Chavtowns – Britain's worst places to live!

You would think with the Council Tax we pay to protect the Queen up the road at Windsor we would be posh and chav free. Oh, heaven forbid no. I unfortunatley got thrown by circumstance to a six month sentence on the downside of Maidenhead. The wrong side of the tracks literally.

Maidenhead has some fine area’s of pikeydom which are estates that the German Luftwaffe (for any chavs reading that is the German Airforce in the war, ok) missed. Ironically with the names of The Bomber Estate, Lancaster and Halifax Road and the less celebrated area i die in called The Larchfield Estate. Life is a prison term here.

Passtimes include riding motorised lawnmowers down the hideous walkway called the gullet where i often get abused by kids. St George’s flags are hung from windows despite the World Cup being finished ages ago and general pikeydom entertainment is the domestics you hear on the estate “Chell, let i in, Chell” when the donor has had a few too many sherberts.

In town is more fun with the centrepoint being Muck Donalds and the shopping mall. The prospects of getting abuse are high but fortunatley we have a local Police force none to keen on chavs and most times you see them is with the Police in pursuit. As for pubs forget it. It’s all theme fun pubs/clubs that have competitions like Dance Like a Queer for Beer (true).

Maidenhead is really the poor relative of Slough where locals have nothing on the gun culture of our brothers up the road. I don’t think they bother with Chavs in Slough and go straight int gangland feuds and people from Maidenhead never venture there.

Chavleveller (soon to be leaving Maidenhead)

Wokingham may well not be 100% chav yet, but it is certainly on the way down towards the ranks of Dover and Croydon. Let me tell you about my school, the beautiful St. Crispins with its bright yellow outdoor decor. 2004, I had a german exchange partner over in england. I was witness to a very very strange thing. For some reason, the obvious ‘Heil hitler’ shouts and nazi salutes that generally occupy the school during german Exchange week had got a bit boring. Thusforth, about 45 chavs formed a very large circle around our little area of benches and proceeded to hurl stones and 2p coins at us for what must have been a solid 5 minutes. Obviously we managed to shelter inside eventually, but it is a genuinely scary sight. it was funny though because some of the chavettes fancied my german exchange guy and proceeded to flirt with him in a way only a chavette can (Top practically undone, attempted sexy voice).

Another thing that has recently been in national news was that a boy in my year (10) was stabbed. A year 9 boy had brought a kitchen knife in from school and proceeded to stab this boy twice in the back. When he turned around, he got 2 stabs in the face. Also, my school recently produced a double murderer. he murdered 2 boys in an alley at night. That was fucked up.

Another strange thing is that chavs smaller than normal people appear to have become over-confident. I was walking home from scool one day wioth a group of 6 friends to have some little year 7 shit and his amazingly short and fat friend throw a pen at my head. I thought nothing of it and walked on. Only to have a stone thrown at my head. that was it. i turned round and shouted ‘What the FUCK was that in aid of!?’. The dirty little crap said to me ‘Yoo fuckin know why yoo fuckin daft cunt. You wont look so pretty tomorrow unlike yer mum’ ETC. So we went our separate ways and i got home unscathed. Next day, i’m walking home. This little guy is Half-Cast so he thinks he has an excuse for this. He runs (or waddles, my fucking god he was fat) up to my friend, pushing him and calling him a racist. We all shouted him ‘He didn’t fucking do anything!!’ So he eventually fucked off. next thing i knew, he jumped out of an alley and doused me in Panda Pop, the biggest chav drink and nastiest sugary syrup shit sold.

I was satisfied though, because tomorrow someone had told on him for something and i saw him on litter picking duty at lunch and after school.

Well, where can you start!!!!
Bracknell, one of the worst places to get mugged in England or RAPED, as recent events and the news have shown. It’s dirty, grimy, chavvy and you’re the local hero, if you pass A you’re GCSE or ,maybe even college, but don’t go to far. The part of Harmans Water is where you get beaten up for looking simply at a lamp-post. Property is hard to find once you want to move out of the council flat, as youre windows are broken and the pigeons keep on flying in shitting on you’re car boot sale sofa.
You’ve seen nothing like Great Hollands, just mentioning the name screws you up!!
As you can see, “Bracknell, well worth a visit!”, according to the mayor.