If you want to discover what life was really like during neanderthal times then jump on a train and head to Goldthorpe, this south yorkshire s**thole from the stone ages is so behind times even the Wright Brothers would be stunned. but lets take a look at this Libyan-Twinned town and discover the people and landmarks that make this place a dump.
Goldthorpe is easy to get into but hard to get out of, however if you are just visiting its always best to go in armed with a cricket bat or a machete which can be stolen from all local garden sheds in the South Yorkshire county. however if you are considering moving down here this guide will tell you all you need to know about becoming ”scum of the earth”.
As you arrive at Goldthorpe station its easy to see you are no longer in civilisation, the locals here dont like foreigners and you dont even have to come from another country or be a different shade of colour to be made aware of this, just as long as you dont speak ”BAARRNSLAY” will make Goldthorpe’s locals treat you like any other cotton picker day or night.
Walk down Barnsley Road and you will soon encounter Goldthorpe’s daily life, teenagers staggering up the streets f**ked out of their eyeballs on cheap co-op beer at 2.1% its all the aggression they need to pick a fight with the wall, another sight to discover is the queue at the post office every monday, thurs and friday, those dole cheques wont cash themselves and those cans of stella wont drink themselves so its best to get in the queue as soon as you awake from your cardboard box on co-operative street or when you are released from the cells after having a eventful night fighting in the Rusty Dudley.
Goldthorpe’s average life expectancy is around 35-40 years old so teenage pregnancy rates are sky high. If you are 13 years old and still not a parent then you are not the sort of person fit to live in Goldthorpe, its important as a young parent that you teach your ratboy or ratgirl the basics of survival. Make sure they know how to burgle houses and are experienced in robbery before their 12th birthday or their first court hearing (whichever is sooner).
As a teenage parent in Goldthorpe you also need a good education before you hit the high street and start spending those giros, make sure you apply for a council house as soon as you fall pregnant because you cant live at your parents anymore as mummy and daddy will lose THEIR sickness benefit and jobseekers despite dad’s part time job working at the pigeon club as a bouncer. Make sure you are fully experienced in claiming child benefit for all 6 of your kids and dont forget to claim those milk tokens you can trade these later on for a bag of cannabis and let your kids roam the streets late at night while you sit at home smashed out of your face.
When you choose a street to live on, try to engage in conversation with some of your neighbours, people in Goldthorpe arent used to friendly chit-chat and like to end the conversation abruptly with a curt ”ah’ll burgle ya fooking house later” before sauntering on their merry way to the nearest off licence for more stella.
Co-operative street is highly recommended for any chav wanting the low life and street fights more accustomed to the Bronx than a south yorkshire town, as soon as you move in dont forget to hang that england flag outside your window as this is a sure fire way to be accepted into the town that sent two BNP members to european parliament.
Being a different colour could present problems for you should you decide to move to Goldthorpe, kids are taught at a young age that ”******S AND ****S TAKE OUR JOBS” and the grown ups arent much better either but they are softies at heart and love everybody really for after a long days racist saluting and a tooting what better can a Goldthorpe BNP voter do than to go to the curry house on the high street and order chicken vindaloo then finish it off falling asleep listening to gangsta rap, they may not like you but cook a curry and you’ll be best mates for life.
Goldthorpe is visited often by the local police and you may soon be recieving a visit too especially if you want your moped back. Police in Goldthorpe have a calming effect on the locals, because if any trouble starts removing the beer and drugs from the offender is a sure way to restore order.
so there you have it Goldthorpe its a s**thole and i wouldnt recommend living there but rest assured you have to see it to believe it ITS A CHAVTOWN
Tags: chav, chavs, scum, shithole
Just got back from ****stan and visited Goldthorpe. I can’t wait to get back to ****stan now!
Last time I saw so many baseball hats & shell suits was in Toxteth in 1986.
Dr Who often visits Goldthorpe but not as a time traveller because nothing changes except the rate of pregnancies lol.
All of you in Goldthorpe did a really a really good job to promote Yorkshire on the day of Thatchers funeral. She must be laughing in her cask!
Seen it on the news today. Chavs burning an effigy of Thatcher who so they say “destroyed their community”. She must have missed a bit though, I suggest sending in the pest control officers and finishing the job. What have these guys been doing in the last 30 years apart from skiving, breeding, and generally feeling bitter about everyone else?
Is this the same Goldthorpe featured on the news today, re Thatcher’s funeral? They had a party FFS! Some old bloke ranting that Thatcher “killed his town” – So it was obviously HER fault that this bloke can’t even be bothered to have pride in his own town and tidy the place up! The Chav Town title is very well rewarded.
It’s not racist
still rattling on about thatcher 25 years after she left power. you f**king morons, if there is no jobs, move on, get yourself down south and start f**king trying you layabouts.
going on about coal and the pits, for f**ks sake, the world has changed, your coal mines were unproductive, and coal puchased cheaper from outside the UK, its called business, tough s**t… still f**king into your pints down working mens clubs, what a bunch of s**te! dole scum!
And the scum in Goldthorpe have a party to celebrate Margaret Thatchers death because everything is her fault. Nothing to do with them sat on their arses for 23 years is it.
Harold Wilson closed more coal mines than Thatcher.
Goldthorpe shame themselves over Thatcher & their childish response.
No wonder so many generations are scroungers and after 25 years they havn’t found something new to do. Mining is a trade that ‘largely’ died in western countries across the world, by cheaper labour abroad, as many manufacturing jobs were. Deal with it.
Poor lad. Are you just having a go at Goldthorpe because you girlfriend realized you were from Thurnscoe so she dumped you?
I Like Turtles
hey i live on welfare view and it used to be a decent street i grew up on hope ave one street away and i can remember it being a lovely place to live. Every one had jobs and a decent social life my parents used to send us to the old lady next door to see if she needed help or any shopping doing.All the houses were kept clean and tidy and the gardens were well kept. That,s how life was until Thatcher shut the pits and took away the mens jobs and her government kept funding to a minimum and i agree with stacy about this being a village were all the ex cons are sent. Most of the original villages have left because of out siders being sent here so when people are slagging us of remember its not goldthorpe people your slating its folk from other areas who have just happened to have descended here
I’ve lived on coop st all my life,yes its a fukin s**thole.it wants bombin. Its only guna get worse,I blame all the landlords letin all the s**t in them.if I catch anybody trana burgal are house,I will do time for the dirty scummy basTards.
Ive lived in golie all my life abd tens years ago it used to be a lovely little town till people from shef and other places who got moved hea on wittness pretection, coures it a littke town, i feel sorry for the real people who have lived hea all their lifes coures it did used to be a nice little town were you could leave your door open with out bein robed, and no wounder kids haveing kids, thease days not just in goldthorpe but all over kno matter were you look, the future is f**k proppa couse all thease young one nar a days are just slags and assholes thats is the younger genaration for you! god help a dont think their is one, wait till thease slags and assholes grow up what we call are chilldten god cant help us the
What a loser! Learn how to string a coherent sentence together you illiterate, knuckle dragging, dole dwelling, scruffy little prick. I mean, not that I believe you actually have any mates but how would you hope to find whoever writes this? You probably don’t even know your way past that bench outside the Dudley where the rest of the freaks like to loiter and hassle the few decent people that are there. Anyway that’s me done, goldthorpe is a s**t hole but it’s mainly due to the young scum that hang around there lads and lasses below 21 who think they know it all. They really haven’t got a f**king clue.
you seem to know goldthorpe very well are you a local
Goldthorpe is awful. the day i leave this place will be the happiest. full of scum, drug users. alcoholics and pathetic little trouble causes,Luckily my parents have kept themselves to themselves. so i never had to really interact with many of the locals. untill i started working at a local shop, to find people coming at 9am to get a bottle of cider and a microwave burger.. what??? how can people possible survive.. im ashamed to be from here. The people here give the once who want to do something with themselves a bad name. . even to the point of partners parents thinking im bad news . im nothing like the people in.this area im far better. problem is being judged. i dont like hearing that im from a chavvy scummy villiage.but i know ill be out of here soon
i live on co operative street and it’s not as bad as they saying it is yeah its noisy but at least all the houses are occupied not like main street now there is a street to take the piss out of but then again there is no main street no more whats that tell ya such a s**t street they pulled it down
i dont know what yer on abart.. i thought we were posh..
Never in my life have I seen such a bunch of sub-human, bovine, knuckle dragging and stupefied, drooling gobble-di-goinks as have found dribbling and shambling their crack/smack addled carcasses around as in Goldthorpe. All that glitters is most definately not gold.
Hahaha thats all true. I live in barnburgh right near it, it looks like a rate s**t hole.
Barnburgh scum go f**k off and shut the f**k up before me n all my gypsy mates come for ya
Barnborough?!! 10bob millionaires always having legs open and gag for anyone that gives them attentions ahha?! Pipe down.
You are so spot on with everything you’ve said about Goldthorpe, you obviously live there you self hating bastard :p
It even has a street called ‘Welfare View’……..