Welcome to BERWICK,last town in england before you hit scotland,far outpost to the chav colony,a growing breed,with a mobile in one hand and a joint in the other,chavettes dutifully push a full pram alongside-which is hard to do when your only 14 and the baby keeps throwing out items that have just been borrowed from the cheap shops.
Boots the chemist on a market day is the haunt of these Mc chavs,on the steps,with a greggs pasty in hand-growling at any non chav,unless you ask them whats up and the chav yellow streak shows its full plumage and you hear them discuss the latest crazy frog ringtone,they waddle like penguins when they walk..have you noticed?
gold(ish)sovereign ring is must have-and brother with a vauxhall chavalier,if you wear black they shout-its a goff(goth),as i am a vicar though i always wear black…….DUH!!!!!!!!!!!
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Ok. This actually includes Stakeford and Ashington also.
In Bedlington the chavs like to hang around the bus stop in Bedlington station, next to Walter Wilsons. There you find two park benches that the chavs love to sit on, there are infact FIVE benches but it must be something about these two because on average you can fit around four average weight people on a bench. The chavs manage to fit 8 or 9 on one bench. I guess thats just another mystery of those lovely people. Never (under any circumstances!) pass them. You will either get: A – Spit on and shouted at. B – Hassled to buy them booze/cigs. C – Asked to borrow 30p for their bus fare or D – Robbed. Maybe even all of the above.
Another hang-out is the Netto carpark at nighttime. Here you’ll find 50 chavs kicking around a pigs liver or something like that…sometimes they even use a football! :O
Bedlington High School is INFESTED by them, if you stand at the top of palace road at 12pm you’ll see a herd of chavs running away from the teachers.
I don’t recommend Bedlington…at all.
In Stakeford they hang outside of the Co-op. Some can be friendly…. but they always want something. Around the corner you’ll also see a sea of scooters and burberry caps. It’s all in good fun!

I have had to add a SECOND town in our growing list of satan forsaken dross holes of the UK.
Let me tell you about Hexham (hmm…sounded like a Stranglers song)

Hexham is nestled comfortably on the A69 between my home town of Newcastle and Carlisle (both towns written about in chavtowns)

Hadrians Wall runs along the length of the A69…but perhaps should have been re-routed by the Romans to exclude Hexham from the rest of the civilised world.
Chavs are everywhere (but strangely..only at night)…
Daytime sees them either asleep on their second hand, threadbare sofa’s, or if it is signing on day, they will be at the Benefit Office.

But after dark?…Well…Now is the time of the chav. It starts slowly..just one loud blast of Rap muzak from the Puegeot 306 (white) as it meanders through the high st @ 62mph
The sudden flash of a nike trainer, the waft of cheap perfume and the shrill cry of “ERE TRACE!….GIZZA FUCKIN’ TAB WILL YER?”
The clank of heavy jewelery, the stench of unwashed peasantry is all around…Your head starts to spin!….You have a strange urge to eat a burger and shag your sister!…oh god, you gotta get out of Hexham quick!…Before you become one…an empty, hollow shell…devoid of intelligence..no desire to make anything of your pitiful existance!…run…Run….RUN!…AND NEVER RETURN….(you have been warned)