Ashington is by far the chavviest town in Northumberland, every other car you seeon the road is either a chavved up Vauxhall (the chavs’ vehicle of choice) or a Motability car of some kind (Usually either a Zafira or a C4 Picasso), the aging Chavs’ vehicle of choice.  The town centre is a Greggs pastie filled hellhole which is a constant aroma of cigarette smoke.  Unemployable, tatooed half-wits lope around with their out of control, pastie eating kids, shouting and bellowing at them as they go.  This community used to be dependant on the Coal industry but has failed (probably due to too much coal dust in their brains) to adapt to the changes forced upon them by the 1980s closure of the mines.

Nearby Newbiggin by the sea is also a victim of this inbred way of life, which is a shame because it used to be a popular resort in victorian times…

By: Steve McGill

Its been nearly a year since the original post, so i guess i best tell you the state of ‘things’.

Stopress….Employment prospects doubled over night for the chav/chavettes, yes indeed a KFC opened up!Looks like most of the employees are local too, mind you it is hard to decide if all that cooking in oil has made their skin/hair that way, or it is most likely some Blyth genetic factor.

Stopress…..New businesses attracted to Blyth….Yes the Council built all these lovely new units near the KFC and new businesses are there. Naturally, you would think great, prospects for chavs….but all that seems to be there is 3/4 shops selling carpets!!WTF!!!

The focal point of the chavs, (the market place), is bring re-laid and out of bounds, (its ok Greggs is still there..phew). For now the chavs are having to hang around the ‘shopping’ centre. Why the square is being re-laid is beyond me!The market has been failing for years, so another wise spend by the council!

For the Chavs, the council has an office for housing next to the bus station within the ‘shopping’ centre. This is great because there is some discount sports shop opposite! The housing place is worth a visit to see an unmarried xxxoverweight mother of six, demanding a bigger house for her ferral fatherless offspring. It seems as in the last year the older chavs/chavettes has actually increased in number…its not as if anyone would actually want to move to this hell hole, it is just puzzling to see more.

There is still nothing to do for them. The ‘youth club’ called ‘slix’ or something ‘trendy’, has more of these ’people’ OUTSIDE’ causing havoc then ‘INSIDE’. Apparantly you can get advice on contraception…the expression ‘horse and bolted’ comes to mind! Nothing changes still lots of drugs, depression and unplanned pregnancies. The older ones still drink in the pubs. The local rag is still full of fights and ASBO’s.

Whilst in one of these licensed establishments, i noticed that the lasses aged 17/18, seem to dress more mature then their over suntanned/alcoholic Mothers!Trying to hold a converstation is difficult with these, unless of course you watch usual CHAV TV..i.e. Big brother, Dance on Ice etc. Also, a friend and i concluded that on that day was a TV report stating that in Tyneside prostitution was a problem, but in Northumberland it was not. Well of course, all you need to do here is buy a bottle of reef and a bag of chips and its yours, why pay for it!

Well, a year on and its still the same, but thing maybe looking up for Blyth and its chavs/chavettes. The Leader of the council wants to bring ‘the riveria’ to Blyth, and have about 20 beach hunts, which will attract tourists, (what exactly is there is Blyth to see!?!) I kid you not the guy is serious too. Well just how long until these are burnt down or the Chavs have broke in and are using it as a shoot up joint or a place for shag*ing some chavette is current debate!

Come to Blyth……..Still the Chav captial of Northumberland…..but now with a KFC and soon to be beach huts!

i grew up in berwick upon tweed i now live in manchester. berwick is the most depressing miserable place i know. the prople never smileand if your not from there your not welcomem they are scum of the earth up there hope they all rot.  the place is full of 2 faced idiots that cant handle their drink 1 pint and they think they can take the world on til they gob off to a holiday maker then get a real good hammering like they deserve. i left berwick on my own when i was 19 never been back since and dont intend doing so either im 26 now.  i hope alot of berwick people read this you all should be ashamed of yourselves the ones who put me through hell at school and look at me now doing better than the lot of ya i bet.  im ashamed to say to people i come from berwick upon tweed i just say northumberland i dont class berwick as my home town as far as im concerned manchester is. R I P Berwick…… T W.

Ah, Blyth. Situated 15 miles north of Newcastle, along the coast, it has stunning coastline scenery, and a view of the Cheviots and Scottish border to the North West.

But that is where the romance of this town stops………

This town is the chav capital of Northumberland. The sad thing is, i reckon most of the ‘natives’ would actually be quite proud of it too!

Local amenities are few, the focal point for chav gathering is the market square, they you can see many chavs and chavettes, with their uniform of lonsdale, addidas tracksuit bottoms, (tuck into their socks), caps and scruffy trainers hanging around smoking tabs. The focal point is greggs the baker, where many unmarried overweight chavettes with their 4 kids, (of course all by different dads) stand with their prams eating pasties and pies and talking to fellow chav/chavettes. If the weather turns fear not they have the ‘shopping centre’ called the Keel Row.

The Keel Row contain many discount shops, which attract the chav’s, often seen looking for new mobile phone covers, or a cheap piece of bling. The large shopping companies, have obviously seen there is no money in Blyth, hence they are all absent from here! If you are lucky you may actually see a Chav in here working, what fun to be served by someone with a reading age of 18 months, and a dependency on smack!

Blyth had many drug deaths in the 90′s , sadly the chav’s have not learnt from their history. a common sight is some scruffy fuckwit trying to sell you knocked off gear for a fix. The local rag is always full of drug busts and chav’s who have got so spaced out, they have attacked their Grandmother etc etc., as well as a ‘who’s who of ASBO’

In this crap hole, it is hard for the chav to find a meaningful career and ordered life. There is a Mcdonalds for those who can spell their name correctly, otherwise its typical chav employment, i.e. folding clothes, packing boxes. However, most chav;s do not want this, so are happy to wait every fortnight for their pay.

Often, chavs can be found down in the local parks, drinking blue pop and cheap wine. As part of chav regulations, they will be a few of them annoying residents with their mini moto bikes and little quads. Chavettes, will be seen getting pissed before the predictable unprotected legover, and nine months later, we have the voucher for that council place.

The town becomes alive every fortnight, when the goverment has to give

these sub-humans their giro’s. The pubs are full of them spending our hard earn lolly on drink, tabs and smack. Common site is for the chavs to have their prams in the smoke filled pubs. Additionally a common phrase is ‘I get paid t’morra’, in otherwords, their giro comes. There is no dress code, they dress exactly the same, wherever they go.

There is a special chav dialect, here. Everying second word is f******. The lads speak with a whiny straining geordie accent, which sounds as if they are trying to have a shit. The Chavette’s, (who are universally orange, due to the high number of sunbed shops), sentences usually consist of 3 words, in between chewing their gums and braining, (hitting) their bairns, (children).

Most of the chav/chavettes live in the big council estates to the south and west of town. Whilst walking through these, you notice the unkempt kids, used needles and chavettes hanging around. There is always a buzzing noise too….no it is not a lawn-mower, it is a mini moto on the path, terrorising some old folk.

Come to Blyth, see it for yourself..Blyth Chav captial of Northumberland, (and proud of it too).

Ooh Alnwick, such a bizarre place.

Me and my mates went up to Seahouses for the weekend and went for a night out in Alnwick. What a bad idea that turned out to be.
A town so beautiful by day is frightening at night.

We went to a pub near the club we were going to later. We had a choice of two. The first had lots of chavs outside so we opted for the nicer looking pub.

What a bizarre place! The first half of the pub is quite nice and everyone looked quite normal then suddenly the carpet stops and the room turns into a social club type thing with a pool table and chavs.

Now the signs were there, that we should lave left, but we ignored them. When we saw a guy staggering through with blood on his top and not a bouncer in sight, that’s when we should have turned and run but no.

Instead a mini brawl kicked off but was soon stopped by bouncers – goodness where they came from.
We thought it was all sorted til some kid (15ish) runs through the pub picks up the pool cue, smashes it on the pool table and tried to attack a guy in his 40′s.
Beer was spiling all over the pool table and I was mesmerised by it (thinking somebody should pick it up, I think weird stuff when I’m drunk) until a bar stool went flying past my head. My friends saw what was happening and dragged me through a door just as 15 people came crashing against it.
It was a full on wild west style bar brawl. Turns out 3 families had christenings on the same day and none of them get on, or something like that.

After this we went to the club, dodgy place if ever there was one. I don’t scare easy but this place had me stood stock still incase I nudged the wrong person. Especialy the troll like woman walking round with greasy hair, arms like a boxer and eyes rolling round the back of her head.

It was in this establishment we met a lad called Kev. At the end of the night he asked us to watch him. He stood on the chairs and started dancing, the bouncer told him to get down but he refused, so the bouncer grabbed his tie (he’d been to a christening) and instructed him to get down once more. Kev still refused so the bouncer grabbed him and threw him to the floor sending a table and bottles flying all over. He then dragged him across the floor and threw him out.

When we saw Kev outside he was so proud of himself, it was his weekly trick and the quickest he’d been kicked out at the time, his goal for the evening was get ‘Tonto’, get chucked out!

Thankyou Kev for providing our evenings entertainment!

This innocent, boring little town would, to most eyes appear to be a fairly lame tourist haven. Unfortunately, as in most similiar towns, exists a chav fraternity plumbing the depths of humanity.

Prior Park, Highfields and Highcliff are the major centres of degeneration. Surveys reveal that a casual stroll through any of these slums results in approximately 2.5 muggings and a stream of tobacco flavoured gobshite.

The Berwick Chavs still havent quite mastered many of the life techniques known to, say, bricks, such as patience. Only small amounts of cheapass Argos bling can be found, unusually. Exam results are minimal testimony to their lack of ability in an area known as “intelligence”. Any person fluent in english (known locally as “nerds”) can run verbal circles around the brain-cell deficient morons, although this has the added effect of making them particularly volatile. Use baseball bat to reverse said effect.

Welcome to BERWICK,last town in england before you hit scotland,far outpost to the chav colony,a growing breed,with a mobile in one hand and a joint in the other,chavettes dutifully push a full pram alongside-which is hard to do when your only 14 and the baby keeps throwing out items that have just been borrowed from the cheap shops.
Boots the chemist on a market day is the haunt of these Mc chavs,on the steps,with a greggs pasty in hand-growling at any non chav,unless you ask them whats up and the chav yellow streak shows its full plumage and you hear them discuss the latest crazy frog ringtone,they waddle like penguins when they walk..have you noticed?
gold(ish)sovereign ring is must have-and brother with a vauxhall chavalier,if you wear black they shout-its a goff(goth),as i am a vicar though i always wear black…….DUH!!!!!!!!!!!

So,Berwick is being flooded by the lesser human chav and the cries of the indignant middle classes is being drowned out by hip hop and bonkers cd vol 23,and to finish this-with a true story,me and an ex-work mate(100% chav-down to the popper buttoned white shell suit trousers,10 years too late),AND THIS IS TRUE….AS I WAS SIGNING SOME PAPERWORK WITH MY INITIALS (R.E),HE LOOKED DOWN AND SAID,WHAT DOES R.E.STAND FOR?REAL IDIOT?………….never a truer word spoken,berwick council wants to cull seagulls,i am sure we all have a better idea……..bye.

Ok. This actually includes Stakeford and Ashington also.
In Bedlington the chavs like to hang around the bus stop in Bedlington station, next to Walter Wilsons. There you find two park benches that the chavs love to sit on, there are infact FIVE benches but it must be something about these two because on average you can fit around four average weight people on a bench. The chavs manage to fit 8 or 9 on one bench. I guess thats just another mystery of those lovely people. Never (under any circumstances!) pass them. You will either get: A – Spit on and shouted at. B – Hassled to buy them booze/cigs. C – Asked to borrow 30p for their bus fare or D – Robbed. Maybe even all of the above.
Another hang-out is the Netto carpark at nighttime. Here you’ll find 50 chavs kicking around a pigs liver or something like that…sometimes they even use a football! :O
Bedlington High School is INFESTED by them, if you stand at the top of palace road at 12pm you’ll see a herd of chavs running away from the teachers.
I don’t recommend Bedlington…at all.
In Stakeford they hang outside of the Co-op. Some can be friendly…. but they always want something. Around the corner you’ll also see a sea of scooters and burberry caps. It’s all in good fun!

I have had to add a SECOND town in our growing list of satan forsaken dross holes of the UK.
Let me tell you about Hexham (hmm…sounded like a Stranglers song)

Hexham is nestled comfortably on the A69 between my home town of Newcastle and Carlisle (both towns written about in chavtowns)

Hadrians Wall runs along the length of the A69…but perhaps should have been re-routed by the Romans to exclude Hexham from the rest of the civilised world.
Chavs are everywhere (but strangely..only at night)…
Daytime sees them either asleep on their second hand, threadbare sofa’s, or if it is signing on day, they will be at the Benefit Office.

But after dark?…Well…Now is the time of the chav. It starts slowly..just one loud blast of Rap muzak from the Puegeot 306 (white) as it meanders through the high st @ 62mph
The sudden flash of a nike trainer, the waft of cheap perfume and the shrill cry of “ERE TRACE!….GIZZA FUCKIN’ TAB WILL YER?”
The clank of heavy jewelery, the stench of unwashed peasantry is all around…Your head starts to spin!….You have a strange urge to eat a burger and shag your sister!…oh god, you gotta get out of Hexham quick!…Before you become one…an empty, hollow shell…devoid of intelligence..no desire to make anything of your pitiful existance!…run…Run….RUN!…AND NEVER RETURN….(you have been warned)