well what can you say about middlesbrough???? except ear man its only propah mint like!!!!! the town is full of uneducated alcoholics whose main aim in life is to stay on benefits long enough to get on new deal for an extra fiver a week!!!! they also appear to have forgotten there is the letter H in the alphabet instead they say things like ‘ear am just goin to our ouse to get to see our elen coz its only proper ot!!!’ most of the women have the typical ‘pram face’ (like the face you pull whilst having a shit!!!) and 15 children called kennedy, charmaine, reece, tyler etc etc and your no one in middlesbrough if you dont have a staffy called levi and a boyfriend whos a dealer!! a popular chav haunt is bensons bar in the village – a lovely place full of the type of people that you wouldnt look twice at (and thats just the staff!!!) to round off a lovely place fit for nuclear testing!!!

Chav’s you wont have to go far to find them, usually parking their saxo with thousands of pounds of additional ice and diy pimp my ride add on crap at the drive through at mcdonalds, single mums from pallister park are a common chav sighting in the town centre, spending the income support at jjb, warren james jewellers and primark usually with asbo boyfiend and a 4 pack of carlingin tow, – i kid you not, most of them have not been more than 3 miles out of town. morrisons at berwick hills is a another chav mecca, more kappa tracksuited pregnant midriff and stretch marked girls than  a stern constitution can take. you would think lots have people did not have toilets in this area as the young men have thier tracksuits tucked in the socks and look like they have soiled themselves!
riding illegal moterbikes is a another in thing at the moment chavalcades of them everywhere. yoo’s is a commonly used word by a chav in the boro, when workhouses were stopped it was sad day for the town, it also full of fat chavs as thier idleness takes it toll we have  the award also of having an area in the town of the lowest life expectancy. I only ever venture into the boro to watch the football, other than that I would rather have a lobotomy. if visiting the place dont, there are plenty of better place and countryside around it

mmm.what can i say, a chav mecca at the moment, greggs the baker has  shops on  what seems like every street corner, with lots of vicky pollards hanging about with her fella to whom she has damnated another sprogg to the welfare state, baby bonds vouchers are no used to chavs in the boro unless they are instantly redeemable at usc or kwik save, apparently there is a new gallery opening soon its nicknamed the parmo – palace of art for real middlesbrough offel, chavs will avoid it unless it has an in house macdonalds.  netherfields local bells store actually sells a cheap version of lambrin! no chav in boro is seen without it its called lambretta! chavs are even infecting the once respectable areas or marton, ormesby and nunthorpe, the local hostillaries are full of john wayne styling scroats who want to pick fights with anyone who does not have the burberry identikit. bmw ( boro mans wheels) around hreg is the must for any chav, usually parked in the disabled bay at the local morrisons, please do not challenge these species for violating the parking stipulations or you will get the retort, what u fookin lookin at? yoos dont no what happened to me! roughly translated – i want to fight you as i am a lazy chav and would take great pleasure in having a fight with your law abiding tax paying upstanding citizen posterior. i could go on but even hemingway would tire. safe to say, unlees you want the low life pleassures in life – women of the night, high crime- bleak industrial views, the most amazing gridlocked road per population density outside london – then stay away- you have been warned.

all i can say it is the LOS ANGELES of the north for its awfull culture, no wonder its in an area with an identity crisis, the chavs are even infecting the law abiding outer suberbs due to the local mayor asbo ing them from the local bells store and day and night stores, the roads are gridlocked with cars without tax and mots talking their little precious chavs to school before embarking on a big shop at netto and aldi, shopping mecca for chavs is morrisons at berwick hills (aptly nicknmaed beverley hils) were it most be the most densely populated area of burberry, mckenzie, most cars have been customised the local chav my ride specialists g force styling, coulby newham is fast emeging as the home owning chav central with the local tesco being a big focal point, chavs blight even the local north yorkshire countryside in the summer with a trip to great ayton – once boyhood home of captain cook were they light up their disposable barbercue and get obliterated on their 24 pack of carling stored neatly under the 6 week old babys pram scaring the ducks and being great ambassadors for the town, if you are thinking of coming to the ‘boro’ of even the rest of so called teesside, dont bother stop at stokesley and have high tea.

When i first arrived in middlesbrough, i was excited that i was moving away from home to uni, my thoughts quickly changed. Immediately as i stepped off the train i was greeted by hundreds of chavs in the station, dressed in their ‘chav uniforms’,(just be glad we can identify them!) making their little spit patterns on the floor, and generally tryin to intimidate anyone who dared walk past them.straight away the lunged at me like vultures, obviously seeing i was new student blood and asked ‘can i borra a fag n cani borra 10p for the bus to darlo’. stupidly feeling tired i retaliated with ‘well if your borrowing a cigarette when will you give it me back?’this seemed to confuse their under developed minds for a while before the abuse started. then to annoy them some more i lit my cigarette and told them ‘sorry i dont smoke anyway’.This worked wonders,as i made my escape,whilst they stood trying to figure out what i had said.Then the weekend came, by this time i had realised there were very few normal people in boro, we braced the pubs, i wa thinking itcant be that bad i was wrong, very wrong.i felt like i was featuring in pirates of the carribean, it was all very scary, it was like they could all smell that you were new to the town,so they followed behind us all night scavenging.
i soon discovered they all lived down my road also, as well as hoboes and crack heads,and every morning i was woken with screams,police, and this is true!!the armed police twice at the bottom of the road, not to mention vommiting noises and fights.
we soon decided to stay to the safeheavens of the student bars and didnt dare venture into the town at night, however the ‘chavs’ still managed to find you somehow.
NEVER go into primark on a saturday, i once went for some cheap underwear and have been scaved ever since, it is the cavettes weekly meeting place you see, and if you dare get in their way as they are runing for the tackiest most revealing disgusting top,you will be killed, by their sheer weight as they throw themselves in the isles!!
as an experiment one day, i went into the town in my tacksuits after going to the gym, it was like a different world, where all the normal peopele moved out of my way scared, and all the chavs left me alone, possibly a sign of ‘chav respect?’. i was also interested to find in middlesbrough that when chavettes get to a certain age usually 30 they swap their tracksuits for tight camel towing hipsters and a mid-rift bearing top.the way they discipline their children is by not allowing them their staple diet of mcdonalds for one day, i heard this and the child continued to be naughty, an obvious sign that the child was actually glad it didnt have to eat mcdonalds, i did feel a pang of sympathy, i have to admit!!there is also no age limit to chavs in boro, usually in other areas the chavs tend to disintergrate after the age of 20ish but you even see grandma chavs in boro with their huge rag dolls on show!the problem with boro is that it accomodates for them, there are very few decent shops to go in and the nasty cheap shops just encourage them to flock to the town center even more.
i feel sorry for anyone stuck in this place having to brave it all out, i even have felt sorry for the pigeons, who they seem to enjoy torturing, but if they ever stopped to think they would realise that pigeons are the same as them, hanging around town in flocks, flying at people, scavenging off people and eating scaps of food off the floor, carrying all kinds of disease and multiplyting by the hundred!!