OK well you poor normal citizens of England aren’t the only ones suffering Here in Tasmania there is a city of around 70,000 people called Launceston. The chavs here are called bogans or less often wiggers, or, to get another idea, look up ‘Tasmanian Bogan’ on urban dictionary. These burdens on society hang out in distictive areas, starting with the city centre, Brisbane St. Mall, and my god they are an eyesore to an otherwise nice landscape, they will be the first thing I garuntee you’ll see apon entering the mall, wheather it’s the smell or the sound emenating from their ape-like mouths that attract you, "oiii kent" "oi you gt a durry?" are 2 common phrases you’ll hear from them, you glace at the direction from where that horrible language is coming and you see the congregation of hideous shits, in dada or fubu wear, and anywhere between 5 and 10 sizes too big for them, after staring at this unwashed mass you either get vertigo or you get abused, given the group is less than 6, but upto 10 or more and you might get followed and stabbed. Other than being general mouthy fags the chavs here are particularly violent, and close encounters and witnesses, as well as first hand stories have confirmed you have to be lucky walking home at night (in particular fri, sat and sun) because drinking chavs WILL inflict damage or in some cases death, apon innocents for no reason at all. This problem is ever rising, and they all share the same mentality as i’m sure they are all related and their parents are siblings, which also explains why(and I never usually jusge people on) thieir uglyness, jesusfuckme, they look like an insideout arsehole, with no exaggeration, and the abuse will start flying from then since they are able to walk, given their parents wonderful influences. If they aren’t in town you can hear stories from their grotesque friends about when they get out of Ashleys(youth detention) or the older ones in infamous Risdon prison. It never ends here and I’m at my limit about to take desperate mesures to clense the thorn in Launceston’s side.

I lived in South London for 20 years before moving to the suburbs and then further away from London as time passed. I lived in council housing for a few years - The Arndale Estate in Wandsworth for those who know it – but now live in an Idyllic yet not a ‘Utopian’ city / town with the ocean just over the top right of my monitor as I look out for inspiration. Hint its not Southend!

As an ex-pat I regularly watch BBC / Sky news to keep in touch as I still have family and friends in the Uk and now feel ashamed of being British. The last time I remember feeling pride in 1977 when the Silver Jubilee meant street parties, in the early 80′s when the Falklands Taskforce returned, I felt robbed in 1990 when England were knocked out of The World Cup, and joy when they won The Ashes and Rugby World Cup. But now I look back at the country of my, my children’s birth feeling ashamed – areas where I once considered I would remain for life, I have watched as scum have moved in, multiplied, and turned once thriving and VERY neighbourly places into ‘No-GO Zones’. I have seen the elderly being ridculed and abused by so-called chavs, and yes I did get involved after all it was my job to !!! 

So how pissed off with the UK am I?? Well although purely ceromonial, I have done what I thought I would never do, I have not re-newed my passport. The British Passport a once mighty document, it opened doors (literally it was that sturdy), you only had to show the front of it to get into Britain after returning from overseas. I am currently without a passport – I am waiting on my Citizenship for my chosen country ! 

This year we have seen over 20 young people knifed to death in London alone, teenage pregnancy, drinking, smoking, and poor literacy skills at an all time high. Tv programmes - Catherine Tate’s bov’vered, Little Britains yeah but no but….make a joke out it but it like a cancer….its spreading not only within the Uk but now unfortunately to a place near where I live.
 
Its known locally as Little Britain not by the Brits !! There is a big store, chip shop, kids hang outside smoking and abusing passersby. They wear hoodies baseball caps, jeans, have shit jewellery and for God knows why, many families from the UK seem to graviate towards it.

I actually heard the parent of one ‘local’ kid who put his hood up be told "Take yer hood off you look like a Pom !!"

A message for the UK – sort yourselves out……..its time to stand up and say "Enough is Enough!" reclaim the streets from the shit. With regards to ‘here’ – I am doing my bit to reclaim the streets – trust me !!!

I do not want my kids to grow up in a place that tolerates Chavs….we moved our kids out of the UK for this very reason. I can guarentee that we will not have to put up with it here.

Please note: I am not referring to the many respectable areas of the northside of Dublin, I am refferring to the north city centre and the surrounding inner city areas that plague it.

If you are a tourist visiting Dublin, there are a number of areas in the northside of the city centre you should avoid during the day. The shopping area of Talbot st. is a haven for drug addicts, skangers and general lowlifes. The addicts congregate here to purchase heroin and to get methatdone and other opiate based substances from the clinic. many of the shops in this area are constantly being robbed at gunpoint, or a ‘jumpover’ where a junkie will hop over the counter and brandish a syringe filled with blood at the unfortunate student/foreign immigrant who works there. this happens regularly in this area during the day. DO NOT come here at nighttime, as althought the addicts are generally gone because the clinic is closed, due to the smoking ban large groups of scumbags congregate outside pubs to smoke here, and will set upon you for ‘d’buzz’ or as normal people wouuld say, the surge of adrenaline they get for ganging up on an innocent person during their frequent smokes.

If you walk past the vaults nightclub at anytime past 10 o’clock and do not dress in accordance with skanger rules, at best you will be jeered and laughed at. at worst you will end up in an ambulance. DO NOT confront anybody who laughs at you from this nightclub, it is a haven for Dublins brat-pack of young gangsters based around the slums of this area.

If you are going to the point theatre and decide to head northbound, think again. you will end up in the sherriff st. area. during the heroin epidemic of the 80s this was possibly the worst place in dublin. it has now quietened down, but joyriders and addicts remain while most ‘decent’ people who lived here have moved on to wherever ‘dublin cihy council’ have moved them. there is currently a gang war taking place here, avoid at all costs. if you do find yourself here the only option is to run away as no taxi driver will pick you up.

If you are foreign, it is likely the pyjama clad skangerettes will want to have sex with you anonymously so that they can claim ‘choil’ benefih’ or childrens allowance and get a nice local authority hovel. don’t be tempted as their brothers/fathers/boyfriends or whatever will be only too happy to bottle you in the face, particularly if you are english. the typical dress of these people is white trainers, trackie bottoms tucked into your socks, a cap peaked and worn at 90 degree angle, gold chains, and every one of them must own a celtic or republic of ireland jersey. anyone not doing so is regarded as ‘a fookin proddy’. they will often see themselves as republicans and profess a love of ‘d’ra’ or the IRA. however they will generally not actually give a shit about republican ideals such as a united ireland and will only say such things to give themselves street cred, apart from the odd riot whenever LOVEULSTER come to town, which i doubt they will again. (see love ulster riots). most of them will spend their days skinning up splifs and sniffing coke, drinking cheap lager such as dutch gold and bavaria, and drinking flagons of cheap cider to kill time until dole day. to feed there addictions, most will break into cars and rob houses. however many of Dublins ‘old school junkies’ will now have serious criminal records dating back to the early eighties and are involved in large drug deals and often very serious crime. you will be able to tell the difference between them and the new junkies and crackheads, by their age and dress.

Of course, there are some shithole areas in the southside of the city aswell, its just that grafton st, harcourt st. etc is generally safer and has a better normal person to skanger ratio. in general, it is better to avoid the northside altogether unless you really have to go there.

other areas to avoid are o’connell st.(at nighttime), henry st. (all the time) sean mcdermott st, north wall, north starnd, docklands, eastwall, abbey st., and clanbrassil st.  

I thought Chavness only applied to Britain, however after spending a fortnight in Cayo Coco in Cuba I was proved completely wrong. The good thing they say about Cuba is that Americans cannot go there, well even Americans have more class, dignity and dress sense than Canadians. Most are fat – yes similar to Americans but Canadians are the most arrogant, loud mouthed, tight arsed, racist, ill mannered, badly dressed, ignorant, retarded and annoying people I have ever met on holiday. All these traits are similar to those of Chavs.

Give me scouse scallies, cockney wankers, fat geordies, gruff opinionated yorkshire people any day of the week over these horrible specimens. Most believe that they are superior to everyone else, why? – what has Canada ever contributed to the world?. Most believed that the Cubans because they had darker skin than them and earnt less money than them were their personal slaves who should never be rewarded with so much as a please or thank you as they are subhuman. The Cubans hated them and liked the British because they had more class, manners and actually bothered to tip. I did not notice one Canadian saying please or thank you to anyone.

There were three Canadian weddings at the resort whilst I was staying there, all conducted with the minimum amount of taste and class. None bothered to wear suits, make an effort or act in any dignified manner. There must be no decent shops in Canada as most attendees wore Toronto Blue Jays T-shirts with elasticated jeans, the 5.99 ones that are advertised in sunday paper magazines and Nike trainers. Their idea of dressing up is to wear a Ralph Lauren Polo Shirt with a pair of jeans made after 1985, ironing them is akin to wearing a dinner suit. One even attended the wedding in a T-shirt with a slogan on it saying “Do I look like I give a shit?” on it – classy and you defo don’t mate!. Most toasted the wedding with glasses of local free beer rather than buy champagne. Every loudmouth at the wedding had a speech which dragged the after wedding party out for 3 hours or more.

Most of the wankers from the wedding party turned up on the day and demanded to sue the resort unless they were given priority to the Al a Carte restaurants over all other guests. Despite never booking in advance everyone was shunted out in favour of them just to stop them whining and spending hours at the check in desk recycling the same moans over and over again delaying everyone and pushing in front of people already being seen to.

The night before one of the weddings there was a big massive fight at the bar and the groom who looked like Screech out of Saved By the Bell got banged out by a big massive obese loudmouth, his excuse was “hey everyone, he hit a woman” – no he never, you were arguing about Ice Hockey.

The CanChavs even had the cheek to look down on the British guests who dressed up for the night. I was looked down upon by two fat pricks in Toronto Blue Jays 1999 T-shirts, my crime? – to wear a pair of pants and a Prada shirt.

Most of the CanChavs sat round all day complaining, drinking beer out of big kegs because they were too fat and lazy to go back to the bar, more than likely it was because they wanted to avoid tipping the bar staff. Two fat chavs stapled their arses to the swim up pool bar for the entire two weeks to eat as many burgers and hotdogs as possible while their 6 year old daughter was left to play on her own for the entire holiday, in between eating they smoked as much cigarettes as possible, they must be Canada’s version of Wayne & Wynetta Slobb. A family of 5 random adults made sure they stayed near the burger bar for the 2 weeks – they went home 3 stone heavier and paler than when they got there.

Canadians are very easily excited and constantly shout and scream over the most insignificant event and annoy anyone else within earshot. Getting a beer from the bar is worthy of constant high 5′s and shouting. One lad from Plymouth told them to be quiet and 10 of them lifted his sunbed up and lashed him in the pool – nice, this was a momentous occasion in the world of a CanChav and they were still high 5 ing each other 4 hours after the event.

Their children are more badly behaved than any kids you are likely to meet in Britain. They are fed on a daily diet of hot dogs, burgers and coke making them more hyperactive than the Tasmanian devil on speed. Most screech and shout when they don’t get anything their own way they even throw chairs at their parents if they aren’t indulged straight away. None have any manners and are ridiculously cheeky to their parents and other people they don’t know. Then again, is that their fault when they are set a bad example anyway??

Attempting to communicate with them is a waste of time as most cannot understand anything apart from drinking beer, their shit sports, slagging off Americans, talking about how great they are and how much money they earn. Try talking about how much you weigh, that will take a lot of time.

I was actually thinking of going to Canada on holiday but i’ll give it a miss after this experience.

OH no surely not.Chavism is hitting this fine land of good beaches good wine and marcupials. Just when i thought 10500 miles would be enough to move to finally get away from the infestation of burberry clad scum that wonder countless shopping centres in the UK, you only have to go as far as Perth to get little reminder of the motherland.

Not only are there fuckin Chavs but they are all bloody poms, if the English havn’t got a bad enough reputation as it is. For christ sakes Mr Howard, australia is supposed to have one of the toughest immigration systems in the world!!! You Chav been warned!