From birth, the people of Hemel Hempstead are given no chance! Until recently the two local hospitals which supported childbirth where St.albans and Luton, which are hardly chav free zones, you enter any of these hospitals you will find chavs who have been battered and bruised (not always a bad thing) and chavettes who are in labour 9 months after there first period, seriously, the only people with more than 1 braincell in these places are the expectant mothers, and there other braincell is only tempary. But after the ordeal of birth and the newly made mother staring at her bundle of joy/jail bait and then flicking on hollyoaks you have the children starting primary school.
Oh woaw what a choice. Woodhall farm (the area i was raised) homes two primary schools. The largest one being holtsmere end. This place has more pikeys than a car boot sale and more lice than peter andre’s nutsack. But if that doesn’t quite sound to the standard of your sprog there is an alternative. Brockswood. My old school, where the residents of local caravan site attend, where they do not bother with teaching but just fiddle your sats results later. And after school you have the parents swarming outside all with there cigarettes and new borns, but you will only see these parents picking there little darlings up if the parents have actually finished school themselfs.
Then we move to the senior schools. again. what a choice, a choice of 6 schools all with very different qualitys. 3 of these schools are not that bad.
JFK- catholic school
Hemel Hempstead – All rounder, very adverage
Cavendish – Sports college
then we get onto the other 3
longdene – where the students are really as thick as Susan XXXXX’s pubic hair, they are however quite harmless, half of them dont speak much english and the other are still slower than a row boat team with no arms
Adeyfield – the boys of adeyfield are fine. there normal. the girls however…most of them have hopes that maybe 1 of these 40 yearold men they have been meeting up with online will want to keep them, and not just f**k them and then be thankful they never asked there name, these girls are highly trained slappers, most of them losing there virginity before there 13th birthday to a lad old enough to be there father. This trend carrys with them for life. This school recently offered all of its students a free chlamidyia test and the ammount of possitive results was staggering. This is also the closest school to leisure world, which i will expand on later
Astley Cooper – The arsehole of the education system. Try and drive past this school in the winter without being pelted with rocks coverered in snow, or even try and walk past without getting high on the fumes of the joint the 6 students are all sharing. this school is the training ground of drug dealers and battered girlfriends. They may not leave school with GCSE’s, but the boys will leave with an ASBO and a CSA bill and the girls will leave with a baby in there womb and there friends left in suspence of what colour it will come out. its not all bad though, living in grovehill is a free ticket to never do a days work and get a free council house, and if you cant figure out what to spend you DLA on then the henry wells square is inspirational
Henry wells square – wow… what mother fucker thought this up, you have a very high ratio of unemployment, alcohol and drug use, benefit thieves and incredably young parents. How do you fix this problem? By putting a shopping centre in the middle of it! And what a centre! You have 2 pubs? A florest selling equipment to grow your own plants?? A liquer store??? And a car parts store so you can sup up your nova the way you have always wanted!!! WHAT THE f**k HEMEL??? THIS IS LIKE PUTTING A MCDONALDS IN A FAT CAMP!!! THESE PEOPLE DO NOT NEED MORE WAYS TO GET TANKED!!! THEY NEED A BASIC FOOD SHOP, A CHARITY SHOP AND POSSIBLY A NEWS AGENTS SO AS THEY CAN SEE IF THERE GRAFITTI ON A LOCAL SHOP MADE IT IN TO THE HEROLD EXPRESS!!! Grovehill is truly the worst design since neon strips you can stick under your car. Nuke it.
The town centre is a fantastic place! You name any cheap takaway we got it! Pizza hut, Dominos, Mcdonalds, KFC, Burger King, Subway, Greggs, its all there! We got the civic centre so you can claim all your benefits such as your DLA for your bad back, only 4 more payments till you can get that moped. The college, for those who fail school, the health centre with a great poster saying come here for free condoms and the morning after pill, you will be supplied with either even if you are under 16. You of course have all your sports shops, 3 pound shops and a ton of cheap clothes shops, including “2good2be true” with the famous shirts costing at only 50p and sandersons, a shop selling bongs, crack pipes, cheap munchfood, energy drinks, and anything a drug user could ever need, yet, police completly ignore this shop and the obvious intentions of the clientel.
Then we move onto leisure world, which i have never read a review on here which hasn’t mentioned. This place is the chav breeding ground, it has probley had more children concieved behind it than johnny vagas has had hot dinners. This place really is a shithole, it is in jarmans park which has 3 main buildings. Leisure world, Mcdonalds, Tescos. So poured into the mixture you have Tescos supplying cheap drink, Mcdonalds catering, and Leisure world giving the shit music, shelter and condom machines. So you can imagine what it is like in there. I have been there many times due to the cinema, and on waiting to be picked up it is not uncomman 2 see girls who look pre-pubesent dressed as what can only be described as 4 foot tall prostitutes getting into cars with much older men who drive behind the building for 10 minutes or so before dropping them back infront of the neon sign. If you go there and listen, see if you can go 30 seconds without hearing f**k, c**t and shit, spend a night there and watch how many fights break out, the bouncers are more useless than a condom machine in the vatican and are more interested hitting on the younger girls. This place is where all the slappers from adeyfield come 2 meet there dream man, sad thing is, none of them have noticed that not a single guy in a nova and a track suite who fucks them before learning there name ever calls back. Unfortunatly, live in hemel this is your life, the council are doing something about this though. They have just opened a new club called the function rooms and are closing the hospital. I guess there leaving natural selection 2 wipe of this plague we call the chav.
Hemel is a shithole. It was when I left for the first time 20 yrs ago. Compairing Hemel to any of the many towns, in the 4 countries I`ve lived in, or the 11 countries I`ve visited, its a shithole. The minute I can leave, I`m gone. No doubt if again I must return in another 20 yrs, Hemel will still be a shithole.
Hemel is a shithole. It was when I left for the first time 20 yrs ago. Compairing Hemel to any of the many towns, in the 4 countries I`ve lived in, or the 11 countries I`ve visited, its a shithole. The minute I can leave, I`m gone. No doubt if again I must return in another 20 yrs, Hemel will still be a shithole.
Hahahahahahaha…………
True.
ACS may have a bad rep, but it is okay as a school. Adeyfield is the worst, that one is full of chav’s. Grovehill Shops is where it is at though, full of chav’s begging you to buy them fags.
The Industrial Estate is bad, run down after the Buncefield explosion, and is only now just taken down all the damaged buildings, I wish it were to happen again to wipe out the Pikies.
Leisure World is just shit.
It does have its good places, but they are rare sights in Hemel. At least it is on par with Luton and Watford!
I guess it takes a chav to know a chav!!
Now tell me one town bits of this does not happen in….
I think you protest too much and know about these issues more than most – wonder why….hmmmmmmmm!!!
Oh look, someone making broad sweeping statements about a whole schools of people based on their geographical location with an elitist take on entire groups of people they clearly do not understand.
Nothing to see, move along.
wow. you were clearly brought up in Hemel, I no this coz you cant seem to be able to write a sentence without swearing in it… maybe its people like you that give this place a bad name… get over yourself, do us Hemel people a favor and move somewhere els… one less chav…. (you clearly are coz if you weren’t you could write without swearing) and you seem to be pretty clued up on where you all apparently hang out…
do one
thanks
Hey i live in hemel, and im not going to lie it is infact quite a dump, unless you live on the upper east side, such as my self, i own a multimillion pound house and brand new range rover. I have infact used all of the facilities mentioned above, im not going to lie, i only found this article when i typed in “cheap prostitutes in hemel”. we then decided from reading this article to go to the leasure centre using our spesh cab, to go and seduce crack feinding cock craving slutish thirteen year olds, as we had made a porn video with a fourteen year old girl in a gym. So the real question is Jezzys on joshes? you decide.
I live with very little means and do struggle like many to raise my children, but what gets me through and keeps me smiling, is the sense of community and friendly people who live around me in gadebridge. Also we live either a walk or drive from really beautiful countryside and I always watch the sun set from my window. Am I being a romantic,idealistic. No, I’m just not taking this place for granted. I feel very lucky to live here in Hemel Hempstead and I’ll never leave xxx
whoever wrote this is a complete douche bag. i’m guessing that you clearly got bullied at school, and that you hate everything and anything to do with hemel. listen fella, get over it. and stop blaming a perfectly good town that provides a lot of good jobs on the fact that you are once again, a douche bag. hemel aint that great, but it aint that bad either. i have been to much worse places. nowhere is perfect. please people, do NOT listen to this person.
gaz
Oh ….that’s just so so funny !!!! I used to live in Hemel Hempstead way back in the 1970′s (yes, yes…..the dark ages -I know) I miss the place it used to be really very pleasant then. I li ve 300 miles away now but did have occasion to drive through there a short while ago and hardly recognised it.. but my memories were woken. Progress hey……I went to the Collage there and fell in love with a boy who was on day release …. Good memories…..I think the chavvy thing is everywhere…..down here if you dont put sea water in your artificially dyed blonde hair and carry a surf board with you every where uttering ‘surfs up dude’ then you stand no change…give me Hemel Hempstead and the boy (now prop married with 4 kids) any day. Enjoyed reading it though…thanks.
hey, just checking back again to remind naive people who are expecting to read a nice review of a place on chav towns that i do not actually hate hemel. if i did i wouldn’t live there. just using something i know to write down something i found funny then published. as for spelling it was more an idea of taking the piss out of the chavs im talking about and there intellect, obviously gone a bit over some of your pretty little heads. Anyhooo… not meaning to upset people but if you where looking for someone to tell you how fantastic hemel is then why the f**k come on chav towns??? thats like looking for football results on the iceland website!!! anyway my main point is that this was something i did when i was 16 and probably a little high. just writing comedy about a subject i know about. Hemel. So if you liked it please let me know, if not then stop being such a sensitive pussy and piss off lol. unless you actually have constructive critism.
I have lived there too and boy you are so right down to the last dot
Learn to spell before giving such a ridiculous opinion. Cheers.
Hi,
I am looking forward to view/buy house in Hemel Hempstead. At the moment, I live and work in Watford. Is Hemel that bad as described above in some replies?
regards
Raj
No, it’s bloody not! Ok, so it’s not the best town in history, but we do alright. I’ve recently moved to Canterbury from Hemel Hempstead, and I myself can’t see a whole lot of difference. You get (much less exaggerated) versions of what’s said here everywhere. There’s good and bad areas in every town. However, I think perhaps the authors imagination has run away with them.
Clearly jealous they didn’t go to ‘longdene’ where the kids what got no arms go…innit…
As a former resident of Watford (Watford has a drugs problem) who bought a house in Hemel a few years ago, as did several friends, I think the above review needs to be taken tongue in cheek. I enjoy living here without any problems at all. I have nice neighbours, many like myself who have moved from other areas and the advantage of good transport and easy links to the M1 and M25. There are areas and schools in Watford where far worse could be written about them. The town has a relatively low crime rate and many police officers who serve both in Herts and the Met reside here.
The author of the above has problems with capital letters, English and speliing so lucky for Hemel Hempstead that they have moved on and professional literate people have chosen to move and live here.
Good luck with the move
Does anyone else find it ironic that the person who wrote this has such appalling spelling and grammar?
I think you need to take a look in the mirror before judging others my friend.
trev………..what a chav.
Never read so much crap in my life. It’s a good town.
The author of this article has further demeened Hemel Hempstead by the foul language of choice. What a pity they could not articulate their views in a manner that would suggest distance from the very type of people they are criticisiing. Their views though hilarious at times are reminiscent of many towns and cities around the country where social and economical deprivation exist and, as has been said before, certain areas of London are far worse. In fact, during the 20+ years that I have lived here, I have met many people who have moved here from London to escape the crime and violence. They actually praise the town and it’s schools (most of the schools anyway). As for the council, I have worked in partnership with them and though their council housing stock is virtually non existant the area of Dacorum Borough is the largets in Hertfordshire streaching as far as Tring. The people are generally friendly and accommodating and will not judge you by the car that you drive nor the style of your Nike trainers. Not snobbish, just genuinely friendly. Of course there is good and bad everywhere. I lived in St Albans from a young child and the drug dealing, prostitution and social deprivation is there too, however, I do admit that visually it is clearer to see in Hemel.
Hemel used to be nice. Now every time I go back it’s just horrible. Look in the town centre, the lack of places to eat is obvious.
Where are the hot women of Hemel??
Fat single mothers who waddle to KFC in their cheap tacky clothes. Chavs………….
I totally agree with what Hannah said about the description of Astley will be better fitted to Cavendish. Astley Cooper isnt as bad as what people make out, ive just done my A Levels there and have had no problems what so ever. Yes it may not be the best school in Hemel but I wouldn’t say it was no where near as bad as what this person made out to be. The teachers are all good there and will sort out any problems necessary.
And as for Grovehill. Well I just happen to live in this area and id just like to say I do NOT live in a ‘free council house’. My parents work hard to pay the mortage for where I live and I happen to live in a very nice friendly environment. Its also not a free ticket to never do a days work because both my parents are at work all day as well as my brother, we do not sponge of the council like several people and we do not live in a ‘bad/dodgy’ area. Ive lived in Grovehill for 16 years and have always found it a safe area to live in. If anything Highfield is mush worse compared to Grovehill!
I have to agree i have lived in Grovehill for 13 years and have had two mortgages yes that’s two cause i love the place my children have grown up here and as for Astley Cooper has been turned around and is a good school it’s the people who put the school down. It has been a real confidence builder for my children and a very happy place. Please have your opinion but don’t knock it till you have tried it. Who ever put the first comment you lead a very shallow life. we work really hard to keep a roof over our heads and our children are brought up with morals and these children are born and bred in Grovehill.