Ahh Reading, just named best micro-city in Europe… Right. Clearly the person who gave the award has never visited this shitty town that houses all the mutations in the gene pool.

There are several areas where these creatures congregate:

Whitley – Generations of scum live here, even the elderly (who’s life expectancy is probably 30 years lower than the national average due to the amount of soveriegn fags they smoke and their oh so healthy lifestyle) are scummers, they spend their days looking after their nasty little grandchildren (and probably great-grandchildren) while their offspring are out robbin up the Butts centre and their nights at BJs Bingo spunking their state-pensions up the wall. Imagine the granny from Benindorm, mate her with a creature from Little Britain and you have the typical Whitley Grandma. The 2nd generation of chavs are the young parents, although most are single mums. Typical chavs, girls wearing clothes only the devil himself could have designed, which barely stretch over there fat and flabby bellies, gold hoop earings big enough for Free Willy to jump through and enough gold bling (typically branded with ‘mum’ or ‘sister’ incase they forget they have a family) to burn your eyes out. The males are usually found with jeans that are worn so low that they fall over when the police chase them – although it does explain their strange swagger… Then you have the Chavlets who will shout abuse at you at any given opportunity, nasty little things who are ‘educated’ at either Reading Girls (no it’s not posh like Reading Boys) or JMA (a state of the art school infiltrated with chavs), arguably the roughest schools in Reading. Whatever you do avoid Whitley at all costs unless you have a death wish.

Tilehurst – home of the wanna-be chavs. This subgroup of chavs have reasonably rich mummies and daddies who are willing to pay for their shitty corsa’s to be kitted out in the normal chavtastic way. Mainly reside in Dee Road, but choose to hang out in The Triangle.

Southcote – home of the top 2 worst schools in Reading; Prospect and Hugh Faringdon. Hugh Faringdon was situated next to a posh private school (which has recently been closed down), and to give you an idea of how rough it is each school had to ‘release’ their students at different times, different start times, different breaktimes and different home times, because of the amount of assualts taking place. If you don’t believe me just take a bus journey (can’t drive through it as the council have put bus ramps up in an attempt to stop joy riders) through Southcote… all the streets are the same, typical council houses with all the scrotes hanging out in the park smoking weed or drinking whilst ‘looking after’ their off-spring If at all possible, avoid getting the number 26 bus otherwise you’ll be subject to half an hour of either male chavs asking for your number or chavlets talking about their latest friend to get herself pregnant.

Calcot – Overflow carpark of Tilehurst and Southcote. Red Cottage Drive being the main council estate, with Garston Cresent a close second, but there are various other council houses dotted around the place. Ikea have bought the land where most chavs from calcot congregate, behind Savacentre where Utopia used to be. The thick shites rob glue from Homebase and then break into Utopia to sniff it and probably take more drugs… there’s plenty of used needles to see if you look close enough. The closest school is either Little Heath or Theale Green. Never send your child to Theale Green. A few years ago (when I was there) 4 knives were confiscated from students within 1 term and things are regularly burnt down or vandilised.

Caversham Park – General dump, full of gobby little shits and filthy families. Common to hear of shootings or stabbings and you may even be lucky enough to witness one if you risk going out at night. Not much else to say apart from keep clear…

Winnersh – full of druggies and scabby teenage girls gagging to get laid. Has got an all girls school which should be nuked to stop these scummers breeding. Generally found hanging about in Winnersh Triangle hassling people for a cigarette or generally just giving you abuse.

Reading also has bad crime statistics:

(off findapropery website)

Clearly. Stay away from Reading, even the nice places (Shinfield, Caversham Heights and err can’t think of anymore!) are slowly being poisoned with this filth… As soon as I can get out of this Hellhole I will do, the sooner the better!

By: Jess