Well, well, well, 16 years now its been not much longer before i, along with many others can escape the scum infested town of Luton, Bedfordshire. I personally do not conform to any ‘group’ of people and have had no trouble from anyone, with the exception of ‘Chavs’. I find it absolutely fascinating that Chavs are in utter denial about the fact they are an actual chav. Evidently you cannot recognise this sympton on yourself. However, i can safely say that if you are participating on this website and are finding the use of the English language legible, then you are definately not a chav. Luton seems to attract every kind unfortunate that has ever been known to man kind. Thank the lord my parents had the forethought to pull me out of their dispicable excuse for comprehensive education before i reached high school. Ironically i do feel for the Luton Council. I mean to be honest which of you could honestly say that you could take charge of Luton, the scum of the earth town. Chavs are wild and unpredictable and so i feel these members of the council are living life on the edge, not knowing whether tomorrow could be the day they get mugged for every posession they are worth and beaten to a pulp by some burberry infected excuse for a human being. The real problem lies in the lack of education, they have no morals and it is dog eat dog out their on the roads of Luton. Contrary to what i have said there are a very few selected areas of Luton which are respectable, it is just incredibly unfortunate that each of these is usually surrounded by 4, ever growing, infested council estates containing the members of society that you only read about in books. The shadow of the hugely tall, council estate, crumbling block of flats that are usually in groups of 6, will always be a weight on the respectable members of luton.

Things to do if you dont know you are in a council estate:
1. Look around and UPWARDS to see if u can see several towers of flats
2. Scan the scenery in search for pregnant 14 year olds
3. Smell for the stentch of unwashed clothes and bodies
4. Keep your eyes peeled for a mass of burberry
5. Ask a passer by (at your own risk) whether there is an ASDA or ICELAND near by
6. Listen out for the roar of old bangers with holes punctured into their exhaust pipes and the never ending supply of swear words that are screeched across the entire estate

How to protect yourself from a Chav Attack:
1. Dress in an entire outfit covered in mathmatical sums – this is designed to scare off chavs with the first sighting
2. If you are approached by a Chav use a wide range of words longer than 7 letters
3. Cover youself from head to toe in burberry and then walk with a limp in your left leg whilst holding your crotch. Place your other hand on your top lip in a CURVED shape. Look down and walk, if you happen to see a passer by, remove the hand from your lip and make a ‘gun finger’ sign whilst hollaring ‘blup blup blup’.
4. Do not drive around in a car newer than 18 years old.
5. If you are unfortunate enough to be driving an unsuitable car, be sure to have the window down, one hand on the steering wheel, the other hand in the ‘curved’ top lip position whilst hanging out the drivers window attempting to look at the road from outside the car than meerly looking through the windscreen.
6. Be sure to be wearing Rebok classics and adidas joggers – if burberry isnt available of course.

Now, this is a very typical Luton sighting but i know this happens elsewhere, please comment with your thoughts as i am very open minded on this issue, i would like to know where else has been infested with this breed of people.

Thank You and Goodnight x

People have bought up Bedford before, that sleepy market town, set by the river Ouse, where even the geese are discriminated against… But enough of this idyllic scene.

Four very chavvy things have come to my attention over the last few days and how they shock me to the core.

The first being Burberry “Chav” check trainers. There are limits somewhere but when some Chav dole scum client of mine (yes, I’m employed trying to help these lost individuals) showed them to me, I almost vomited over them. And they cost the twat £95 and he thought they were a bargin! That’s little Brittneys meals gone for another fortnight then… Best bit was when another of my not so chavvy clients told him he could have picked them up on ebay for a fiver!

The next traumatic sight was chav moped users doing wheelies in that Chav central of Putnoe, but not the nice side. Had to trail his white nikes on the ground to stop himself from falling backwards mind.

Tiny chavs drinking lager in bus shelters is another. A common sight I hear you say but not generally at 10:30 on a Sunday morning and the five of the ALL WEARING THE SAME! Not sure which was worse there, the Chav clones or seeing them drinking that early on a sunday morning.

The worst thing I saw though was the middle aged Chavette wearing Pineapple joggers, in white, with her bum hanging to the back of her knees, black suede tassle boots and a tiny baby pink Playboy top. Good thing I was in Boots and received the necessary medical treatment when I passed out…

I thought I’d seen it all but how wrong I am.

A town with 1 claim to fame:
they make Greene King ales there
I have to drive through the place every morning and Im frequently stunned by the lack of suitable genetic material in the locals.
Not only do baseball caps seem to be MANDATORY but there seems to be a big craze for piggy eyes and freakishly short arms.
Due to a lack of ANYTHING discernably interesting in the place the locals seem to have devolved into mid 1800′s Ku Klux Klan members, completely paranoid about anyone that doesnt seem to fit in with their Royston Vaseyish attitude to the outside world.

Omg! This is the chaviest place ever! They hang out near at the cinema and bowling alley(next to pizza hut!) I also see them walking by the river and the way they walk! God they think they are so hard but they look like d*i*c*k*s! Another place is in the town center! And yes Bedford does have a poundland!
Continue reading “Bedford” »

Wanting to go on a date? Why not go to Bedford? You could go to Russell park and have sticks and joint butts thrown at you, probably to end up being chased away by the CRRC (The Castle Road Rude Crew) – an obnoxious bunch of 15 year olds running around with baseball bats.
No? Take two, the cinema. Waiting inline, you’re the back of the queue behind a huge group 7 year olds who have caps positioned erect on their heads, nike, nike, nike, nike, and keep adding ‘brrrrup’ into their sentences. And they’re all trying to get into the same 18 as you. You get into the film and some huge gang of 16 year olds dressed in fake burberry and trashy chav gear start arguing about fags halfway through the film. This after having spent an hour and a quarter throwing popcorn at various people around the cinema, including you and your date. You get outside the cinema and are innocently walking away when you get mugged; your phone nicked, your wallet gone, keys, the lot. And you see that group of 7 year olds running away with it all, brrrrupping away into the dark night like imps.
Nuh-uh. In town, Saturday afternoon, it is stunning how many chavs like to spend their time hanging around outside the classy hotspot – Woolworths. Although, after 3 years of this ‘ghetto’, they’re starting to move a few metres away, blocking up the main entrance to the indoor shopping centre. However, it has to be said, the bus station is the worst of the lot. If you’re not verbally attacked for money by a 20 year old African guy, who reeks of dope and fags, in – guess what – nike, nike, nike and nike, you’re the bullseye for the 12 year old girl-chav-gang’s chips. The bus reeks of vomit and McDonalds (amazing, they smell so similar. Brothers in the digestion industry), and you sit there wondering how that arsey chav could have the cheek to stare at you for the whole bus journey. Until you realise he’s asleep, joint hanging out of his hands as his head lollops around in his cap that – face it – has no excuse for being there. It doesn’t keep the sun off their heads, necks or faces – ESPECIALLY not in winter – and it does NOT look cool. No way. Any way, shape or form. No. ‘How bout you shut up?’ (In best imitation of a Jamaican accent, and many hand movements that involve crossing over the 2nd and 3rd finger)
Chavs of Bedford – domination of the town centre, vandalisers of the town outskirts, inhabitants of the inbetween shitholes of an excuse for housing. They look like walking peanuts with a bad limp and a tendency to shout ‘brrrup’, ‘f**k’ and ‘motherfucker’. Oh, and as the old saying goes ‘GREEEEBOOOOOO!’