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Archive for the ‘North East’ Category

Northallerton is a CHAV Town

Posted on: August 20th, 2011 by admin 5 Comments

There is a place, not far from Chav Central uk (Darlington), that is an overspill for Chav’s called Northallerton. On the surface it is a nice little market Town, and actually offers some very good retail outlets and lots of nice eateries, it even has a Bettys Tea Room. If you were to visit this Town for the day, i suggest an afternoon, you would probably go home unaware of the deep lying social problems in this community. Firstly, people are totally unashamed of walking down the street eating their ‘Greggsies’ on their way to ’Wilkos’ to meet their friends. If you go 100 metres in any direction outside the high street youll become aware of an abundane of single mothers pushing their buggies, sometimes followed by a chav with a baseball hat and vest with a nice pair of tracksuit bottoms donning the latest Rockport boots. Like most chav towns, Northalleron has the usual public houses and a nightclub called ‘Amadeus’, frequented by the hardcore element of chavs. The chavs here think it is acceptable to go clubbing with their parents, who are usually in their late twenties, unemployed, seperated, a step parent, and from a long line of underachieving and uneducated lower classes. In Northallerton it is easy to spot the chav hierachy, the woman will usually have at least four tattoos, and always one just above their breast, classy. The men will also have tattoos, they are ‘well hard’ if they have their name, sometimes with date of birth, on their neck. Now chavs live in rented council houses or schemes with their entire family within a 500 metre radius, but will spend lots of money on large gold jewlery and earings despite not having a job

By: Paul

Rating: 6.2/10 (10 votes cast)

Rating: +4 (from 10 votes)

Selby, North Yorkshire

Posted on: June 20th, 2011 by Charlie Cook 12 Comments

Selby, what can one say, it is a culture shock, to anyone from Wiltshire or somewhere decent.This is probably the biggest shit hole on the planet.The knuckle scrapers are in the majority, and thick as doggy doo,along with loads of Poles who like fist fights, and ponsing around in BMW’s, or indeed anything German,[why do they come here they can't stand our country or most of its people], setting up their polish sausage shops, and they all think they look cool, and most of them resemble either the mafia, or more likely the Hitler youth, and are equally arrogant, and ten times as dense,they also belong in 1976.

Selby is ‘ey up Northern England at its worst, with the usual chip on the shoulder about any criticism and they are probably the nosiest bastards on the planet.

There are probably more people with deep rooted psycopathic tendencies than I have ever come across.The pubs are so rough that you feel like you may catch the pox just by stepping in one, and there is the usual smattering of yoof in sportswear, various ex miners who still rattle on about Mrs Thatcher having taken away their school milk, and closed ,”all’t pits”, and the sort of people that inhabit the old Hovis ads.

They actually think that any criticism is ,”stoopid innit”, and that all people in the South, are, “wankers”, and responsible for why they spend their lives propping up the bar or filling tins of peas, rather than because their perspective on life is none existant or because they are too thick to read.

If you want a taste of Northern England, and every cliche in the book, then Selby is the supreme example of the epitome of that Hovis advert, I referred to.Even the estate agents and most of the so called professionals are chav or son of chav here, there is not only TK Maxx and Primark to go at, but the designer centre near York,[ which to be fair has some quality items, but this lot wouldn't buy them, although some might work there] and Zara is a great favourite too, for over priced cheaply made Spanish shit.

Go on pay a visit to Selby, and if you thought Surrey or Esssex ,Nottingham or Reading can be bad in parts, they are paradise compared to this ghastly little shit hole.

Rating: 7.6/10 (16 votes cast)

Rating: -5 (from 17 votes)

Ossett

Posted on: June 13th, 2011 by Charlie Cook 17 Comments

The cente of the town has one pub, all the others have closed it is such a shit hole.

The only passion is pissing about, vandalism, threatening behaviour, and ponsing up and down in those silly little hatchbacks.Christ, who would want to spend several grand on a bog standard Fiat or a VW, only to make it look like shit.

There is one or two areas where the scum reside, but the Housing Association responsible will hear no wrong.There are more baseball caps, huge Ali G style chains, and football shirts than I would care to look at, and lots of feckless slags who are too pissed most of the time to remember which uneducated knuckle scraper gave them a taste of shaft up the back passage.

These people are so stupid they think that they probably think that Descartes is an I phone application.The place has more thick Northern cliches per square mile, than one could wish to meet.The words hey up often pass their lips, but don’t come in to the town centre pub, and laugh, or look at them in the wrong way, or they will ,”ave you, you want some Dickhead”.To say that psycopathic tendencies arfe rife is an understatement.

The local school is inhabited by the kind of left wing drippy hippy that made everyone vote for Mrs Thatcher, and they let the little bastards run riot.There may be the odd one who will be a captain of industry, but not very many.What a dump.

Rating: 7.2/10 (5 votes cast)

Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)

Goldthorpe (Barnsley)

Posted on: June 5th, 2011 by MrDunwell 10 Comments

If you want to discover what life was really like during neanderthal times then jump on a train and head to Goldthorpe, this south yorkshire shithole from the stone ages is so behind times even the Wright Brothers would be stunned. but lets take a look at this Libyan-Twinned town and discover the people and landmarks that make this place a dump.

Goldthorpe is easy to get into but hard to get out of, however if you are just visiting its always best to go in armed with a cricket bat or a machete which can be stolen from all local garden sheds in the South Yorkshire county. however if you are considering moving down here this guide will tell you all you need to know about becoming ”scum of the earth”.

As you arrive at Goldthorpe station its easy to see you are no longer in civilisation, the locals here dont like foreigners and you dont even have to come from another country or be a different shade of colour to be made aware of this, just as long as you dont speak ”BAARRNSLAY” will make Goldthorpe’s locals treat you like any other cotton picker day or night.

Walk down Barnsley Road and you will soon encounter Goldthorpe’s daily life, teenagers staggering up the streets f**ked out of their eyeballs on cheap co-op beer at 2.1% its all the aggression they need to pick a fight with the wall, another sight to discover is the queue at the post office every monday, thurs and friday, those dole cheques wont cash themselves and those cans of stella wont drink themselves so its best to get in the queue as soon as you awake from your cardboard box on co-operative street or when you are released from the cells after having a eventful night fighting in the Rusty Dudley.

Goldthorpe’s average life expectancy is around 35-40 years old so teenage pregnancy rates are sky high. If you are 13 years old and still not a parent then you are not the sort of person fit to live in Goldthorpe, its important as a young parent that you teach your ratboy or ratgirl the basics of survival. Make sure they know how to burgle houses and are experienced in robbery before their 12th birthday or their first court hearing (whichever is sooner).

As a teenage parent in Goldthorpe you also need a good education before you hit the high street and start spending those giros, make sure you apply for a council house as soon as you fall pregnant because you cant live at your parents anymore as mummy and daddy will lose THEIR sickness benefit and jobseekers despite dad’s part time job working at the pigeon club as a bouncer. Make sure you are fully experienced in claiming child benefit for all 6 of your kids and dont forget to claim those milk tokens you can trade these later on for a bag of cannabis and let your kids roam the streets late at night while you sit at home smashed out of your face.

When you choose a street to live on, try to engage in conversation with some of your neighbours, people in Goldthorpe arent used to friendly chit-chat and like to end the conversation abruptly with a curt ”ah’ll burgle ya fooking house later” before sauntering on their merry way to the nearest off licence for more stella.

Co-operative street is highly recommended for any chav wanting the low life and street fights more accustomed to the Bronx than a south yorkshire town, as soon as you move in dont forget to hang that england flag outside your window as this is a sure fire way to be accepted into the town that sent two BNP members to european parliament.

Being a different colour could present problems for you should you decide to move to Goldthorpe, kids are taught at a young age that ”NIGGERS AND PAKIS TAKE OUR JOBS” and the grown ups arent much better either but they are softies at heart and love everybody really for after a long days racist saluting and a tooting what better can a Goldthorpe BNP voter do than to go to the curry house on the high street and order chicken vindaloo then finish it off falling asleep listening to gangsta rap, they may not like you but cook a curry and you’ll be best mates for life.

Goldthorpe is visited often by the local police and you may soon be recieving a visit too especially if you want your moped back. Police in Goldthorpe have a calming effect on the locals, because if any trouble starts removing the beer and drugs from the offender is a sure way to restore order.

so there you have it Goldthorpe its a shithole and i wouldnt recommend living there but rest assured you have to see it to believe it ITS A CHAVTOWN

Rating: 8.7/10 (22 votes cast)

Rating: +5 (from 7 votes)

Holmfirth

Posted on: November 26th, 2010 by cprc 7 Comments

Holmfirth is a small town situated outside Huddersfield. It is ill served by transport links, but this potentially a good thing given the ‘people’ (and I use this term in the widest sense) who live here. If you manage to find a bus however, you might find yourself quite ill at ease with your fellow travellers. People have been known to talk quite loudly at the back of bus, ruining your enjoyment of your Daily Telegraph and sometimes you can hear people playing music out of there phones with the most blatant disregard for their fellow passengers. But don’t expect the bus driver to do anything about it! They just seem to treat with mild amusment when you complain. I think here the law has just given up on Holmfirth. The picture of the town during the day is a bleak one. The river is unkept, often you will see TWO plastic bags strew on banks. And this is a good day! Incidents of graffiti can be spotted in at least 3 or 4 places in the Town and surrounding area, and the authorities do little, with these eyesores often staying unremoved for days at time. Weekend nights (and sometimes even the odd weekday!) are strewn with hooligans loitering outside the many establishments blatantly selling Alcohol. These are people of maybe aged 30-60 standing outside with a blatant disregard for street drinking laws. Often clearly intoxicated to point where they might even talk briefly to a stranger. All sense of limits in society just seem to have disappeared here.

But the worst thing is that this breakdown of society has been extensively covered in the media, yet nothing has been done. For years the BBC has been documenting the rural wasteland that is Holmfirth in the show ‘Last of the Summer Wine’. (Beginning at the title, which says everything about Holmfirth’s drugs problem). It documents the extensive contempt the citizens hold for the law. People often fishing without the appropriate licensing. Yet, faces aren’t even obscured because the perpetrators well know that Holmfirth is now an exclusion zone for the Fishing licence enforcement. In 50 years time, people will finally realize how Holmfirth could have warned us of the impending breakdown of society. This is where it starts.

Rating: 8.4/10 (10 votes cast)

Rating: -3 (from 5 votes)

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