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Gosport, Hampshire

Posted on: February 3rd, 2012 by admin No Comments

Gosport is a town desolate of tourists. Many residents blame a group of Tories who sit in an office and wear blue cable knit jumpers and sometimes close down museums, or as they prefer to be known – the local council. The council have argued that they have done all that they can to improve Gosport as a town, so I have gone to the liberty of outlining some of it’s better features that may appeal to day trippers.

Gosport is a seaside shithole with a pebble beach and a concrete eyesore that is often also referred to as ‘the promenade’. ‘The promenade’ is lined with old glorified cupboards that fat people sit in during the summer, you may be thinking by cupboards I mean beach huts. I do not mean beach huts. Behind the cupboards and sheltered benches – or public urinals- is an unkempt field covered in dog shit left by the early morning dog walkers who feel that by getting up before everyone else gives them the divine right to leave their dog’s excrement strewn across the beach

The beach has a wide choice of two cafes, the most central Pebbles cafe will serve anything from processed chips to processed sausage with a side order of the daily mail. See adults and kids alike flock to the ice cream window to have frozen milk poured into stale cones by an acne ridden school kid trying to earn money to fund his cigarette habit.

If the beach is not you’re thing then why not head into Gosport town center and experience the lunchtime delights that are Greggs and Mcdonalds. Popular amongst the elderly Greggs offers a wide range of freshly baked saturated fat perfect to be enjoyed with a flat soda avaliable from many of the high street’s pound shops. However, if baked goods aren’t your thing you’re in luck because the high street has not one, not two but three fast food outlets including the famed KFC, once said to be “the tourist highlight of the town” by a woman on the bus.

If you’ve managed to keep your lunch down you may want to enjoy some of the Gosport nightlife. Diverse and contemporary, Emma’s offers a chance to listen to some of the latest music, providing you go in the 1990s. Emma’s has become famed in Gosport for it’s unusually sticky floor which may sound bad but not it comparison to Gosport’s late nightclub Moodeaze which was closed down for health and saftey reasons due to it’s unusually sticky floor, some have speculated that this may be a culmination of urine and semen but were unable to say for sure because the scent was masked by the ever gorgeous smell of nicotine, body odour and cheap perfume.

For those unwilling to mingle with Gosport’s clubbers, Wetherspoons offers and cheap alternative, so cheap in fact that it is quite possible to become paralytic for under £15; whilst this may sound concerning at first you’d really have to experience the wonders of such a town to understand why a night out is better spent completely unconscious.

By: Rachael

Rating: 9.3/10 (4 votes cast)

Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)

Bangor City

Posted on: February 1st, 2012 by admin 1 Comment

There’s a good reason Bangor isn’t already on here; no-one knows about it enough to give a f**k. And to be honest, that’s the best thing you can do for a place like this.

The nearby estate of Maesgeirchen breeds chavs like a roadkill badger breeds maggots, and they completely swarm the city. But it’s not just the ratio of chav:normal person that makes it so bad. These chavs can’t even be angry or violent properly like most city chavs. Remember those kids i school who’d hang around with the bigger bullies and peer around from behind them shouting abuse instead of actually being tough? That’s every single one of the chavs in Bangor. Every one of them has an uncle/cousin/mate/boyfriend/dad/brother/all-of-the-above who’s a local fighting legend and will kick the shit out of you for looking at them funny, yet said legend never actually appears. These fuckwits can’t even muster the attitude to finish a fight they start even as a group, unless it’s against an OAP or a phone booth!

Not only that, but the rest of locals seem to support these walking-abortions too. The only thing that brings any sort of money into Bangor is the students (themselves not the brightest of sparks to have chosen to study in f**king Bangor…), so the for 1/4 year that they’re not around the place almost literally grinds to a halt. To that end the univrsity and students are hated because they don’t bring enough money to the area to support the dole-monkeys for the whole year and consequently are given a hard time just for being there. So what did the council do to fix this in recent years? Builds a f**king shopping centre in the city centre… When every other unit on the high street is shut already… There are units in this centre that have NEVER been occupied. You’d think they might have learnt their lesson, but they’ve recently allowed the build of a f**king huge new student union complex…

Perhaps this will help one or two of the chavs muster the courage to actually be the hard bastard they all purport to be… Folks, please, don’t EVER go to Bangor1 Just let.it.die…

By: Gee Allen

Rating: 4.2/10 (6 votes cast)

Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)

Wishaw (pishy Wishy)

Posted on: February 1st, 2012 by admin No Comments

What an absolute shit hole this place is!! I had the upmost misfortune to grow up in this Ned/drug dealing/inbreed/benefit seeking little shithole.. Apart from its hospital Wishaw has not seen much new development in the last few years although thank f**k there is a hospital so close to the nebouring sess pits of craigneuk, wishaw hill,pather and netherton /muirhouse.. As the amount of stabbings, drug overdoses , teenage pregnancies keeps the hospital very busy.. The high street is a f**king dump.. there are junkies on every alley throughout the pish stinking place and the uneasy feeling of walking through the place when the sun goes down is very well known as the amount of absolute tits come out to play after probably waking up from there drug induced comas. If you cannot adequately defend yourself do not think of going on a night out here it is full of little f**king vermin or some tanned steroid pumped reprobate who’s idea of being a hard man is to drink the little insecure homo boy inside his head quiet and the viciously attack the most respectable looking person there. All in all whoever reads this if you live here and feel the grass is greener somewhere else’s your spot f**king on, if I could I would build a wall round it to stop the plague that is these people, spreading there infection!! And there are nice people here just not many !!

By: Pishy wishy

Rating: 6.7/10 (7 votes cast)

Rating: 0 (from 4 votes)

scummy seaside (Blackpool)

Posted on: January 28th, 2012 by admin 1 Comment

Blackpool, although you may think it’s a jolly seaside resort with candy floss and donkeys, is a scumbucket for the transients who come here to draw benefits in a holiday resort instead of an inner city. go back a few streets from the prom, and you will see the deprivation, the ghettos and the scummy pubs that make up the REAL Blackpool. It’s a town full of chavs, career benefit scroungers and don’t get me started on the drugs and crime. It’s full every weekend of idiots that get so drunk they cant control their bladders – yes, women too, and middle aged women with messages such as ‘I’m up for it’ (Yuk) emblazoned on T shirts across their flabby boobs – which, incidentally flap up and down on their beer bellies when they jump up and down to the music in any one of the dive bars along Bank Hey Street. It’s full of single mothers with doorkey babies (conceived to get a council house) all with the Fkeetwood Facelift hairstyle (vigorously scraped up ponytail) all covered in gold that they either have had nicked for them, or have not paid a bill in order to buy. Yes there are decent hardworking people in Blackpool, but it’s an increasingluy dangerous unpleasant place to live, and nothing ever gets done about it. For the record, I work with social services – so I do actually know what I’m talking about. I live here only until I’ve saved enough to get out of this hellhole of a country!

By: alison c

Rating: 7.8/10 (13 votes cast)

Rating: +4 (from 10 votes)

Oxford (Yes, the ugly truth revealed!)

Posted on: January 24th, 2012 by admin No Comments

Ah, Oxford. Land of dreaming spires and colleges abound. Posh was born here. Intellectual, civilized, affluent……What they don’t tell you is the enormous disparity between areas. The gap between the rich and the poor is so huge the teeny tiny middle class just fall right in it. Actually, they are continuously forced out of the area as there is no housing whatsoever in any decent areas unless you are very wealthy.

That’s what you get in Oxford. Extremely rich, or chavs. There are no normal people here.

As it is a college town the university runs the show. If you don’t happen to be affiliated with it, then you are just sort of there, like a side show. Town and gown indeed. There is no longer a town.

All of the housing is overwhelmingly for students. All of the family homes have been converted into flats, and neighbourhoods are slowly transformed into party areas for the young and chavs.

The prices are so inflated it’s a wonder anyone can survive here at all. You can’t, that’s why many are having to leave to nearby villages, or relocate to another part of Britain entirely.

If you have children, do not come to Oxford. Unless you are rich of course, but frankly, we’ve had our fill of you and the chavs and students.

It is the most child unfriendly place for those of us who are not wealthy. Every primary school, rather than being surrounded by family houses, is surrounded by flats full of students and parents are forced to have to drive their kids back and forth day and night, adding to the already horrendous traffic congestion that exists here. Traffic is so bad, it’s a joke. Let’s put it this way: If you take a bus to Reading, it takes about and hour. If you try to get from one side of Oxford to another, you’re lucky if it takes less than an hour. Endless streams of cars are driving down every single road day and night.

If you go out on the town at night, you are likely to find it overrun with biligerant youths who are picking fights, screaming and swearing, breaking things and all manner of mischief well into the morning. As tourists and townsfolk timidly walk around them trying to ignore it and get on with their business. Other neighbourhoods have rapes and assaults and shock! Yes, even murders to contend with.

You can kiss sleep permanently goodbye. You will never sleep in Oxford as partying youth are 24/7 here, and every neighbourhood has this youth living in it. If you call the cops, they will say there’s nothing they can do about it.

Seems like Oxford, along with virtually every other town in Britain, has gone to the dogs.

By: Em

Rating: 6.1/10 (17 votes cast)

Rating: +5 (from 13 votes)

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