Chavtowns

OK well you poor normal citizens of England aren’t the only ones suffering Here in Tasmania there is a city of around 70,000 people called Launceston. The chavs here are called bogans or less often wiggers, or, to get another idea, look up ‘Tasmanian Bogan’ on urban dictionary. These burdens on society hang out in distictive areas, starting with the city centre, Brisbane St. Mall, and my god they are an eyesore to an otherwise nice landscape, they will be the first thing I garuntee you’ll see apon entering the mall, wheather it’s the smell or the sound emenating from their ape-like mouths that attract you, "oiii kent" "oi you gt a durry?" are 2 common phrases you’ll hear from them, you glace at the direction from where that horrible language is coming and you see the congregation of hideous shits, in dada or fubu wear, and anywhere between 5 and 10 sizes too big for them, after staring at this unwashed mass you either get vertigo or you get abused, given the group is less than 6, but upto 10 or more and you might get followed and stabbed. Other than being general mouthy fags the chavs here are particularly violent, and close encounters and witnesses, as well as first hand stories have confirmed you have to be lucky walking home at night (in particular fri, sat and sun) because drinking chavs WILL inflict damage or in some cases death, apon innocents for no reason at all. This problem is ever rising, and they all share the same mentality as i’m sure they are all related and their parents are siblings, which also explains why(and I never usually jusge people on) thieir uglyness, jesusfuckme, they look like an insideout arsehole, with no exaggeration, and the abuse will start flying from then since they are able to walk, given their parents wonderful influences. If they aren’t in town you can hear stories from their grotesque friends about when they get out of Ashleys(youth detention) or the older ones in infamous Risdon prison. It never ends here and I’m at my limit about to take desperate mesures to clense the thorn in Launceston’s side.

Please note: I am not referring to the many respectable areas of the northside of Dublin, I am refferring to the north city centre and the surrounding inner city areas that plague it.

If you are a tourist visiting Dublin, there are a number of areas in the northside of the city centre you should avoid during the day. The shopping area of Talbot st. is a haven for drug addicts, skangers and general lowlifes. The addicts congregate here to purchase heroin and to get methatdone and other opiate based substances from the clinic. many of the shops in this area are constantly being robbed at gunpoint, or a ‘jumpover’ where a junkie will hop over the counter and brandish a syringe filled with blood at the unfortunate student/foreign immigrant who works there. this happens regularly in this area during the day. DO NOT come here at nighttime, as althought the addicts are generally gone because the clinic is closed, due to the smoking ban large groups of scumbags congregate outside pubs to smoke here, and will set upon you for ‘d’buzz’ or as normal people wouuld say, the surge of adrenaline they get for ganging up on an innocent person during their frequent smokes.

If you walk past the vaults nightclub at anytime past 10 o’clock and do not dress in accordance with skanger rules, at best you will be jeered and laughed at. at worst you will end up in an ambulance. DO NOT confront anybody who laughs at you from this nightclub, it is a haven for Dublins brat-pack of young gangsters based around the slums of this area.

If you are going to the point theatre and decide to head northbound, think again. you will end up in the sherriff st. area. during the heroin epidemic of the 80s this was possibly the worst place in dublin. it has now quietened down, but joyriders and addicts remain while most ‘decent’ people who lived here have moved on to wherever ‘dublin cihy council’ have moved them. there is currently a gang war taking place here, avoid at all costs. if you do find yourself here the only option is to run away as no taxi driver will pick you up.

If you are foreign, it is likely the pyjama clad skangerettes will want to have sex with you anonymously so that they can claim ‘choil’ benefih’ or childrens allowance and get a nice local authority hovel. don’t be tempted as their brothers/fathers/boyfriends or whatever will be only too happy to bottle you in the face, particularly if you are english. the typical dress of these people is white trainers, trackie bottoms tucked into your socks, a cap peaked and worn at 90 degree angle, gold chains, and every one of them must own a celtic or republic of ireland jersey. anyone not doing so is regarded as ‘a fookin proddy’. they will often see themselves as republicans and profess a love of ‘d’ra’ or the IRA. however they will generally not actually give a shit about republican ideals such as a united ireland and will only say such things to give themselves street cred, apart from the odd riot whenever LOVEULSTER come to town, which i doubt they will again. (see love ulster riots). most of them will spend their days skinning up splifs and sniffing coke, drinking cheap lager such as dutch gold and bavaria, and drinking flagons of cheap cider to kill time until dole day. to feed there addictions, most will break into cars and rob houses. however many of Dublins ‘old school junkies’ will now have serious criminal records dating back to the early eighties and are involved in large drug deals and often very serious crime. you will be able to tell the difference between them and the new junkies and crackheads, by their age and dress.

Of course, there are some shithole areas in the southside of the city aswell, its just that grafton st, harcourt st. etc is generally safer and has a better normal person to skanger ratio. in general, it is better to avoid the northside altogether unless you really have to go there.

other areas to avoid are o’connell st.(at nighttime), henry st. (all the time) sean mcdermott st, north wall, north starnd, docklands, eastwall, abbey st., and clanbrassil st.  

Recently had the privilege of visiting Gumbet in Turkey. (Not my choice)

Lets just say..the country is very chav-friendly.

Every shop in Gumbet was a fake goods shop, we’re talking nasty bags, tshirts, jeans, sunglasses….anything you can think of that would be classed as designer in the UK, you can buy as a fake in Turkey. (Although the Turkish will not admit to it being fake) I’ve never seen so many chavs abroad.

All the chavettes had the (lovely) braided hair…which again you can get in Turkey…I was pestered enough to see if I wanted it done as well. NO THANK YOU. All the men (as well as bright pink skin) had little slits done in their hair…again, this is done in Turkey.

Turkish people are a pain in the ass because they think all British people are chavs and will try to get with any girl that sets foot on their land.

Clubs and bars are easily avoided because I think you’ll agree, watching chavettes all over the Turkish men is not a pretty sight, plus you can’t just sit down and have a nice drink without them hassling you for a dance.

All Turkish restaurants menus consist of is pizza, fish and chips, and engish breakfast, and we saw a lot of chavs tucking in most morning!

If you can’t stand chavs, do not go to Turkey for a holiday, it is NOT relaxing, and they will drive you crazy.