter any of these hospitals you will find chavs who have been battered and bruised (not always a bad thing) and chavettes who are in labour 9 months after there first period, seriously, the only people with more than 1 braincell in these places are the expectant mothers, and there other braincell is only tempary. But after the ordeal of birth and the newly made mother staring at her bundle of joy/jail bait and then flicking on hollyoaks you have the children starting primary school.
Oh woaw what a choice. Woodhall farm (the area i was raised) homes two primary schools. The largest one being holtsmere end. This place has more pikeys than a car boot sale and more lice than peter andre’s nutsack. But if that doesn’t quite sound to the standard of your sprog there is an alternative. Brockswood. My old school, where the residents of local caravan site attend, where they do not bother with teaching but just fiddle your sats results later. And after school you have the parents swarming outside all with there cigarettes and new borns, but you will only see these parents picking there little darlings up if the parents have actually finished school themselfs.
Then we move to the senior schools. again. what a choice, a choice of 6 schools all with very different qualitys. 3 of these schools are not that bad.
JFK- catholic school
Hemel Hempstead – All rounder, very adverage
Cavendish – Sports college
then we get onto the other 3
longdene – where the students are really as thick as Susan XXXXX’s pubic hair, they are however quite harmless, half of them dont speak much english and the other are still slower than a row boat team with no arms
Adeyfield – the boys of adeyfield are fine. there normal. the girls however…most of them have hopes that maybe 1 of these 40 yearold men they have been meeting up with online will want to keep them, and not just fuck them and then be thankful they never asked there name, these girls are highly trained slappers, most of them losing there virginity before there 13th birthday to a lad old enough to be there father. This trend carrys with them for life. This school recently offered all of its students a free chlamidyia test and the ammount of possitive results was staggering. This is also the closest school to leisure world, which i will expand on later
Astley Cooper – The arsehole of the education system. Try and drive past this school in the winter without being pelted with rocks coverered in snow, or even try and walk past without getting high on the fumes of the joint the 6 students are all sharing. this school is the training ground of drug dealers and battered girlfriends. They may not leave school with GCSE’s, but the boys will leave with an ASBO and a CSA bill and the girls will leave with a baby in there womb and there friends left in suspence of what colour it will come out. its not all bad though, living in grovehill is a free ticket to never do a days work and get a free council house, and if you cant figure out what to spend you DLA on then the henry wells square is inspirational
Henry wells square – wow… what mother fucker thought this up, you have a very high ratio of unemployment, alcohol and drug use, benefit thieves and incredably young parents. How do you fix this problem? By putting a shopping centre in the middle of it! And what a centre! You have 2 pubs? A florest selling equipment to grow your own plants?? A liquer store??? And a car parts store so you can sup up your nova the way you have always wanted!!! WHAT THE FUCK HEMEL??? THIS IS LIKE PUTTING A MCDONALDS IN A FAT CAMP!!! THESE PEOPLE DO NOT NEED MORE WAYS TO GET TANKED!!! THEY NEED A BASIC FOOD SHOP, A CHARITY SHOP AND POSSIBLY A NEWS AGENTS SO AS THEY CAN SEE IF THERE GRAFITTI ON A LOCAL SHOP MADE IT IN TO THE HEROLD EXPRESS!!! Grovehill is truly the worst design since neon strips you can stick under your car. Nuke it.
The town centre is a fantastic place! You name any cheap takaway we got it! Pizza hut, Dominos, Mcdonalds, KFC, Burger King, Subway, Greggs, its all there! We got the civic centre so you can claim all your benefits such as your DLA for your bad back, only 4 more payments till you can get that moped. The college, for those who fail school, the health centre with a great poster saying come here for free condoms and the morning after pill, you will be supplied with either even if you are under 16. You of course have all your sports shops, 3 pound shops and a ton of cheap clothes shops, including “2good2be true” with the famous shirts costing at only 50p and sandersons, a shop selling bongs, crack pipes, cheap munchfood, energy drinks, and anything a drug user could ever need, yet, police completly ignore this shop and the obvious intentions of the clientel.
Then we move onto leisure world, which i have never read a review on here which hasn’t mentioned. This place is the chav breeding ground, it has probley had more children concieved behind it than johnny vagas has had hot dinners. This place really is a shithole, it is in jarmans park which has 3 main buildings. Leisure world, Mcdonalds, Tescos. So poured into the mixture you have Tescos supplying cheap drink, Mcdonalds catering, and Leisure world giving the shit music, shelter and condom machines. So you can imagine what it is like in there. I have been there many times due to the cinema, and on waiting to be picked up it is not uncomman 2 see girls who look pre-pubesent dressed as what can only be described as 4 foot tall prostitutes getting into cars with much older men who drive behind the building for 10 minutes or so before dropping them back infront of the neon sign. If you go there and listen, see if you can go 30 seconds without hearing fuck, cunt and shit, spend a night there and watch how many fights break out, the bouncers are more useless than a condom machine in the vatican and are more interested hitting on the younger girls. This place is where all the slappers from adeyfield come 2 meet there dream man, sad thing is, none of them have noticed that not a single guy in a nova and a track suite who fucks them before learning there name ever calls back. Unfortunatly, live in hemel this is your life, the council are doing something about this though. They have just opened a new club called the function rooms and are closing the hospital. I guess there leaving natural selection 2 wipe of this plague we call the chav.
Its all true, Jeremy Kyle has even filmed a special DVD there!
The writer of this article is clearly *not* a chav. That’s the great thing about being english.. there’s always someone to look down on.
Oh, and your spelling sucks. Maybe it’s only “tempary” .. snigger.
I have just read the load of garbage above. I lived in Hemel for 12 years in the Planets area of Highfield and yes there were the odd few families that left a lot to be desired but mainly the people were decent and hardworking. My grandchildren attended the local schools and again I agree there were a few unmarried young mothers etc but the majority of parents would like my sons, hardworking and wanted their children to have a good education. I agree there is nothing much for youngsters to do in Hemel and I feel this is the main problem because when there is nothing to do that’s when kids get into trouble. As for the schools, they can only work with the children they get, if they get children from families that really don’t care about their education it’s a non starter for the school. My grandchildren, coming from a decent family having decent values have done very well at school with my eldest grandaughter starting college in September with an aim to go on to uni in 2 yrs not because she failed school. A lot of what you have commented on would be obliterated if shop keepers and parents took their responsibilities more seriously and if DBC did more to keep teenagers occupied. All the kids in Hemel have is the cinema, ski slope and Jarmans Park. All of this is often out of the range for most kids who’s parents cannot afford to pay for them to go there. My grandaughters only go to Jarmans for the cinema as they don’t want to get involved in any of the ‘other’ activities that you describe, but whose fault is it that this goes on, it’s not the kids, it’s the parents for letting their kids grow up thinking that it’s ok to get pregnant at 13 and also ok to drink underage. The poor kids don’t stand a chance. My girls don’t drink, they are under age, they don’t hang about street corners etc waiting for men, they have been given values as have all their friends and they all come from Adeyfield so please don’t knock all the people of Hemel, what you are talking about is probably about 10% of Hemel population. The reason you know all about it is perhaps because you are part of it because when I mentioned your comments to my grandchildren they didn’t know all of what you said goes on. So I suggest that instead of looking at all the negatives that you seem to know so much about why not look at the positives i.e. how many kids are staying on at school for 6th form to ensure they have a better future, how many have now left school and are ready to start college in September, a totally different set of people to the ones you’ve obviously mixed with………
The original posting about Hemel is spot on. The long long excuse/ reply by Louise is just a feeble excuse and part of why Hemel is the toilet of Hertforshire’ ‘it’n not their fault’ -and ‘my kids are angels’
It was about as accurate and amusing a review I’ve ever seen. The spelling and grammar the author used was testament to the educational standards as described. Haha, I say well done for working out how to write, and put together a really funny review.
If you want to find out what a town is like, go to the local Tesco and just look around at people. Hemel is as chavtastic as it could get.
I have two lots of friends in Hemel, both with kids. As far as I can gather, the schools in Hemel are excellent, the Indian Restaurant in the old town is also excellent.
Maybe the correspondant would like to return to one of the schools for spelling lessons.
Firstly, I am glad somebody actually got my subtle little nod to the educational system with my spelling mistakes. I am more than capable of spelling correctly or even using a spell checker. Secondly, as for the long winded comment by Louise, the whole point of Chav towns is to highlight the negative side of towns and the impact of Chavs. Everything in my review is completely and utterly taken from fact, admittedly it is one sided but the people reading Chav towns are not here to hug a hoody. They want to hear about the negative sides of there town expressed in a comical way… it’s the whole point of the site, I understand your grandchildren may be well behaved and genuinely good people and my review is aimed at a minority of people rather than the whole of Hemel. One thing that does tickle my about your comment though. You’re a grand mother, yet you talk of nothing to do in Hemel, I am guessing a am a lot younger than you, (unless you are one of the Astley Cooper grandmothers) but I’m pretty sure from what I have heard of life 40+ years ago that there was a lot less to do and you would have killed to have the cinema, ski slope and Jarmans Park, yet I am pretty sure this did not force you into crime or promiscuity. Without wanting to sound ageist, as a 17 year old who has spent most of his life in Hemel, has been involved in most of the things mentioned and managed to get out of them and with all respect I would think that would make me a little wiser to the truth of what really happens than a lady who receives stories from her grandchildren. If you ask my grandmother I am well behaved, perfect and always have been. Anyway, you honestly couldn’t have clicked this link, read the first paragraph then expected this to be a review of what a sunny lovely little town Hemel is, everything on this page is fact, it is just written in an opinionated way, if you wish to dispute me on these facts feel free I am more than happy to be corrected, but from what I have read of your response it seems all your really saying is your family is loving and nice, everything bad that happens is to do with Dacorum (agreeable) and that your children/grandchildren are perfect… so erm… kudos I guess. But please, If you are going to call my review garbage please express exactly why you believe this? I would love to hear constructive criticism rather than your review sucks! The government sucks! Grandkids rule!!!
Thanks for all comments, keep them coming, good or bad, and if my spellings really an issue please tell me and I will go through and correct it, I just did it as a nod to Hemels schooling system but if that’s not obvious enough I can change it. Will check here every so often so comments and questions will be answered
Spot on Xiis!
Great, great journalism. You’ve spoken from your experience, your ideas & expectations from your eyes through your life.
Not many times do I read such an exhaustive review that has kept my attenton but this is it & it is bloody good (if you can excuse my awful un-british language!).
Don’t accept anyone that puts your thoughts down, they are yours and for nobody to dismiss.
I hope you succeed way, way beyond your dreams
Julez [julez@easy.com]
Sorry Louise, but you are talking absolute sh!te!
When you went to school, did you act differently when you were with your parents vs. when you were with your friends in the playground?, & what about when you were with your grandparents? …I bet you were a f*****g angel, yeah?
That above was euphamistic, as I’ve f****d both your grandaughters AND at the same time, I can give you the date & time if desired? ..& their distinguishing marks..hehe
WAKE up & smell your coffee. What you see isn’t necessarily reality.
“Firstly, I am glad somebody actually got my subtle little nod to the educational system with my spelling mistakes. I am more than capable of spelling correctly or even using a spell checker. ”
Not too hot with the ol’ paragraphs though.
You have no idea how much it means to me to know that there are people who agree with me, I don’t want to make personal attacks on louise, I just feel maybe she is a little mis-guided, out of touch and as ivor says “What you see isn’t necessarily reality”
you want an idea of what hemel is really like? walk around, read the graffiti, notice how it is all (girls name here) is a whore or (boys name here) is a dead man, this kind of thing isn’t one or two individuals, these are the people your grandaughters go to school with. These are the people they will date. Remember, there are two realitys the one thats happening, and the one people want you to believe is happening.
thanks to everybody for the comments. glad to see so many anti-chavs, keep it up
lol wow, make an article like that and being penilised for sentence structure…
anyone feel like commenting on what i was trying to say or just going to keep on digging about how i said it?
Man, I hate chavs as much as the next person, but you’re fucking ignorant and stupid. Your spelling sucks and your generalisations are inadequate. I’ve been to Hemel loads of times and haven’t been bothered once. It’s quite a nice area, at least in some places…
Anyway, get the fuck back listening to Slipknot or something.
hemels bad, but theres worse i mean like shitttt, watford luton hatfield welyn harrow all within 10 miles and its allot worse there, you obviously got bullied at school or something similar for you to hate it that bad, but then again you did grow up in woodhall farm so i suppose you can say it is a little bit shit….
mate fuck the rest of these mugs posting commentes ur 100 percent spot on hemel suck dick
My man, learn to spell.
I read the original piece and its brilliant. Louise comments make me laugh ……….I lived in hemel until I moved to London. Every time I come back it semms to have got worse. Where are the intelligent people gone ??
There are a few good people living Hemel, but xiis speaks the truth.
No prospects, no charm, no class, no brian cells, that what most of Hemel consists of. ………….lol………………….
walk into town all you see is teenage mums who are normally a size 14( must be all the KFC they eat), wearing trackies screaming at their kids. Most of the men wearing caps( I mean if you over the age of 21 don’t wear a cap, you look like a idiot).
Hemel certainly is a shit hole.
Does that faggit gang still hang around (BLUE BANDANNA)
I am so going to kick their ass……………..
lol hey sam fellow hemel hemper and your good friend kurtis here great review bro these guys dissing it just havnt sampled all the crap hemel has to offer
I miss Brian Cells
I left Hemel in 1993 and have never looked back! I went back recently for a night, first time since leaving and what a difference, it used to be a nice town, now its horrible.
When ever I come to Hemel I notice the inbred peasants trying to speak and it makes me laugh……………….they can barely speak………..
There are good people in Hemel but are embarassed by the chavs who grunt their way through life………..
Grove Hill…………what a dump ……as is Highfield…………Woodhall Farm is probably worse.
Problem with Hemel is that it used to have class……………it now seems to have lost it………..
What makes me laugh is the fact that the guy that wrote this has evidently not been in Hemel Hempstead for a while. Yes, it is a dump, and no, I don’t particularly like living there. However, the description of Astley Cooper would be better fitting for Cavendish School.
Oh, and Astley isn’t all about drugs any more. No no, when we have pupils considering enrolling at Astley Cooper, the general question nowadays is:
“Will I get stabbed?”
Flip and Louise what the hell does spelling matter, if it’s the truth. Again Louise but with morph what the fuck?? do you live in a fucking dream world, ‘A nice area’? about as nice and a girder up your shitter, and little angels louise really? Fuck any person in the history of the world who hasn’t made themselves look perfect in the eys of their grandparents is a reatrd thats where the birthday and christmas cash-flow comes in. The fact is i’ve lived in hemel since i was born, (before you say ‘Oh you’re bound to agree with hemel being a shithole’ it’s a burial ground for anyone who can’t stand up for themselves)
I was bullied at school because i wasn’t social enough, 14 years.. BULLIED. then 6 times in the past 7 years.. MUGGED, ASSAULTED, AND BURGLARY FROM MY HOME, The place i work.. VANDALISED BY CHAVS!! how do i know? because i had a chair thrown at me, Yeah such a FUCKING nice place.
Hey Morph i listen to slipknot.. i also listen to RnB, garage, classical, other heavy metal, Jazz, Blues, House, Hip hop. and what makes me different from you? I can make a difference you’d rather sit on the sidelines and cast blame on others, choices and opinions for the simple fact that you don’t want to take the blame on yourself and at least TRY to make a difference.
If i had the opportunity i’d kill every Chavs pikey and undesirable insubordination in the Hertfordshire area, Do i sound like i don’t know what i’m talking about or someone who has finally found a way to unleash their feelings for the town that took everything away from me???
by the way Great Review Xiis,
A Friend
TK
My god this article is hilarious! Its so true!!! Of course there are decent people in hemel – but come on its clearly a pikey town. Everyone looks as though theyve just been let out, and i dont even want to think what its like by night – id rather be out and about in bosnia.
Before slating a towns education system, learn to fucking spell. You lot are hilariously socially unaware. Keep it up chaps.
Well ‘Your mum’ your opinion is clearly substantiated however YOUR mum! clearly spell checked, Education system sucks but clearly so does so does the person close to mentioned in ur name, one word INBRED. lol
Your mum………….is probably one of those chav mums in trackies who used to be slim in 1992 .now has 4 kids by different dads who have all left ………..dinner is KFC…………
Hemel was fun in the 80’s and 90’s ………….now ……………apart from the hot brunette who works in top man when i was last there …..a lot of the people there are just chavs………there are good people there …………….but most of them live in Apsley/Nash Mills……….
Well.
Poor excuses. Not enough to do? Blimey, try St Albans then. Go smoke dope in Rothamsted park or Verulamium. No Cinema, nothing. Not even a decent swimming pool.
Hemel Council does a lot for the youngsters and I’m sorry but most stuff that you do have to pay for in Hemel is affordable, Louise you are so wrong about that.
All towns have good and bad and at least here you know what the score is.
If you don’t like Hemel then do something about it. i.e become a copper, councillor or leave.
Hey, thanks for all the comments, glad to see i’ve either made alot of you laugh or pissed you off. unfortunatly im not to sure whether the original intention of my article has been achieved. It was aimed as a joke and hemel was my subject.
I do realise that Hemel has some great qualities such as its train networks to london and the history of the area. its also quite green so you can enjoy summer days cycling to redbourne and back. however, unfortunatly i dont think many people seem to understand that on a website called “chavtowns” which has the slogan “The nemesis of Estate Agents & Local Councillors” is really going to cater for a lovely review of the town.
Dont get me wrong, I don’t particuly like hemel, but it is where my family is, it is where i have built a life. this article is aimed purely at people who are getting tired of annoying chavs, trying to own the McDonalds carpark after 8. draining money from our tax’s that could go to much better causes and causing our shops and business’s to change to cater for the chavier community. I mean, 2 pound shops, 3 mcdonalds, 3 burger kings, primark, 3 sports shops (only one of them stocks anything other than McKenzie)
On the upside though, it does look as if one thing was thought out, its as if the chav community are some what drawn away from the rest of us to the area around where the pavilion used to be, mainly due to job centre, civic centre, a whetherspoons pub and the sexual health clinic all within 2 minutes of eachother. So please, anyone who wish’s to rip into my review over anything but spelling (i thought it would be funny to write it in a style similer to those it reflects, obviously a little to subtle for a few people) then please, find a point that is incorrect and question me about it. Because all i really see is that i have written a bunch of reasons hemel is pretty chav infested, and rather than tackling my reasoning i am recieving comments telling me its not.
Thank you to everyone supporting my argument and to louise, who gave me a good giggle.
I must say that I am getting a little worried now. I am looking to move to Hemel from Somerset because my partner lives and works there. We are hoping for a house in Boxmoor purely for the Hemel School catchment area. Please tell me some well rounded adults emerge from Hemel?!
Joanne – Boxmoor is quite a nice area. I was born in Hemel, went to Longdean school. I moved out, but still visit parents who still live there. I currently work as a lawyer in london. My friends, all who lived in Hemel have good jobs.I didn’t go to Hemel School, but I went to Longdean, but I have done well…….like many others…………………..
It’s not a bad town, so liek a lot of towns it has it’s bad points and good points………