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Archive for the ‘South East’ Category

Gosport, Hampshire

Posted on: February 3rd, 2012 by admin No Comments

Gosport is a town desolate of tourists. Many residents blame a group of Tories who sit in an office and wear blue cable knit jumpers and sometimes close down museums, or as they prefer to be known – the local council. The council have argued that they have done all that they can to improve Gosport as a town, so I have gone to the liberty of outlining some of it’s better features that may appeal to day trippers.

Gosport is a seaside shithole with a pebble beach and a concrete eyesore that is often also referred to as ‘the promenade’. ‘The promenade’ is lined with old glorified cupboards that fat people sit in during the summer, you may be thinking by cupboards I mean beach huts. I do not mean beach huts. Behind the cupboards and sheltered benches – or public urinals- is an unkempt field covered in dog shit left by the early morning dog walkers who feel that by getting up before everyone else gives them the divine right to leave their dog’s excrement strewn across the beach

The beach has a wide choice of two cafes, the most central Pebbles cafe will serve anything from processed chips to processed sausage with a side order of the daily mail. See adults and kids alike flock to the ice cream window to have frozen milk poured into stale cones by an acne ridden school kid trying to earn money to fund his cigarette habit.

If the beach is not you’re thing then why not head into Gosport town center and experience the lunchtime delights that are Greggs and Mcdonalds. Popular amongst the elderly Greggs offers a wide range of freshly baked saturated fat perfect to be enjoyed with a flat soda avaliable from many of the high street’s pound shops. However, if baked goods aren’t your thing you’re in luck because the high street has not one, not two but three fast food outlets including the famed KFC, once said to be “the tourist highlight of the town” by a woman on the bus.

If you’ve managed to keep your lunch down you may want to enjoy some of the Gosport nightlife. Diverse and contemporary, Emma’s offers a chance to listen to some of the latest music, providing you go in the 1990s. Emma’s has become famed in Gosport for it’s unusually sticky floor which may sound bad but not it comparison to Gosport’s late nightclub Moodeaze which was closed down for health and saftey reasons due to it’s unusually sticky floor, some have speculated that this may be a culmination of urine and semen but were unable to say for sure because the scent was masked by the ever gorgeous smell of nicotine, body odour and cheap perfume.

For those unwilling to mingle with Gosport’s clubbers, Wetherspoons offers and cheap alternative, so cheap in fact that it is quite possible to become paralytic for under £15; whilst this may sound concerning at first you’d really have to experience the wonders of such a town to understand why a night out is better spent completely unconscious.

By: Rachael

Rating: 8.2/10 (14 votes cast)

Rating: +7 (from 7 votes)

Oxford (Yes, the ugly truth revealed!)

Posted on: January 24th, 2012 by admin No Comments

Ah, Oxford. Land of dreaming spires and colleges abound. Posh was born here. Intellectual, civilized, affluent……What they don’t tell you is the enormous disparity between areas. The gap between the rich and the poor is so huge the teeny tiny middle class just fall right in it. Actually, they are continuously forced out of the area as there is no housing whatsoever in any decent areas unless you are very wealthy.

That’s what you get in Oxford. Extremely rich, or chavs. There are no normal people here.

As it is a college town the university runs the show. If you don’t happen to be affiliated with it, then you are just sort of there, like a side show. Town and gown indeed. There is no longer a town.

All of the housing is overwhelmingly for students. All of the family homes have been converted into flats, and neighbourhoods are slowly transformed into party areas for the young and chavs.

The prices are so inflated it’s a wonder anyone can survive here at all. You can’t, that’s why many are having to leave to nearby villages, or relocate to another part of Britain entirely.

If you have children, do not come to Oxford. Unless you are rich of course, but frankly, we’ve had our fill of you and the chavs and students.

It is the most child unfriendly place for those of us who are not wealthy. Every primary school, rather than being surrounded by family houses, is surrounded by flats full of students and parents are forced to have to drive their kids back and forth day and night, adding to the already horrendous traffic congestion that exists here. Traffic is so bad, it’s a joke. Let’s put it this way: If you take a bus to Reading, it takes about and hour. If you try to get from one side of Oxford to another, you’re lucky if it takes less than an hour. Endless streams of cars are driving down every single road day and night.

If you go out on the town at night, you are likely to find it overrun with biligerant youths who are picking fights, screaming and swearing, breaking things and all manner of mischief well into the morning. As tourists and townsfolk timidly walk around them trying to ignore it and get on with their business. Other neighbourhoods have rapes and assaults and shock! Yes, even murders to contend with.

You can kiss sleep permanently goodbye. You will never sleep in Oxford as partying youth are 24/7 here, and every neighbourhood has this youth living in it. If you call the cops, they will say there’s nothing they can do about it.

Seems like Oxford, along with virtually every other town in Britain, has gone to the dogs.

By: Em

Rating: 6.1/10 (24 votes cast)

Rating: +6 (from 16 votes)

Maidenhead (MaidenDEAD)

Posted on: January 8th, 2012 by admin No Comments

My hometown. If im honest, i have fond memories of Maidenhead, although in comparisson to most other parts of the South East, crime being immaculately high, along with drug deals, arguably teenage pregnancies.
Being part of the ‘Royal Borough’, the standards evidently would be of high to those visiting; however, as many have witnessed, taking a walk through our town centre, the Daily Mail have mentioned of it as being one of the most ‘rundown, ghostly’ and rough places in the country. Around 25% of buildings are empty or building up, most honestly since the recession.
For a town of its small size, Maidenhead has so many ‘scumbags’, kids i have seen as young as 8 or 9 smoking weed, or original cigarettes. ASBO trouble is on the rife as well as teenage pregnancies. Crime also is high, with stabbings and assalts regular, and urban dictionary describes our town by night as a ‘warzone’, and with Slough up the road not helping our troubles.

Originally an affleunt area, however in the last 7-10 years, poverty has icreased massively. over 600 families out of 60,000 people are on the bredline, with limited opportunities for youth, with work etc. This town is not the place to be, i have witnessed alot growing up here, drug deals on the day, assalts, and robbery on the many rundown estates possessed.

Certainly not the worst, howver, not the best. Ghostown? hmm think about it!
By: Roger Haxwell

Rating: 9.0/10 (5 votes cast)

Rating: +1 (from 3 votes)

Wye, Ashford Chav village

Posted on: January 3rd, 2012 by admin 2 Comments

For many people wye may seem like a the perfect place to live quite in the day it has a coop firestation primary school a docters surgery dentist butchers three pubs and is also the location of the famous wife of bath restaurant and a university campus. So a lovely place maybe but it has a dark secret under its peacfull appearence one of these things being the grotty counsil estate little chequers(called little chavvers by myself) which the counsil conveniently hid behind the school row of housing and the park. In this vile hole live all kinds of filth. These people come out of the estate virtually every night drinking swearing loudly and fighting in the street and throwing beer cans and rocks at houses. They uashally make there way up to the bus stop opposite the coop next to the graveyard were they stay in a group of around 10 to15 of varying different ages. They are uashally there opposite my current flat until 12 or 1 in the morning smoking cannabis and drinking. Also several of them park ther shitty cars there to. also peoples property is also going missing and vandalism happens atleast once a week. Also asides the local group of rowdy pikies car blast through wye at night at high speed. Also i forgot to mention there are peole on the estate selling drugs we no who you are so basically wye is a nice place in the day and a physical nightmare of drugs burglary drunkedness and ASB so DO NOT MOVE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By: anoy

Rating: 6.2/10 (6 votes cast)

Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)

Margate – WHYYYY???

Posted on: December 18th, 2011 by admin 3 Comments

This is a true story

In the summer of 2011 me and a mate came up with the seemingly brilliant idea of going to Margate for the night. We both had fond memories of visiting margate from our childhood. The funfairs, the beach, the bumper cars, it seemed to make sense. However as we are both in our 20s we understood we may not be able appreciate funfairs and bumper cars but still the beach and perhaps nightlife would be a reason to go there, or so we thought. When we arrived, immedietly I noticed the atmosphere seemed different from my memories as a child. The funfair was non-existent, and the place seemed rather desolate. I parked the car and booked in at a B&B. A small family run B&B, the owners of arab descent offering shisha. Seemed like a decent start. I went up to my room and was surprised to see such dated curtains and the carpet had seen better days. The overall decor was like something from the early 80s, but then again I wouldn’t be in my room much so me and my mate shrugged this of and joked about it.
We wondered outside about 7pm to grab a bite to eat. On the way I couldnt help notice a group of people congregated near a bus stop drinking. A few metres on I saw another group in a corner drinking. Abit further down another group doing the same. This may seem normal as its a saturday but I could see that these were not warm up drinks to prepare for a night out as they were not dressed to go out. They also were not down and outs, nor were they teens. They were just drinking in groups, looking like they were drowning there sorrows. Further down I saw a girl about 7 playing by herself outside, with no parents in sight. Alarms bells started to ring for me, this wasn’t the margate I remember. Me and my mate grabbed some fish and chips which were not bad and excellently priced, so my faith was temporarily restored. We walked further down to the Weatherspoons only to find that there were hardly any people in there. This seemed strange for a saturday night. I went to the bar to get a drink and on my way back to my table a lady walked up to me and asked if she could join me. I said ok why not. Things were looking up. She had two mates with her so they made their way upstairs to where me and my mate were sitting. There was more light upstairs, this was not a good thing as they didn’t look so good in the light of day. But hey, its all about personality so we got talking. One of the girls bragged about living in hackney east london and how she moved her when she was 14. Her friend sat there with her leg draped on the table displaying a flowery tattoo which covered most of her leg. She seemed determined for us to see this tattoo as she kept her leg on the table the whole time. The third friend sat there in a mute-like state not uttering a word. This was not fun! My mate went to get a drink. We continued talking until the girl with the tattoo accused me of being boring. As I am black and dress a certain way I think she expected me to be the typical stereotype, which I am not. I told her she was weird and we engaged in a teen-like argument which involved her saying she is going to call her mates down to beat me up. I laughed this of and called her bluff welcoming all challengers (the bravado kicked in). After a few mins of this I decided to walk away and sit on another table, I didn’t come here for this. I stayed on for another hour with my mate then we left. As we walked out I could see and hear those lovely girls being loud and abrasive, jeering etc. I gave them a winning smile and walked out.
We then walked towards the main nightclub which appropriately was called Escape. It was boarded up and some locals told us its closed due to the recession. We asked them where we can go, they said go ramsgate (a neighbouring town) or kabuki (up the road). I asked which is better, they said there both shit. Decisions, decisions…. With that in mind we decided to walk towards kabuki. On the way we were greeted by two 40 something women (who looked to be in a drug induced state) growling at us. I replied “sorry what was that” She growled “CIGARETTE” I told I don’t have any. She and her friend ran off still shouting, what they were saying I will never know. We got to kabuki and it looked fairly lively despite being a small venue. We got a couple drinks but noticed the atmosphere was quite hostile. Being a londoner I’m accustomed to hostility when going out but did not expect this in margate. There was one character about 5ft 9, but a stocky bastard wearing a sleveless top, looked like he was in steroids. He was staring at me and my mate and everyone else and seemed to be out looking for trouble. Enough is enough… After an hour we decided to try the other “shit” option of Ramsgate. We jumped in the car, my mate still had his pint in hand as kabuki seems to let people walk out with bottles and pint glasses. Thankfully I was driving and not my mate.
Within 10-15 mins I was in Ramsgate. Ramsgate looked a bit more upmarket and had a nice river, canal area. We went to a bar there which as my reliable source said lived up to its billing as “shit”. At least the atmosphere was friendly so we had a couple there then left and went back to dreaded margate. As our hotel was there we had no choice but we contemplated getting our bags and getting the hell out of there, believe me. Here we go, back to Kabuki. My mate stayed in there but I had enough so I sat in my car listening to music. As I sat outside there was an almighty punch up spilling onto the streets outside kabuki. A couple of guys were eyeing up someones girl and a fistfight broke out with mates jumping in. One man was beaten real bad and another ran away. I called my mate and he was alright. I told him in know uncertain words “lets get the f**k out of here”. He came outside and we sat in the car contemplating our next move, its was about 2am. We had two choices, staying in that B&B and wait for daylight or hang around. I preferred the former but my mate went for the latter (between you and me, he’s insane). I drove up the road and saw two ladies with two guys, we pulled up and asked them where we can go for a drink. They said “theres a place up the road but its full of fuckin polish” (there words not mine), the girl then began swearing at one of the guys and tried to attack him, while the other girl was half lying on the bonnet of my car “what the f**k are you doing” I said. “get of my f**king car” I had about enough of this shit. One of the guys pulled her of my car and I sped of and could see them still arguing and fighting behind me. I looked at my mate and he was laughing his head off. As we neared the polish bar we saw that nutter in kabuki with the sleveless top. As we drove past he was staring at us again “what the f**k is wrong with this guy” says my mate, I said “do you wanna ask him or shall I”, neither of us wanted to ask him so we drove on. We were now outside the polish bar but I told him enough is enough I’m of to bed. We went back to the B&B and rang the bell, after about 15 mins they let us in. I was too tired to complain, I jus went to my room.
Morning came and we decided to quickly get a fry up and piss off back to london. There were not many options as almost every shop was boarded up so back to the Weatherspoons it is. We sat outside and tucked in to our food. A young man about 22 in a electric wheelchair saw us eating and took a shine to my drink. This man had a tube in his neck and didn’t speak. He gestured at my pint glass as if to say GIMME THAT. I didn’t know what to think. He then started shaking my table, he tried to grab my drink. I said “hey stop, its only apple juice” he then muttered a noise resembling “ohh”. He was no longer interested in my drink (perhaps mistaking it for beer). I again looked at my mate, this time he wasn’t laughing his head off. He looked back at me and said “lets get the f**k out of here”. That was all I needed to here. I knew it was time to leave, so on that note we left, never to return again.

By: Maz

Rating: 9.2/10 (48 votes cast)

Rating: +10 (from 18 votes)

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