Chester le Street is full of Charvas (the original chav), more so than any place i have ever visited in the UK. Feeding your 2 month old ratchild a Greggs pasty is the healthiest thing i have ever seen. Go to the job centre and have a right laugh, as young ratboys try to steal their Giro’s after they have discarded their cans of Carlinz at the door. Only Sunderland rivals Chester le Street (where the bible was translated into English no less) for the amount of 16 year old slags and gangs of 40 or more charvas waltzing up and down ‘the street’. In fact, i’d say that 75 % of people seen around Chesta are charvas, of all ages, as the rich folk who live in the suburbs never seem to visit the place at all, which is a shame really as there are loads of shit charity shops and a shop selling playboy gear for the lasses.

Once upon a time, I lived in a place without chavs, it was known as my mothers womb. A funny story is about to unfold, with many swearwords, many rants and many arguably stupid things, but hey, isn’t that all part of a chav anyway? Ahh well, here is my story, which I know will make you laugh.

NB: Chavs, do not hate me because I hate you, hmph.
Continue reading “Darlington aka "darlo innit"” »

Darlington, Darlington, Darlington. What a shithole, what happened? used 2 be a fairly nice place i grew up there and then about 1999/2000 the Charvas appeared (and yes it is charvas we invented the word non of this chav crap). Now i live in leeds at the moment and admit i have a few charv tendencies i.e. white lightning. (but that owes more to being a poor student  more than anything)trackies and a burberry cap but i dont class masel as one but anyway
  I don’t really have a problem with charvs a lot of them are alright but what i do f**king hate r ”Plastic Charvas” which are curious to darlo. Real charvas which grew up in shite areas many of which genuinely are hard can be twats at times at least they dont pretend to be anything other than what they r, these plastic charv bastards r a million times worse.
 These f**kers grew up in Blackwell & Mowden and until they turned 13 they owned little or now sportswear and didnt hav a hint of a darlo accent.
the best part is if these little shites ever did meet a real charv, theyd end up 6 foot under. Coz they r without exception soft as shit mummysboys, who probably couldnt even find skerne park

Good spots 2 hunt for these little gets are
Stanhope Park- White Star and Cheap very shoddy tack abound on a friday
Cornmill – In particular outside dixons gobbin of the balconys
Routes - carlsberg 1 bar a bottle on fridays hordes of pissed up 14 yr old Plaggy Charvs, oh what a joy
Hummersknott school – Hundreds upon Hundreds of these wannabe radgeys who learned charvness off the skernies who actually are charvers and r gud at it
Baydale Meadows – a haven for these litle cunts, a playpark in the middle of a well nice new estate frequented by hordes of plaggy charvas passin a bottle of rag between 24 or drinking shitmix they stole from daddys booze cabinet while he were down the rugby club
The Denes – Owing to the easiness of buying bevvy round there but only when the real Charvers arent about,

The real Charvers are alrite in darlo they don’t really do anyone any harm in all my years i av never once seen a goth get dun in by one in Darlo, The squaddies that turf up on a weekend r a lot more dangerous
 The problem wi darlo aint the charvs its these tagalong wannabe middle class arseholes who shud b preparing for a career in insurance or somethin equally as mundane rather than tormentin the poor souls whu hav 2 share a town wiv em. But now we can breathe a sigh of relief coz the pikey population of darlo is skyrocketing ready to kick these little bastards back 2 their 4 bedroom semis, arseholes

A short while ago i added Darlington as a chav town, and though this is true i mentioned that chavs like to kill themselve`s on the east coast main line. In the light of recent events of some school kids being killed there, may i appologise to VOYAGER for any upset caused.

As the saying goes, the truth often does hurt!

Stupidity often carries a heavy price, often death. Although i do empathise for the friends of the kids who died messing about on railway lines and their family, i wonder who spared a thought for the driver of the train that hit them and how many times he has woken up in the night with that vision he had to endure?

Darlington is the birthplace of the railway

It shouldnt be the deathbed of our kids

in the words of my late grandad…

“bloody think on”

Stockton on tees is a market town that dates back to the 13th century. You would think it would be quaint but quaint it ain’t. On the high street there are pubs every 5 metres and plenty of alleyways to throw up in after you have sank 20 pints in the happy hour. So, welcome to chav paradise!
If you are a bit strapped for cash there are plenty of pound shops and charity shops to get kitted out in. If you are unemployed of course, this is all beneath you. You will insist on wearing the latest burberry and designer labels with all the necessary chunky gold bling to go with it. You will then go on parade every Saturday, taking your kids (who you dress up in footie outfits) for a cheese pastie or splashing out at Macdonalds for some delicious chav cuisine!
You won’t bother getting a job because the local call centres insist you can string a sentence together when answering calls, ‘Ugggghhh…are you dissing me or what?’ is a phrase not conducive to keeping the customer happy anyway!
Unemployment is so high here, the local council displays the number of unemployed on a banner across the local town hall. Chavs stand under this with a marker pen nicked from Smiths to add another number as soon as they leave school
(which they never went to anyway)
Girls don’t worry! You can get pregnant at fifteen, get a council house and pretend that your child has asthma and eczema to claim the care component of the disability allowance. The older unemployed get a walking stick so they can claim the full whack, and limp to the local pub to drown their sorrows.
Stockton incredibly has a university. This is the ‘University of Durham at Stockton’. I pity any poor student who ends up in Stockton as it is a shithole where there is nothing to do but get hammered every night. On the other hand, you could always buy a bag of skag for a tenner, an accolade that made the national news as Stockton was named the cheapest place to buy heroin. So there you go – Stockton is number one holiday destination for junkies! Scumsville of this rank is hard to find!