If one town deserves…nay, pleads to be wiped from existence, this shitehole is it. For the geographically challenged, Boro lies to the South of Newcastle and Sunderland, hidden by a miasma of green noxious gas, presumably produced at the Joker’s lair in Billingham. Indeed this heavy industrial fog has given rise to the generic nickname of its inhabitants. Newcastle has the Geordies, Sunderland has Mackems, Boro has Smogmonsters.

These creatures (Smoggies for short), are dragged up, in some instances merely to provide protein for the Christmas table, in dogshit laden streets. At night, these streets take on a personailty of their own, each one more psychopathically disturbing than the last. Their uniform of eighties shellsuits and grease smeared baseball caps belie the fact that this is possibly one of the coldest places in the world. On an equatorial line the same as Moscow, snow comes early but does not dissuade the chavette from even thinkinhg about wearing extra layers of clothing as this would slow down the ability to allow anyone to get ‘fingers and tops’ for the price of chips and ‘scraps’ (a delightful culinary experience whereby the chippy scrapes the inside of his oven for pieces of batter and slops them onto your chips).

The chavette – inevitably superfertile – reacehs her breeding potential at the age of eleven. David Attenborough has been investigating what has made the females take this evolutionary step so quickly only to discover that pregnancy is the easiest was to get out of GCSEs and have their own council flat.

Boro itself consists of one main road which, should you be able to run the gauntlet of MaccyD pelting twats, will take you across the border. Here is where the real scum hang out. Prossies and machete carrying Pimps stride the streets unafraid of police interference. One delightful establishment I can heartily recommend is ‘Club Bongo International’, (no, it exists). Show them your student Union card and they will take you to their bosom. Or cut you. Probably the latter.

As a growing student town and a place I spent 5 years in, It can be fun if you have absolutely no intention of staying there past your student days, and venture no further than the Union bars.

I often wondered in awe at how such a place can exist in the latter part of the 20th century. It is a troglodyte laden, grey, cold place. The football team went into bankruptcy in 1986 to try and get out of the place. If it was a dog it would have been put out of it’s misery by now.

Middlesbrough, truly the town that time forgot.

Sometimes I half expect Doug McClure to come running round a corner being hotly pursued by neanderthals only in this nightmare they are dressed in tracksuits and cheap jewellery.

Once you reach Middlesbrough you face the ordeal of having to enter it. Some say never go on first impressions but believe me on this occasion, you can be forgiven.
A stinking, vile, chav-infested, 60’s throwback town that has outlived any sort of usefulness only begins to describe this heap.
Most towns have good and bad points but this place has so little going for it, its makes Baghdad look cosmopolitan.

Once in the centre of Middlesbrough you’ll be struck on the sheer numbers of chavs whom just walk around aimlessly, obviously acquiring jobs seems to be out of the question.
Doped up chavs draped around focal points such as Albert Park, is as normal a background image to the town as it is to having trees and bushes.

Once night arrives the town is filled with the sound of mindless shrieking. It seems the populace has to make a point to whoever can hear that they are ‘on the lash’ through general loud noise.

Other favourite pastimes include random destruction hence why the local councils long gave up the idea of building anything new. Recently they’ve taken a new dislike to lampposts again.

The entire place has now been converted to be a purpose built student town, where they are shipped in and processed to be the vilest chav they can be.

It matters little what direction you go in to leave the centre of Middlesbrough as all you can see is a horizon of squalor. The suburbs, of which are no better, are a hub of council estates some such as Grangetown, Southbank and Redcar look strikingly similar to a Hollywood apocalyptic film set.

Eventually the horizon does begin to look better and you can finally breath a sigh of relief.

The biggest shame of all, I come from there.

40% full of fatherless delinquints, you will get quite alot of decent boro folk, but once you venture out at night you will see the real underbelly of the beast. chav-girls dressed all proudly in their latest stolen white tracksuites following inbred, uneducated, ugly and not to mention dirty male chavs.

one area, acklam living on the borders of whinneybanks aka whinney bronx has chavs with kareoke machines playing happy hardcore music loudly and screaming, in the way only a pubescent chav can…. 60% of whinneybronx is now demolished, the evicted tenents have moved into the once quiet areas, doing what chavs do best….. ruining it.

not far behind are their parents, normally sprouting gold ear-rings, overly fat and ugly. nothing more disgusting. except maybe teenage chavgirls… ugh im gonna vomit!!

chavcars… well, since the invention of guranteed-car-credit they all have uptodate vehicles, vectras and astras seem to be the favorite chav vehicles, with the odd one with a more fancy vehicle brought with his hard earned benefit fraud money and his “compo” he got from the council for his trip on a pathway that even a drunk couldnt trip.

wander into the town centre in teh early hours and you wil see all the smackheads, weirdos and ugly mofo crackwhores(god they are ugly)etc… all wander out, abit like GTA3 at 2am

if you hate chavs, middlesbrough is the last real place you want to come. those who say it doesnt deserve the reputation it has…. obviously need to get out just abit more.

Well middlesbrough has been rated the 5th worst place to live in the united kingdom, have they bothered to check out the towns around it too? like eston, southbank and grangetown? jesus christ, if you think middlesbrough is a good place to live then your blind to what goes on around you, or you just had it easy and never been beat up or had anything stolen. And i have the right to say this because ive lived here all my freaking life and i’m still here because my family are here. Grangetown is a f**king joke, very dangerous chavs everywhere. Actually its so dangerous its beyond a f**king laugh. If your not born into a ‘hard’ family in grangetown/eston/soutbank your buggered. Middlesbrough is where all the whores and bag heads are, theres kids running round high as a f**king kite at the age of 9 then swearing and throwing stuff at anyone who walks by in black clothes.

our local kappa slappers like to hang-out around the “gams mate” with their trackies tucked into there socks and there cheap nock-off “shlurberry” caps dangling off the back of their heads. They usually have:
a joint,
a fag or two tooked behind their ear,
stanley knife,
occasionaly a bike that they nicked from the nearest OAP.

There favourite phrases include :
“ow mate save us arf”,
“fuckin’ daft c**t, what ya lookin’ at you?”,
“my cousin….”,
“our mam….”

And since a new cheap clothes shop that sells jeans and other trendy gear has recently opened, there are more chavs wearing yellow and pink nowadays than homosexuals!

The majority of Chavs around the North-East are 10 – 57 and the more “hardcore” Chavs are 18 – 57 these are usually the low-lives who havent worked a day in their pittyful lives and are usually seen walking around the streets trying to find a fag.