Chavtowns

When I was a nipper, Surbiton was a nice place to be. The locals were all friendly, buying stuff was easy, and I liked the area very much. Yes, that was then of course. Now all I want to do is get away from it.

There are a number of housing estates in nearby Kingston, and thanks to the Oystercard, the Chavs can roam free enjoying Tolworth Broadway and Surbiton’s Victoria Road. The normal chav facilities can be found in Surbiton, Macdonalds, KFC, a former Poundshop which made the best decision of its life to call itself the £1+ Shop, but not much else. So a main day for the chavs is going to"Maccy D’s" and then to KFC before the usual fag-cadging. There are enough parks around to keep any chav satisfied from slapping someone or to keep a chavette waiting for month number 9. However a general precaution(toddler or small dog) will scare them silly. 

Then there’s Tolworth, which seems to be in my opinion even worse. There’s no MacDonalds, in fact there are barely any fast food chains, so the chavs will make do with a Pizza or a Kebab before going to their "Hangout", a vast series of underpasses above the A3. This provides a great area  for dangling pebbles(Chavs are too scared to use bricks of course) above the passing cars, as well as also trying to mug you in the underpasses.
Bar the bowling alley, there is little unchavvy about Tolworth, except there are no Burberry stores nearby. Think you’re in trouble? Never ye mind, you can spot a chav here a mile off. The traditional etiquette here is blindig whiter-than-white clothing all year round, so if you are anywhere around London, you will spot a chav from these areas instantaneously. Rotten eggs and bricks for these moments are also cheap. Get your hands on some now!

Now you know why the theme parks keep their prices up around these areas, and why the 99p stores are becoming less and less frequent. Now you should be able to figure out why there won’t be any large Tesco currently. Perhaps sometime the area will be completely cleaned out. But hopefully then I will be living elsewhere. Not Essex.

Old Malden and Worcester Park are both perfectly pleasant places to live, yet nearby Malden Manor is a cold sore on the genitals of civilisation.

Despite providing a useful railway staion, "the Manor" is best known for the hideous flats and equally hideous inmates (sorry, residents) of the housing project on Sheephouse Way.

Surly and monosyllabic, the chav youths selfishly pick the Co-op at Old Malden (nearer to my house than their barracks-like shitholes, the little wankers!) to hang out on a Friday. It’s all there: hoodies, shell-pants, ten gallons of cheap aftershave (boys), piercing voices and more effort spent on picking g-strings than denims (girls).

The bastard Tory newsletter that comes through my door even has sympathy for the scum! That’s when you know that old principles have gone down the pan: I have no time for the Tories but at least when they stuck to their guns they wouldn’t have even pretended to like these scummy wastes of air and water that surely must be the first batch in an experiment for human culling. But no – the local Toryboys actually have sympathy and want to help, so they say. I can only hope that it’s just empty vote-winning promises.

As a former resident of Wimbledon, I never thought I’d look fondly at Phipps Bridge (the nearby equivalent). But at least that had a bit of history…..

i was reading through this website and i quite enjoy bitching about
where i live so i thought “result” when i discovered an entire website
designated to it… I go to university in portsmouth and i have to say
i never saw more chavs, i live in a town called wickford in essex and
if you look it up on here you will discover how chavified it is (i made
up a word – i like it) portsmouth tho, outside of the studenty areas
and the navy base is 1 great big council estate, it really is,
somerstown where my frends brother got smashed to bits by chavs until
he was in intensive care because he wudnt surrender his mobile fone (i
made this frend once i was there otherwise i would have taken my
business elsewhere). Theres a reason that its so bad there, this is my
theory, they are attempting to get all the chavs onto the island so
that one summer when the students arent there they can break it off n
let the fuckers float out to sea and die because there is no direct
supply of b and h silver and tescos home brand vodka and no petrol to
fill up their novas and hairdryers on wheels they like to call mopeds,
and nowhere for supplies of fake burberry to come from

thank you for having my little rant

ironic thing is icant wait to go bak