From birth, the people of Hemel Hempstead are given no chance! Until recently the two local hospitals which supported childbirth where St.albans and Luton, which are hardly chav free zones, you enter any of these hospitals you will find chavs who have been battered and bruised (not always a bad thing) and chavettes who are in labour 9 months after there first period, seriously, the only people with more than 1 braincell in these places are the expectant mothers, and there other braincell is only tempary. But after the ordeal of birth and the newly made mother staring at her bundle of joy/jail bait and then flicking on hollyoaks you have the children starting primary school.
Oh woaw what a choice. Woodhall farm (the area i was raised) homes two primary schools. The largest one being holtsmere end. This place has more pikeys than a car boot sale and more lice than peter andre’s nutsack. But if that doesn’t quite sound to the standard of your sprog there is an alternative. Brockswood. My old school, where the residents of local caravan site attend, where they do not bother with teaching but just fiddle your sats results later. And after school you have the parents swarming outside all with there cigarettes and new borns, but you will only see these parents picking there little darlings up if the parents have actually finished school themselfs.
Then we move to the senior schools. again. what a choice, a choice of 6 schools all with very different qualitys. 3 of these schools are not that bad.
JFK- catholic school
Hemel Hempstead – All rounder, very adverage
Cavendish – Sports college
then we get onto the other 3
longdene – where the students are really as thick as Susan XXXXX’s pubic hair, they are however quite harmless, half of them dont speak much english and the other are still slower than a row boat team with no arms
Adeyfield – the boys of adeyfield are fine. there normal. the girls however…most of them have hopes that maybe 1 of these 40 yearold men they have been meeting up with online will want to keep them, and not just fuck them and then be thankful they never asked there name, these girls are highly trained slappers, most of them losing there virginity before there 13th birthday to a lad old enough to be there father. This trend carrys with them for life. This school recently offered all of its students a free chlamidyia test and the ammount of possitive results was staggering. This is also the closest school to leisure world, which i will expand on later
Astley Cooper – The arsehole of the education system. Try and drive past this school in the winter without being pelted with rocks coverered in snow, or even try and walk past without getting high on the fumes of the joint the 6 students are all sharing. this school is the training ground of drug dealers and battered girlfriends. They may not leave school with GCSE’s, but the boys will leave with an ASBO and a CSA bill and the girls will leave with a baby in there womb and there friends left in suspence of what colour it will come out. its not all bad though, living in grovehill is a free ticket to never do a days work and get a free council house, and if you cant figure out what to spend you DLA on then the henry wells square is inspirational
Henry wells square – wow… what mother fucker thought this up, you have a very high ratio of unemployment, alcohol and drug use, benefit thieves and incredably young parents. How do you fix this problem? By putting a shopping centre in the middle of it! And what a centre! You have 2 pubs? A florest selling equipment to grow your own plants?? A liquer store??? And a car parts store so you can sup up your nova the way you have always wanted!!! WHAT THE FUCK HEMEL??? THIS IS LIKE PUTTING A MCDONALDS IN A FAT CAMP!!! THESE PEOPLE DO NOT NEED MORE WAYS TO GET TANKED!!! THEY NEED A BASIC FOOD SHOP, A CHARITY SHOP AND POSSIBLY A NEWS AGENTS SO AS THEY CAN SEE IF THERE GRAFITTI ON A LOCAL SHOP MADE IT IN TO THE HEROLD EXPRESS!!! Grovehill is truly the worst design since neon strips you can stick under your car. Nuke it.
The town centre is a fantastic place! You name any cheap takaway we got it! Pizza hut, Dominos, Mcdonalds, KFC, Burger King, Subway, Greggs, its all there! We got the civic centre so you can claim all your benefits such as your DLA for your bad back, only 4 more payments till you can get that moped. The college, for those who fail school, the health centre with a great poster saying come here for free condoms and the morning after pill, you will be supplied with either even if you are under 16. You of course have all your sports shops, 3 pound shops and a ton of cheap clothes shops, including “2good2be true” with the famous shirts costing at only 50p and sandersons, a shop selling bongs, crack pipes, cheap munchfood, energy drinks, and anything a drug user could ever need, yet, police completly ignore this shop and the obvious intentions of the clientel.
Then we move onto leisure world, which i have never read a review on here which hasn’t mentioned. This place is the chav breeding ground, it has probley had more children concieved behind it than johnny vagas has had hot dinners. This place really is a shithole, it is in jarmans park which has 3 main buildings. Leisure world, Mcdonalds, Tescos. So poured into the mixture you have Tescos supplying cheap drink, Mcdonalds catering, and Leisure world giving the shit music, shelter and condom machines. So you can imagine what it is like in there. I have been there many times due to the cinema, and on waiting to be picked up it is not uncomman 2 see girls who look pre-pubesent dressed as what can only be described as 4 foot tall prostitutes getting into cars with much older men who drive behind the building for 10 minutes or so before dropping them back infront of the neon sign. If you go there and listen, see if you can go 30 seconds without hearing fuck, cunt and shit, spend a night there and watch how many fights break out, the bouncers are more useless than a condom machine in the vatican and are more interested hitting on the younger girls. This place is where all the slappers from adeyfield come 2 meet there dream man, sad thing is, none of them have noticed that not a single guy in a nova and a track suite who fucks them before learning there name ever calls back. Unfortunatly, live in hemel this is your life, the council are doing something about this though. They have just opened a new club called the function rooms and are closing the hospital. I guess there leaving natural selection 2 wipe of this plague we call the chav.
I left Hemel in 1993 and have never looked back! I went back recently for a night, first time since leaving and what a difference, it used to be a nice town, now its horrible.
I miss Brian Cells
lol hey sam fellow hemel hemper and your good friend kurtis here great review bro these guys dissing it just havnt sampled all the crap hemel has to offer
Hemel certainly is a shit hole.
Does that faggit gang still hang around (BLUE BANDANNA)
I am so going to kick their ass……………..
I read the original piece and its brilliant. Louise comments make me laugh ……….I lived in hemel until I moved to London. Every time I come back it semms to have got worse. Where are the intelligent people gone ??
There are a few good people living Hemel, but xiis speaks the truth.
No prospects, no charm, no class, no brian cells, that what most of Hemel consists of. ………….lol………………….
walk into town all you see is teenage mums who are normally a size 14( must be all the KFC they eat), wearing trackies screaming at their kids. Most of the men wearing caps( I mean if you over the age of 21 don’t wear a cap, you look like a idiot).
My man, learn to spell.
mate fuck the rest of these mugs posting commentes ur 100 percent spot on hemel suck dick
hemels bad, but theres worse i mean like shitttt, watford luton hatfield welyn harrow all within 10 miles and its allot worse there, you obviously got bullied at school or something similar for you to hate it that bad, but then again you did grow up in woodhall farm so i suppose you can say it is a little bit shit….
Man, I hate chavs as much as the next person, but you’re fucking ignorant and stupid. Your spelling sucks and your generalisations are inadequate. I’ve been to Hemel loads of times and haven’t been bothered once. It’s quite a nice area, at least in some places…
Anyway, get the fuck back listening to Slipknot or something.
lol wow, make an article like that and being penilised for sentence structure…
anyone feel like commenting on what i was trying to say or just going to keep on digging about how i said it?
You have no idea how much it means to me to know that there are people who agree with me, I don’t want to make personal attacks on louise, I just feel maybe she is a little mis-guided, out of touch and as ivor says “What you see isn’t necessarily reality”
you want an idea of what hemel is really like? walk around, read the graffiti, notice how it is all (girls name here) is a whore or (boys name here) is a dead man, this kind of thing isn’t one or two individuals, these are the people your grandaughters go to school with. These are the people they will date. Remember, there are two realitys the one thats happening, and the one people want you to believe is happening.
thanks to everybody for the comments. glad to see so many anti-chavs, keep it up
“Firstly, I am glad somebody actually got my subtle little nod to the educational system with my spelling mistakes. I am more than capable of spelling correctly or even using a spell checker. ”
Not too hot with the ol’ paragraphs though.
Sorry Louise, but you are talking absolute sh!te!
When you went to school, did you act differently when you were with your parents vs. when you were with your friends in the playground?, & what about when you were with your grandparents? …I bet you were a f*****g angel, yeah?
That above was euphamistic, as I’ve f****d both your grandaughters AND at the same time, I can give you the date & time if desired? ..& their distinguishing marks..hehe
WAKE up & smell your coffee. What you see isn’t necessarily reality.
Spot on Xiis!
Great, great journalism. You’ve spoken from your experience, your ideas & expectations from your eyes through your life.
Not many times do I read such an exhaustive review that has kept my attenton but this is it & it is bloody good (if you can excuse my awful un-british language!).
Don’t accept anyone that puts your thoughts down, they are yours and for nobody to dismiss.
I hope you succeed way, way beyond your dreams
Julez [julez@easy.com]
Firstly, I am glad somebody actually got my subtle little nod to the educational system with my spelling mistakes. I am more than capable of spelling correctly or even using a spell checker. Secondly, as for the long winded comment by Louise, the whole point of Chav towns is to highlight the negative side of towns and the impact of Chavs. Everything in my review is completely and utterly taken from fact, admittedly it is one sided but the people reading Chav towns are not here to hug a hoody. They want to hear about the negative sides of there town expressed in a comical way… it’s the whole point of the site, I understand your grandchildren may be well behaved and genuinely good people and my review is aimed at a minority of people rather than the whole of Hemel. One thing that does tickle my about your comment though. You’re a grand mother, yet you talk of nothing to do in Hemel, I am guessing a am a lot younger than you, (unless you are one of the Astley Cooper grandmothers) but I’m pretty sure from what I have heard of life 40+ years ago that there was a lot less to do and you would have killed to have the cinema, ski slope and Jarmans Park, yet I am pretty sure this did not force you into crime or promiscuity. Without wanting to sound ageist, as a 17 year old who has spent most of his life in Hemel, has been involved in most of the things mentioned and managed to get out of them and with all respect I would think that would make me a little wiser to the truth of what really happens than a lady who receives stories from her grandchildren. If you ask my grandmother I am well behaved, perfect and always have been. Anyway, you honestly couldn’t have clicked this link, read the first paragraph then expected this to be a review of what a sunny lovely little town Hemel is, everything on this page is fact, it is just written in an opinionated way, if you wish to dispute me on these facts feel free I am more than happy to be corrected, but from what I have read of your response it seems all your really saying is your family is loving and nice, everything bad that happens is to do with Dacorum (agreeable) and that your children/grandchildren are perfect… so erm… kudos I guess. But please, If you are going to call my review garbage please express exactly why you believe this? I would love to hear constructive criticism rather than your review sucks! The government sucks! Grandkids rule!!!
Thanks for all comments, keep them coming, good or bad, and if my spellings really an issue please tell me and I will go through and correct it, I just did it as a nod to Hemels schooling system but if that’s not obvious enough I can change it. Will check here every so often so comments and questions will be answered
I have two lots of friends in Hemel, both with kids. As far as I can gather, the schools in Hemel are excellent, the Indian Restaurant in the old town is also excellent.
Maybe the correspondant would like to return to one of the schools for spelling lessons.
The original posting about Hemel is spot on. The long long excuse/ reply by Louise is just a feeble excuse and part of why Hemel is the toilet of Hertforshire’ ‘it’n not their fault’ -and ‘my kids are angels’
It was about as accurate and amusing a review I’ve ever seen. The spelling and grammar the author used was testament to the educational standards as described. Haha, I say well done for working out how to write, and put together a really funny review.
If you want to find out what a town is like, go to the local Tesco and just look around at people. Hemel is as chavtastic as it could get.
I have just read the load of garbage above. I lived in Hemel for 12 years in the Planets area of Highfield and yes there were the odd few families that left a lot to be desired but mainly the people were decent and hardworking. My grandchildren attended the local schools and again I agree there were a few unmarried young mothers etc but the majority of parents would like my sons, hardworking and wanted their children to have a good education. I agree there is nothing much for youngsters to do in Hemel and I feel this is the main problem because when there is nothing to do that’s when kids get into trouble. As for the schools, they can only work with the children they get, if they get children from families that really don’t care about their education it’s a non starter for the school. My grandchildren, coming from a decent family having decent values have done very well at school with my eldest grandaughter starting college in September with an aim to go on to uni in 2 yrs not because she failed school. A lot of what you have commented on would be obliterated if shop keepers and parents took their responsibilities more seriously and if DBC did more to keep teenagers occupied. All the kids in Hemel have is the cinema, ski slope and Jarmans Park. All of this is often out of the range for most kids who’s parents cannot afford to pay for them to go there. My grandaughters only go to Jarmans for the cinema as they don’t want to get involved in any of the ‘other’ activities that you describe, but whose fault is it that this goes on, it’s not the kids, it’s the parents for letting their kids grow up thinking that it’s ok to get pregnant at 13 and also ok to drink underage. The poor kids don’t stand a chance. My girls don’t drink, they are under age, they don’t hang about street corners etc waiting for men, they have been given values as have all their friends and they all come from Adeyfield so please don’t knock all the people of Hemel, what you are talking about is probably about 10% of Hemel population. The reason you know all about it is perhaps because you are part of it because when I mentioned your comments to my grandchildren they didn’t know all of what you said goes on. So I suggest that instead of looking at all the negatives that you seem to know so much about why not look at the positives i.e. how many kids are staying on at school for 6th form to ensure they have a better future, how many have now left school and are ready to start college in September, a totally different set of people to the ones you’ve obviously mixed with………
The writer of this article is clearly *not* a chav. That’s the great thing about being english.. there’s always someone to look down on.
Oh, and your spelling sucks. Maybe it’s only “tempary” .. snigger.
Its all true, Jeremy Kyle has even filmed a special DVD there!