Newton Heath, put simply, is the arse-end of the world.
There are a lot of piss stained, beer soaked swillings of towns reviewed on this site but I can honestly promise you, they are nothing compared to the blight on the UK that is Newton Heath.
Situated in the North of Manchester, it is perilously close to other “respectable” neighbourhoods such as Moston, Clayton, Gorton and dare I say it, Miles Platting. Truth is, if you can get off the bus on Church Street without getting mugged you’re a better man than I am. In fact, if you can get onto the rotting, shit stained Bluebird single decker in the first place you’ll be lucky. Getting past the twenty or so 16-year old single mothers with prams in the disabled area can be quite a nuisance, especially at peak times. And if you do manage to get past the smoke-smelling, pink-tracksuit and crop-top wearing louts to the rear of the vehicle you’ll inevitably get the seat next to the pissed old scruff who’ll definitely try to touch your leg.
The aforementioned Church Street, which is Newton Heath’s chewing-gum and chippy wrapper strewed main street, has a variety of shops for you to choose from during the day and a host of nightlife outlets of a night time. Netto, which shares a building with Iceland, hordes the majority of the Giro-wielding scumbags who can’t afford to go to the LIDL a little further down the street. This yellow peril has blighted Newton Heath for years, and only seems to be getting more popular as Iceland across the pathway loses out. If supermarkets aren’t your thing, try the ‘60p’ shop, which retains its name even after nothing is actually sold at 60p anymore. But this eternal symbol of scumbag-isation still stands sandwiched between a bookies, a pawn shop and a Greggs. A perfect line of outlets for any discerning day-to-day Chav. Many Newton Heath-ers will spend every Monday blowing their Dole money on the Irish Lottery, pawning their mothers old family heirlooms for cocaine followed by a trip to Greggs for a dog meat and potato pasty. And when their screaming little shit they have in tow won’t shut his fat little face, they’ll buy him a throwaway lighter from the 60p shop to keep him occupied.
As for the nightlife, Newton Heath boasts a great many beer swilling joints, namely the Railway, Culcheth Gates and several on Church Street itself. Each one is as grotty as the last, and each one is run by a fat old woman who sleeps with a baseball bat at the side of her bed every night. And one of the punters in it. Even after the smoking ban, you can walk past the doorway of one of these hateful sin-bins and get high from the cloud of marijuana fumes escaping from inside. The local Working Mens Club has actually installed a kind of ‘open air prison cell’ right outside the front doors, so you can watch the Tetleys-drinking old men perving on your girlfriend (or mother) as you wait for a bus at the stop outside it. Speaking of which, the council recently tried upgrading this lowly bus stop with a new shelter for Newton Heath’s extensive Granny population. I don’t think it’s ever had any glass inside it, however. If it has, it’s likely to have been nicked to replace someone’s council house front window.
The locals of Newton Heath couldn’t be friendlier. Swarming with ‘Trespass’ black-waterproof tracksuit clad thugs; I wouldn’t bother asking for directions if you’re unfortunate enough to get lost in Pooton Beef. There’s a local rivalry between the three main high schools of North Manchester, namely the Girls School, the Boys School and St Matthews High School. The Boys school frequently beat up the Girls, and St Matthew frequently get beaten up by both. The 677 school bus is the stuff of nightmares; I’ve seen horrors on there which should never be released into the public domain. It’s not just the youths, though. Indeed, most of the thuggery hanging around on Newton Heath’s estates are between the ages 20 – 40, some even older. Drug dealing is rife, the wardens are corrupt and the police simply don’t give a shit. Dogs are used as currency in areas such as the Troydale estate. The bigger and rougher looking, the more they’re worth. Poodles, for example, are roughly equivalent to 1p in monetary terms. Trading a dog for food or sex is also commonplace. Sex with the actual dog, too, can probably seen after dark down some of the more downtrodden alleyways.
Finally, I come to the local culture of NH. If you don’t wear a pair of Nike Shox, you’re homosexual. If you don’t shag somebody before you’re 13, you’re gay. If you impregnate a teenager, you’re classed as a local hero and may even attract your own gang of thugs. Certain areas, such as Brookdale Park and Scotland Hall Road are no-go areas unless you drive an armoured vehicle. Do NOT drive anything less around Newton Heath. At least, if you take pride in your car any road. It WILL get broken into. No doubt about it. All children in Newton Heath are brought up on a diet of chippy teas, weed and Carlsberg, the latter two of which can be bought from California Wines on Culcheth Lane.
There’s a level crossing at the bottom of Berry Brow in Newton Heath. Trains run every 30 minutes through this crossing. If you happen to accidentally venture this way, it’s certainly better to end your journey by waiting for the Manchester Victoria service to squash you to a pulp. A lot better than walking through Newton Heath.
I Have lived in Newton Heath all my life and am insulted by mattjohnson’s comments. I have brought up 3 children in Newton Heath, none of them have been to jail, mugged someone and never gone out in their pjs. I have 2 jobs and live in a council house, AND WHAT!!!!! You dont get mugged when you get off the bus on church st, although it could do with a bit of a clean up. If you took the time to speak to people who live in Newton Heath, you will find that its 95% of the people that live here are the salt of the earth and have alot of time for friends, neighbours and the elderly. Dont tar us all with the same brush!!!!! Before i go i would like to say “IF YOU DONT LIKE NEWTON HEATH, STAY ON YOUR BUS AND GO TO YOUR WONDERFUL LIFE. YOU ARE NO LOSS TO US!!!!!!!!!
uzzz all talk shit about newton healh y dnt uzz go der n say it 2 der face n c if u get out of newton heath
go back to where u were dragged up from u boreing piece of sh**e!!!
Most of what is written is correct.
Newton Heath is most definitely a SCUM place to live.
Granted, not all the people who live there should be killed, due to having no use to society, but 95% should be.
If you are reading this page for the first time, then yes, unless you live in Newton Heath FORGET you ever heard the name. It is a filthy place, full of dole-scrounging scumbags, who’s career path is nothing more than seeing how many other sumbag children then can reproduce, just so they can claim the child benefit.
Weed, plastic-gansters who watch too many films thinking they live in the slums of LA, and act accordingly, when the reality is, they are just piss-ants who will never have a job in their lives, and would sell their own daughters for an 1/2 ounce of weed – really, they would!
When you drive through Newton Heath, the women look like they have not had a bath for a year, and you definitely would not touch a Newton Heath woman, ewwww, dirty women who you would not want to breath the same air as you, never mind be intimate with, ewwww, again.
The men? Most cannot even spell job, never mind have an intention of gaining one. Benefits, weed, fake sky dishes, and thieving. Nothing more, nothing less.
Thereare 5% who live there through circumstance, and are ok, such is life, but the area is most definitely blighted by the absolutely parasites in society, and as a country we would be better of putting them to sleep, and rehousing the 5% that are decent, law-abiding people.
Try livin in newton heath before you try and slag it. I think ur bein abit dramatic to be honest, iv lived in newton heath all my life and its nothing like what your making it out to be, every place has bad areas, but before u try and point out everything little bad thing about newton heath get to know what its actually like, and how the people are instead of just assuming people who wear tracksuits and hoodies are going to rob ur car or rob ur purse or house even, write another one of your perfectic dramtic stories about it when you aleast know something thats true fact about it and while your at it get a life, take your head for a wobble infact take your head out your arse and grow up! You stupid person!!!
Generally, everywhere north / east of the center of Manchester is horrible. South Manchester is far nicer. As for Nightmare Heath, the place f**king stinks. If you flattened it, the ground would still stink of cheap vodka and weed. Man Utd had the right idea. See you later! We’re off to the other side where it’s nice. Moston, Collyhurst, Miles Platting, all my worst dreams come true. Suicide is better, so is eating my own shit whilst being bummed by a tramp.
I moved to newton heath a year ago and I would just like to say that this town is a buzz. the people have very little in terms of posessions and cash but in terms of personality friendliness and community these people have plenty. There are no jobs in newton heath but these people have enough pizzaz to saunter round the system to keep surviving whether that be selling drugs or trading dogs and cars. though I found your use of vocabulary amusing. You sir are a wet wimpy spoilt and obviously challenged in height man and I hope one days your held accountable by one of these trakky wearing thugs of which I have never encountered and then you can have something to substansiate your claims. Our gardens our tidy our homes are clean and all the kids on my street know me and I know them so should and unsavoury strange face such as yours should appear I would notice instantly and go out to see whats what. This is a community and one your not welcome in. If you want a hostile place to go and get robbed or stabbed try Whalley Range. Thats where I came from up to the peace and safety of newton heath. A place where you are not welcome.
You have just ripped into a place that has been home to my family for generations. HOW DARE YOU!
I really feel for such a negative person as you’re self.
Yes you’re right such social problems do exist here, but where is the hope and confidence for these young people (with the odds stacked against to change)? With an attitude like that no one would have the self esteem or inspiration to change and respect where they live and to help create a better community and one to be proud of.
Firstly I would like to state that my daughter does not live off chippy teas, I do not smoke weed and would go mad at anyone smoking it anywhere near my daughter and I probably drink alcohol about twice a year. Secondly I was brought up with 2 working parents who have never been out of work, I also went from school to college to university and have worked in audio ever since.
Thirdly I take my daughter to Brookdale Park on a regular basis and have never been shot/stabbed/attacked or any other form of violence, in fact in the 35 years I had lived here I have never witnessed anyone else either.
I have also:
-Never given my child a lighter
-Own a pink tracksuit
-Wore a crop top.
I actually think its a good thing that you hate NH because I actually think the place is too good for a judgmental, arrogant and nasty piece of work such as yourself. We may have our faults but we dont go around referring to people as ‘scum bags’ and we certainly seem to have more manners than yourself. I would rather be brought up in NH than where you were dragged up as I seem to have far more manners and morals than yourself.
I have a pink chu waw wa and a poodle that growls like a rottweiller….. oh… and i used to be friends with a BITCH….. that lives on seabrook road……Three guesses……!!!!