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Caversham, the ‘posh’ part of Reading

Posted on: May 1st, 2011 by embeddedbob 10 Comments

I lived in many places in the north and south of England during my three decades of existence but none prepared me for the lack of humanity I would experience in Reading. Even some of the ex northern mill towns with an air of no hope, no employment or point to existence demonstrated a more positive environment in which to reside.

During my research prior to moving to this area I was informed of certain cess pools to avoid e.g. Whitley, so believed I would be able to live in a reasonably harmonious environment. We, and by ‘we’ I’m referring to my girlfriend and I, moved to Caversham which for those that don’t know, is referred to by some as the posh part of Reading. What could go wrong? We had done our research, found a small flat said to be in the better area and were looking forward to experiencing another part of Great Britain! Apparently my girlfriend wouldn’t get attacked walking to and from the train station if we lived in Caversham, as advised by an esate agent; how lovely!

Over the following 2 years living in at the bottom of Caversham five minutes walk away from what we had hoped to be a large chav moat (the river Thames) we worked long hours and were afforded what can only be described as a live soap opera being played out in the local vicinity. Joy riding, open drug dealing, LOTS of theft, LOTS of vandalism (including my car twice), 2 murders, several attacks/rapes and more instances of scroats running away from the police then I care to remember. Its no wonder council tax is so high when the police helicopter and army of police are permanently dealing with weapons grade arseholes with no sense of reason. One of the many times I interacted with the police they informed me “even if we bang up this generation, the next generation will only take their place” – great!

I finished the project I was currently working on and this left a small window to move. As my girlfriend still requires good train links into London we moved into a ‘quiet’ estate called Caversham Park Village. I knew a chap who lived in the area so asked him what it was like and he said mainly good. I had a walk around on Friday and Saturday night to see what it was like; all was quiet….ahhh bliss!

Well, suffice to say the peace didn’t last long. While the area itself is reasonable with families who at least work, there is a scheme of pepper-potting in the area which we have been unlucky enough to be subjected to. For those that don’t know, pepper potting is when a council take troubled families and house them in the better areas in an attempt to expose them to correct behavior e.g. not shouting everything you wish to communicate, not stabbing someone because they didn’t cook the roast the way you like it and not stealing other peoples property because “we aint got that” and you feel hard done by because your giro doesn’t cover 50” plasma screens.

The family that has been housed next door (3 bedroom semi detached) was so proud of having their fifth child. Alarm bells started ringing when I discovered the various kids were prefixing their dads name with his first name. Yes that right each child had a different farther. 12 months later after 11 domestics which the police attended, one incident of someone outside the family employing two ex drug dealers to come and try and stab the family in there sleep and a constant bombardment of abuse aimed at the children (don’t worry social services are involved, they even brought flowers), the latest, “daddy Gary” has left leaving his emotional chav slob of a partner alone with 5 kids. I barely know what to say other than we will be moving again. No words can describe the utter sham that is that ‘family unit’.

The obvious question of “why did you stay so long” is simple; we work long hours and need to get into London easily. These are the only two valid reasons for living in Reading.

Don’t believe anyone who talks about “all areas have their problems”. Yes, they do, but Reading in general is a complete shit hole and “Chavasham” isn’t better.

The only area that is nice is Caversham Heights but anyone hoping to move there will need at least 400k to fend off any pepper potting.

Rating: 4.7/10 (12 votes cast)

Rating: -3 (from 7 votes)

SLOUGH, THE TOILET OF BERKSHIRE

Posted on: April 17th, 2007 by admin 8 Comments

Strange as it seems, I have now lived in Slough or “oh Dear Slough” as people comment when I tell them, since 1992.
I have seen it slide from a town of some limited qualities to the toilet of Berkshire within the last 5 yrs.
Having had to move from Windsor because a Bike shed would set you back 100k back in 1992, the town had some good pubs, thriving live music scene, a decent sports centre and a shopping cente.
Now we have shops that sell tat for a pound, loads of unheathy eating establishements catering for “as much as you can eat” loosers, were quanity is better than quality.
The streets are full of empty takeaway packets and empty beers cans, left by knuckle scapping hoodies who would not recognise a bin if you put a neon sign on it. Going by the low IQ levels they probably could not read or understand what bin meant anyhow. They seem to think the spelling for stairs / lifts, alleys is TOILET to them anyhow.
The heart of slough, a rejuvination project has been ongoing now for 5 years and what have we got? a bloody big TESCO’S that no normal person likes, the nickname of of it being Terminal 6.
And before you say i, why do you stay, well the reason is, that housing prices are rising so fast now, that If I can bere it out, behind my searchlight, barbwire, alarmed door, I will be able to emigrate to a better place with no mortgage.

Rating: 7.7/10 (10 votes cast)

Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)

Maidenhead

Posted on: January 2nd, 2007 by admin 6 Comments

You would think with the Council Tax we pay to protect the Queen up the road at Windsor we would be posh and chav free. Oh, heaven forbid no. I unfortunatley got thrown by circumstance to a six month sentence on the downside of Maidenhead. The wrong side of the tracks literally.

Maidenhead has some fine area’s of pikeydom which are estates that the German Luftwaffe (for any chavs reading that is the German Airforce in the war, ok) missed. Ironically with the names of The Bomber Estate, Lancaster and Halifax Road and the less celebrated area i die in called The Larchfield Estate. Life is a prison term here.

Passtimes include riding motorised lawnmowers down the hideous walkway called the gullet where i often get abused by kids. St George’s flags are hung from windows despite the World Cup being finished ages ago and general pikeydom entertainment is the domestics you hear on the estate “Chell, let i in, Chell” when the donor has had a few too many sherberts.

In town is more fun with the centrepoint being Muck Donalds and the shopping mall. The prospects of getting abuse are high but fortunatley we have a local Police force none to keen on chavs and most times you see them is with the Police in pursuit. As for pubs forget it. It’s all theme fun pubs/clubs that have competitions like Dance Like a Queer for Beer (true).

Maidenhead is really the poor relative of Slough where locals have nothing on the gun culture of our brothers up the road. I don’t think they bother with Chavs in Slough and go straight int gangland feuds and people from Maidenhead never venture there.

Chavleveller (soon to be leaving Maidenhead)

Rating: 9.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)

Reading – The ULTIMATE Chav Experience

Posted on: July 6th, 2006 by admin 14 Comments

Are you a hardcore chav? Do you own a car that scrapes every speed bump? Do you wear a baseball cap to bed? Did you have a baby before the age of 16? Do you speak the language of chav? If this sound’s like you, then Reading is the place to be.

Reading is quite simlpy unique. Whereas most town’s/cities in the UK have Certain area’s in which the breed that is chav hang around, and certain area’s they will stay away from. Reading does not.

I will now do a tourist’s guide to a couple of the chav hotspots in Reading:

Whitley- Aaah smell the scent of the sewage, the famously phrased Whitley Whiff. Arguably the chaviest part of Reading. The streets lined with large tatty council houses, community centres and various youth clubs. This is where you may want to settle down if your planning to build a large family of vicious mini-chavs with as many different partners as possible.

Southcote- Possibly the least multi-cultural area of Reading, where the chav’s here are predominantly white – but seem to wish they wern’t. Southcote hosts the 2 roughest schools in Reading also, Prospect and Hugh Faringdon. The only thing seperating the two is Prospect park, Reading’s centre of crime, where the young chav’s often clash.

Tilehurst- The area of chav’s coming from middle-class families. Usually chav’s that can talk the talk and that’s about it. So un-aware Mummies and Daddies provide there delightful children with the latest designer fasion and the stupidly over-modified car’s.

Fancy a night out at chav-land? Well why not visit possibly the chaviest club in the world – The Ice Bar. Where if you get looked upon by somebodies slag of a girlfriend, regardless of the fact that you probably havent even acknowledged her, you will get beaten the shit out of. Or the pleasent Bar Risa, where if you are stupid enough to take your girlfriend along with you, then to go and buy a drink or pop to the loo, you should expect a crowd of low-lifes to be crowded around her. Which again, is another excuse for you to get your ass kicked.

So I now come to my conclusion that, Reading is without doubt, the chav capital of Great Britain.

Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)

St. Crispins-Wokinghams house of horrors.

Posted on: May 3rd, 2006 by admin 4 Comments

Wokingham may well not be 100% chav yet, but it is certainly on the way down towards the ranks of Dover and Croydon. Let me tell you about my school, the beautiful St. Crispins with its bright yellow outdoor decor. 2004, I had a german exchange partner over in england. I was witness to a very very strange thing. For some reason, the obvious ‘Heil hitler’ shouts and nazi salutes that generally occupy the school during german Exchange week had got a bit boring. Thusforth, about 45 chavs formed a very large circle around our little area of benches and proceeded to hurl stones and 2p coins at us for what must have been a solid 5 minutes. Obviously we managed to shelter inside eventually, but it is a genuinely scary sight. it was funny though because some of the chavettes fancied my german exchange guy and proceeded to flirt with him in a way only a chavette can (Top practically undone, attempted sexy voice).

Another thing that has recently been in national news was that a boy in my year (10) was stabbed. A year 9 boy had brought a kitchen knife in from school and proceeded to stab this boy twice in the back. When he turned around, he got 2 stabs in the face. Also, my school recently produced a double murderer. he murdered 2 boys in an alley at night. That was f**ked up.

Another strange thing is that chavs smaller than normal people appear to have become over-confident. I was walking home from scool one day wioth a group of 6 friends to have some little year 7 shit and his amazingly short and fat friend throw a pen at my head. I thought nothing of it and walked on. Only to have a stone thrown at my head. that was it. i turned round and shouted ‘What the f**k was that in aid of!?’. The dirty little crap said to me ‘Yoo fuckin know why yoo fuckin daft c**t. You wont look so pretty tomorrow unlike yer mum’ ETC. So we went our separate ways and i got home unscathed. Next day, i’m walking home. This little guy is Half-Cast so he thinks he has an excuse for this. He runs (or waddles, my f**king god he was fat) up to my friend, pushing him and calling him a racist. We all shouted him ‘He didn’t f**king do anything!!’ So he eventually f**ked off. next thing i knew, he jumped out of an alley and doused me in Panda Pop, the biggest chav drink and nastiest sugary syrup shit sold.

I was satisfied though, because tomorrow someone had told on him for something and i saw him on litter picking duty at lunch and after school.

Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

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