So, unbeknownst to me, the UK has a group of possible contenders for the scenario witnessed in Battle Royale. This group of people are known as Lowestoftians. I’m pretty sure if we stuck them all on the Isle of White and told them to off each other, they would walk straight into the sea and drown. If they should manage to even start killing each other we should probably just off the last one standing anyway, as I don’t see any good coming from mixing Lowestoftian back into the human genepool.
During my short stay in the cesspool of gormless men and severely pale and overweight single mothers called Lowestoft I witnessed several things that seemed like they were taken straight out of the horror movie Eden Lake. One of them being a fat acne-covered excuse for a human female with half her zitty ass hanging out of her cheap shitty ASDA jeans walking down the high street while scratching her exposed buttock. It all reminded me all too well of my visit to Whipsnade Zoo.
I also had the distinct pleasure of witnessing the exotic bodyart on display throughout this shithole of epic proportions. One of them being a f**king tool bragging about how drunk he was the night before whilst sporting a very well done “Sober” tattoo on his neck. I don’t understand why anything with functioning eyes would ever procreate with such a monstrosity.Then again, I feel that way about most people in Lowestoft until I see their partners. If you are into viewing what a typical Lowestoftian family looks like you can sit at McDonalds and drink a coffee whilst viewing the typical family dinner.
I couldn’t even believe they had a coffee shop seeing as no one in Lowestoft knows how to pronounce Caffe Latte without it sounding like some awful venerial disease. I’m pretty sure that by the time I have the misfortune of going back to that godforsaken sewer that coffee shop will be replaced by some kind of pound-store ( that’s quid-store for you Lowestoftians).
It seems a Lowestoftians idea of entertainment is to watch The only way is Essex or mindlessly spending all their government issued money at the arcade. Also, the pubs are a f**king disgrace, I’ve been to Turkey which pretty much a 3rd world country and seen better pubs than in this excuse for a garbage tip. I want to have my drink without having to listen to teenages rambling on in their native language whilst abusing a pool table.
I can’t imagine a better place to start a medical research facility seeing as no one has jobs and everyone is about as f**king intelligent as a chimp.
The best thing about Lowestoft is the road to London.
No, really, it’s a horrible town, slowly growing like some hideous amorphous blob that crawled out of the funny coloured sea. Lowestoft used to be a sunny, jolly place you could come to and stroll on the beach without getting dogshit stuck between your toes.. but now it’s horror is spreading out to absorb all the surrounding towns and villages, it’s employment opportunities are gone, you can leave school (or Academy) put your shell suit on, sign on, breed and do nothing now for as long as you want. If you want to drive it’s a single road that goes nowhere but back on itself. Junk food discolours the populace and encourages their rolls of fat to brim over the waistband of their poundland/QD jeans, their skin is blemished, pasty and oozes grease and the threats issued by sarky kids whilst kicking down the wall around their council house may sound banal but when they’ve grown up to be 15 or 16 and are now passed out unconscious in the urinal in the nightclub it’s ok for you to piss on their heads. Wake up and smell the kebab/pizza/puke/dogshite – it’s a crap town.
all I can say is that I lived in London for 5 years, seen people get shot and police racing down my road nearly 7 days a week. moved to lowestoft, a beautiful place, live in kessingland now for 5 years and always in lowestoft. atleast people in lowestoft dont carry guns and have to worry if you walk into gangs and get robbed.All I have to say, B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L. P.L.A.C.E.
What a joke. Do you actually have nothing better to do than criticise a perfectly good town, yes you might see the odd ‘not normal’ person but do what? I’m sure you get them in your town! As for the pubs yeah there are a few dives but you obviously went to the wrong places
I don’t live in Lowestoft, but I know people that do and i dont live far away from there and I don’t see anything wrong with it, it’s not a perfect place but in England where is? Maybe you should do something better with your life than trying to find the tiniest faults in small towns! What were you expecting a red carpet to be rolled out? You need to get your head out from your arse and get back down to reality! And as from one of the comments about having ‘webbed feet’ LOL! It’s really sad that you have to refer to the people of Lowestoft as some sort of aliens WE’RE ALL HUMAN BEINGS!! GET A LIFEEE 
I Think who ever wrote this is inbread as well as a retard
I have lived in Lowestoft all my life and do agree with some comments. However, I think you’ll find that the genuine Lowestoftians are not included in this group of chavvy people. Over the last few years we’ve had lots of idiots move into the town so they can waste their work free days and their benefit money in a nicer environment than they originate from. Most noticeably-in the 1990s councils in London and Liverpool were paying the tenants they wanted to get rid of to leave and go and live in Lowestoft. It used to be nice once til our roads and beach were overcrowde with wasters
excuse me , not all is like this , i was a regional swimmer , and now at ucs studying my honours to beccome a teacher. and there is many more people like this.
Ha! you obviously went to the town center while all the “normal” people are at work!! If you could look pass the shit on the end of your nose and met some of the “normal” people you might not have had such a bad time. you should go have a look at Great Yarmouth then i think you’ll be shocked and have a lovely time ranting about pointless things online as you have nothing better to do!!
I’m from Lowestoft, I know it’s not exactly Monte Carlo but you’ve obviously only spent about 5 minutes here. As for me being as intelligent as a chimp I’d love to know what that makes you with the amount of grammar and spelling mistakes in this article! Good luck with the career as a writer, you clearly need it.
I’m horrified that people can talk about a place is such a way, I have to agree with Eleanor’s post from August 2011, I’m from Lowestoft too and am certainly not anything that’s mentioned there, yes I know people like that but then you get different kinds of people everywhere you go! You could not have visited everywhere there is to go, and certainly none of the nicer places there are to visit in your apparently very short stay. You have no right to slag off a place that’s not your own!
Prickglue….you really are a prick….so you think you know us from a “short” stay….so where do you live so we can take the p**s out of your home town… ar**hole
It’s a shame about the snobbery & discrimination; I don’t think it’s reasonable to hate someone for their physical features or the jeans they can afford.
I believe the real issue (which is rife throughout all classes and groups of people) is that many people are f**king cruel to one another; selfish, quick to assume and slow to investigate things below surface level.
Hello there just in passing i read your post. I am from Lowestoft and i do not class myself as any of the above. In fact i think you will find the town centre and long road south and the worst places to go in all honesty you will see the horrors of the human race there i wont lie, although there are also a great deal of people who are not “chavs” or from a zombie druggie race.
i spose not everyone has logic enough to look more than the town centre but also to go to other places where the normal may live in peace within Lowestoft. too bad huh?
I am so glad I just read this. I do not come from Lowestoft but I have through terrible missadventure found myself trapped within it’s ugly grasp. It is not a town it is a moster, a monster not unlike the creature from cloverfield and the inhabitants are those hidiouse skelleton spider things that shoot from it’s jaws. For a while I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn’t understand why these people (if that’s what you can call them) seemed so fundamentaly wrong in so many aspects of what conravines any discription of humanity. These people are in charge. That is a very scary thing to have to live with on a daily basis. But I am a strong and resourseful individual and live with the hope that one day I will escape to a place where I am classed as normal because I don’t have webbed feet, I don’t look dissturbingly similar to people I’m not supposed to be related to and I don’t babble out an accent which sounds like Jack nicholson after the elctro shock treatment in one flew over the cuckos nest. Keep this place seperate from the rest of the world and god help us all.
Lowestoft isnt all that bad, and certainly doesnt fit any of the descriptions here… Seemingly just mindless prejudice.